Obsessions/Infatuations - the subconscious

Jake LeMotta

I"m just trying to develop a better understanding of the cause of these.


I've come across a couple of cases and had some very mild experience with this and I believe the cause of the obsession is related to forming subconscious associations of something, an experience, with the particular feeling we had at that time.


Some examples below.


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When we do something physically or experience something, a relationship with how we feel at the point is developed with that activity.

To give an example, I read a case of a lady and she was describing how she had a tumultuous relationship with her parents at a younger age.
Despite the fact that the relationship was not good, it was a relationship none the less. And no doubt the closest relationship she had experienced - at a young age a child is going to be closest to their parents.

When it came to a later stage in life - as oppose to most of us where we find when we get on with someone and enjoy their company, then we begin to feel that physical/emotional attraction - with her, because the subconscious association was one of turmoil, she could not feel that emotional attachment to someone unless they were a person who could replicate that feeling of tumult within the relationship.

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There was a thread recently in RI as regards a young man who had become sexually dependent on pornography.


What's happened (my theory) in this case with the pornography - the subconscious association has been developed where the feeling of arousal has become so deeply associated with the unrealistic and fantastical images that are created on screen that the occurrences that were previously associated with arousal (I dunno, foreplay or something) - due to their being replaced - no longer stimulated that feeling.

Most guys watch some porno from time to time but the fact that the poster described the day-in-day-out - being effectively ensconced in these images - has completely reprogrammed this guys subconscious.

To put forward a theory - the association at this stage would possibly be in watching the act as oppose to doing it - as this would seem to be, from the posters description, the main activity of the person in question and therefore the point of association.

I read a book one time where a guy used to get his wife to have sex with other men and he would watch. This was what aroused him.
This, as a theory, but one - at least in my mind, that has fairly solid backing - is as a result of the subconscious association where the feeling of arousal is so deeply rooted with watching the act as oppose to performing it.

In my humble opinion - and this occurs with many things in life, not just arousal - it's necessary to break the current association and form a new one - a more healthy one, in order to overcome the current problem.



Opinions?

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Another example I find very curious - what one may notice is that, due to something FORBIDDEN is often associated with ATTRACTION, particularly in relationships, one may experience apparent inexplicable chemistry with someone who meets, to some degree, the image with what the associated with "forbidden", at some point in their lives.

For example, I watched a film recently.
At one point it depicted a girl in her 30's who was brought up in a Jewish family.
The image of Santa Claus was something that was not allowed to embraced in the house hold due to their Jewish beliefs.
It was forbidden - and yet held some allure also I'm sure.

One night this girl was in a bar and saw a guy dressed up in a Santa Suit.
She propositioned him immediately and insisted the fornication occur while he was clothed fully in the Santa Costume - the reason being, the subconscious association formed due to the "forbidden and yet alluring" nature of Santa from her previous experiences, caused her to feel this chemistry and even during fornication, this image had to be maintained in order for her to continue to feel this chemistry.

That's a bit of an "out there" example.
But in other ways its visible to a huge level in our day to day lives.

What I see sometimes is that very sweet looking girls will be drawn to the "bad looking dudes".
I know that sounds a bit comical, but I've seen it first hand.


Due to subconscious association that formed no doubt in their younger years - the blokes hanging around on corners and causing trouble were forbidden, but no doubt alluring to some degree also - thus the association was formed, buried in the subconscious, and is the cause of this supposed inexplicable chemistry between the "sweet girl in who's mouth butter wouldn't melt" and the "mean looking dude".