pushy guys on night out

kiwi123

Was out last night with the girls, giving it loads to all the single ladies, throwing shapes on the floor when this guy i used to work with told me he was just after breaking up with his girlfriend and asked if i was single, i told him i was and then he went in for the kill. I pulled away and opted for the pass button, and told him that and besides i don't want to kiss someone who's just single, not interested in being a rebound. He started with the usual I've liked you for ages blah blah blah so i just said i wasn't interested and he leaned in again anyway so i walked away. Then later in the night his mate came up and was like ah you'd be really boosting his confidence if ya kissed him, I was like lads are we fifteen here like?! to shorten the story, he basically followed me around for the night and stormed over when i was talking to my guy friends and told me i was crazy because i didn't want to kiss someone who broke up with his girlfriend the day before and called me similar names. At the end of the night, he came and asked me for my number and started getting agro so i typed a fake number and then he kept telling me he would ring it and i was to answer my phone in front of him so i left, again.


I was shocked at how forceful the guy was and although trying to chat someone up came up as controlling and aggressive. Was wondering if any of the lovely ladies on this forum have had similar experiences and if ye think this is a common trait amongst irish guys?!

Ms.Odgeynist

[QUOTE=

I was shocked at how forceful the guy was and although trying to chat someone up came up as controlling and aggressive. Was wondering if any of the lovely ladies on this forum have had similar experiences and if ye think this is a common trait amongst irish guys?![/QUOTE]

I know what you mean. I was walking home from a club the other night and I saw this really drunk girl trying to urinate on the footpath. She was a complete mess, getting sick, the whole works. Then she started abusing passers-by. It was awful.
Do you think this is a common trait amongst Irish girls???????

TUT-TUT

Kiera

Yuck! That sounds horrible. No not all Irish guys are like this.

I do hate that whole thing about ringing your number when you're there. Same thing happened to me in A&E last weekend. A&E for god sake! I was drugged out of my head, with my Mam and he asked for my number. Without even thinking i gave it to him and he rang me straight away. Told him when i copped on that my BF (i dont have one) wouldnt like me taking calls from him and could he delete it please.

Thank god i havent heard from him.

Drops of Jupiter

Hi OP,

That guy sounds like a total idiot and sounds like he ruined your night. To answer your question yes I have experienced similar.

Unfortunately, some guys think that if they fancy a girl and she's says she single that she should reciporocate and be grateful that a guy like him wants him- doesn't matter what the girl thinks or if she fancies him!

It's a tough one! I have had guys call me a bitch/slut/tease etc because I was friendly when they chatted to me but because I didn't want to take it further. I have also had guys call me a stuck up bitch at times when I didn't chat as not to give the wrong impression. Nowadays this kind of stuff doesn't bother me in the least (says more about the guy saying this then me) but there were some times when I was really upset. One minute the guy being all sweet and nice next minute in my face screaming at me.

Thankfully not all guys are like this - but the guy you refer to sounds like he has a very unhealthy/immature attitude to women. No does not seem to mean anything to him and I will bully you into going out with me is a disturbing pick up strategy!

You have done nothing wrong here. I am thinking maybe he was really drunk (which is never an excuse) and might apologise when he realises his behaviour. Either way that kind of behaviour speaks volumes so you are best staying clear and avoiding this guy. I am sorry your night was runined. Try not to think about it too much and move on.

Nevyn

There certainly seems to be less gentlemen around and I have heard of late a fair few stories from guy who can't take being turned down gracefully, even to the extent of ruining a person's night out and in one case slapping the face of the 'fat slut' who turned him down for the 5th time and told him if he came near her again she was telling the bouncers.

g'em

Ms.Odgeynist this thread is about men's behaviour on a night out. If you'd like to discuss women's behaviour then start your own but this isn't going to descend into a men vs women war.

NoDice

Sorry to hear what happened Ms Kiwi. You'll have better nights in the future.

I loved going clubbing purely for the music and getting to dance your socks off but I've found anytime I do, someone ruins it.

I've had exactly the same experiences regarding them calling me names for talking to them and not taking it further, and the same again for ignoring some people so as not to "lead anyone on". Can't win huh?

One of the worst nights was where I consistently remained polite with a fella I had already told that I have a boyfriend. He kept going for it and all his friends thought it was hilarious and he was brilliant and kept egging him on.

The straw that broke the camel's back, as they say, was when he grabbed my ass and turned around to his friends for a bit of support and more laughing. Course by then I was seeing red and when he turned back around to look at me I had grabbed his balls really hard, pulled him in real close and told him if he so much as looks at me one more time - - -

And I was kicked out. :rolleyes:

So annoying how they can get away with that. I've since stopped going clubbing. Sick of single men, I know some are nice but I haven't met any of them in a club, and sick of how they think it's ok to objectify any woman who wears a pair of heels and decides to get on the dancefloor.

Ms.Odgeynist

g'em wrote: »

Ms.Odgeynist this thread is about men's behaviour on a night out. If you'd like to discuss women's behaviour then start your own but this isn't going to descend into a men vs women war.

Fair enough. That would be a bit of a cliché

bryaner

He sounds like a proper self indulgent meat head.

bryaner

NoDice wrote: »

Sorry to hear what happened Ms Kiwi. You'll have better nights in the future.

I loved going clubbing purely for the music and getting to dance your socks off but I've found anytime I do, someone ruins it.

I've had exactly the same experiences regarding them calling me names for talking to them and not taking it further, and the same again for ignoring some people so as not to "lead anyone on". Can't win huh?

One of the worst nights was where I consistently remained polite with a fella I had already told that I have a boyfriend. He kept going for it and all his friends thought it was hilarious and he was brilliant and kept egging him on.

The straw that broke the camel's back, as they say, was when he grabbed my ass and turned around to his friends for a bit of support and more laughing. Course by then I was seeing red and when he turned back around to look at me I had grabbed his balls really hard, pulled him in real close and told him if he so much as looks at me one more time - - -

And I was kicked out. :rolleyes:

So annoying how they can get away with that. I've since stopped going clubbing. Sick of single men, I know some are nice but I haven't met any of them in a club, and sick of how they think it's ok to objectify any woman who wears a pair of heels and decides to get on the dancefloor.

And him.

neuro-praxis

I love going out dancing, but rarely bother with nightclubs for the reasons listed. When we do go out dancing, it's usually with a more select crowd - for example, staying for the dj in a club where you've just been to a gig. For some reason people who've bought a ticket to a band they really like are focused more on enjoying themselves than harassing strangers.

To get around it, we have dance parties in our houses. I have a room with no furniture (I know this is not something everyone can do) and we throw parties where we just dance all night in there. The non-dancers can have the quiet drink/chat in the living room/kitchen! As the house is filled with friends, and to a lesser degree, friends of friends, there is no hassle and the chances of my single friends meeting somebody nice are actually reasonable.

Raekwon

That guy sounds extremely immature but you handled the situation very well I have to say so kudos to you. I'm guessing this chap was in his late teens/early twenties and unfortunately this sort of behaviour is not exactly uncommon in that age group, for both male and female I might add.

In this case there is more then a strong possibility that his mates put him upto it, especially since he had recently become single. They probably brought him out, filled him with alcohol and told him to "get back into the game" etc and of course egged him on (hence his mate coming over to you). TBH I would chalk it down to experience and call it a once off but please don't tar all men with the same brush. Generally speaking, for every pushy, clingy guy there is a cold, unapproachable woman (not saying you OP, I just like to think that things balance out like that).

[can of worms]One last thing, since we are on this subject (and not getting into the whole Irish men vs Irish women debate) I was wondering why some Irish women rightly slate Irish men for this kind of behaviour but are somewhat more lenient when say an Italian man behaves in this manner?[/can of worms]

um7y1h83ge06nx

Ah man, these threads make me depressed as a single guy!

Guys like the one the OP describe really hurt us other guys on a night out.

I mean OP you're probably going to be a bit more defensive on a night out when a guys comes up and starts talking to you. You'll be wondering if this guys is another weirdo etc. etc.

His friends really shouldn't have pushed him to get back into the game either. I had a break-up 7 weeks ago and only in the last 2 weeks could I approach girls with a relaxed attitude.

whiteboy

he sounds like a culchie

Orizio

whiteboy wrote: »

he sounds like a culchie

The ignorance and stupidity in this post is quite astounding.

Lia_lia

That kinda thing always happens in college sorta nightclubs. Exactly the reason why I avoid nightclubs. And the music of course.

yourdeadwright

no wonder the guy was single idiot,
HAte blokes like that giving us a bad name, i know it sounds chessey but what ever happened to treating a lady like a lady, Also how do these blokes think there going to get a girls number acting like that makes no sense,

Kimia

God this has happened so many times to me and is the main reason I don't go out to clubs/late bars etc anymore.

I've had guys give out to me for being stand-offish because I try to avoid 'leading them on' and I've had guys yell at me for 'leading them on' when I'm friendly. It's a minefield and one i'd rather avoid.

Also I DETEST the guilty/ashamed feeling I get when a guy gets too aggressive - like 'this is all my fault'.. it sucks! I just can't be friendly to random men anymore I'm too afraid of the scary pushy ones.

Malari

Kimia wrote: »

I've had guys give out to me for being stand-offish because I try to avoid 'leading them on' and I've had guys yell at me for 'leading them on' when I'm friendly. It's a minefield and one i'd rather avoid.

Yep, I've had that, but I don't really go clubbing anymore.

Guys like that can make you feel like you should not even be in a club at all unless you are willing to go home with them. The thought of people enjoying having a couple of drinks and dancing with their friends seems foreign to them just because that's not the reason they came!

The_Kew_Tour

Myself and my mates thank god are not like this when we go out.

Sorry to hear about this OP, but I have to say aint surprised to hear it. Go out with my girl cousin the odd time and amount of hassle she gets from time to time from guys I could write a book on it.

Some guys wont take no for answer. I bet ya he same guy who went back to his mates either calling you slut or a slut. I know sounds sad but its truth with these type of weird people.

Sounds an awful f**ktard to be honest, I would imagine chaps like that are very few and far between.

mood

Mckinley Magnificent Varnish wrote: »

Ah man, these threads make me depressed as a single guy!

Guys like the one the OP describe really hurt us other guys on a night out.

I mean OP you're probably going to be a bit more defensive on a night out when a guys comes up and starts talking to you. You'll be wondering if this guys is another weirdo etc. etc.

His friends really shouldn't have pushed him to get back into the game either. I had a break-up 7 weeks ago and only in the last 2 weeks could I approach girls with a relaxed attitude.

Totally agree. There are always a few (guys or girls) who are total fools, or whatever you choose to call them! These type of people are in the minority (I hope) so just try to forget it asap.

Panthro

mood wrote: »

Totally agree. There are always a few (guys or girls) who are total fools, or whatever you choose to call them! These type of people are in the minority (I hope) so just try to forget it asap.

+1
he sounds like a complete ass who was encouraged by his so called mates to try it on with someone asap to get over the ex missus.
i dont think the majority of fellas are that thick at taking the hint that you werent interested, (its usually the hints that the girl is actually interested in us manfolk fail to pick up on!:D)so it sounds like he was in the mindset of pull at all costs, and unfortunately for you, you could have worn a massive sign saying "not interested" and he would still have tried his case with you.
chalk it down as a bad expericence id say/hope

Chewbacca.

As mentioned before he sounds like a culchie or an illiterate taxi-driver

xoixo

RoverJames wrote: »

Sounds an awful f**ktard to be honest, I would imagine chaps like that are very few and far between.

Unfortunately not.

My group of friends and I who regularly go out (about 6 of us or so), there is always a guy who acts like this. Almost every time, at least one guy to at least one of us.
I'm hoping though this is because we're early 20s in the college-type nightclubs, and in a few more years time the guys doing it will have grown the fcuk up.

Especially in a whole "leading them on" versus "cold tease/bitch" catch 22, that seriously does my head in.
Damned if we do, damned if we don't.

itsallaboutheL

bryaner wrote: »

He sounds like a proper self indulgent meat head.

whiteboy wrote: »

he sounds like a culchie

Jesus, way to cast sweeping aspersions and stereotype.

Orizio

itsallaboutheL wrote: »

Jesus, way to cast sweeping aspersions and stereotype.

Unfortunately they simply prove the OP right - far too many Irish men are under-educated simpletons.

Bulktohulk

Orizio wrote: »

Unfortunately they simply prove the OP right - far too many Irish people are under-educated simpletons.

FYP

Wolfe Tone

The fact is that guys act like in the OP because quite often it works, simple as. If it never worked it wouldnt happen.

Wibbs

whiteboy and chewbacca, please cop on and think before you hit the submit reply button. Any more of that stuff from anyone and people will be taking a break. Thanks.

seenitall

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

The fact is that guys act like in the OP because quite often it works, simple as. If it never worked it wouldnt happen.

You mean bullying and guilting people to hook up with you works quite often?!

Well, that's good news for all the aspiring rapists and stalkers out there, I'm sure.

Good luck with it, Il Duce! :pac:

bryaner

yourdeadwright wrote: »

no wonder the guy was single idiot,
HAte blokes like that giving us a bad name, i know it sounds chessey but what ever happened to treating a lady like a lady, Also how do these blokes think there going to get a girls number acting like that makes no sense,

Well said.

Piste

I haven't found guys to be too bad when I go out, but I don't know if that's more of a reflection on me than those guys!

I found a lot of guys in 21s in Dublin to be very handsy and wont take no for an answer, likewise a lot of Spanish and Italian men (basically most guys I encountered in Barcelona) are incredibly pushy and do not seem to get the hint that you want nothing to do with them.

donfers

thread may as well be called "Alcohol drinks drunk on night out"...I mean, for god's sake it's hardly news that people hit on other people when they go out although at least this thread makes a refreshing change from "Irish too shy to make a move" or "Why does nobody approach me- is it because I am too beautiful/rich/tall/insert appropriate delusional facesaver here"

I have to say though that when I have been hit on by pushy ladies, usually when they're quite drunk, I'll turn them down (as I am neither single nor interested in drunken pushy types) and after this happens of course I am called a queer or fag or whatever, it has happened numerous times.....I know this thread is about stuff from a woman's perspective, just letting you know it works both ways, delete the post if you think I've overstepped the mark.

Basically I think (and this is no newsflash I hope) that there are some insecure assholes of both sexes out there and they get worse as they drink more, hardly a surprise...don't let it bother you, in many ways it's a compliment, just take the subsequent insults/abuse as a sign of how much the person involved needs to grow, I sympathise with them really

mickoneill30

When I started going out with my other half in Australia she'd get guys coming up to her and putting pieces of paper in her hands with their number on it.
She also had guys approach her as soon as I wandered off to the loo or up to the bar.
Not particularly pushy but still daft.
So it's not just Irish guys that are a bit simple

Silverfish

I would say it's definitely not an Irish guy thing, so it's not a generalisation on Irish men, just that when you go out in Ireland, the majority of men you encounter will be Irish.

jokettle

I've gotten this a few times, but the last couple of times it happened I've been with my boyfriend. When I told these guys I'm not single, they said fair enough but still engaged in some banter and we bought each other drinks. All nice and innocent, especially because my boyfriend was there both times!
From the sounds of things, I've come across the exception rather than the rule though.

Catari Jaguar

I think any girl that has been to Coppers can sympathise with the OP. I've been molested in there. And that ringing your "number" or taking your phone to ring themselves on the sly trick has been attemptd on me numerous times. Fukn psychos.

tatabubbly

I've had this behaviour too!!

On a night out in college, bar was packed, loads of lovely men but few girls. I was on the dancefloor doing my thing, mindin my own business when some guy comes up and puts his arms around me. He's all "hey pretty lady, what you at later?". I told him, sorry not interested, i have a boyfriend, can you please let go. He grabbed on to me tighter and wouldn't let me go, i asked him again to let go repeatidly, he refused.. SOOO in the end up he met madam fist.

Then he let go.

Theanswers

Orizio wrote: »

Unfortunately they simply prove the OP right - far too many Irish men are under-educated simpletons.

To think you are a moderator. I'm a lad and dont act like that. Do you not think it is very insulting to be called a 'under-educated simpleton'?

It's like me saying all woman are stuck-up bitches. I wouldnt say that because I know they are not and know there is plenty of nice woman out there. Both sexes can be stupid/ pushy on a night out I find ignoring them is the best option.

I think the lad in question was fairly drunk, and egged on by his freinds.

There's lots of things i could say about girls which annoying me. I however wouldnt tar all with the same brush. For instance lots of times my freinds have been asulted by woman. punched, kicked and slapped. What are us lads supposed to do when this happens?
It's like all woman can do 'whatever' they want to men.
We CAN feel pain too.

but this is only a small minority therefore i DONT think all woman are like this.

Just try and look at it as if it was aimed at you.

Orizio

Theanswers wrote: »

To think you are a moderator. I'm a lad and dont act like that. Do you not think it is very insulting to be called a 'under-educated simpleton'?

It's like me saying all woman are stuck-up bitches. I wouldnt say that because I know they are not and know there is plenty of nice woman out there. Both sexes can be stupid/ pushy on a night out I find ignoring them is the best option.

I think the lad in question was fairly drunk, and egged on by his freinds.

There's lots of things i could say about girls which annoying me. I however wouldnt tar all with the same brush. For instance lots of times my freinds have been asulted by woman. punched, kicked and slapped. What are us lads supposed to do when this happens?
It's like all woman can do 'whatever' they want to men.
We CAN feel pain too.

but this is only a small minority therefore i DONT think all woman are like this.

Just try and look at it as if it was aimed at you.

Follow the conversation - my remark was aimed at two specific posters in this thread and no one else. I wouldn't read too much into my phrasing.

Galvasean

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

The fact is that guys act like in the OP because quite often it works, simple as. If it never worked it wouldnt happen.

seenitall wrote: »

You mean bullying and guilting people to hook up with you works quite often?!

Actually you'd be amazed how often persistence pays off for these kinds of guys. Plenty of times I've seen a guy try it on with a girl only to be shot down, told off, "I have a boyfriend" etc. Later you see the two scoring.
It's really weird and actually quite disturbing.

gooch2k9

'If at first you don't succeed, try and try again'...whoever came up with that has a lot to answer for:p

Snowie

Op sorry to hear about that being honest i feel really embarissed, for the guy. Like what kinda dude, beggs like that.. falc palm serously i think its where your going out to a degree to.

KillerKity

I've had my fair share of idiots on nights out too but all Irish men are certainly not the same. A few nights back a guy was talking to me for a while and upon offering me a drink I declined as I had a boyfriend. He politely stated "no hassle", thanked me for my time and went on his way! I see him around college the odd time and he always has a big smile for me. A guy like that deserves to find a nice girl

seenitall

Galvasean wrote: »

Actually you'd be amazed how often persistence pays off for these kinds of guys. Plenty of times I've seen a guy try it on with a girl only to be shot down, told off, "I have a boyfriend" etc. Later you see the two scoring.
It's really weird and actually quite disturbing.

Amen to that!

If someone is overtly aggressive or insulting or even "just" passive-agressive in trying to score, I would never be able to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not quite, how shall we say, "psycho-socially problematic" in general (just common sense IMO). Therefore I would never be able to trust this person as regards any kind of prolonged contact. I value myself more than to put myself or my feelings in harm's way all that obviously.

So overall I think if this really happens that much, unfortunately it says more about those girls than the "persistant" creeps tbh.

xoixo

mickoneill30 wrote: »

When I started going out with my other half in Australia she'd get guys coming up to her and putting pieces of paper in her hands with their number on it.

Just me that thinks thats actually a really good way of doing it?
If shes interested you'll hear from her, and if not then no one is hassled.

IrishGrimReaper

xoixo wrote: »

Just me that thinks thats actually a really good way of doing it?
If shes interested you'll hear from her, and if not then no one is hassled.

If it's obvious the person has a partner. Then it's not a good way.

To the OP, sorry to hear chit like that happens ;( I see it down here a lot too, some people just don't take no for an answer. I find more ass#oles hanging around the clubs though. Typical!

I remember the cheek of one boy who came up and hit on my woman when she was standing right beside me, I even had my arm around her. This happened in a pub, he got thrown out for been like that, and apparently he's been like that ever since his wife left him. He was in in 40's and my and my girl are 22 and 21. Some people just are jerks unfortunately. But the good guys are out there

The_Kew_Tour

IrishGrimReaper wrote: »

If it's obvious the person has a partner. Then it's not a good way.

To the OP, sorry to hear chit like that happens ;( I see it down here a lot too, some people just don't take no for an answer. I find more ass#oles hanging around the clubs though. Typical!

I remember the cheek of one boy who came up and hit on my woman when she was standing right beside me, I even had my arm around her. This happened in a pub, he got thrown out for been like that, and apparently he's been like that ever since his wife left him. He was in in 40's and my and my girl are 22 and 21. Some people just are jerks unfortunately. But the good guys are out there

Some blokes like the one you describe deserve good smack in face.

johanz

Once I was at a night club with my peers and one dude was hitting on one of our lady friends. It went so far that she had to "mace"(pepperspray or whatever it is) him.

After a week she was found murdered in her apartment. That dude broke into her house and killed her, wtf. He got caught but only got 5 years in jail. I mean WHAT THE F... only 5 years.

seenitall

johanz wrote: »

Once I was at a night club with my peers and one dude was hitting on one of our lady friends. It went so far that she had to "mace"(pepperspray or whatever it is) him.

After a week she was found murdered in her apartment. That dude broke into her house and killed her, wtf. He got caught but only got 5 years in jail. I mean WHAT THE F... only 5 years.

Absolutely. If this is true, it is a disgrace. But I have no doubt it is true, as in this country (and most of Europe, unfortunately - as it is so "civilised" nowadays), people who kill their wives with bricks to the head get convicted of manslaughter and walk after a handful of years inside. :mad: (BTW, I don't even think this is a matter of an especially feminist agenda, it is the issue with a lot of violent crime and its sentencing, regardless of the gender of the victims. But it is true that women, as the physically weaker sex, do get the shorter end of the stick most often re: this issue. Very civilised, indeed. :rolleyes:)