bridemaid let down

maryqwerty

Hi all,
Basically I have a query regarding my brother getting engaged. My older brother got engaged recently. His wife to be had told me previous to them getting engaged that I would be a bridemaid when it happened. She told me when we were out to dinner one night with the family. So as I was expecting to be asked, it disappointed me when I was told that I am not going to be a bridesmaid. I am the only sister of 4 brothers and am 23.
My future sister in law explained to me that she is having 3 bridesmaids- her 3 closest friends. Am i right to feel like she is being unfair? I feel rather hurt that she rejected me. Why would she like? Is it right for the husband to bes sister to be included or not? She has no sisters herself so i thought i would definitely be one!

Hannibal Smith

maryqwerty wrote: »

Hi all,
Basically I have a query regarding my brother getting engaged. My older brother got engaged recently. His wife to be had told me previous to them getting engaged that I would be a bridemaid when it happened. She told me when we were out to dinner one night with the family. So as I was expecting to be asked, it disappointed me when I was told that I am not going to be a bridesmaid. I am the only sister of 4 brothers and am 23.
My future sister in law explained to me that she is having 3 bridesmaids- her 3 closest friends. Am i right to feel like she is being unfair? I feel rather hurt that she rejected me. Why would she like? Is it right for the husband to bes sister to be included or not? She has no sisters herself so i thought i would definitely be one!

I don't think she's being unfair. It's her wedding day, she's entitled to ask her closest friends to be her bridesmaids. It's bad enough trying to keep everyone happy when you're organising a wedding without the added pressure of feeling you have to have the hubby to be's sister as your bridesmaid rather than your closest friends.

It's unfortunate that you have no sisters, given that you would like to be a bridesmaid, but it's not the bride's responsibility to make up for that. In my opinion any way.

Relax and enjoy the build up to the wedding without having to go for 50 dress fittings and having to wear a dress you'll prob think is mank any how!

She's the bride, it's her decision. I don't think she should feel obligated to have a future sister in law as bridesmaid, I wouldn't expect it myself.

Just relax and enjoy the wedding.

kayos

Nope she's got every right to pick who she wants as a bridesmaid.

My brother got married I was in the party but not bestman, no skin off my nose.
My sister got married I would never have expected to be a grooms man.

I'm getting married and neither my sister or brother are in the party. We're having one witness each. Did it piss my brother or sister off? Not at all. My sis has been nothing but supportive and saying we're too bloody right to do things as we want for our day. She's still going to be there on the day and will be spending the morning with my OH any way. Heck think she already has the Bubbly waiting in the fridge for the occassion.

This is one of those times you just have to suck it up, be happy for your brother and his wife to be. Help them in any way you can and be part of their life's forever as a sister. Not just for their wedding day as a bridesmaid.

Beruthiel

maryqwerty wrote: »

I am the only sister of 4 brothers

Not sure what that has to do with it?

Am i right to feel like she is being unfair?

No. It's her wedding and organising one is stressful enough without people having expectations on how she should run it.
Politics in the planning of a wedding can be a right pain in the arse.
Relax and enjoy the day.

peggie

i would be upset too if someone told me i would be bridesmaid and then when its happens they don't ask, she shouldn't have told you she would have you as bridesmaid and then not but unfortunately life is often unfair.

i know you're disappointed, i'm sure you'll get to be bridesmaid/beautiful bride someday, would it help to focus on the fact you can now wear something you like and suits you to your brother's wedding?
take care

aviendha

maryqwerty wrote: »

Hi all,
Am i right to feel like she is being unfair? I feel rather hurt that she rejected me. Is it right for the husband to bes sister to be included or not? She has no sisters herself so i thought i would definitely be one!

unfortunately, it is disappointing, and she should not have mentioned it to you, then let you down - but it sounds like she sat you down and explained to you that although she had mentioned it, she was going to have her 3 closest friends as her BM.

she is NOT being unfair, she HASN'T rejected you, and no, it's not right to assume that as the H2Bs sister that you should be included.....
honestly it sounds like she couldn't decide between her 3 best friends (could hardly pick 1 over the other) and 4 bridesmaids (for her) is probably too much.

Being a BM is not the be all and end all, and to be honest, you'll probably have a better day without the responsibility... enjoy the day and be happy for your brother

tinkerbell

maryqwerty wrote: »

His wife to be had told me previous to them getting engaged that I would be a bridemaid when it happened. She told me when we were out to dinner one night with the family. So as I was expecting to be asked, it disappointed me when I was told that I am not going to be a bridesmaid.

Things change over time. You're gonna have to get over that disappointment, it's her day, she can decide to ask who she wants to invite to be in her wedding party.

I am the only sister of 4 brothers and am 23.

As Beruthiel said, what does this have to do with anything? Were you just expecting her to ask you to be BM just because of this?

My future sister in law explained to me that she is having 3 bridesmaids- her 3 closest friends. Am i right to feel like she is being unfair? I feel rather hurt that she rejected me. Why would she like? Is it right for the husband to bes sister to be included or not? She has no sisters herself so i thought i would definitely be one!

She is not marrying you, she is marrying your brother - he is the only member of your family who is required to be in the wedding party, none of the rest of his family should expect to be.

Just gonna have to get over this, really you shouldn't be offended at all. It also is irrelevant if she has sisters or not. Even if she had sisters, she may still have had her 3 best friends as BMs.

Toots

As others have already said, unfortunately you don't have to expect to be a bridesmaid. However, she should not have said it to you and then changed her mind, that's pretty mean. Generally the groom's sisters wouldn't be 'automatically' bridesmaids. Neither are the brides for that matter, I know a few people who would get on well with their own sisters but wouldn't be that close to them, and have chosen friends as bridesmaids instead. It's unfortunate that she has changed her plans and that you are upset. Try to enjoy the run up to the day, you'll be involved in other ways too, just without the inconvenience of having to be photographed to death and wear a fancy dress that you didn't get to pick yourself!

denhaagenite

My OH's sister had a hissy fit when he had to tell her that I wasn't going to ask her to be a bridesmaid even when she knew that I have 3 sisters of my own who are also not my bridesmaids. DO NOT put pressure on her about her choice, weddings can be stressful enough.

mariebeth

It's unfortunate that you're not going to be bridesmaid, particularly after her saying that you would be, but it's the brides choice, and she made it. all you can do about it now is forget about it, move on and enjoy the build up to the big day. You'll probably end up enjoying it more not being the bridesmaid anyway.

And don't worry if this is just a case of wanting to be a bridesmaid, you're only 23, there are going to be plenty of other times that you might have the opportunity to be a bridesmaid, so don't let this get in the way of enjoying your brother's big day.

amdublin

That you are not being asked to be bridesmaid is her perogative and choice - you are just going to have to accept that.

That you were told you would be is very unfortunate. I understand your disappointment but you are 23, you are going to have to be a big girl and get over this. (I sound like I am being sarcastic but I am being completely truthful/genuine - it is not like your are an 8 year old who was told she would be flowergirl who might have a hard time dealing with this disappointment)

Thinking about it realistically considering she has three best friends - obviously these would take precedent over you and obviously she does not want to have four bridesmaids. It is her day. Be a big girl, let this go and enjoy the day.