BF said he would leave me if ex showed interest again

LegacyUser

So I was out with my boyfriend and he's friends. Basically also my friends too.

A friend of his told me that my boyfriend had said that if his ex girlfriend showed some interest in him again he would leave me.

I am so hurt. I don't know how to go about telling my boyfriend and asking him or what I should do?

Our relationship is great. We get on like a house on fire our personalities match completely and we both our very sexually active. We have been going out 8 months and him and his ex went out for 4 months around two years ago. She was his first love.

We did bump into her once in town and I knew he still had feelings for her because of the way he acted around her and he said he did but he would never get back with her...I guess he lied.

I am so confused. Any help please?

greenprincess

Are you sure his friend doesnt hold a secret torch for you? He may have said it hoping you would dump your boyfriend for him. Because most guys I know wouldnt rat out a friend like that!
I would ask your boyfriend straight out and see where you stand.

seamus

Yeah, bring it up with your boyfriend. Just tell him that one of his mates said something to you that has really upset you.

His friend could have been doing any one of a number of things. He might have even thought he was being hilarious.

Miss Fluff

You can't go jumping to conclusions or taking what his "friend" said at face value. He could have some hidden agenda that you don't know about. Or he is taking it out of context. Discuss this with your boyfriend in person and don't forewarn him that you want to talk to him about in case he did say and he will have plenty of time to come up with an excuse...!

trio

You have to say it. Because otherwise you're going to find yourself being all wierd and paranoid around him, and not only will he get confused, but it could cause an odd tense atmosphere which could harm the relationship.

If she was his first love, then he probably does still get that old tug when he meets her. But he could well get over it, if he enjoys your relationship so much.

But you have to give him a chance to address that rumour. He could deny it till he's blue in the face, and you could be left none the wiser - but the important result will be that he'll see how upset and scared you are at the idea that you're essentially a 2nd choice, and he'll hopefully be really touched at how much you care.

seenitall

greenprincess wrote: »

I would ask your boyfriend straight out and see where you stand.

Well, that's not very likely to help, is it? If the bf really said this to a friend, and if he has any sense at all, he will just deny he ever said it, and therefore the OP will be no nearer the truth - that way.

OP, I think the more significant element here is that your intuition (from seeing them interact together) is telling you that he is still not over his ex. If I were you, I would consider THAT fact more than the hear-say you think is the actual issue. If you can live with it, carry on as normal, and in hope that he will get over her in the future. If not, well then... you know what to do.

Denimgirl

Theres always a boyfriends "mate" trying to put a spanner in the works more likely I say he is jealous of his relationship I've had it many times with boyfriends friends he's a sh&t stirrer and knows it's gonna coz a row with you and your bf lot of jealous people out there that won't butt out of other peoples relationships I'd would say it calmly to your bf in a matter of fact way and then take it from there.

LegacyUser

Hi its the OP

I know he said it because his friend showed me the text messages my boyfriend said all this in.
So he did say it definitely.

I love him and he said he loves me but well maybe not as much as his ex...please I don't know what to do?!

Ickle Magoo

Edit...

Hang on a minute...so you've seen a text by your boyfriend saying he would dump you if his ex wanted him back?

Have you asked him about it? What did he say? Are you sure the text is from him?

seamus

blusey wrote: »

Hi its the OP

I know he said it because his friend showed me the text messages my boyfriend said all this in.
So he did say it definitely.

I love him and he said he loves me but well maybe not as much as his ex...please I don't know what to do?!

Dump him, and tell him why.

There is of course the (very slight) possibility that his mates made it all up to cause him hassle, but it's more likely that he's just another gob****e and you'll be well to be shot of him.

LighterGuy

+1, this "mate" is clearly trying to spoil things. That much is certain.

*************edit***************

what the bf did say this!??!?!?!?!

dump him.
im sorry. dump him.

Its clear this mate is trying to get with you as well i think. So dump the BF, and realise the mate just wants to get with you.

Odaise Gaelach

Are you absolutely sure that your boyfriend sent the text? It's possible to "forge" a text by sending it from a different number and then putting your boyfriend's name to that number in the phone, so it appears to be from him.

I'd talk to your boyfriend about it instead of dumping him straight away.

LegacyUser

Odaise Gaelach wrote: »

Are you absolutely sure that your boyfriend sent the text? It's possible to "forge" a text by sending it from a different number and then putting your boyfriend's name to that number in the phone, so it appears to be from him.

I'd talk to your boyfriend about it instead of dumping him straight away.

Op here.
I checked the sender number when I read the texts and it was his number definitely.

I will talk to him about it. I just don't know what to say, the texts have been reeling around my head all day and I dont know how to go about asking him or talking to him about it. I feel so betrayed..almost. In a way I just want to forget it all

Ickle Magoo

You almost feel betrayed at your boyfriend telling a pal he'd dump you in a second if his ex bats her eyelashes at him? Almost?

Seriously OP, you are worth more than that.

Miss Fluff

This guy did you a favour. Dump your bf, you shouldn't have to play second fiddle to anyone, you deserve more than that hon.

Bottle_of_Smoke

blusey wrote: »

Op here.
I checked the sender number when I read the texts and it was his number definitely.

I will talk to him about it. I just don't know what to say, the texts have been reeling around my head all day and I dont know how to go about asking him or talking to him about it. I feel so betrayed..almost. In a way I just want to forget it all

Talk to your boyfriend. Its not beyond the realms of possibility the friend sent it from your boyfriend's phone to his. I mean if I felt that way I certainly wouldn't text it to someone who even remotely knows my girlfriend. Sounds odd to me.

Tell your boyfriend exactly what you've been shown and see what he says.

Denimgirl

blusey wrote: »

Hi its the OP

I know he said it because his friend showed me the text messages my boyfriend said all this in.
So he did say it definitely.

I love him and he said he loves me but well maybe not as much as his ex...please I don't know what to do?!

Well thats a different case!I'd then say it to your bf straight away say his mate showed you a text he sent him and you could'nt belive what you were reading!to be honest for his mate to do this behind his back he is a sh&t stirrer, but it's working to your advantage i know it's much easier to bury your head in the sand with this but it will always play on your mind if you don't tell him.chin up hun best to know what he's like then waste anymore of your precious time with him.xxx

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Talk to your boyfriend. Its not beyond the realms of possibility the friend sent it from your boyfriend's phone to his. I mean if I felt that way I certainly wouldn't text it to someone who even remotely knows my girlfriend. Sounds odd to me.

Tell your boyfriend exactly what you've been shown and see what he says.

Op here.

I talked to him about it and he said he did send it but there were more texts I didn't see. He said he was messing around to see what the friend would say etc and sorry for upsetting me....I dont know if i believe him. In a way I do but then again I dont and i think he actually would. He also said he was messing and said all he wanted to do was f**k his ex in a text to his friend. My boyfriend told me this...he said he did it because he wanted to see what the friend would say. I didnt see that message.

He said he says stupid things sometimes without meaning them and that he didnt mean any of that it was just a mess around with his friend but his friend tool it as serious ad that my boyfriend was also saying jokes while saying all this.

what are peoples opinions? I think its very immature and I dont know what to make of it.

So I told my boyfriend thats fine go f**k your ex I wont be in your life and he laughed and said he wouldnt...

Denimgirl

sounds a bit dodgy to me, maybe it was guys chatter and he did'nt think it would get back to you I say he's sick!I'd still be wary of your bf I would'nt trust a guy after that and he seems to be good at wiggling his way out of situations like this.just be careful in the future with him.

Ickle Magoo

He said he wanted to have sex with his ex to see what his friend would say? Is that seriously the best he can come up with? :rolleyes:

OP, why bother with someone you don't trust and is sending texts about his ex to mates, who are that lovely that they go on to show you...and then laughs at your concerns. There are plenty of blokes in the world who haven't given you cause to worry about their motives and suspect they are spinning a yarn, I think you'd be better off with one of them.

Best of luck.

SheRa

You know what OP, I was in two minds about if your boyf was serious or messing (by the way why would you even want to mess with a friend about this, that in itself is incredibly immature, but anyway....) but then I read that he laughed at you when you were talking to him about this, I thought Christ talk about a lack of disrespect. You deserve a lot better.

aidan24326

blusey wrote: »

Hi its the OP

I know he said it because his friend showed me the text messages my boyfriend said all this in.
So he did say it definitely.

I love him and he said he loves me but well maybe not as much as his ex...please I don't know what to do?!

Jesus I'm glad I don't have your bf's so-called friends! And you should be wary of this 'friend' too, he's a sh1t-stirrer and not to be trusted.

So, he said he loved you but 'maybe not as much as his ex'?? And he'd dump you if he could get miss perfect ex back on side? So basically you're just the consolation prize it seems. Tell him to sod off back to his ex in that case, I don't see you've much option.

SheRa wrote: »

You know what OP, I was in two minds about if your boyf was serious or messing (by the way why would you even want to mess with a friend about this, that in itself is incredibly immature, but anyway....) but then I read that he laughed at you when you were talking to him about this, I thought Christ talk about a lack of disrespect. You deserve a lot better.

That was undoubtedly one of those nervous laughs though, basically because he knew he'd been busted and had no way out other than a couple of fairly lame excuses.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I cant believe you have such little asteem for yourself and think so lowly of yourself to be putting up with this moron

Dump him, you deserve much much better
eg someone that is actually into you and not stringing you along till he can get back with the ex

LegacyUser

Your boyfriend is a headwrecker, and his friend is too. Why would you want to be with a man who has made a huge mistake in the sort of friends he keeps? As they say, know my friends, know me.
And sending texts like that as a 'joke'? I'm sorry, but on top of being a headwrecker, your boyfriend isn't the sharpest tool in the box.
Ditch him. He and his friend deserve each other, and the last thing you need is to be sucked into their private war.

Handsome Bob

God OP, this would be my worst nightmare. Please do not be second best, you are better than that.

LegacyUser

I played second fiddle - knowingly and stupidly - for 2 years. Needless to say it all ended in tears, mine.
OP do yourself a favour and get out now before you get in any deeper. It'll be a lot harder to walk away from then and all you'll be left with is regret and heartache. You'll always have this in your mind. Please don't sweep it under the carpet. He's not worth it, I promise you that.

dublingal80

i dont even know what to say about this lad... just unbelievable. no lad, in a serious relationship is going to send a friend a text saying they like their ex or whatever, just to see what they say... and you know that!!!!

you know what you need to do ... sorry

spinandscribble

You know OP this isn't right. how on earth is that a joke? even if it was a stupid lad joke (which would make me reassess my bf even if thats all it was) he then LAUGHED at it all and you? He SHOULD have been begging for understanding. even then I wouldn't believe him. I'd dump him.

banshee_bones

I'm sorry but that has got to be the lamest excuse I have ever heard. OP dump his ass, you are worth so much than that.

LegacyUser

Op here.

When I first talked to him about it, it was over the phone so his laughing wasn't at me it was a nervous one as you do when you've been caught out.

I talked to him face to face about it. He said it was very stupid thing to say and if I had seen the messages his friend was sending him, it would explain why he was saying that stuff.

I saw the whole amount of messages from both my boyfriend and his friend. His friend was provoking him to say that sort of stuff because his texts were for example: "would you ever get back with your ex" and my boyfriends reply was: "depends, i would with one of them but they are exs for a reason"

And as for the I would like to f**k my ex...it was as he said the most idiotic thing and he doesn't and never meant it literally. I also saw the other texts he sent after that one to his friend and they were him saying he would never have sex with his ex again or get back with her because he has me (these messages I didnt see)

It really genuinely was sorry about it and he never actually meant it and I do believe him. Maybe I am setting myself up for heartache but its better to have been loved and loved another than never being loved at all. If I do end up being heart broken ill take it as a lesson learned. Wish me luck

Also thank you for the replies

Memnoch

best of luck op.

Context is important and at least you've seen all the texts from both sides and gotten the full story. I'd be more inclined to believe your BF over this guy who's jealous and wants to break you up by taking a single text out of an entire conversation out of context. It's a nasty, underhanded thing to do.

That's not to say that your BF is being completely honest, but I think you have to find out for yourself.

As long as you trust him and believe he genuinely cares for you, that's what's important.

Best of luck and I hope it works out for you.