Attracted to someone else

LegacyUser

Hi, I kind of feel bad writing this, is it normal to be attracted to someone else when your in a committed relationship?I live the most gentle loving man and I love him dearly I know he would be heart broken to read this. We have been together 3 years and have talked about marriage. I genuinely do love him yet I was completely taken aback to find myself extremely attracted to a man I am currently working with. I feel as though he is attracted to me also. I have no intention of acting on this and I dont think he does either as he is in a relationship as well. We get on really well and I look forward to talking to him and being aroud him which really shouldnt be the case.

Recently I have found myself thinking about him when I am with my boyfriend, i am kind of shocked this has crept up on me. I definitely am not one to normally have a wandering eye. I just want to reiterate that this is all internal, though i get on with this man and feel a strong chemistry that is sexual when I am around him. (though maybe its just me, how can you really know?), I am not batting my eyelashes at him there is no sexual innuendos or brushing against each other. If anything I am ackward around him and I find it hard to look him in the eye or directly speak to him sometimes, i think he is a bit the same.

He sometimes compliments me but not in a sleazy way, yet I dont want to take that too seriously anyhow, whats the point? Soon we wont be working together and I think it will be a relief. I always thought that if I was in love this wouldnt happen to me,(this is my first very serious relationship) is this a reflection on my relationship? This has never happened to me before. What are other peoples opinions experiences?

grubnose

Sounds to me like you have a crush - that's all. I suppose most people have them every now and then, dont worry about it too much. If you're in love and respect the guy you're with it'll be grand. If it's gone beyond that stage maybe it's time for a double take on things with your partner and think about what you really want...just be honest with yourself and him.

Good Advice

dont be so silly ur allowed look and u said u wont act on it so u clearly respect ur partner....give it time and soon u wont feel d same about this colleauge, ive been der an felt guilty but there is nothing u can do to stop this happening your only human....so dont be hard on yourself ..

Taltos

The first time this happened to me I got totally confused and racked with guilt. As a typical guy I spilled my guts to my OH - kind of expecting her to read me the riot act...

Instead she laughed - and said "oh is that all, I thought it was something serious..."

As she said to me then - we are still human, still alive and still can be attracted to other people. The key is to recognize this and to understand that once you are in a committed relationship you have to learn how to just move on and not act on these attractions.

For me - once we had this chat no other attraction has held the type of luster that one did. Yes I might fantasize but at least the feelings of guilt are gone - which in turn means the attractiveness of the other person is much more shortlived as I no longer start to doubt how I feel about my wife.

LegacyUser

Hi many thanks for the replies, I relate to what you all have said, it hadnt happened before so I was a bit surprised. I know deep down I love my boyfriend, this has however made me question my chemistry with him, the sex has become more irregular lately which is more my fault than his. I look at him and I see a really handsome man,in my mind anyhow, but I think the initial lust is gone, and I miss it. I suppose it has been replaced with something deeper now and we are so close but this other man has ignited that feeling in me that I once had with my boyfriend. I honestly know if I was single I would be highly unlikely to resist this man if he made an advance. I feel sad because even though I know I love my boyfriend, I cant help but question our relationship and where the chemistry went but I also shouldnt presume the grass is greener either. Thanks again

Taltos

One thing to add - is that relationships will stagnate.
Both parties have to actively work to keep the spark alive.

If you feel that initial lust has gone - look to what else you both getting from this relationship - and funnel the feelings of lust you have for this other guy back into what you feel for your bf.

Where couples don't keep working on the spark - well trouble follows.