issue with sex

LegacyUser

I am female in my mid twenties and i've suddenly becoming worried about the fact that I have only ever have one orgasm with a man present! I have had just one relationship (lasting 6months) and one fling/two one night stands.

I have a very high sex drive so i masterbate frequently, even more so now that im single, and have no problem whatsoever coming by myself-big orgasms, little orgasms, with hands, vibrators etc..you get the picture!

I have only orgasmed once with a guy and that was with a male friend whom i slept with years ago whilst i was a bit drunk.

Since then, I haven't really come close to orgasm during sex,even in the 6months with my ex boyfriend, although i still enjoy the experience. I've tried to bring myself to orgasm during sex with my ex but he always got put out when i did so. I tried to bring in the idea of using a (small) vibrator during sex bu my ex told me i was undermining him and that he'd never had this problem before (he was 6yrs older than me). He also said that i needed an 'abnormal' amount of stimulation. He also told me numerous times that he couldnt enjoy sleeping with me if he couldnt make me come. Its not that i didnt enjoy sex with him, or that he wasnt "good" in bed, its just the way I am. I never faked an orgasm with him as i see that as pointless. I ended it with him as he made me feel so down in myself ina variety of ways, including this issue.

Since i have broken up with him, I slept with a guy i met while away. Although I didnt orgasm, both he and i enjoyed the night (he seemed genuine enough in saying/showing that he enjoyed himself...) The experienced boosted my confidence.

But im still worried about what my ex said. Am i 'abnormal'? I just thought that I needed to be totally comfortable with the guy Im sleeping with before I could let myself go (and i never really was truly comfortable with my ex) but ive suddenly become worried that Im not 'normal' when it comes to sex.
Sorry for the ramble, I am just looking for any words of advice/wisdom etc. I dont really want to discuss this with friends or anyone!

Katgurl

You're definitely not abnormal. If anyone is abnormal it's your asshole ex. Talk about insecure and beyond selfish.

Contessa Raven

Hi OP.

The good news is you are normal!

worried101 wrote: »

I have only orgasmed once with a guy and that was with a male friend whom i slept with years ago whilst i was a bit drunk.

Maybe you orgasmed on this occasion because he was a friend and you were already comfortable with him. You trusted him. Also, alcohol tends to release any nerves or inhibitions so maybe it allowed you to let go a bit more. (Not saying alcohol is the answer. Just throwing ideas out there. )

worried101 wrote: »

But im still worried about what my ex said. Am i 'abnormal'? I just thought that I needed to be totally comfortable with the guy Im sleeping with before I could let myself go (and i never really was truly comfortable with my ex) but ive suddenly become worried that Im not 'normal' when it comes to sex.

Everyone is different and reacts differently to stimulation. For him to say that you needed an "abnormal amount of stimulation" is bull. Some women are revved up 5 minutes into foreplay, others may take 30 minutes. So don't pay any more heed to his comment. It was a stupid thing to say.

Personally, I need to be completely relaxed when having sex to be able to let go and climax. I think most people would agree (though I might be wrong!).

Don't worry about what your ex said. You're a normal person with a healthy sex drive so enjoy it!

CR

rediguana25

OMG you are so fecking normal.....don't listen to what the eejit said to you. He was just p!ssd off that he couldn 't make you come easily. Perhaps he was with people before you that faked it- v. common btw (and very sad too!!!!)
Ok so you know what you like and you know how to make yourself come. It takes meeting someone who is really interested in learning how to make you come to really be able to blow your mind.
If someone is set in their ways and do the same thing with different girls they are not gonna turn every woman on. Everyone is different. Some women come really quickly (lucky biatches) but most women take a lot longer to get them to a point of no return!!!
I think that when you are really comfortable with someone and when you are really relaxed..like really relaxed... and your mind is present..not thinking of other things and esp not thinking omg i really want to come...then it will happen more easily...deep breaths, relax and enjoy. Just think in the moment and you will be surprised. Also when you breath think of your vajayjay and imagine the blood rushing there.....that helps....focus on it...nothing else....you will be pleasantly surprised.
And whatever you do....don't worry about it....I'd say most women will agree!

Exclamation Marc

You're definitely not abnormal.

I've had relationships with girls who struggled to reach orgasm with me, but still really enjoyed sex, to others who would orgasm multiple times in a row. And I wouldn't class either of them as abnormal at all, just everyone is wired differently.

If you're desperate to have an orgasm with a man, if you get comfortable with a guy, just show him how you like to pleasure yourself (as thats what helped me before, as although what I was doing was "right" (if there is a "right"!), it wasn't working for her, so if you really want a man to do it, then just help him out, and show him how you do it and try and help him do the same.

If you don't want to, no worries, once you're enjoying sex, thats the main thing. With one of my exes, I'm not sure she ever orgasmed with me (I was her first), but I know she really really enjoyed sex, but as I said, I wouldn't class her as abnormal in the slightest, or you so don't be worrying

fungun

you are certainly not abnormal. Ive been with girls who had never had orgasms with anyone. My last gf had had 3 LTRs but never had an orgasm until she met me....but tbh thats not anything about me, it was more that she realised her previous relns werent really everything she wanted so wasnt that happy in it.

We talked about it a bit and I think that really helped her, she was upset and had thought she was going to never really enjoy sex....but she did when she met the right person. Even then though, her orgasm rate was about 10% cos the slightest thing would make it hard for her....but enjoying sex and knowing you can orgasm was great for her relative to where she was.

So if I were u I wouldnt worry too much about it, and focus more on being happy in yourself and then when the right man comes along you might get a very pleasant surprise

Best of luck. Oh and your ex sounds like an asshole if he wasnt supportive of this, considering how normal it is. Maybe he reads too much Cosmo and felt insecure or sth, but I would say this is not only normal, but exceptionally common.

ted1

are you being adventrous, different positions etc? some positions are better than others. I find doggie with a reach around or girl with legs around shoulders work great. it allows for deep pentration and also for clitorous simunlations. via the pelvic bone.

how long does he clarify abnonmally long? i find that it may take longer to bring ane partner to orgasm but once you have it, its like the flood gates opening if you pardon the pun.

are you sure your not more tense when with a partner than with yourself

RealistSpy

Very normal.

You just have to find what does it for you. I know what you could try but that only for the sexualkity forum.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the reassurance that I am normal! I suppose the issue just gets to me as I want to have a fulfilling sex life and to ensure my partner/future partners have a fulfilling sex life with me! i know that I love seeing the person Im with enjoying the experience and I love giving them pleasure as much as, if not more than, receiving pleasure.

Maybe my problem isnt sex at all then but intimacy with someone else? I know my confidence took a battering with my ex and even after we broke up he was making nasty comments about me...one particularly cruel jobe was that he said to a mutual friend(who thinks he's a 'weird asshole') he thought the sex life was going to be amazing 'cos "fat girls try harder". That one really stung even though I know that at 5"10 and a size 14, Im hardly that big.

@ Ted1- i am very adventurous in bed and definately not shy about different positions,being vocal about what I like etc. I have tried it every which way in order to have an orgasm with someone but just cant let myself fully go!

and now, since that cruel comment, i feel like im damned if i do and im damned if i dont...as in if im adventurous in bed im just the "fat girl who tries hard" and if im more laid back, im boring in bed!

hopefully ill find someone who is a)understanding of the whole issue and b)is willing to help me figure it out and put in the practice with me and c)isnt an asshole!

ted1

sorry to hear about the asshole. I've been with girls of all different sizes and my wife would be bigger than you. And can honestly say it's all down to the individual. Remember sex is a two way thing, he couldn't bring you to the point of total satisfaction so i point the finger of blame on him some guys are just dicks.


i guess you'll just have to have fun and keep trying. maybe at this satge your so worried abotu it that its causing you not to relax totally.

Pembily

worried101 wrote: »

I am female in my mid twenties and i've suddenly becoming worried about the fact that I have only ever have one orgasm with a man present! I have had just one relationship (lasting 6months) and one fling/two one night stands.

I have a very high sex drive so i masterbate frequently, even more so now that im single, and have no problem whatsoever coming by myself-big orgasms, little orgasms, with hands, vibrators etc..you get the picture!

I have only orgasmed once with a guy and that was with a male friend whom i slept with years ago whilst i was a bit drunk.

Since then, I haven't really come close to orgasm during sex,even in the 6months with my ex boyfriend, although i still enjoy the experience. I've tried to bring myself to orgasm during sex with my ex but he always got put out when i did so. I tried to bring in the idea of using a (small) vibrator during sex bu my ex told me i was undermining him and that he'd never had this problem before (he was 6yrs older than me). He also said that i needed an 'abnormal' amount of stimulation. He also told me numerous times that he couldnt enjoy sleeping with me if he couldnt make me come. Its not that i didnt enjoy sex with him, or that he wasnt "good" in bed, its just the way I am. I never faked an orgasm with him as i see that as pointless. I ended it with him as he made me feel so down in myself ina variety of ways, including this issue.

Since i have broken up with him, I slept with a guy i met while away. Although I didnt orgasm, both he and i enjoyed the night (he seemed genuine enough in saying/showing that he enjoyed himself...) The experienced boosted my confidence.

But im still worried about what my ex said. Am i 'abnormal'? I just thought that I needed to be totally comfortable with the guy Im sleeping with before I could let myself go (and i never really was truly comfortable with my ex) but ive suddenly become worried that Im not 'normal' when it comes to sex.
Sorry for the ramble, I am just looking for any words of advice/wisdom etc. I dont really want to discuss this with friends or anyone!

You are not abnormal!!! I am just out of a 4 year relationship, infinity is the number of amazing orgasms he gave me, but I could count on my hands and feet the number of orgasms he gave me through sexual intercourse. He was 9 years older than me and had no issues what so ever with me using sex toys, we didn't use them all the time but he loved to see me use them and would use them on me!!!!! You are 100% normal you just like to orgasm and this guy doesn't cut it and HE DIDN'T TRY HARD ENOUGH for you!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

worried101 wrote: »

one particularly cruel jobe was that he said to a mutual friend(who thinks he's a 'weird asshole') he thought the sex life was going to be amazing 'cos "fat girls try harder". That one really stung even though I know that at 5"10 and a size 14, Im hardly that big.

K I don't know you but sweetie my blood is boiling at that comment, how dare he, he is very very very insecure!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You just need to relax with the next guy which won't happen on a one night stand but you will find a guy who will do it for you!!! Relax and enjoy. xx

shellyboo

worried101 wrote: »

Maybe my problem isnt sex at all then but intimacy with someone else? I know my confidence took a battering with my ex and even after we broke up he was making nasty comments about me...one particularly cruel jobe was that he said to a mutual friend(who thinks he's a 'weird asshole') he thought the sex life was going to be amazing 'cos "fat girls try harder". That one really stung even though I know that at 5"10 and a size 14, Im hardly that big.

This tw@t doesn't deserve to have a penis, never mind sex with an open-minded, giving partner like you.

He's abnormal, not you... expecting you to do 100% of the work, as if he was paying you or something. This guy has no idea what real passion is. Be glad you're shot of him.

Gillo

Hey OP

You're definetly no abnormal, to be honest reading what you wrote it's yout ex who hasn't a clue.

Just curious, other than sex did you get on with him well?
I know going from my own experiences sex was a very important part but at the end of the day, there also needed to be something more there too.

At the end of the day don't knock yourself because as most people here will tell you you will go through a number of relationships before meeting the right person.