Can't understand his thinking AT ALL

LegacyUser

OK, will try not to bore anyone and keep this short.

When i was 24, I started going out with a 21 year old. The age thing was an issue to begin with, especially on my side but we just clicked and he was so besotted with me I lapped it up. We had the most amazing spark but the worst dynamic in the world. He, being a young lad wanted to go party and live the single life, but he was also incredibly dependant on me emotionally...and I was so in love with him....we were back and forth but eventually, 3 years later (and 2 years ago) it just broke down. I would ask him for no contact and he couldn't keep away, we fooled around a bit but it was stopping me from moving on so eventually I just pleaded with him and begged him for no contact.

6 months later when i felt so unbelievably free of him and so over him I heard from a friend he'd been in a car accident, it was like a punch in the chest and I texted him to see if he was ok....I noticed that he kept texting back but ended the conversation. This led to a series of "you're the only person who understands me" phonecalls, and more stupid sex but that was all he wanted from me. Still being a fool for him I went along with it (I know, I am an idiot) because i felt like if he needed me on an emotional level and still desired me then how come he didn't want the relationship back?

Anyway, to cut to now, we've both been with other people, his relationship broke up a good few months ago and I know for a fact he's a bit of a player these days (he was very innocent when he was with me), my relationship broke up last week and he called me on the premise that he needed to talk about stuff on his mind but he asked could he stay in my apartment for the night just for a cuddle and he didn't want to have sex so I agreed but as soon as we lay down together he was trying it on. I fought it off but eventually gave in, it was like old times then the rest of the night we had so much fun, in the morning we had such a giggle but I knew I was only fooling myself. When we used to go out before he hated cuddles and the other night he was begging me to cuddle him....then when i pointed this out he said "well get as many as you can because i might hate them again next year" and I was confused and he said "this is like our annual ****". I was joking and said "Oh, I assumed we were getting back together" and he replied back laughing "Ugh the thought of that makes my penis shrivel up inside me"

I know this guy isn't good for me, but i just don't get where he is in his head to want all this emotional stuff from me, and sex, but not want me? I know I need to cut him out but I just think if I can understand where he is coming from it will make it easier as I always have this little voice in my head telling me that if he wasn't my soul-mate we'd have left eachother alone by now. As pathetic as I sound, this really gets me

Kiera

He's using you as an ego boost while he's single. He knows you want him and is lapping it up by the sounds of it. You need to cut all contact and ignore all calls/texts from him in future and move on.

The sooner you do this, the sooner you'll meet someone that deserves you.

Kimia

stupidme wrote: »

I was joking and said "Oh, I assumed we were getting back together" and he replied back laughing "Ugh the thought of that makes my penis shrivel up inside me"

:eek: What a horrible HORRIBLE thing to say to you! Why do you let yourself be treated like this? If some guy said that to me I would tell him to f*ck off and never contact me again - ooo i'd be so mad. :mad::mad:

Stop trying to understand his thinking etc, just move on. Don't contact him, don't let him use you anymore, just don't have any dealings with him anymore.

Giblet

He wants easy sex. He got it. That's his thinking.

The question here is, what is your thinking?

LegacyUser

Kimia wrote: »

:eek: What a horrible HORRIBLE thing to say to you! Why do you let yourself be treated like this? If some guy said that to me I would tell him to f*ck off and never contact me again - ooo i'd be so mad. :mad::mad:

Stop trying to understand his thinking etc, just move on. Don't contact him, don't let him use you anymore, just don't have any dealings with him anymore.

I was mad, but I was more hurt - then I figured maybe he was joking because we had sex again after that.

I know on some really deep level he does care about me because he'll always text if he hears something etc. Or I'm probably just in need of a shake or a slap across the face

TitoPuente

Cut of all contact. Incredibly f**ked up situation and you deserve to find something a little more normal.

Cheap Thrills!

Op, you are reading his actions all wrong.

All he is doing is having sex with you and tripping off the fact that you are infatuated with him. He is stroking his ego.

The cuddles etc don't mean anything to him, you're not soul mates at all. You are thinking emotionally, he is thinking you are an easy ride. I'm sorry to be blunt but you're just a guaranteed ride.

Just because you chat and have fun doesn't mean a thing. He is making a gobsh!te out of you. Don't let him.

Mixed messages always end up translating as No.

He is damaging you, you need to pull back and move on.

LegacyUser

Thanks all, I think deep down I knew the answer here but needed to see it in black and white from people who are objective.

I've felt sick to my stomach everytime I've thought about the sex on Friday night. He probably doesn't deserve my emotional comforts and I know it's gonna be hard but i'm gonna cut him off now.