CIE - Memorable train drivers qoutes!!

oicherider

Hey..

I was just chatting to someone and the conversation came around to qoutes from train drivers such as..

"Apologies for the delay but this is due to cattle on the track.. hopefully they will be shifted soon"

The fella on the Mallow to Killarney route was always good for a few mad statements.. "We are currently running on time and should arrive at 3pm (when train was supposed to be in at 2.50pm)..

Its the kinda stuff you miss when you're abroad..

Anyone got any goodones??

Mr Benevolent

Trainspotting (Commuting & Transport) is

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orourkeda

mind the gap

Mark200

Confab wrote: »

Trainspotting (Commuting & Transport) is

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These back-set mods in every topic are pissing me off

segaBOY

"We would like to apologise for the delay, this is due to....train failure"

winston82

oicherider wrote: »

Hey..

I was just chatting to someone and the conversation came around to qoutes from train drivers such as..

"Apologies for the delay but this is due to cattle on the track.. hopefully they will be shifted soon"

The fella on the Mallow to Killarney route was always good for a few mad statements.. "We are currently running on time and should arrive at 3pm (when train was supposed to be in at 2.50pm)..

Its the kinda stuff you miss when you're abroad..

Anyone got any goodones??

WTF? how are they memorable?

winston82

segaBOY wrote: »

"We would like to apologise for the delay, this is due to....train failure"

And that is memorable how?

Mark200

One time when I was on the train there was a group of about six 15 year olds on it. And every time the train stopped at a station they'd get out of the carriage and run down the platform to the other end of the train, and get on that carriage before the doors closed. I was at the top carriage so they ran in near me at every second stop... this happened for about 5 or 6 stops until the driver made the announcement: "If those young ones running up and down the platform every time the train stops do that one more time, I'll come down there and kick yas off". Funny stuff.

OutlawPete

Years ago me and my mate were heading from Swords to the Alsaa Club (Airport) we said to the bus conductor (who was a cantankerous old goat at the best of times):

"Two 60's please.." and he said:

"No .. two 90's.."

We said:

"What?, It's only a 60p fare, we are only gonna to the Alsaa.."

He shouted, angrily, without really thinking:

"I don't care where ya's are going, it's 90p.."

The whole upstairs starting laughing at him ..

oicherider

winston82 wrote: »

And that is memorable how?

"This is due to.. train failure"

It's memorable because no matter where else in the world you go you wont hear that kind of detailed explaination for a delay..

Mr Benevolent

OutlawPete wrote: »

Years ago me and my mate were heading from Swords to the Alsaa Club (Airport) we said to the bus conductor (who was a cantankerous old goat at the best of times):

"Two 60's please.." and he said:

"No .. two 90's.."

We said:

"What?, It's only a 60p fare, we are only gonna to the Alsaa.."

He shouted, angrily, without really thinking:

"I don't care where ya's are going, it's 90p.."

The whole upstairs starting laughing at him ..

Don't get it. Am I missing something?

OutlawPete

Confab wrote: »

Don't get it. Am I missing something?

He said:

"I don't care where ya's are going.."

Sure fares are based on where you are going ..

In them days it was 60p to the Airport and 90p to Santry from Swords.

segaBOY

winston82 wrote: »

And that is memorable how?

I don't see any actual input from you in this thread?

Euro_Kraut

Hueston, we have a problem.

yuloni

This post has been deleted.

winston82

segaBOY wrote: »

I don't see any actual input from you in this thread?

My bad, here you go

"Apologies for the delay but this is due to a big dog on the track.. hopefully it will be shifted soon"

It was hilarious!:pac:

DonJose

Used to work in a cheese factory and the train used to always "break down" outside the factory. The train drivers used to always come in and bum cheese off us, scabby bastards. When we heard the train coming we'd rub our knobs all over a chunk off cheese and wait for the train to "break down". Like clockwork the scabby cnuts would come for their "knob cheese", they must of liked it because they built a train station right outside!!!

segaBOY

winston82 wrote: »

My bad, here you go

"Apologies for the delay but this is due to a big dog on the track.. hopefully it will be shifted soon"

It was hilarious!:pac:

har har har

Erica<3

I remember being stuck on the Heuston train to newbridge, packed to the rafters, during rush hour.

Train stops outside Hazelhatch.

Driver says : 'Sorry about the delay folks, bleedin' Limerick train driver is havin a knicker fit again, he's refusing to go down the track, claiming system failure, don't worry, once he finds a tampon he'll be fine'

Couldn't BELIEVE what i was hearing

CrazyRabbit

Confab wrote: »

Trainspotting (Commuting & Transport) is

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Mark200 wrote: »

These back-set mods in every topic are pissing me off

Ranting and Raving forum is

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Report post button is back there somewhere.

My contribution is from a LUAS driver, who used the intercom to tell a group of rowdy teens "If ya don't shut up and sit down, I'll come back there and toss you lot out on your ear." When the lads looked up towards the driver he added "Yes, I mean you idiots". Cue a round of applause from the rest of the passengers and some laughs at the lads expense.

orourkeda

DonJose wrote: »

Used to work in a cheese factory and the train used to always "break down" outside the factory. The train drivers used to always come in and bum cheese off us, scabby bastards. When we heard the train coming we'd rub our knobs all over a chunk off cheese and wait for the train to "break down". Like clockwork the scabby cnuts would come for their "knob cheese", they must of liked it because they built a train station right outside!!!

Youse are a pack of cheese flutes

Manic Moran

From the West Clare Railway.

Are you right there, Michael, are you right?
If we're lucky we'll be there by night.
It all depends on whether
the train'll hold together.
And it might, there, Michael, and it might!

NTM

Run_to_da_hills

In Pre dart years we use to get the train to school, an AEC railcar pulled into Dalkey station, these had a bell to sound the all clear rather than a guard waving a green flag / whistle. Train delayed for a few minutes and the guard was chatting to station master. One of the lads from school presses the bell and the train takes off without him. Train moves on to Glenageary and rather than reverse it waits about 1/2 an hour for the guard to walk down the tracks. CIE got on to the schools after that and threatened to ban students that were caught messing on the train.

Another time a group were sitting in a carriage, two had their feet on the seats opposite, an old one sitting across from them gives out, "You wouldn't do that at home would you" one of the lads snaps back, "Mam, of course I wouldn't do that at home, I don't live in a fcuking train".

Mint Sauce

london underground driver requesting the idiot with the back pack to take it off as he was blocking the train doors

another driver requesting that passangers do not encourage the begger on the train, transport police are on the way who will deal with

--Kaiser--

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

Another time a group were sitting in a carriage, two had their feet on the seats opposite, an old one sitting across from them gives out, "You wouldn't do that at home would you" one of the lads snaps back, "Mam, of course I wouldn't do that at home, I don't live in a fcuking train".

LOL

My mate was on a train in Germany and one of his friends had his feet up on the seat. The old lady beside him taps him and says "In my country it's not considered polite to put you feet on the seats".
The friend snaps back (a little drunk) "Yeah, well in my country it's not considered polite to murder 6 million Jews!"

Cookie_Monster

oicherider wrote: »

The fella on the Mallow to Killarney route was always good for a few mad statements.. "We are currently running on time and should arrive at 3pm (when train was supposed to be in at 2.50pm)..
?

anything up to 10 minutes is on time. They even boast. about it on the website

Run_to_da_hills

In the early 80ies when much of CIE's rolling stock was on its last legs my brother enquires at Heuston station about the price of a weekend return to Cork to see the Jazz festival.........."£36 that would be" she says at the ticket office, he replies, "Missus, I only want a ticket, I don't want to buy the fcuking train".

Jenneke87

Note: I live in the Netherlands

Ladies and gentlemen we are now approaching Utrecht Central Station. When leaving the train, the NS will serve shoarma, we just drove through a herd of sheeps.....

Ladies and Gentlemen we are now approaching The Hague Central Station, the only city with weed plantations in people´s backgarden. When departing the train, do not forget your luggage, children and rubber duck, but do leave your mother in law behind.

A train to Enschede was a bit delayed and an old lady asked the conductor why the train was delayed to which the man replied: well the machinist(don´t know if that´s the right word) forgot to tank. To which the woman replied: but how could he have forgotten that?

AnonoBoy

"Train is now arriving in Portlaoise."

That was memorable because I was supposed to get off in Athlone and had slept past my stop.

boboirl

I used to find it rather strange a few years ago when the trains were rubbish and tended to break down alot... they'ld dump you at the next station and the train would drive away

DonJose

boboirl wrote: »

I used to find it rather strange a few years ago when the trains were rubbish and tended to break down alot... they'ld dump you at the next station and the train would drive away

Thats because they didn't want to share their cheese!!!

missmatty

Fairly recently on the 16.44 from Hazelhatch to Heuston the driver came on to wish the ticket collector a very happy birthday, making various comments about his age, etc. Cue round of applause It's a very quiet train so I guess they have a bit of fun now and again.

boboirl

DonJose wrote: »

Thats because they didn't want to share their cheese!!!

:eek: Scumbags!! I'll never trust em again!! :pac:

cloneslad

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

LOL

My mate was on a train in Germany and one of his friends had his feet up on the seat. The old lady beside him taps him and says "In my country it's not considered polite to put you feet on the seats".
The friend snaps back (a little drunk) "Yeah, well in my country it's not considered polite to murder 6 million Jews!"

I heard of one similar to this (never knew whether it happened or not).

Bus driver on one of the city buses in dublin went to move off and two people of japanese descent ran after the bus and managed to get on. When one of them angrily said "you didn't give us much notice" to which the driver replied.. 'yeah? well you didn't give the Americans much notice in pearl harbour either, did ya?"

WindSock

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

LOL

My mate was on a train in Germany and one of his friends had his feet up on the seat. The old lady beside him taps him and says "In my country it's not considered polite to put you feet on the seats".
The friend snaps back (a little drunk) "Yeah, well in my country it's not considered polite to murder 6 million Jews!"

BS, old joke.

OutlawPete

Anyone ever did the childish prank on a train of putting a drink sitting on the back of someone's neck while they are asleep?

We did it to a mate on a train one time that had fallen asleep leaning forward onto one of the tables.

Put a paper cup of Fanta sitting on the back of his neck and then slowly walked to the compartment door, where the three of us all starting shouting: "Hey, it's our stop, wake up.."

He jumped up, soaking himself in orange in front of everyone, wasn't one bit happy

Mountjoy Mugger

I was on the 123 bus (full to the brim) heading home one evening and a rather irate bus driver roars to the passengers:

"For those of you who speak English and are standing up, will yis PLEASE move to the back of the bus - and for those of you who don't speak English, I suppose you'll stay where you are"

azezil

Around halloween last year:

"Iarnród Éireann would like to appologise for the delay, some little knackers set fire to the train in front of us, the fire brigade is on the way and should have the fire out shortly".

--Kaiser--

WindSock wrote: »

BS, old joke.

Nope

WindSock

Ah fair enough. It is an old joke though. 'Cept scenario changed around a little.

Cookie_Monster

WindSock wrote: »

Ah fair enough. It is an old joke though. 'Cept scenario changed around a little.

Its like that old BA joke that everyone head the pilot say too.


Pilot landing a BA flight in Berlin radios the tower asking which runway to land on.
Tower replies "Runway 4-left"
Pilot "which one is that?"
Tower have " have you never been here before?"
Pilot "Once back in '44 but I sure wasn't stoppin that time!"

oppenheimer1

Waiting for a train and there was a shower of knackers hanging about throwing stones, fighting etc, the usual basically. Announcement over the PA "Could all customers keep an eye on their belongings, there are undesirables about."

recylingbin

Oh ****. Leaves.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sinfonia

winston82 wrote: »

And that is memorable how?

He remembered it.