Can someone explain to me the psychology behind this?

Sweet Cakes

Edit: Maybe not a usual thread for this forum but this is not a personal issue or a topic for discussion. I'm actually wanting to determine the psychology behind the following.
I think this is the most appropriate forum.

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Can someone potentially explain the psychology or mentality behind this?
It's as regards the harassment/stalking of a girl of 25 years+


Well, it's a long story but suffice to say there was this girl I knew from a while back.
I knew she liked me but I wasn't really that into her.
She was cute but she just didn't really turn me on or have a significant enough affect on me to actually make me want to hook up with her.


Anyways, some time went by.
Some things happened in between time as regards myself.
I sort of went through a phase - and I have no idea why - but of basically, just being alone and away from everyone, for no particular reason.


I think I'm a pretty nice guy, I get on good with folk in general.
It's like, I just wanted to test myself or something.
Like when I was younger, I'd try to test myself to see how much pain I could take. In all sorts of random ways.
Some times I'd jam a screw driver into the back of my hand as hard as I could, just to see how much I could take it.


For a while, I'd get up in the morning and eat nothing, and then eat nothing all day long until I'd get a cramp in my stomach and then still eat nothing and then about eight that evening I'd just stuff my face.
And I just did that for a while, to see how I could take the hunger.


Well, the point of my telling this is, what I did in this instance was I cut off contact from people as much as I could.
I just isolated myself totally.
Before this, I had some pretty good friends that I'd built up over a while and whatever.
But I just felt it was what I had to do.
I had to cut myself off totally. Just to see to what degree I could take it.


I actually ended up moving to the other side of the world, just to get as far away from everyone as I could. And when I got there I made sure to make no meaningful relationships.
Then I basically cracked - I was taken to the limit.


And that's when I started stalking this girl.


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I just got in touch with her initially and was asking how she was and what not - laying the seeds, as such.
Then after a while I told her I had feelings for her, and so on.
Eventually I asked would she get together with me.


And when we got together, it had been so long since I actually saw her that the image I had built up of her in my head in between times was so different that - although I knew it was her - I actually thought it wasn't. And I ended up ignoring her totally and thus nullifying all the things I had filled her head up with.
"I think we're soul mates".. blah blah blah.


But anyways, I continued to stay in touch with her - but she obviously didn't really stay in touch back, and it got to the point where it was becoming hazardous for both of our health's basically - as in, it was about to deteriorate into all out harassment and stalking, and then she very wisely contacted the authorities and that put an end to that.


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So I got to the breaking point anyway, even if I didn't know it, cause what I figure is, it wasn't until she contacted that police to have me cease my contact with her that the actual affect of all the isolation actually came crashing down around me - because obviously I had been using her as a scapegoat as such, and when that was removed, it was like I was suddenly thrown into the spotlight.


So I know I've reached that point, and I'm gradually working my way back into a normal life again.
The affect of the total isolation was similar to - I don't know exactly - my body ceased to function pretty much.
I could no longer sleep, nor eat, or move really.
I couldn't really move out of bed.


And that went on only for a few weeks and then I began to re-integrate myself and the improvement was immediate.
I'm not 100% yet, but I'm getting there.


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So I've just been trying to figure out the reason behind doing all this.
I think I just wanted to challenge myself.
I always wanted to live a "different" life and live life to the fullest or whatever and I just thought subjecting myself to as big a challenge as possible might help me achieve that, or I could take strength from overcoming these kinds of challenges.


PS I appreciate all help and input and I know someones going to suggest therapy or something, but really, it's not necessary. Thank you

JuliusCaesar

Hello SweetCakes, we really cannot comment on any individual cases at all on the internet. To do so would be in effect diagnosing and you really need to go see a professional to get an answer.
JC