BF went on a bender, what to do?

LegacyUser

I dont drink although i go out every week with my friends, love dancing etc, I have no qualms with people drinking round me.

my bf(5yrs) went out on thur night and came home drunk, we ended up having a big fight because of the way he acts when he's drunk. (basically kept contradicting me, then agreeing with me 2secs later, over and over)..we had only had this fight on wed night too! on Fri morn we didnt speak much, he kept tryin to apologise,( so he knew he was in the wrong)

last night thought, Sat, he txt me after work to remind me he was playing bowling after work. I went out as usual, and got in at 2.30, but he still wasnt home.
At 5am he rang my mobile, but when i answered he hung up, I text him to ask him was he ok, but he had woken up everyone. then he rang again 3times, I could hear him talking to his mate in the background, he was Legless! they were still out too.

i text him and told him not to come home, and not to ring me again.

Am i right to go mad, or is this a case of my bf telling me I go mad too easy at these situations cz i dont drink. i mean he was "going bowling!" ya dont get legless till 5am at bowling.
and if he was so apologetic, why didnt he come home on fri night instead of going out again, and make it up to me.
its now nearly 1pm on sat day, and still no sign of him.

help!! am i an overreactor?

Nevyn

You told him not to come home and not to get in touch and then you are surpised when he doesn't?

BettePorter

yes i think you're over reacting.........unless he's doing it every week.....that would get old fast ! he just had a blow out for a couple of nights.....also it makes a difference depending what age and circumstance your in ....kids, etc ? Personally it would wreck my head to date someone who didn't drink and who had a face on them everytime i got a bit worse for wear !

muinteoir09

BettePorter wrote: »

Personally it would wreck my head to date someone who didn't drink and who had a face on them everytime i got a bit worse for wear !

I agree. I can't imagine what life would be like if my wife didn't like a drink herself.

OP, I think you need to cut him some slack. If your boyfriend getting hammered (with what seem to be harmless enough results) once in a while is the biggest issue you have in your relationship, then just chill out a little. If the phonecalls were annoying you or waking you/everyone up, why didn't you put the phone on silent? Or turn it off/unplug it?

Also, you really can't complain that he hasn't contacted you today given that you told him not to. Although it would seem he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. I wish him luck.

Stheno

muinteoir09 wrote: »

I agree. I can't imagine what life would be like if my wife didn't like a drink herself.

Ah now that's a bit unfair imo, my bf doesn't drink and I love going out with him, I'll have a few drinks or on nights like tonight I'll be at home and have a few drinks, he doesn't mind. I've had a few occasions where I've had a heavy nights drinking and tbh the worst of it is him slagging me off the next day

OP I do think you are overreacting a bit tbh

MistyCheese

unregistered wrote: »

we ended up having a big fight because of the way he acts when he's drunk. (basically kept contradicting me, then agreeing with me 2secs later, over and over)

That sounds very normal for someone who's drunk. Yes, it's quite annoying hearing a drunk person go on and on (and on and on) but it's a usual side-effect, nothing to suggest he has a particular problem there.

I was recently at a family thing without my husband, there was a lot of vodka (which I don't usually drink) and I returned a call to him at some point during the night. He told me about it the next day, I was very drunk, making little sense and repeating the same things over and over. I'm certainly glad he didn't tell me to not come home and to not contact him again!

Is this a problem for you because you don't like being around him when he's drunk or because he's doing it a lot? If it's the former then I'd suggest not being in contact with him while he is out drinking. If he lied to you about the fact that he was going drinking it's probably because he knew you would react badly.

zxcvbnm1

Ok - so he had a change of plan during teh evening and went drinking instead of bowling.
I don't see teh problem. Big deal.

ya - it can be a little annoying for him to ring you 3 times at 5 a.m.
But as another poster said - why didn'y you just put it on silent after teh first couple of rings?

Hardly teh end of teh world to get woken up.

I definitely think you are overreacting.

By the way - what is exactly the issue here?
Teh fact that you got woken up ?
Or the fact that he didn't tell you he was going drunking ? (Not entirely sure why he would have to run that by you in advance though)

LegacyUser

I don't understand these responses.

This isn't a boyfriend she sees a couple of times a week. This is her partner of 5 years that she lives with. That supposedly respects her.

How can it be okay for him to come home that drunk, to come home that drunk again, and then not to come home at all because he's so drunk? How can it be okay for him to come home drunk anytime at all? Getting heavily drunk is not something admirable or acceptable except to people who want that permission themselves and so are willing to put up with it. Just because some of you like to get drunk yourselves you accuse people who object of being in the wrong and tell them to 'lighten up'.

A body may get drunk unintentionally the odd time - that's a matter for embarrassment and apologies. But intentionally? Or regularly? Not on if you live with someone.

A drunk person is a nuisance and seriously unpleasant. It's not okay to be a nuisance and seriously unpleasant to your partner.

muinteoir09

Sybill wrote: »

A body may get drunk unintentionally the odd time - that's a matter for embarrassment and apologies. But intentionally? Or regularly? Not on if you live with someone.

A drunk person is a nuisance and seriously unpleasant. It's not okay to be a nuisance and seriously unpleasant to your partner.

So many issues with this opinion...

1 - Being drunk is not necessarily a matter for embarrassment and apologies. In the OP's case it very well might be, but not for everyone and certainly not all the time.

2 - Why oh why would living with someone mean that one person cannot come home drunk? Whether intentionally or not. Again, you seem to be wrongly implying that being drunk is necessarily bad.

3 - Not all people are a nuisance or unpleasant when drunk and it is ridiculous to suggest so.

At least the OP's partner can take some solace from the fact that while his girlfriend may be over-reacting, she doesn't appear to be as reactionary or close-minded as Sybill.

LegacyUser

See, it's that kind of thinking that I just don't get.

It may have something to do with having lived with someone who regularly got drunk. At the beginning, of course I didn't object - I knew I wasn't supposed to, and anyway I had no idea how. I laughed with him - he was a soft-hearted, funny, silly drunk. But it worried me sick when he was missing late at night. Our friends laughed with me and him when he was drunk. They weren't there with me when the man I loved talked rubbish to me, when I watched him crawl up the stairs because he couldn't walk, when he wanted to make love to me and couldn't but kept trying, when he pissed into the wardrobe because he thought he was in the bathroom. And in the morning, he only remembered feeling wonderful and all the fun he had. And he was the lovely man I knew again for a few days.

I know it feels good to be drunk. I like to take a drink. Drinking together is fine. But I think it's basic respect not to bring yourself home drunk to your partner.

zxcvbnm1

muinteoir09 wrote: »

So many issues with this opinion...

1 - Being drunk is not necessarily a matter for embarrassment and apologies. In the OP's case it very well might be, but not for everyone and certainly not all the time.

2 - Why oh why would living with someone mean that one person cannot come home drunk? Whether intentionally or not. Again, you seem to be wrongly implying that being drunk is necessarily bad.

3 - Not all people are a nuisance or unpleasant when drunk and it is ridiculous to suggest so.

At least the OP's partner can take some solace from the fact that while his girlfriend may be over-reacting, she doesn't appear to be as reactionary or close-minded as Sybill.

+1

LegacyUser

Hi OP, no you're not overreacting.

You and your bf may not be a good match though. I couldn't live with someone who allowed themselves to get that drunk.

In Ireland, it's acceptable for this type of thing to happen. People actually aim to get off their heads on drink - they think it's normal.

For the rest of us, we have two choices
a)either put up with it and accept a partner who has that mentality
b)find someone more suitable, who has a mature attitude towards alcohol.

I think you have to make that choice soon.

wrongly implying that being drunk is necessarily bad.

Being drunk means that you have abused the substance and abused your body. By definition it is harmful - taking enough alcohol to impair your brain and your thought processes.

kjl

OP Im a guy who doesn't drink, and I have had partners in the past who have gone out and gotten hammered drunk. You just have to deal with it, you know the guy drinks, you know when one drinks they get drunk, and if this is the first time in 5 years he has done this to you then yes you are completely overreacting.

kjl

kjl wrote: »

you know when one drinks they get drunk

Well... no.

ilovetosing

Im sorry op but to me its clear there are other issues on hand here that are leading to your "over-reaction" You are gonna push this man away if you keep this up! So you were woken up! he was p!ssed, if it was every single night It may be a problem but its clearly not from what you have said. You need to talk to him really. No other way to sort this!

sbsquarepants

Sybill wrote: »

See, it's that kind of thinking that I just don't get.

It may have something to do with having lived with someone who regularly got drunk. At the beginning, of course I didn't object - I knew I wasn't supposed to, and anyway I had no idea how. I laughed with him - he was a soft-hearted, funny, silly drunk. But it worried me sick when he was missing late at night. Our friends laughed with me and him when he was drunk. They weren't there with me when the man I loved talked rubbish to me, when I watched him crawl up the stairs because he couldn't walk, when he wanted to make love to me and couldn't but kept trying, when he pissed into the wardrobe because he thought he was in the bathroom. And in the morning, he only remembered feeling wonderful and all the fun he had. And he was the lovely man I knew again for a few days.

I know it feels good to be drunk. I like to take a drink. Drinking together is fine. But I think it's basic respect not to bring yourself home drunk to your partner.

There is a difference in getting drunk and in being a drunk.
Getting drunk every once in a while does you no harm whatsoever, in fact it probably helps. Helps me anyway!
Drunk people somethimes talk s'hite, it's not the end of the world.
Relax op, you're over reacting.

MelanieC

Sybill wrote: »

See, it's that kind of thinking that I just don't get.

It may have something to do with having lived with someone who regularly got drunk. At the beginning, of course I didn't object - I knew I wasn't supposed to, and anyway I had no idea how. I laughed with him - he was a soft-hearted, funny, silly drunk. But it worried me sick when he was missing late at night. Our friends laughed with me and him when he was drunk. They weren't there with me when the man I loved talked rubbish to me, when I watched him crawl up the stairs because he couldn't walk, when he wanted to make love to me and couldn't but kept trying, when he pissed into the wardrobe because he thought he was in the bathroom. And in the morning, he only remembered feeling wonderful and all the fun he had. And he was the lovely man I knew again for a few days.

I know it feels good to be drunk. I like to take a drink. Drinking together is fine. But I think it's basic respect not to bring yourself home drunk to your partner.

Totally agree and think muinteoir09 is very unfair to class Sybill as closed-minded just coz her opinion differs. :mad:
OP you are not over-reacting. Everyone seems to be condemning you for having a problem with your OH getting blind drunk but they are ignoring the fact that it was 3 times. In 3 days. I think in that instance you are entitled to feel a little pissed off and disrespected. None of us mind our OHs going out on the lash from time to time but having to deal with a drunk 3 nights on the trot is frustrating for anyone. 1 - grand, 2 is pushing it but 3 is taking the piss altogether. So basically the OP had a drunk to cope with for half the week and presumably a hungover and cranky zombie for the other half. How on earth is that fair on her? No-ones denying him a night out but he shouldn't abuse it to the point that he's disrespecting his partner or neglecting her. Explain this to him OP - all you are asking of him is moderation and as with everything else too, that is the key to a happy life for everyone!

Sybill, I thought I was the only one who had to deal with her OH pissing into the wardrobe when drunk!!!! He never did it again.......!! :P

HavingCrack

In fairness it depends how often this is happening. If you're in a relationship with an alcoholic I presume you're aware of it at this stage but if its just a matter of getting drunk on the one occasion you're probably over reacting a tad bit.

MelanieC

HavingCrack wrote: »

In fairness it depends how often this is happening. If you're in a relationship with an alcoholic I presume you're aware of it at this stage but if its just a matter of getting drunk on the one occasion you're probably over reacting a tad bit.

I doubt she's living with an alcoholic as she would surely have noticed over the last 5 years. But she's not overreacting to her OH getting drunk on one occasion either - OP has already said that it was three nights in a row,that's three occasions in as many days.
There's a massive area in between being an alcoholic and going for a few drinks occasionally and that's where this guy is. :mad: