Five tips for making life more bearable

Banned Account

If you could give five tips that you think would make life better, what would they be?

Mine:

1) Don't always assume that 'professionals' know more about a subject than yourself just because they get paid to do a job.

2) Don't cheat on your OH - just have the balls to call it a day.

3) Learn the basics of consumer rights and personal finance.

4) At least once in your life, buy a car that makes you smile when you press the accelerator.

5) Every time you have sex, do it like it's your last chance - life's too short for crap lovin'.

mathie

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

If you could give five tips that you think would make life better, what would they be?

Mine:

4) At least once in your life, buy a car that makes you smile when you press the loud pedal.

Is the 'loud pedal' near the 'pu55y magnet'?

mikom

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

1) Don't always assume that 'professionals' know more about a subject than yourself just because they get paid to do a job.

2) Don't cheat on your OH - just have the balls to call it a day.

3) Learn the basics of consumer rights and personal finance.

4) At least once in your life, buy a car that makes you smile when you press the loud pedal.

5) Every time you have sex, do it like it's your last chance - life's too short for crap lovin'.

Are these tips for a dude who kerb crawls prostitutes in a Lada?

Cookie_Monster

don't have kids

don't buy a massively over priced house

wash your hands

leave me alone

MidlandsM

One of mine is to resist the temptation to post crap lists on the internet.

Kiera

Smile
Be honest
Try help others
Never back stab/bitch
Be nice



/I like number 5, Fitzy. This is now my number 6

Banned Account

mathie wrote: »

Is the 'loud pedal' near the 'pu55y magnet'?

mikom wrote: »

Are these tips for a dude who kerb crawls prostitutes in a Lada?

Oh yeah, - don't join the green party - it makes you miserable.

phill106

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

If you could give five tips that you think would make life better, what would they be?

Mine:

1) Don't always assume that 'professionals' know more about a subject than yourself just because they get paid to do a job.

2) Don't cheat on your OH - just have the balls to call it a day.

3) Learn the basics of consumer rights and personal finance.

4) At least once in your life, buy a car that makes you smile when you press the loud pedal.

5) Every time you have sex, do it like it's your last chance - life's too short for crap lovin'.

Did you learn all that after your ex drove off in your ferrari after you cheated on her in an expensive hotel room with a professional lady who fleeced you of all your cash, as you were passed out in post coitus afterglow??

Kiera

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

don't have kids

don't buy a massively over priced house

wash your hands

leave me alone

You forgot:

5: go back to school and learn how to count :P

Cookie_Monster

Kiera wrote: »

You forgot:

5: go back to school and learn how to count :P

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

leave me alone

see, you failed that bit and now I will do my best to make your life miserable for ever and ever and ever

WindSock

Live by the law of attraction. Try to visualise what you want and it will come to you, eventually.

- Life tips with WindSock. Sponsored by some claptrap self help shoite.

NothingMan

Good friends, good food and good beer.

I have it all I want or need.

Kiera

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

see, you failed that bit and now I will do my best to make your life miserable for ever and ever and ever

Bring it! I'll break you first!

Cookie_Monster

Kiera wrote: »

Bring it! I'll break you first!

cool. its a date. we can meet up, make each other miserable and see where it goes...

Kiera

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

cool. its a date. we can meet up, make each other miserable and see where it goes...

Awesome! I'll bring the rope, you can bring the blades.

Caoimhín

Just two tips;

Morphine.

Bourbon Whiskey.

themadchef

Kiera wrote: »

Smile
Be honest
Try help others
Never back stab/bitch
Be nice

Barney? :eek:




/ Runs

Kiera

themadchef wrote: »

Barney? :eek:




/ Runs

I love you, you love me, Chefy!

Now tell us your 5 life rules or the kids get it!

RoadKillTs

One of mine is to resist the temptation to post crap lists on the internet.

Pity it doesn't cover crap replies aswell

DrumSteve

WindSock wrote: »

Live by the law of attraction. Try to visualise what you want and it will come to you, eventually.

- Life tips with WindSock. Sponsored by some claptrap self help shoite.

Noel Edmonds? Is that you?

Dravokivich

Trust

me

on

the

Suncream...

Sunscreen.

Dravokivich

Deleted User wrote: »

Sunscreen.

Dammit... off to that thread about miss heard lyrics so...

RobbieTheRobber

Dravokivich wrote: »

Trust

me

on

the

Suncream...

Deleted User wrote: »

Sunscreen.

Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Fizman

Treat a girl just how you'd like to see your sister treated by another guy.

Don't have sex with an Aunt.

Yellow Snow is grand, fcuk the begrudgers.

themadchef

Kiera wrote: »

I love you, you love me, Chefy!

Now tell us your 5 life rules or the kids get it!

Challenge yourself at least once a day.

Never go all in on AA, you know the river will break you.

Dont argue while naked and handcuffed, it never ends well.

Hormonal? Padlock the fridge.

Conversationally, when digging a hole, stop! Not everyone appreciates your bluntness. You will have less explaining to do.

Trashbat

Only one:

Never go ass to mouth.

mathie

Kiera wrote: »

You forgot:

5: go back to school and learn how to count :P

"wash your hands" was two points.

AnonoBoy

1. Look for a safe place
2. Don't hurry, stop and wait,
3. Look all around and listen before you cross the road, remember.....
4. Let all the traffic pass you
5. Then walking straight across you....
6. Keep watching.

That's the five six tips for making life more bearable code.....

super_furry

1) Cheer the **** up.
2) Don't argue with bouncers, you will never, ever win.
3) Don't be a dick
4) Don't eat sushi from a convience store

WindSock

DrumSteve wrote: »

Noel Edmonds? Is that you?

On the one hand, yes. On the other....no.

thebigbiffo

always wipe front to back.

this is especially invaluable if you're the female of the species

Hank_Jones

Kiera wrote: »

You forgot:

5: go back to school and learn how to count :P

Kiera wrote: »

Be nice

Contradicted yourself like a minute later.

Shame on you Kiera, shame on you.

Kiera

Hank_Jones wrote: »

Contradicted yourself like a minute later.

Shame on you Kiera, shame on you.

I was being nice. I was giving her/him advice!

Banned Account

MidlandsM wrote: »

One of mine is to resist the temptation to post crap lists on the internet.

Yeah, I could have posted something like the following

1) Never try to suck your own mickey if you're not prepared to swallow - it'll end in tears - literally.

2) The man who walks sideways through airport doors is going to Bangkok.

3) Nevr forget that statutory rape is a strict liability crime - the make up and matching Bra & Panties set does not a solid defence make.

4) Making love to Mary Harney is unpossible unless you are willing to roll her in flour to find the wet patch

5) Never make 'yore Ma' jokes to a sibling - some things are never fully forgotten.

Stupid me choosing this forum to pass on a little earned knowledge

Hank_Jones

Kiera wrote: »

I was being nice. I was giving her/him advice!

Now,now, less of that attitude young lady.

Kiera wrote: »

Never back stab/bitch

Kiera

Hank_Jones wrote: »

Now,now, less of that attitude young lady.

You just dont get me!

[/drama queen]

Jonty

Don't sh1te where you eat

DrumSteve

WindSock wrote: »

On the one hand, yes. On the other....no.

noel edmonds on my right hand...noel edmonds on my left hand.

fairycakes

-Don't use your mobile while driving
-Don't believe a word from any politician
-Foreplay foreplay foreplay
-Don't stand directly behind someone using an ATM
-Go to see more comedy

MidlandsM

Fitzcaraldo wrote: »

Stupid me

derfderf

(1) Don't stay more than 2 years in a job you hate (unless you really have to).
(2) if u have a friend that you ignore their calls more often than you answer them, get rid of them as soon as you can.
(3)never completely blank your friends for a new OH. First few weeks are ok but after that make an effort. If you don't and things don't work out it's a lot harder makin new friends than keeping old ones.
(4)clear your browser history every time. Make it part of your routine, just like brushing your teeth.
(5)never drink and text.

Sofaspud

super_furry wrote: »

1) Cheer the **** up.
2) Don't argue with bouncers, you will never, ever win.
3) Don't be a dick

I was with you until . . . .

super_furry wrote: »

4) Don't eat sushi from a convience store

Tesco sushi rocks!

My own advice would be:

Don't try to impress people, you'll end up looking like a spa.
When you're not sure about something, say "what's the worst that could happen", most new experiences are good ones.
It's better to regret doing something, than to regret not doing it.

christina_x

1) never take any notice of assholes - theyr problem that theyr horrible not yours.

2) be friendly - people will return the favour.

3) never step on anybody in life, you never know when you may need their help.

4) never leave room for regret; try everything once

Cheap Thrills!

1. Avoid unnecessary responsibility, if you don't do it someone else will.

2. Dont bother with Supermarkets, what you save in money and gain in variety will be cancelled out by the stress and soul destroyingness of the experience.

3. Dont have kids, especially just because you are 'interested to see what a mix of him and me will look like' -its just not worth losing 20 years of lie ons for.

4. Drive in bus lanes, buses drive in our lanes. Fairs fair.

5. Dont buy light coloured carpets.

That is all.

mink_man

make life more bear-able?

....live in the woods!

Deus Ex Machina

My only advice is to cut parallel to the ulna, not across it.

super_furry

super_furry wrote: »

2) Don't argue with bouncers, you will never, ever win.

"win" is subjective. Surely it is more you will never get in. From experience, 70% of bouncers I've had any interaction with have been thick as mud and as such "winning" a debate with them is a formality! :pac:

1 Don't argue with people unless you REALLY feel strongly about something. If you think you feel strongly on EVERYTHING then lighten up because nobody likes argumentative people.

2 Have sex often and without guilt. It's good for you!

3 Take time to yourself and try to make time to slow your pace of life and chill out for 5 minutes.

4 Never be afraid to try something. You'll only regret it later.

5 Try to be as nice as possible to people but never be a doormat. Stand up for yourself. And don't lose your temper.

walshb

Always try to pay someone a compliment....That's my advice. You will get a buzz out of them getting a buzz.

Cavehill Red

Caoimhín wrote: »

Just two tips;

Morphine.

Bourbon Whiskey.

Where's your patriotism?
Heroin and Irish whiskey for the win.