help :(

mainstreets

Ok , so i have been going out with this guy for the last 10 months . Everything with us was pretty good , he seemed to be really into me and always treated me great. I am in a different college to him , and at the start i found it hard to settle in so i was glad to have him to talk to and help me through. After christmas things in college picked up and i started to enjoy it , my boyfriend was happy for me. In the last few weeks, we had began to argue a bit , and i geuss i took him for granted . I broke up with him , well took a break but it only lasted a few days and he was visably upset so we decided to get back together. Then a few weeks later we had another row and i again wanted to break up , again he was very upset but i thought it best to let things settle for a while , I still thought of him as my man and that but I was feeling angry. I didnt take the breakup seriously. Then a few days later out of nowhere he kisses some1 else, I didnt get angry at him for doing that because i had broken up with him and its not his fault , but i told him that i still loved him and i wanted to give things another go . All of a sudden he doesnt want me back . I am absolutly heart broken , It is only now i am realising how much i love him . Iv spent the last 2 weeks crying , and i would end up texting him and asking him to give me a chance but he made it clear he didnt want to . We met up and again i ended up crying and wanting to kiss him but he told me it wouldnt happen . I am im in pieces i really love the boy and he really loved me i dont understand how out of nowhere and so quickly his feelings could just change and he could stop wanting me . The way i have explained things here make it seem like we had a turbulant relationship but we didnt everything was fairly steady except just 2 rough patches .
Can anyone advise me on if they think i could get him back, how to go about it , and if they think i cant then how to get over him ? we share the same friends, and they all live near him and far from me , so right now i am feeling very alone aswell because it is making things very hard for me to see my friends.

Beruthiel

Now I'm not being harsh here OP, but I am going to point out some things you may not like.

I don't believe you are emotionally mature enough to have a relationship yet.
Everyone has rows, but we don't threaten to finish a relationship over one unless it is dreadfully serious and we actually mean it's over.

You finished with him twice.
You were playing with him and messing with his head. He clearly had enough of being messed around and has decided that for his own mental health, it's time to move on.

Consider this a hard lesson learned and next time you are in a relationship, consider what you are doing to the other person when you say or do something. And most importantly, don't make empty threats. Mean what you say.

Maguined

mainstreets wrote: »

I am im in pieces i really love the boy and he really loved me i dont understand how out of nowhere and so quickly his feelings could just change and he could stop wanting me .

Sorry but it was not out of nowhere, you dumped him, in your mind you might have felt that this was only temporary and not a serious break up but he did not know this so from his point of you you probably broke his heart. Then you got back together with him only to dump him again which was obviously more than he could handle so he will not risk you doing that to him again.

If you really loved this boy you would not have played such games with him. It's over with his guy but try to learn from this as much as possible so you do not repeat these same mistakes going forward.

Canluum

If he had been writing here instead of you and wondering whether to get back with you, I'm fairly sure the consensus would have been a resounding no. He made the right choice for himself. I'm sorry, we all make mistakes, it's only human, but we also reap what we sow.

Power through, meet up with your friends, talk it out and utilise your support group. Chalk up the (finished) relationship to experience and leave him be. Go out, meet other boys. Time will heal all

lynsalot

Hey OP,
Have you explained this to your boyfriend that you didn't mean to break up and were trying to prove a point? Do you now realise that you can't do that? No one here can tell you if he will want u back. You need to talk to him. but are u ready to make that commitment. You cannot keep initiating these breaks if ur in a serious relationship. If you had something good then you've nothing to lose by explaining it to him. Do you have a favourite song/memory/ place u went to. Could you ask him to meet you and organise something and explain you were immature and how you'll change?

It's hard for me to say if it will work but if you're this cut up it might be worth a try but as the other posters said it sounds like he's been burnt and feels it might be easier for him to move on. It's better to lay your cards on the table sooner rather than later. Before it gets too late.

If he doesn't want to get back together, learn the lesson and try and stay in touch so you can retain your circle of friends. It will be hard but things do happen for a reason. If it's meant to be it'll work out. If not, maybe you were meant to learn this lesson

mainstreets

Yes i told him this , I was very upset when i saw him . He was great, genuinly worried about me and giving me a hug , it was nice at the time but prolongs the hurt really . Yes i have explained everything to him , i had spoken to him every day since the breakup but some friends have suggested that hes in a rebound phase and that is why he isnt upset and that he needs to miss me , so iv cut communication with him for now . But yes i am most definatly ready to complitly commit to him , I had been having too much fun in college and just took him for granted , i was never ever unfaithful because i do love him . i was just careless. Iv never had to ask him for a chance before, and this is the first time that we have addressed these issues. He is finnished college this week , i just hope and pray when he gets home he starts to miss me and gives me a chance to prove myself to him .. any tips on ways to go about getting him back ?!!!

lynsalot

Hey mainstreet,

You know there's no clear way of doing it. I can't really tell you how to do it because I don't know where his head is at nor do I know what your relationship is like.

You have two options here. Either yes let him miss you, it might work and then prove to him you're serious. But will it work? Will it give you closure if it doesn't work? Can you ask him to explain why his feelings have changed? Is there any chance he could explain to you how he feels the way he does. If he does maybe you can figure out how to put it together again but only you know yourself whether it's worth a go or not.

If you try to patch things up will you be happy you've tried ur best or will it drag it out for you to get over? The one thing I will say to you is if u do try to win him back and it doesn't work you will have to respect his feelings and let sleeping dogs lie to allow him space and time to heal over it.

I wish I could say more to you to help. You know I've gone through a separation and know how hard it is. Only you will know deep down when you've made enough effort to give it a go or when its time to walk away.

Hope things work out for you and it gets easier

mainstreets

I really think it would work if he gave me a chance because during our relationship i needed to cop on but i was never given a wake up call . He never stoped me and said that i was hurting him or anything like that.
Iv never gone through pain like this before. It just feels like I could fix things if he gave me a chance and atleast then if he didnt want to stay together still i would know its for real and not just for reasons over some silly mistakes i made.
Fingers crossed anyway
thanks very much for your advice x

petes

Did you even read what Beruthiel said?

You fcuked with his head and he had enough of it. You are going to have to move on as I am sure he will. I've been there and you cutting off all contact in the hope that he will miss you and give you another chance probably won't happen. It's a scenario you have created in your head to give yourself hope.


It's a lesson learned.

Hopefully you can get over it and start feeling better soon.

sbsquarepants

I think anyone who has been in the position of somebody toying with their emotions the way you did with your boyfriends, would tell you it truly is the s'hitty end of the stick. Basically he is absolutely right to not want back with you.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but sometimes reality is!
I think the best you can do here is chalk it down to experience and try to learn from it!
I'm assuming you're quite young so i don't want to be too tough on you, but it's not a nice way to treat people, it really isn't. Next time only tell someone you want to break up with them, if that's actually what you want and don't be surprised if they take it to mean you want to break to up!!

PK2008

To be honest OP it looks more like a control thing with you, when you had him, you didnt want him, now he's gone you want him.

You're not ready for a relationship yet, Id wager that if you did get back with him in a few months you'd just get bored with him again and dump him.

Let the guy get on with his life