Worst excuses of all time!

epgc3fyqirnbsx

I can't think of a day that goes by when I don't hear/read something and think 'That's a pitiful excuse!'

Some days are worse than others. This was todays

Man claims cow seduced him for sex
By QMI Agency


An 18-year-old Indonesian man says he was seduced by a cow, and that's why he was having sex with it.

A neighbour caught Gusti Ngurah Alit allegedly wooing the farm animal on Sunday, the village chief on the resort island of Bali said, the Times newspaper in Johannesburg, South Africa reported Friday.

"He was caught by one of the residents standing naked while holding the back of the cow," village chief Embang Ida Bagus Legawa said in the newspaper.

Alit said he didn't see an animal, he saw a beautiful young woman.

"She called my name and seduced me, so I had sex with her," the man told the newspaper.

Alit underwent a cleansing ritual. The village chief gave the owner of the cow the equivalent of $562.

The cow was reportedly drowned in the sea to rid the village of bad luck.

orourkeda

I'm sure we've all shagged a few pigs\dogs in our time.

Let's not rush to judgement here

4zn76tysfajdxp

Here's hoping I can get the first pun in beefore anyone else.

UrbanSea

I remember once when I was younger I didn't wanna go to a friend's house I told him I had to 'Mind my house'
I was caught out when he asked wasn't that what keys and alarms were for

UrbanSea

Just read the article.
They drown rape victims over there? That's ****ed up.

Riddle101

He didn't see a cow he saw a woman and she called to him?

Sounds like a Siren to me, but that can't be, they're usually out at sea this one was on land.

theboss80

How bout this?

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2010/06/09/2010-06-09_chinese_toddler_ya_wen_smokes_drinks_beer_as_therapy_from_traffic_accident_injur.html

bonerm

In fairness I've seen those Indonesian cows and they're a lot sexier than Irish ones.

alwaysadub

Wonder how he woo'd it. Wow what a great set of udders you have there love..

Cjayses

Weak sauce, lads...

galwayrush

Riddle101 wrote: »

He didn't see a cow he saw a woman and she called to him?

Sounds like a Siren to me, but that can't be, they're usually out at sea this one was on land.

So they drowned the victim.:eek:

The_Kew_Tour

We all have gotten rode by the cowboys we have in Government

PeterIanStaker

Don't have a cow, man.

stovelid

galwayrush wrote: »

So they drowned the victim.:eek:

Poor thing must have been friesian.

CrazyRabbit

Well to be fair, some of the women in Indonesia do strongly resemble cows.

Fratton Fred

have you noticed that they're always called Gusti?

WindSock

stovelid wrote: »

Poor thing must have been friesian.

I'm sure she was wearing a Jersey.

Snowie

I tripped fell and landed in side her

stovelid

WindSock wrote: »

I'm sure she was wearing a Jersey.

I wonder does he heifer number or was it just a one-night stand?

WindSock

stovelid wrote: »

I wonder does he heifer number or was it just a one-night stand?

He probably just wanted to check out her beef curtains.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

He said it was a legen-dairy night

WindSock

I wonder hoof ound them mid-coitus?

stovelid

The chief has Embang and Legawa in his name.

Not one for inspiring respectful authority. No wonder there was livestock frolics on his watch.

PeterIanStaker

Dairy do it again, I wonder?

stovelid

PeterIanStaker wrote: »

Dairy do it again, I wonder?

Give calf a chance, I'm sure.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

We're fairly milking this story

falan

This was the funniest headline/excuse i ever saw in some rag newspaper way back in 2002 and i still remember it vividly....


"I was making love to my wife and we fell out the door"

Couple on public sex charges.....

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/I+was+making+love+to+my+wife+and+we+fell+out+the+front+door,+it's...-a086455417

PeterIanStaker

I know! Lets find an udder thing to talk about.

the mucker

PeterIanStaker wrote: »

Dairy do it again, I wonder?

if he could find an udder

WindSock

She's a comin home with me!

Feeona

That's disGusti Ngurah Alit!

Daemos

One time my friend was late for school, his excuse was that when his mother went to start the engine, they realised it was out of petrol so they had to call a taxi to bring him to school, but the taxi was late :rolleyes:

epgc3fyqirnbsx

I dont know whether this was a great/terrible excuse but there was a fella who was up in court in my town. When asked by the judge if he was going to return to court at a later date, where it was looking likely he would go away for a short time, he truthfully answered that he wouldn't as it was mushroom season.
He explained that mushroom season was his favourite time of the year and he wouldn't be willing to spend any time in prison during it. Judge got a kick out of this if I recall correctly and just assured him that it would be in his interests to be there

martyboy48

alwaysadub wrote: »

Wonder how he woo'd it. Wow what a great set of udders you have there love..

He moo'd it

ddef

i was in a crowded little newsagents full of secondary school kids. the shop keeper noticed something at the end of the shop, went around and there was a kid shoveling coke bottles into his bag...
...his exuse was.."i wanted to see if they would fit in my bag before i bought them". sigh.

Tail Wagger

Kashton Quaint Pussycat wrote: »

I can't think of a day that goes by when I don't hear/read something and think 'That's a pitiful excuse!'

Some days are worse than others. This was todays

I'm not going fishing there after that crap?

Tail Wagger

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

Well to be fair, some of the women in Indonesia do strongly resemble cows.

Well thats where the saying comes from, shut your face you fat cow?

billymitchell

i still love this one
linky

who what when

Man claims cow seduced him for sex

So the guy frequents coppers, big deal

plein de force

ah this story has been exploited for all it's worth

may we moo-ve on

CrazyRabbit

I see that somebody finally confused cow tipping with cow tapping. It was only a matter of time.

recylingbin

Someone here must work in the civil service. tell us your top 5.

Teutorix

"why dont you have your home work done"
"Because you're a shíte teacher!"

Classic

starbelgrade

Ayrshire, he only shagged the cow & probably only up the Brown Swiss. In his defence, he'd been drinking Holstein all day & there's not a Jamacian Hope of him doing it again!

orourkeda

He must have some pecker on him

Junco Partner

i swear a snake bit me and she was just sucking the poison out, honest!

keefg

I was drinking :rolleyes:

http://uk.reuters.com/article/idUKTRE64U51L20100601

(Reuters) - Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, has told Oprah Winfrey she was drinking and "in the gutter" during a videotaped sting in which she apparently offered to sell access to her ex-husband, Prince Andrew.