Why can't I cop on

LegacyUser

Please tell me i'm not the only one who has been or is in this situation. Here goes........I broke up with boyfriend of almost 2 years towards the end of last year. Basically I got the 'I'm not ready to settle down' line. But since then we have been in constant contact and it's driving me absolutely nuts. He is now with another woman and has been for several months but expects me to be his crutch in life and yeah I know I'm worse for letting him treat me like this. He doesn't live at home but is always inviting me over to his home place or telling me to call and see him mam etc. I got involved with his work and this all takes place from his homeplace. This woman he is with has never been brought home and he says she never will.....All I get from him is.....give me some time I'm sorting myself out .....he does suffer with depression/anxiety and has only recently started to have it treated. We spend half our time rowing but other than that we may as well be a couple. Of course I get worked up and make things worse sometimes and I admit I do get carried away with texting at times. Sometimes I think how on earth are we still on speaking terms....he says things are not that bad and tells me to stop worrying. I know in my heart and soul that he does love me but I can't wait around any longer. I tell him not to contact me but we always end up back in touch. If I seen my friend in this situation I'd probably tell her to cop herself on.....it just seems neverending. I don't even know what I want from him anymore. I sound like a pathetic little girl....but I am in my mid 30's and should have more sense so why can't i just tell him to f**k off out of my life.

ravima

You've answered your own question - tell him to f*** off and let you get on with your life. he is wearing you down and ruining your life.

Harsh and all it sounds - move on - let go and tell him to leave you alone.

LegacyUser

Thanks Ravima. I know you are right....I just have to try harder. I so want to move on with my life and yes he is wearing me down.

ManOfMystery

He didn't want to settle down with you
He's now got a new girlfriend
He still expects you to pamper to his every whim

Do yourself a favour, delete his number from your phone. Willpower and discipline is all it takes for you to get over this man and sort this situation out, but unfortunately none of us can do that for you.

Ickle Magoo

So, why can't you? Why are you letting him have his cake and eat it? Why are you merrily facilitating him?

The post is full of annoyance at doing this and incredulity at him asking you to do that....it's irrelevant, he's only doing what you let him do. Ultimately you are the one person responsible for your own life, you either allow yourself to be at his beck and call on his terms or you tell him you don't want to see him again and not to contact you again unless he wants a relationship on the terms you really want.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

1. Say goodbye to him, ask him not to contact you anymore.
2. Keep his number, but dont answer his call. delibrately ignore him.
3. Ignore his txt.
4. Tell yourself 'there is NO hope' in you two. NO, ZERO. you cant move on because you still think there is hope. Indeed, NO is the answer.
5. Acknowledge that he does not love you.
6. Go out and meet different men, just dates only 'cos you are not ready for relationship, meet more men, open your eyes and see different kinds of men and see what you really want.
7. Tell yourself rather to be single all your life instead of being like this with a man that does not love you with ZERO hope.

indeed, i am fighting to move on too. i've spent a few years on a man with NO hope (for me). everytime we seem to be parted, something bring us together. Finally, I quited. Luckily, he never called me then. Now I have to deal with myself about the desire to call him from time to time. Recently, I miss him very much 'cos it's our birthday month. But thinking of the bad cycles between us, I really am fed up and want to end it. NO. I remind myself how bad I was in that longering for something that I could never get. Then I physically feel sick of the idea of contacting him again and going nowhere again. A little voice told me to RUN RUN RUN away from the bad cycle and BE STRONG not to contact him.

Also, I would tell myself it's doing him good not to contact him. It's very annoying if you know someone you like but not love have deep feelings to you but you can't recipicote. Stop contacting him can clear the air, and would confuse his heart no more. He can also really move on with his life and find the one he really loves too.

DO YOU AND HIM A FAVOUR. BE STRONG AND STOP EVERY CONTACTS WITH HIM.

funloving

you already know what to do...
it's not easy but the misery you are in right now will be over at last

be strong and actually move on!!!

LegacyUser

Thanks guys/gals.....I'm taking it all on board...maybe I just need to be told more often. I am quite a strong willed person and I find myself beating up on myself for allowing him to treat me like this. I know I can control the situation. I know it has to end because it is wearing me down. And yeah I would much rather being single for my lifetime that keep carrying on like this. Thanks again. x

Miss Fluff

cantcopon wrote: »

I am quite a strong willed person and I find myself beating up on myself for allowing him to treat me like this. I know I can control the situation.

That's the crux of the matter right there. The fact that you are allowing him. He is only doing this to you because you let him. You are facilitating his bah behaviour by being an active participant in it.

Delete his number or better still get a new phone. You just have to make a very firm decision with yourself and sticking to it. It's like giving up smoking or any other habit that is causing you damage. You just have to tell yourself tomorrow is a new day and you promise never ever to have any contact with him again. You won't believe the empowerment you will feel if you take control of this situation once and for all.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff I know you are right as is everyone else. I hate that I have let it go on so long but I just got sucked into the whole thing. I have left my phone at home today and if I have to do that every day I will until I know that I won't contact him or accept his contact. I have thought about changing my number but it's not really practical and at the end of the day I have to learn to quit the contact. I want this week to be the new start. Thanks again.