Cutting ties with parents

LegacyUser

Im 23 years old and I live away from home. The problem is that I feel that Im been suffocated by my parents even though Im living alone. My mother is constantly keeping tabs on me and its driving me ****ing crazy. Im always getting phonecalls from her even though we are not close and it makes me very uncomfortable. If I decide to go away abroad for a week or something I get these very intrusive questions of what Im doing there, who Im going with and you should call me when you get there. Its very frustrating. I feel its stunting my development and I feel that I cant follow through on plans in my life. My mother imposes herself on me and she makes me feel that I need her approval for every decission I make. My parents criticise every decission I make and its depressing me. I feel alot of the decissions I have made in life were made because they were the ones they would approve of and not what I wanted. Im becoming very very angry and Im unsure which direction my life is heading. Im feeling very smothered and Im in need of independence!

newtoboards

To be honest I had the same attitude as you in my late teens/early twenties. I didn't live at home throughout college but I constantly felt my mothers (what I thought was overbearing at the time) presence. The questions you find interfering are just enquiring after your welfare and I would take it as just that. She just wants to make sure your safe and well because she is your mother and she loves you and that's the best way she knows of showing it.

OS119

if she criticises your decisions you have a simple remedy: don't tell her about them.

her constant phone calls are only a problem because you answer them.

you are an adult, take control of your situation - if you don't want to speak to the woman don't, change your landline number, get a cheapy mobile (tesco are doing one for £15) and put your current SIM card in that - have that as the 'moan phone' and only switch it on when you can be arsed to speak to her - leaving you and your current phone free of hassle.

have conversations on your terms, if they start to go badly just say 'i've got to go, bye' and end the call.

to use an over-used phrase, 'grow a pair' - if you don't wish to be exposed to her then don't answer the phone, don't tell her your plans, don't go around to their house. you don't even need to have a grown-up conversation with her about your dysfunctional relationship, just stop doing the things that expose you to her.

Beruthiel

mr french wrote: »

Im 23 years old and I live away from home. The problem is that I feel that Im been suffocated by my parents even though Im living alone. My mother is constantly keeping tabs on me and its driving me ****ing crazy.

Have a little heart OP.
Your parents love you.
Your mother has taken care of you all your life. She has loved you since you were born and has made every effort to make sure you have grown up safely.
Yes, she might not have cut the apron strings yet, it's hard for some parents to do so, but this part is up to you.

If I decide to go away abroad for a week or something I get these very intrusive questions of what Im doing there

Be vague. "This and that Ma, who knows. I'll decide when I get there."

you should call me when you get there.

Nothing wrong with dropping her a text when you get there.
I always get my fella or daughter to drop me a text so I know they got there in one piece and I don't have to worry about them.

My parents criticise every decission I make and its depressing me.

Speaking as a mother of a 22 year old daughter myself, it's time for you to tell your parents what you have said in your OP.
Remind them that they were once your age, that you will make mistakes in life, just like them. But they will be your mistakes and you will learn from them.

I feel alot of the decissions I have made in life were made because they were the ones they would approve of and not what I wanted.

Until you stop doing that, they will not see you as an adult. Quit trying to please them and start pleasing yourself.

Im becoming very very angry and Im unsure which direction my life is heading.

Where would you like it to head?

Im feeling very smothered and Im in need of independence!

Then just take it.
My mother was just like yours when I was young. I could not get out of the house fast enough and left at the age of 19. I did not ask for permission on anything after that, I just told her what I was doing and she got as little information as I could give her.
In this situation, you need to stop expecting your parents to change.

Look to yourself and start to realise that it is YOU that needs to change now.
It is you who has to take a grip of your own life and lead it where you may.
If they say anything, thank them for their advice and then tell them what you will be doing.
A parent will only start to see their child as an adult when that child looks like they are in charge of themselves.
No need to cut them out of your life, that's not the way to go. Just cut them out of your decision making process.

Redpunto

Not to be cliched but she did carry you in her tummy for 10 months, give birth to you, wipe your arse, feed you, cared for you and house you for most of your life. If you dont want her knowing what youre doing dont tell her. Otherwise have a bit of cop on and feel privileged that someone out there loves you and cares for your wellbeing.