Harbouring Racist Thoughts and Losing my Sister

LegacyUser

I am beginning to think I am becoming racist towards black men and its really shaming me. I was never racist before and was always against racism of any form but in the last 2 years I've begun to harbour racist feelings.
The sole reason for this is my sister. We talk all the time and she tells me everything and means the world to me. She loves black men to the point where she usually only hooks up with them. At the beginning I was fine with this and even a little curious myself but as constant stories started emerge I grew more and more disillusioned.
My sister has been in 6 different relationships with black men all of whom already had girlfriends and in two cases had a number of partners as well as their girlfriend. This has broken my sister's heart time and time again. I have also personally been deeply offended by her black partners. I remember once this black guy she was hooking up with said he was having a big party at his house and that she should bring me.. when we arrived it was just my sister's lover and his friend who basically tried it on with me all night and was sleazy. I've also had various black guys whom my sister was with at the time with make passes at me and generally make completely inappropirate comments.
Even outside of my sister's relationships I've begun to become more and more aware of black men and how sleazy they are in nightclubs and how they seem have this notion in their head that Irish women will do anything for them!
I told my sister this the other night and she completely flipped the lid. She said you cant judge people on their skin colour which was fair enough but I made the point that she hasnt been with one black guy that wasnt cheating on her or being generally sleazy to me. She said I was jealous because I am bored with my current boyfriend. I couldnt believe it. Anyway I stormed out and we havent talked to each other since. My sisters currently ecstatic in current relationship saying this ones the 'one'. Well suprise, suprise my boyfriend and his friends were in Krystle the other night and the 'one' was all over some girl.

I want to tell her but then I think whats the point? Should I just leave her to do what she wants? Am I being a complete racist here? I know I probably am and its shameful but I quess when it hit so close to home I just changed. I dont tell anyone how I feel (except my sister obviously).

Mods : I know this is a controversial topic but I am hoping you will allow it with heavy moderation as I am genuinely devastated to be losing my sister and ashamed of the person im becoming.

jam_mac_jam

look this may not be a very nice thing to say but if your sister had relationships with guys with girlfriends or kids, did she not know? I think that reflects on her as well if she did. I think this is more about the type of guy your sister is attracted to than black men. And maybe more contraversal but maybe black men act sleavy towards Irish women because certain irish women will do anything for them.

Anyway, you have to keep your mouth shut to your sister and let her do what she wants and makes her own mistakes.

Bottle_of_Smoke

One thing you should remember is your sister seems to have a black guy fetish. This probably stands out a mile so sleazy guys will pick up on it and pull her. Sleazy guys tend to have sleazy mates.

Basically you're probably getting a skewed sample of black guys because of the way you're meeting them. I haven't worked with many black guys but the 4 I did were completely non-sleazy. 2 Nigerians, 2 Jamaicans. Also know 1 Irish black guy from Derry and he's been in a relationship for the past 2 years.

ashamedracist

ashamedracist wrote: »

I am beginning to think I am becoming racist towards black men and its really shaming me. I was never racist before and was always against racism of any form but in the last 2 years I've begun to harbour racist feelings.
The sole reason for this is my sister. We talk all the time and she tells me everything and means the world to me. She loves black men to the point where she usually only hooks up with them. At the beginning I was fine with this and even a little curious myself but as constant stories started emerge I grew more and more disillusioned.
My sister has been in 6 different relationships with black men all of whom already had girlfriends and in two cases had a number of partners as well as their girlfriend. This has broken my sister's heart time and time again. I have also personally been deeply offended by her black partners. I remember once this black guy she was hooking up with said he was having a big party at his house and that she should bring me.. when we arrived it was just my sister's lover and his friend who basically tried it on with me all night and was sleazy. I've also had various black guys whom my sister was with at the time with make passes at me and generally make completely inappropirate comments.
Even outside of my sister's relationships I've begun to become more and more aware of black men and how sleazy they are in nightclubs and how they seem have this notion in their head that Irish women will do anything for them!
I told my sister this the other night and she completely flipped the lid. She said you cant judge people on their skin colour which was fair enough but I made the point that she hasnt been with one black guy that wasnt cheating on her or being generally sleazy to me. She said I was jealous because I am bored with my current boyfriend. I couldnt believe it. Anyway I stormed out and we havent talked to each other since. My sisters currently ecstatic in current relationship saying this ones the 'one'. Well suprise, suprise my boyfriend and his friends were in Krystle the other night and the 'one' was all over some girl.

I want to tell her but then I think whats the point? Should I just leave her to do what she wants? Am I being a complete racist here? I know I probably am and its shameful but I quess when it hit so close to home I just changed. I dont tell anyone how I feel (except my sister obviously).

Mods : I know this is a controversial topic but I am hoping you will allow it with heavy moderation as I am genuinely devastated to be losing my sister and ashamed of the person im becoming.

Oh dear.. Your sister is being a homewrecker, you've ended up having racist feelings, you tell her this for some reason and she comes back at you saying you're just jealous. Comedy of errors really.

Two things, I'd say ye should take a break for a while and then start going out in other places.. If people are being consistently sleazy, it's only because it works. She can meet a normal single black fella and your opinion will change back to what it was.. You're not racist because of their skin colour, you're racist because you're surrounding yourself with sleazebags.

LegacyUser

This is one thing i hate. Anything that goes wrong with a person that is a different race, colour, religion etc and you're automatically labelled a racist. I don't think you are, its the people you're or your sister is coming across.

I think you should leave your sister to it. Let her make her own mistakes in life. I think its your sister that is jealous of you. She sounds as if she has her own insecurities and tries to pass it onto you. Leave her to it.

WindSock

No you are not being racist. You are looking out for your sister who goes for certain type of men who happen to be black. She is making the wrong choices here, she is going for them purely for their skin colour and nothing else. She needs to cop on and look further than someone who impresses her in a club. Fair enough if she only is attracted to black men, but not all black men are sleazy two timers. It is her with the problem.
You are only making your judgements based on the negative exposure via your sister. She sounds fairly naiive to be honest, hopefully she will grow up and cop on soon.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

I think your dislike/mistrust of black men is at best misplaced. Your sister is either the unluckiest woman in the world or she's perhaps looking for decent men who want honest monogamous relationships in the wrong place - I know which I'd put my money on. Sleazy cheating men (and women!) can be found in all shapes, sizes and shades and it's just a matter of meeting through friends or dating for a while to get the general feeling on them. Pubs and clubs have to be the worst possible place to find a partner and one the absolute best places to find sleaze-balls only after one thing...

Bloody Nipples

Read an article on young black women in Ireland in the Tribune a few weeks back. Apparently a lot of black guys in the immigrant community tend to be players and expect an awful lot of leeway from women, seems to be mainly because of the incredibly patriarchal nature of a lot of African cultures.

This was a direct quote from the women themselves.

Moomoo1

OP - why do you socialise so much with your sister if you hate the people she associates with? Why not just distance yourself from her scene if it's offending you so much?

It could well be true that an average black guy is more likely to be a player than an average white guy, but there are still plenty of black guys who are capable of having a monogamous relationship... I am sure the vast majority would be like that.

ABajaninCork

Ah - I was wondering if the men in question were African...

Before you all shoot me down in flames - I myself am black (as you can probably deduce from the username) and of Caribbean descent.

This seems to be a theme with African men. Even though I'm happily married, I still get them hitting on me saying that they alone can make me happy, blah blah, blah...They try this on with EVERY woman they meet whether married, single or other. I'm not putting words in anyone's mouth, but make of that what you will...

I think the OP needs to separate the 'race' thing from the situation and really look at these men for what they are. Total sleaze buckets and slimeballs. Anything she says to her sister will be ignored anyway and it's already ended up in a row. The sister won't listen, so as we say - She has to feel. The OP should be there as a 'good sibling' to pick her up if she falls. I truly hope that won't be for a long time yet.

ashamedracist

Let's say your sister was only getting with well-endowed men, regardless of race. Would you begin to resent those who brandish big dicks? Probably not. She probably chooses men based on specific criteria, and sleaze may be one of them for all you know.

ashamedracist wrote:

I have also personally been deeply offended by her partners with gigantic penises.

It suddenly seems so much more ridiculous now, doesn't it? Your racism is irrational. Black men are no sleazier than white men. You are unconsciously resenting black people as a whole because her partners who happen to be black also happen to be unpleasant, for no reason other than coincidence.

How Strange

OP, first off - if your sister was only chasing after guys from Offaly (for the sake of argument) and these were all chancers and already in relationships and treated her like sh1t would you harbour such feelings towards ALL men from Offaly?

Secondly, why do you care so much that you feel it's these guys fault and not your sisters?

Thirdly, if it bothers you so much then stop socialising with her.

Fourthly, tell her that she'd getting what she deserves. She goes looking for a type in a club and low and behold she gets the worst of the worst. This would happen no matter what her type was. I had a friend who did the same thing; she had a thing for black men but really it was just any man cocky and arrogant enough to talk to her. True to form, she got messed around each time yet she kept doing it over and over again. Incidentally this girl wouldn't have looked sideways at a normal, decent, down to earth guy. She'd have found him boring.

Lastly, You say your sister tells you it's because you're bored in your own relationship that you care so much. I think she may have a point. If you were happy in your own life then you wouldn't bother investing so much energy in disliking black men and jumping to all the conclusions you have that they are sleazy etc etc.

If I were you I'd be questioning why you're so involved with your sisters life rather than living your own.

fungun

Summary: your sister like sleazy black men.
So you (understandably) dislike these men - but you dislike them because they are sleazy not because they are black.

Try to keep the two apart.