What to do?

LegacyUser

Ex broke up with me about 6 months ago now. We'd been going out for a number of years and I was quiet upset at first. I did a lot of partying and other activities to get over it and eventually managed to. It wasn't easy at first but I got there.... or so I thought. I went on a few dates with different women and nothing but I recently met a nice girl that I really like and we've been out about 6 times now. Not sure were this relationship is going and a little confused mostly because of the head wreck being caused by my ex which I'm about to explain.

I decided when we broke up first to cut all contact as it makes things a lot easier. However after about three months she text me out of the blue to see how things were. I replied then the usual chit chat nothing over the top. Then 3 weeks later she texts me the same again and a month later the same again. Fast forward to a break between texts of two months which brings us to last weekend. I was out with some friends and she text me the following day to say that she saw me out and asked was I on a date!!! I told her I wasn't because I wasn't but the fact is it got me to wondering why she would ask.

Now if I were reading this thread I would tell me to ask the ex not to text me anymore. I just can't do that though and that's what brings me back to wondering about the girl I'm dating. If I'm thinking like this should I really be moving on with somebody else? I don't want to miss a chance with a great girl.

Miss Fluff

Take a chance wrote: »

Now if I were reading this thread I would tell me to ask the ex not to text me anymore. I just can't do that though and that's what brings me back to wondering about the girl I'm dating. If I'm thinking like this should I really be moving on with somebody else? I don't want to miss a chance with a great girl.

Your poor thing, your head must be wrecked.

Regardless of how well you are doing/getting over the break up, you'd have to have a heart of stone not to let this effect you. Contact with an ex is inevitably going to arouse your curiosity, remind you of the good times you shared and also remind you of those first few months afterwards when you were going through the pain of a heart break, it can re-open a wound.

Personally I think you'd be mad to compromise on potential happiness with this new girl simply because an ex has reared their head. You souldn't place undue significance on it. It's a FACT that ex's tend to inevitably get in touch JUST when you're finding yourself in a good place. It's as if they have an in-built sixth-sense

I'm not sure why exactly you are not willing to not reply to your ex, you'd be much further ahead if you didn't. If you do feel compelled to reply, keep it to one word answers. Don't engage. Don't ask questions. Not to be harsh but they broke up with you for their own reasons, caused you enormous hurt in the process, don't be their puppet and dance to their tune and don't for God's sake jeopardise a future relationship to satisfy their ego!!

LegacyUser

Hi,
from reading ur post it seems to me that even if ur currents dates are great,this girl isnt for u. u shoulnt have any doubts bout her after only fews dates,she may well be great but i always think that if ur thinking bout other things/ex's then there something missing.

Ur ex girlfriend wants to know if u have moved on etc by texting u,i also think maybe together ye didnt work out but she feels that she dont want u but also she dont want anyone to want u either. And i dont mean that in hurtful way that she dont want u,just sometimes things dont go the way we want em to and bn apart is all ye can do.. maybe she has some feeling for u but ye broke up for a reason.

Maybe u should ask ur ex if she has feelings for u and explain that her texting u if making ur mind work over time and ud like to know where u stand with her. tell her how u feel,and then take it from there.

LegacyUser

Thanks Miss Fluff I appreciate the reply :-). When she does inevitably text me again I will keep it short. See the thing is she broke up with me twice before and I got back with her both times even after I thought I was moving on!! She's probably thinking that she can just pick and choose me when she likes because I enabled her to do that to me before. I'm really angry with myself for letting that happen!! I want to make sure I don't do that again. I don't know why I'm not willing to not reply to her either I kinda feel like I owe it to her in some weird way.

Miss Fluff

Take a chance wrote: »

Thanks Miss Fluff I appreciate the reply :-). When she does inevitably text me again I will keep it short. See the thing is she broke up with me twice before and I got back with her both times even after I thought I was moving on!! She's probably thinking that she can just pick and choose me when she likes because I enabled her to do that to me before. I'm really angry with myself for letting that happen!! I want to make sure I don't do that again. I don't know why I'm not willing to not reply to her either I kinda feel like I owe it to her in some weird way.

Ah now come on OP. That changes things entirely. You're making a total doormat of yourself by even gracing the cow with a reply. She doesn't know what she wants evidently and is probably testing the water for a third bite at the cherry. Only to dump you. Again! Tell her to f8ck off or block her number, you owe her nothing.

LegacyUser

Thank again Miss Fluff I know what you're saying is right and I really hope that I can put it into practice!!! Thank you too my answer. I really don't wanna get into talking about feelings with her so we can go back to square one again. I'm just gna have to try break contact :-(

Miss Fluff

Take a chance wrote: »

I'm just gna have to try break contact :-(

Trust me, it is the only way possible to get on with your life and move on. You have to sever contact.

I know there is always a teensy part that wishes for a reunion but that will actually fade once you have any period of time without contact.

I posted on another thread here. I actually blocked a toxic person from contacting me by blocking them through O2. Doesn't block calls but it blocks texts. Then you will be none the wiser whether she has tried to make contact or not. Takes a little bit of the decision whether to reply out of your hands as you don't actually see the communication.

LegacyUser

Thanks again Miss Fluff. You've been a big help. I think that sounds like a plan I'll just have to be strong. Thanks again for all your help :-)