Serial cheater

LegacyUser

Hello guys,
I am a girl,30 yrs old and into a relation for the last 3 years.
Since last August I started cheating on my bf..the first time he was a guy I know from work on a night out..the usual drinks,fun,etc...
This guys started emailing me wanting to go on dated but I ended everything.
I few onths after this I met a guy and we got on great...I never understood if we fell in love or what but we had a 6 months affair having sex plenty of times and spending a lot of time together.
I ended this though as I realise I dont want to lose my bf but then last month I slept with another guy.
I am not here looking for feedback about this being good or bad but I honestly don't know why I have been so unfaithful.
I know I love to bits my other half and I never ever want to lose him but I can't help it.
I am a sort of sexaholic and I watch porn everyday and recently 3 times a day even.
Can somebody have lust issues?if so,how can I sort this?

krudler

behindUrBack wrote: »

Can somebody have lust issues?if so,how can I sort this?

Tell your boyfriend and prepare to be dumped, you spent 6 months of a 3 year relationship shagging someone else behind you boyfriends back? no sympathy for you here love, fess up and take the consequences. If you can go on lying to your boyfriend then I pity him, he probably thinks the world of you and after 3 years maybe sees marriage/kids with you, and all the while you're fcuking someone else? "I cant help it"? what a load of sh1t, you can help it, just stop shagging other people!

Colonel_McCoy

100% agree with the above.

Shazam69

Well like you I'm in a similar situation and fully see where you are coming from. I'd be happy to discuss with you if you want as its a difficult topic to air in full view of a public forum and I do appreciate that people can't stand cheaters.

LegacyUser

Maybe I am being very self-centered here but right now for me the focus is not cheating really.
I simply want to understand what is going on and the reason behind it.
It is very easy to condamn cheating but people cheat for several reasons..one of those can be a sort of self control issue or having a high libido.
I told my bf about my fantasies,I told him I want to have 3somes etc so he knows the type of sex life I want.
I don't know if doing this and being in love with him can coexist...
has somebody ever experienced this?


ps: i am not a reg boards user so I don't know if I can send PMs without an account

Kiera

Having no self control and a high libido is a load of crap! A lot of people have a very high sexdrive and do not cheat or feel they need to cheat.

You need to break up with your BF and let him find someone who will respect him and not cheat on him!

AnonoBoy

behindUrBack wrote: »

I am a sort of sexaholic and I watch porn everyday and recently 3 times a day even.

Tiger Woods and his 'sex addiction' have given loads of people a nice easy way out when they don't want to take responsibility for their actions hasn't he?

You're not a sex addict, you just have a high sex drive.

If you want to sleep with lots of guys then do but do the decent thing and break up with your boyfriend first.

If he doesn't have a high sex drive and can't satisfy you then no matter how nice he is it's not going to work because you'll keep sleeping around.

Maybe try find someone who is into the things you're into.


I feel like Dan Savage!

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Miss Fluff

behindUrBack wrote: »

Maybe I am being very self-centered here but right now for me the focus is not cheating really

Out of everything you have said that's the most worrying really. You don't actually show any remorse whatsoever about what has happened. Not an ounce. Are you practising safe sex can I ask?

I think it best that you tell your BF so that he can make a decision knowing all of the circumstances. Then you can have as much sex with as many people as you like. Leading someone on into thinking they are having a monogamous relationship with you when you've actually had three other sexual partners in the last six months is not fair on him at all.

LegacyUser

behindUrBack wrote: »

I don't know if doing this and being in love with him can coexist...
has somebody ever experienced this?

I've never experienced anything like this, but if my boyfriend was cheating and gave me the excuse that it was due to high libido, he'd be lucky to get away with his man hood intact!

Your boyfriend's sex drive doesn't match yours, so why are you going out with him? Find someone who has a similar sex drive to you

polliepp

Hi OP,


the fact that you are on here posting about your cheating is maybe a sign that you know it's not right and unhealthy on some level. As to why you do it i.e cheat there could be a million and one reasons and only you can really ever know the answer.

I think sex can be a symptom of some underlying issue. For example a lot of men who sleep around have huge intimacy issues. Having an emotional connection is too much for them so the use sex to avoid that fear. Do you have a fear of intimacy (without sex)? Are you using sex to make you feel attractive, in control etc? Do you have trust issues i.e cheating on you boyf before he cheats on you?

If this is all about having a high sex drive then the answer is simple. Break up with your boyf and go have as much sex as you want. I don't think it's really about sex per se - think there is something deeper going on but only you can really figure that out for yourself

Taltos

OP - how would you feel if you found your BF was going around banging anything else that moved?

Now - how would you feel when you confronted him and he whinged "I can't help it - it meant nothing - I'm addicted to sex - and it's all your fault cause you wouldn't do the threesome..."

OP - sorry - but clearly you do not love your bf - you might enjoy being with him - you might adore the fact that someone wants you - you might just need to be with someone - but - if you really really loved him - there is NO way in hell you would do what you have done under any circumstances.

When people have relationship issues with the person they love - they work through it - and sometimes that means giving up on what you really want (3-somes) but you don't go off behind his back for 6mts putting your and his health at risk through this - even if using condoms they don't stop everything - if you used protection that is.

LegacyUser

First of all thank you for your replies.
I read them all and I thinking about what you wrote.
I surely have to break up with my bf,I am not too sure though if talking about this will be necessary as it will only break his heart.
I don't want now to find excuses to justify what I did because I chose to have sex with other boys,nobody forced me to or anything.
In everyday life I get on with people,my social life is very good but I don't open up much as I fear that I could be hurt and when somebody gets closer,I know because I do it ever time, I step back.

What I would think if somebody had a 6 months affair is how did she manage to find time for both?How could he never have doubts?

I seriously cannot picture my life without him but at the same time I am nottoo sure we are suitable for each other....I am not saying I am bad and he's good or the other way around.

I am a bitch, I know and maybe a bad person but I am not willing to change,I just want to understand.

ps:I had safe sex and I don't show any remorse coz I don't have it.
As I said I wanted it,I did it and if I got caught I would pay the consequences without saying a word

Wagon

behindUrBack wrote: »

I surely have to break up with my bf,I am not too sure though if talking about this will be necessary as it will only break his heart.

Ironic. But actually, you should tell him. Then he'll get over you faster.

What I would think if somebody had a 6 months affair is how did she manage to find time for both?How could he never have doubts?

Says a lot that does.

I seriously cannot picture my life without him but at the same time I am nottoo sure we are suitable for each other....I am not saying I am bad and he's good or the other way around.

No, you're bad. Trust me. But not because you like to sleep with loads of people.

I am a bitch, I know and maybe a bad person but I am not willing to change,I just want to understand.

Not everyone is meant for a monotonous relationship. Some people just can't or don't want to do it. Maybe the next time you decide to go out with someone, make it an open relationship.

ps:I had safe sex and I don't show any remorse coz I don't have it.
As I said I wanted it,I did it and if I got caught I would pay the consequences without saying a word

Again, you have to tell him. It'll hurt him but in my experience when a woman treated me badly, I've gotten over it a lot faster and never looked back. It was better for all involved.

fungun

you say you spoke to him about 3somes etc but did you ever try working with him to make your sex life more exciting if that is what you crave? I have been in a very similar situation before.
When you have a problem like this there are 4 ways to deal with it - 2 positive and 2 negative
1 (negative) - shut your eyes and hope it goes away whilst staying faithful
2 (negative) - have affairs to deal with your needs
3 (positive) - recognise you need sth new and break it off
4 (positive) - try to integrate your desires into your reln

Staying faithful and unhappy actually does nothing for anyone.
Fine u were unfaithful and shouldnt have been but lets look forward - your two options are to work with him to try to find that middle ground or, as sounds more likely, move on and find a guy who will recognise and accept this middle ground.

Sounds like some honest self analysis would help though - is this sth you really need that means you would need this in ANY reln or is this sth that you need because of sth lacking in your current reln. Worth knowing the answer to this.

Also do recognise the worth of analysing your whole life rather than focussing on your sex life...i.e. if you feel bored at work, no hobbies etc you might feel more in need of this. Having exciting times in your life may also help to scratch this itch, whether it be travelling or whatever that may make you feel your life is more exciting....

Hope this helps!

santana75

behindUrBack wrote: »

Hello guys,
I am a girl,30 yrs old and into a relation for the last 3 years.
Since last August I started cheating on my bf..the first time he was a guy I know from work on a night out..the usual drinks,fun,etc...
This guys started emailing me wanting to go on dated but I ended everything.
I few onths after this I met a guy and we got on great...I never understood if we fell in love or what but we had a 6 months affair having sex plenty of times and spending a lot of time together.
I ended this though as I realise I dont want to lose my bf but then last month I slept with another guy.
I am not here looking for feedback about this being good or bad but I honestly don't know why I have been so unfaithful.
I know I love to bits my other half and I never ever want to lose him but I can't help it.
I am a sort of sexaholic and I watch porn everyday and recently 3 times a day even.
Can somebody have lust issues?if so,how can I sort this?

Well first of all I have to say fair play to you for having the courage to come on here and admit what you did. Not such an easy thing to do when you know you'll get some stick.
As for the cheating, well you're using your boyfriend very badly. Youre getting it on with these other fellas but at the same time you want to keep the boyfriend there as a security blanket. Thats not fair on him, you gotta realise that much right? Youre trying to have your cake and eat it. You have to break up with him and put the poor guy out of his misery. And you'll have to tell him why. I know it'll be tough but as far as I can see its the only way you can salvage any kind of dignity from this mess. When the dust settles you can at least say that ultimately you did the right thing. Because keeping him around is you just using him for your own selfish purposes.
You also want to find out why you did this, thats great because if you dont figure out why you do the things you do then you'll just keep doing them. Undersatnding is the first step. My advice would be to check out slaa. Great organisation, they'll give you the understanding and help you need.

2manyconditions

You know its really horrible that you are doing this to someone you love.

But I just do not understand why you know its wrong, but you don't feel any remorse or any guilt or even want to change?

Did you ever feel guilty, even after the first time you ever cheated? Did something change all of a sudden that prompted you to cheat in the first place? Have you ever been cheated on?

Just trying to understand a little, I think your posts are cold / lack emotion or compassion towards your b/f I suppose. Are you like this with everyone.

LegacyUser

Some ppl die little by little piece by piece, others keep racing in the street.

OP - you do what you have to do.

StarryMoon0

http://www.csa-addictions.ie/

Maybe you have a problem, maybe you don't.
Why not check it out ...

Could change your life for the better ?

Either get help, or let the BF go..don't destroy his life as well as yours.