Please Help

LegacyUser

Okay so my problem is that i can't tell if girls are interested in me. I'm sure there's been multiple similar issues to mine but i'm looking for a straight up answer from the women out there. Now take for example a social situation where it might not be easy to ask someone out. How do i tell if i have a chance before stepping up to the plate so to speak. I mean dont just say ask someone out because you cant exactly ask someone out, be rejected and then ask someone else in the same peer group without coming off as desperate. Ive had feelings that girls were interested before but i decided not to proceed due to perceived mixed signals. So what do you say people, how about you help me and similar guys out by telling us what exactly to look for.

shellyboo

Any takers wrote: »

Okay so my problem is that i can't tell if girls are interested in me. I'm sure there's been multiple similar issues to mine but i'm looking for a straight up answer from the women out there. Now take for example a social situation where it might not be easy to ask someone out. How do i tell if i have a chance before stepping up to the plate so to speak. I mean dont just say ask someone out because you cant exactly ask someone out, be rejected and then ask someone else in the same peer group without coming off as desperate. Ive had feelings that girls were interested before but i decided not to proceed due to perceived mixed signals. So what do you say people, how about you help me and similar guys out by telling us what exactly to look for.

Well, at our secret woman meetings we've devised a code that, when performed, signals that we like a guy...

Come on, OP. It's not that simple and you can't expect it to be. There is no "straight-up answer". We're not keeping some sort of secret from men. Different women act in different ways when interested.

You say "don't just say ask someone out"... but that IS the only way to know if they are interested in going out with you. And yes, being rejected and then turning to the next available woman in the group does look desperate - because it IS. It gives the impression that you'll go out with anything with a pulse.

There are no set signals to watch out for. If a girl is friendly, open and converstaional, there's a chance she's interested. There is also a chance she's not interested. Bit of a Schroedinger's Cat situation - you'll never know which it is until you ask.

LegacyUser

I appreciate the above response but it's not like i said upon being rejected i would turn immediately to the next woman. I was implying that leaving time between a rejection and then asking a girl from the same group out would seem desperate, not straight away. come on dont tell me you havent been interested in 2 people at the same time. You say women act differently when interested, well why not start the ball rolling and tell us what you do when interested. Thanks

shellyboo

Any takers wrote: »

I appreciate the above response but it's not like i said upon being rejected i would turn immediately to the next woman. I was implying that leaving time between a rejection and then asking a girl from the same group out would seem desperate, not straight away. come on dont tell me you havent been interested in 2 people at the same time. You say women act differently when interested, well why not start the ball rolling and tell us what you do when interested. Thanks

I mean different women act in different ways when interested. One woman might change her behaviour and show signs, other women may not change their behaviour at all. I'm not going to give you a list of things I do when interested because it won't help you. It's pointless, because women are individuals, not one big group of clones.

You can, of course, be interested in two people at the same time - but if they're friends, and you ask one out after getting knocked back by the other, you are going to look both desperate and sleazy. The one you ask the second time will feel like a consolation prize, which isn't very nice. It's just generally a really bad idea.

LighterGuy

Ha, reminds me of the joke Jimmy Carr said

"They say women touch their hair when they are attracted to you.... if its their pubic hair its a cert"

lol.

LegacyUser

Well the reason i was asking the question was to determine what would be the best option. I'm obviously not going to ask both so i asked the question in order to determine who would be more interested. If i'm rejected obviously my social value will be lowered and i can't ask any other girls from that social group. So why not come on here and look for a variety of women's methods of showing attraction so as to increase my probability of success in determining who's showing the greater interest. Or in other words finding out who would most likely say yes so i can avoid embarrassment and actually ask someone i have a chance with. so if your not willing to give me some insight that's fine. Maybe some other women will try to help out. Thanks again

AnonMous

Hey Op,

The easiest way to tell if someone is interested is by reading their body language. Body language accounts for a huge percentage of communication. I know that if you have no idea how to do that, it will be a no-go area but you could read a body language book. This will explain in detail how to know if someone is interested in you or not.

A few clues to tell if someone is interested are:

• When you're talking to them, their pupils will be dilated (bigger)
• Their arms won't be folded
• If their legs are crossed, they'll be crossed towards you (if ye are sitting down)
• They will be smiling
• If they are overly touchy feely, pretty good sign

I'm not guaranteeing that all these signs mean someone is interested but they are good signs of possible interest. Just google "how to read body language" and you'll find loads of useful information.

Hope you get the one you are looking for ;-)

shellyboo

Any takers wrote: »

Well the reason i was asking the question was to determine what would be the best option. I'm obviously not going to ask both so i asked the question in order to determine who would be more interested. If i'm rejected obviously my social value will be lowered and i can't ask any other girls from that social group. So why not come on here and look for a variety of women's methods of showing attraction so as to increase my probability of success in determining who's showing the greater interest. Or in other words finding out who would most likely say yes so i can avoid embarrassment and actually ask someone i have a chance with. so if your not willing to give me some insight that's fine. Maybe some other women will try to help out. Thanks again

Why not just ask the one you like the most? It's kind of insulting to both to choose one of them based on who you think will say yes.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the constructive advice AnonMous, ill look into it. Keep it coming people.

Kimia

God your posts are annoying OP. Why do you keep ignoring Shellyboo's advice? She's the only girl to come on here and give you very helpful advice and you've completely ignored it. It's like all you want is for a load of girls to come on here and say stuff like if she looks at you for longer than 60 secs she's into you. It doesn't work like that - there are no tangible clues - you need to just take a risk and believe me when I say every single girl is different. Unique. Except you REALLY don't seem to realise this. To you, it appears women are just female shells all the same as the next.

In order to get anywhere with women, I'm afraid you need to suck it up and just take the risk. The way you've said this:

to increase my probability of success in determining who's showing the greater interest. Or in other words finding out who would most likely say yes so i can avoid embarrassment and actually ask someone i have a chance with

.

just means that you're so afraid of 'embarrassment' you won't make a move on either of them. You are choosing women based on how likely they are to say yes to you. Do you not have a higher opinion of yourself than this? Do you not have any sense of self-worth - that you may be desirable to other people and they may just want to like you for you?

Which girl do you like best? It's weird the way you don't seem to have a favourite - it's very strange to not care which girl you go out with - do you not have any preference at all? It's extremely desperate and insulting for both girls if they realise that you couldn't care less which one you go out with as long as they are willing to put up with you.

Unless you listen to this advice and the above you're not going to get much else out of posting here and to be honest you're probably better off just carrying on as before (alone) because it sounds like you're not willing to listen/change.

LegacyUser

Thanks i dont mean to come off as arrogant and wasnt intentionally ignoring anybody. But do you see where im coming from. I mean i see the point that all women are different however the term "punching above your weight" didnt come out of nowhere. Obviously i would be interested in both equally and not just on a physical appearance level. Its a bit of a dilemma. So the only rational way i can think of is look for some advice on who is more interested in me so as to not punch above my weight. That would be a deciding factor.

If you want to call that desperate/sleazy thats fine, but id disagree. the reason i thanked AnonMous was because he gave be an idea of how i might tell. If you cant give me some idea of what to look for then please dont criticise me, quite frankly if youve nothing on this level to add, id rather not hear from you. Sorry if this comes across as being arrogant, it's not meant to be. Just being honest.

Des Carter

ok im sorry but I actually want to smack you right now!

I mean come on you have to have a favourite, all you need to do is find out which of them it is and ask her out - that simple.

So to solve your problem do one of the following:

A) if by some strange coincedence you click with both of them equally simply ask out the more attractive

If by some strange coincidence they both look exactly the same or if your attracted to them both equally ask out the one you have the best connection with

OR

C) If by some strange coincidence you click with them both equally and are equally attracted to both of them get a coin assign one of the girls to heads and the other to tails, flip the coin and ask out whichever one wins.

There you go - problem solved.