Dating dilemma

LegacyUser

I'll keep this short and sweet.

I've been chatting to a girl online on a dating site for a good couple of weeks. We have a lot in common and I get a really good vibe from her. I had decided I was going to ask her this week if she wanted to go on a date BUT...on saturday night I ended up kissing a friend of a friend and said I'd call her etc etc.

Both girls have a lot going for them, they're both real nice looking and both seem very smart. Girl A seems fun loving and has a similar taste in music to myself, Girl B seems a bit more wholesome but has a wonderfully surreal sense of humor.

I've thought through various options: a) Should I just not call girl B and pick up where I left off with girl A. b) Should I date girl A and girl B at the same time and try and decide after a couple of dates with each c) should I tell girl A I've met someone else and I'd like to see how it goes with them while leaving open the possibility that I might return to the site if things don't work out.

Option a is a bit of a non runner as Girl B is a friend of a friend and not calling her might seem a bit lousy. Similarly, option b would be considered ultimate-lousy if I ended up dropping girl B for girl A; also, I've never really been comfortable with multi-dating. Option c seems like my best bet at the moment.

The question I want to pose to you all is, if you were girl A, and I told you I had met someone in the real world and wanted to see how it works out and then, say a few weeks later if things didn't work out, returned to the dating site to try and pick up where we left off, would you consider me to be the biggest bastard on the planet?? It probably seems like I'm trying to have my cake and eat it and I guess that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I kind of feel almost obliged (but very willing) to go on a date with girl B but I don't want to rule girl A out of the picture entirely.

Opinions & suggestions would be appreciated.

Miss Fluff

OMG am exhausted after reading that You're not committing adultery here so don't worry about being the bad guy. Meet the girl from the site and after one date you should have an idea about who you would prefer. Or you might not. It might warrant a second or third date with either/or these girls again. Just don't lie. Dont' lead anyone on with false promises. But being expected to make a cut and dried decision over one score and one girl you haven't even met seems to be overthinking it a bit in all fairness.....

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

OMG am exhausted after reading that

Sorry! And thanks for reading

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You're not committing adultery here so don't worry about being the bad guy. Meet the girl from the site and after one date you should have an idea about who you would prefer. Or you might not. It might warrant a second or third date with either/or these girls again. Just don't lie. Dont' lead anyone on with false promises. But being expected to make a cut and dried decision over one score and one girl you haven't even met seems to be overthinking it a bit in all fairness.....

That seems to me to be a very firm endorsement of option b). Again, I'm really not mad about the idea of multi-dating. I have a lot of mutual friends with girl B and it wouldn't look very good to her or to everyone else if I was seen out with another woman (we all live in a small town so the likelyhood of that happening is extremely high). I know I'm not committing adultery and my intentions are honourable but people make their own opinions.

I'd like to know what people think of option c) ? With this option B gets my undivided attention. I know A would perceive me as just having her as a backup plan but it's not really like that. B just got asked out first.

Opinions?????

mood

Call and ask out the girl you have actually meet. You meet her so know you like her. It would be silly to not meet her because of a girl you have not meet yet and may not like in real life. If you still like her after a date or two tell the online girl you meet someone.

MIN2511

Ask both of them out on different dates?

It's not like you're dating any of them.... Give yourself a break

LegacyUser

Dating_dilemma wrote: »

Sorry! And thanks for reading



That seems to me to be a very firm endorsement of option b). Again, I'm really not mad about the idea of multi-dating. I have a lot of mutual friends with girl B and it wouldn't look very good to her or to everyone else if I was seen out with another woman (we all live in a small town so the likelyhood of that happening is extremely high). I know I'm not committing adultery and my intentions are honourable but people make their own opinions.

I'd like to know what people think of option c) ? With this option B gets my undivided attention. I know A would perceive me as just having her as a backup plan but it's not really like that. B just got asked out first.

Opinions?????

Just ask girl A to meet up for a drink/ coffee. Not specifically as a date but as an opportunity to meet her and see if you click in person and think dating her might be an option. Then decide who you want to date.This isn't multi-dating - you haven't even met Girl A and you happened to kiss Girl B on a night out - you aren't at this point yet dating either of them! Call Girl B and take her on a date. Meet Girl A and then make a decision.

Never do option C - telling something they are your back-up serves no good purpose.

ash23

Coming at it from the perspective of Girl A, I'd prefer if a guy multi dated and made his choice after a few dates than telling me he was giving it a go with some other girl and then coming back to me after it didn't work out. I doubt I'd go on a date with him if he did that.

As a girl who is on a dating site, I would expect that someone would be dating other people also.

However, you have kissed girl B. So if you ask her out, well, you're going to end up kissing her again and again etc.

I guess ask her out on a date but ease up on the physical contact until you know both of them a bit better and can make a better choice about it.

And to hell with what everyone else might think if they see you dating a couple of people....... it's just a date, not a wedding proposal. Just be honest with both girls, don't let either think it's exclusive and you should be able to suss out which, if either, you'd like to get to know better. And hopefully the feeling is mutual .

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses guys,

Regarding girl B, I should have mentioned I got to know her a bit before we ending up kissing. I has met her briefly a few times before (she's a friend of a friend) and 2 weeks prior to the other night, we were talking away to each other in a pub for about 3 hours straight - so I might aswell have been on a date with her!

I think maybe it's time to conquer my fear of multi-dating. The fear was probably the result of sub-conscious anti-Americanism anyway...

mood

Ask our the girl you actually meet. Don't go on the dating site until after you date. Then you should have a good idea if you will go out with the girl again. I'm sure you not being online for a week or few days won't put the other girl off and then you can't be accused of seeing them both or messing anyone around. Simple.