Morally wrong?

minidazzler

Hi there,

Sorry if this comes as a rant, I am fuming right now.

I am just back from an interview for carers allowance.

My story is, I am the primary carer for my 15 year old sister, I am a 21 year old male. I do basically everything for her as she is confined to a wheelchair due to cerebral palsy.

During the course of the interview she said she found it morally wrong that I a 21 year old male take care of my 15 year old sister.

I am now fairly convinced due to her attitude that I will be recommended NOT to get carer's allowance.

My question is, is she allowed to make judgements on morality? Do I have any comeback with this.

As you can probably understand this does really upset me, I live and die for my sister, and have never thought waht I do to be morally wrong, different maybe a little strange, but morally wrong?

Sincerely,

MiniDazzler.

petes

Sorry to hear that mate. I don't normally post in here but surely she has no right to say anything ot the sort. Hopefully someone here can clarify.

Her own beliefs of what morality is should not even enter the equation.

Oh and by the way it's not strange or different. It's commendable.

um7y1h83ge06nx

What in god's name is morally wrong with that?!

Typical crap.

Morlar

It depends entirely on the context of the quote. She could have meant that it was morally unjust that this responsibility has unfairly fallen on you.

minidazzler

Morlar wrote: »

It depends entirely on the context of the quote. She could have meant that it was morally unjust that this responsibility has unfairly fallen on you.

No, she was quite clear that she finds it morally wrong for a male 21 year old to take care of a 15 year old girl.

TheQ47

minidazzler wrote: »

Hi there,

Sorry if this comes as a rant, I am fuming right now.

I am just back from an interview for carers allowance.

My story is, I am the primary carer for my 15 year old sister, I am a 21 year old male. I do basically everything for her as she is confined to a wheelchair due to cerebral palsy.

During the course of the interview she said she found it morally wrong that I a 21 year old male take care of my 15 year old sister.

I am now fairly convinced due to her attitude that I will be recommended NOT to get carer's allowance.

My question is, is she allowed to make judgements on morality? Do I have any comeback with this.

As you can probably understand this does really upset me, I live and die for my sister, and have never thought waht I do to be morally wrong, different maybe a little strange, but morally wrong?

Sincerely,

MiniDazzler.

MiniDazzler, having read your post, I can see that you're very upset and annoyed by what was said to you. What the inspector said does sound, at the very least, patronising.

However, in her defence, when I first read what you said, I took it that the inspector was expressing an opinion that it was wrong that a 21 year old should have to take care of his sister. Given the fact that you're quite young, it might be seen by some as a very difficult thing that you do, and that you may be missing out on a very important part of your life, because you have to look after your sister (I'm not saying this is my opinion, just what the inspector may have meant).

You're absolutely right, she had no right to say it, and really shouldn't have, but, you know, despite what a lot of people may think, SW Inspectors are human too, and perhaps she was imagining how she thinks she may feel if she were in your situation.

To put your mind at rest, though, the SW inspector does NOT make a decision as to your entitlement or otherwise, they just take the information you give them, put it together and pass it on to the Deciding officer for a decision. The Deciding Officer is sitting at a desk back in the office, and doesn't really have a direct link to the Inspector. S/he is bound by legislation and the guidelines for your payment when making a decision, and the morality or otherwise of your circumstances doesn't come into it at all. They just look at the facts presented to them, do you fulfill the qualifying conditions, means test, Etc.

Hope this helps.

Demonon

minidazzler wrote: »

No, she was quite clear that she finds it morally wrong for a male 21 year old to take care of a 15 year old girl.

What she finds morally wrong at the end of the day won't matter, there are systems in place for dealing with people like her. If your claim isn't put through take it to the social welfare appeals office http://www.socialwelfareappeals.ie

I see carers allowance and benefit are on the schemes covered by them.

kowloon

Is this a sexist thing? Would she have a problem with gender roles reversed?
Seems like a bizarre thing to say. I'd put in a complaint against the inspector if you're sure she meant it that way.

The real moral outrage would be if your sister lost out on care due to some inspectors twisted moral code.

Zulu

Either she doesn't understand what morals are, or, (more likely) she's an ignorant, sexist idiot.

Sorry you had to put up with such pesantary today.

Kudos for being a true brother. I'm sure your sister is incredibly proud of you.

Zulu

kowloon wrote: »

Is this a sexist thing? Would she have a problem with gender roles reversed?

Sounds like it. If the roles were reversed we both know they're be no problem.

minidazzler

Thank you all for your words, I have decided to write a letter to her supervisor or manager, I have a thick skin, but this really is something that gets to me.

suitseir

minidazzler wrote: »

Thank you all for your words, I have decided to write a letter to her supervisor or manager, I have a thick skin, but this really is something that gets to me.

Presuming you read TheQ47 post? Don't act in haste just quite yet.....See how your claim is progressing and then if you have a grievance, go right ahead and take it further. I would suggest that you write everything down, now, so as you can recall on it later, if you have to! The inspector may have chosen her words without knowing what she meant.....the word moral, conjures up a lot in the mind when it is used, perhaps, out of context. I urge you to read the post again by TheQ47......

minidazzler

suitseir wrote: »

Presuming you read TheQ47 post? Don't act in haste just quite yet.....See how your claim is progressing and then if you have a grievance, go right ahead and take it further. I would suggest that you write everything down, now, so as you can recall on it later, if you have to! The inspector may have chosen her words without knowing what she meant.....the word moral, conjures up a lot in the mind when it is used, perhaps, out of context. I urge you to read the post again by TheQ47......

I understand that, and I thank you, but I think I am gonna send the letter, I would rather tell them now rather than later and have them assume I am making something up AFTER I get refused the allowance.

This is really getting to me, and I really find it kinda distressing that someone say that kind of thing to me. It makes me feel like she insinuated I was a pervert or something, I know that's probably not what she meant, but it's how I feel.

That isn't even something I would allow a friend to joke about TBH.

I have to send this letter, I got the feeling when I first met her 2 weeks ago that she didn't like a guy minding a girl, but this actually takes the cake.

TheQ47

minidazzler wrote: »

I understand that, and I thank you, but I think I am gonna send the letter, I would rather tell them now rather than later and have them assume I am making something up AFTER I get refused the allowance.

This is really getting to me, and I really find it kinda distressing that someone say that kind of thing to me. It makes me feel like she insinuated I was a pervert or something, I know that's probably not what she meant, but it's how I feel.

That isn't even something I would allow a friend to joke about TBH.

I have to send this letter, I got the feeling when I first met her 2 weeks ago that she didn't like a guy minding a girl, but this actually takes the cake.

Mini, If you feel that strongly about it then do. You should check out this page first.

suitseir

minidazzler wrote: »

I understand that, and I thank you, but I think I am gonna send the letter, I would rather tell them now rather than later and have them assume I am making something up AFTER I get refused the allowance.

This is really getting to me, and I really find it kinda distressing that someone say that kind of thing to me. It makes me feel like she insinuated I was a pervert or something, I know that's probably not what she meant, but it's how I feel.

That isn't even something I would allow a friend to joke about TBH.

I have to send this letter, I got the feeling when I first met her 2 weeks ago that she didn't like a guy minding a girl, but this actually takes the cake.

I understand your annoyance and you have a right to be angry. If you have to write a letter, then that is your right, no doubt! Try and keep it constructive and balanced rather than tearing strips of the social welfare officer... make it more subjective in so far as how the meeting with her affected you and how hurt you felt after it! I had an issue recently with social welfare, only a simple situation really but because I wasn't getting any co-operation at my local office, I rang the social welfare ombudsman's office and got great help as to how approach my situation and got it sorted. Best of luck to you, I am sure it is not easy for you.

SarahMs

I'm sorry to hear about your situation atm.

I had exp with similar, my OH was looking after his dad, had to give up work for a few months etc and got told 'your dad will not benefit from your 24/7 care as he has an extensive illness and disabilty' and 'there is no point in you not working'

Needless to say he wrote a VERY strongly worded letter and was awarded his allowance.

I agree get the letter in just incase you are rejected.

I know its a load of BS, but it will be worth it.

Agent_99

If this a case of the ignorance of the interviewer obviously the 'Moral Code' only applies when the HSE/Social Welfare have to pay for the carers, Look at the amount of underage children caring for their parents needs on a daily basis including personal care.

OP: I hope everything works out OK you sister is a lucky girl to have you.

johnhargrove

when are people going to get up and revolt against this public sector nonsense?

cee_jay

johnhargrove wrote: »

when are people going to get up and revolt against this public sector nonsense?

Please read the forum charter.

3. Please be tactful when replying to posts, remember that people are here to seek advice and may be in a very difficult personal situation. Any advice given should be mature, constructive and non-abusive. Excessive sarkiness & bullying will not be tolerated


5. This is not a forum for critiscizing Government Departments or Semi-State Bodies.

5a - 5 includes the policies of the Government Departments of Semi-State Bodies

6 - There is Zero Tolerance for posters being critical of those on benefits either individual posters or benefit claimants as a group.

7 - Do not advocate, hint at, mention, talk about or otherwise mention any method of defrauding the Welfare or Health Board.

jessiejam

cAr0l wrote: »

Please read the forum charter.

3. Please be tactful when replying to posts, remember that people are here to seek advice and may be in a very difficult personal situation. Any advice given should be mature, constructive and non-abusive. Excessive sarkiness & bullying will not be tolerated


5. This is not a forum for critiscizing Government Departments or Semi-State Bodies.

5a - 5 includes the policies of the Government Departments of Semi-State Bodies

6 - There is Zero Tolerance for posters being critical of those on benefits either individual posters or benefit claimants as a group.

7 - Do not advocate, hint at, mention, talk about or otherwise mention any method of defrauding the Welfare or Health Board.

If number 6 is correct, you should have a look at the "lone parents getting cut when child reaches 13"
Never in my life have I seen such bad mouthing. :mad:

cee_jay

jessiejam wrote: »

If number 6 is correct, you should have a look at the "lone parents getting cut when child reaches 13"
Never in my life have I seen such bad mouthing. :mad:

If you have a problem with a post please report it. I think the thread you mention is in after hours, different forum, different charter.

concussion

Just saw this now Dazz, hope everything works out!