One night stand: are their rules for how to behave afterwards?

lillywhite1

I had one night stand with a girl a couple of weeks ago. We are both university students though she is an undergrad and I am a post grad in the same subject.

A lot of drink was involved though we were certainly not out of it.

I did get her phone number, though I am not sure whether I asked for it or if she offered it to me but I think it may be the former.


I texted her a couple of days later to ask if she had recovered.

Later I added her as a friend on FB which she accepted.

Now should I have made any contact? Would she think I am being weird by maintaining contact or is that normal.

I would like to meet her again but I am not sure what to do.

LegacyUser

well done you for asking her how she was - alot of guys dont bother after a one night stand and what you did was nice in my opinion. Of course if you want to see her again contact her you have nothing to lose. good luck.

UrbanSea

Did she text you back?

lillywhite1

greetings wrote: »

Did she text you back?

Yep, she texted me back immediately. And we had some small talk. That was about a week ago.

sajama

Quick reply was good - you should go for it, ask her out - as was said earlier you've nothing to lose

LegacyUser

lillywhite1 wrote: »

Yep, she texted me back immediately. And we had some small talk. That was about a week ago.

Play it by ear.
She sounds like she likes you and you like her so may not be one night stand.
best of luck
Good for you asking her how she was feeling after,nice to see.
Only weird if she ignores you.

showgirl

ask her out - so many guys take a number and do not text the girl - fair play to you! i hope it works out for you - and i am glad she is texting you back!! Dont leave it too long to ask out though or she might think that you are just stringing her along?

wish there were more men out there like you!

can i ask you if you think any less of her because you had a one night stand with her - my friends are always giving out to me for sleeping with guys on a first night but while i do believe i shouldnt be that easy, i think that if a guy really likes you then it shouldnt matter if you put out the first night or not!!!

lillywhite1

showgirl wrote: »

can i ask you if you think any less of her because you had a one night stand with her - my friends are always giving out to me for sleeping with guys on a first night but while i do believe i shouldnt be that easy, i think that if a guy really likes you then it shouldnt matter if you put out the first night or not!!!

No it shouldn't matter at all if you sleep with someone on the first night. If you are really attracted to someone and the opportunity is there then well and good. But there does seem to be a view that it reflects badly on the girl (as your friends reactions would imply).

If the purpose of the one night stand is sex then no problem. If it is with someone you like then you have the advantage of finding out v quickly if you are compatible and the pillow talk can tell you a lot about someone though not always.

Bit of a ramble there but the answer is no, it shouldn't matter.

Miss Fluff

She seems interested too. And you've behaved like a gent. Get in touch with her and ask her out!

UrbanSea

I'd say go for it so,seen as she texted back. Text her again see jow it goes.

lillywhite1

Hey Guys, thanks for all your nice replies. I may be being very neurotic but I think she may have removed me from her seeing her status updates on FB. A status update came up and then disappeared and then I checked her profile nad it was there and that is why I think she has removed me.

This may be a sign that she does not want me to contact her or I am being nuts about it.

sajama

I highly doubt she did that - I remember noticing this happen with one of my friends and then I realised I had accidentally "hidden" their updates on my home page - you could check that and see (bottom right hand side of the Home page - "Edit Options").

Anyway, Facebook has been acting up a lot lately and I think you might be overanalysing this.

Once again, I think you should bite the bullet and go for it soon - she seems interested and I wouldn't leave it too long before asking her - the longer you leave it the more nervous you'll get (speaking from experience!)

Best of luck OP

lillywhite1

sajama wrote: »

I highly doubt she did that - I remember noticing this happen with one of my friends and then I realised I had accidentally "hidden" their updates on my home page - you could check that and see (bottom right hand side of the Home page - "Edit Options").

Anyway, Facebook has been acting up a lot lately and I think you might be overanalysing this.

Once again, I think you should bite the bullet and go for it soon - she seems interested and I wouldn't leave it too long before asking her - the longer you leave it the more nervous you'll get (speaking from experience!)

Best of luck OP

Thanks, I just checked and I def didn't hide her though I have done that in the past wiht other friends by mistake.

I am just a bit neurotic and prone to overanalysing things but I am going to contact her and see what happens. It is exam season and I was worried, for example, about adding pressure to someone who has plenty of other things to be worried about.

I willl let you know how it works out.

UrbanSea

Sure the worst that can happen is she says no. Not the end of the world.

showgirl

hi Op just contact her - that is the only sure way you have of knowing her feelings for you! you said it was a week since ye were last in contact - maybe she is a bit peeved that you havent made contact in that long. Go for it as another poster said you have nothing to lose!!

stop overanalysing the situation as you are going to talk yourself out of contacting her! Ring her and ask her if she would like to go to the cinema with you during the week or perhaps when exams are over - at least you will know where you stand with her rather than beating yourself up over it

good luck

lillywhite1

Well I sent the girl a message on FB last night and so far no reply so I am not sure what to make of that but I am glad that I did do something.

Not looking forward to bumping into her in college though I think that would have been the same had I done nothing.

So right decision but less than perfect result but at least I know that she must not be interested.

showgirl

ah i think you may have gotten a better result if you had picked up the phone and just put it to her that you were interested and what were her thoughts on it and that you would like to take her out some evenign if she was free!! seriously she must like you some bit cause she slept with you but its the way you react afterwards that really makes the difference!

Forget about your shyness and ask her out if you really do like her or else you may jsut lose your chance!! it has happened so many times that people lose out on THE one because of their ego and being afraid of rejection! It would be terrible to look back in 10 years time knowing you could have played things so differently and didnt!! i know people say whats for you wont pass you but sometimes it just does and we dont get a second chance! Im 30 take it from me - given half the chance to go back and change the way I acted or do something differently I would!!!

Please give her a call and if you cant do that - then please go over to her in college tomorrow and talk to her!!!

its up to you but remember Op Life is what we make it and if it doesnt turn out positively we have only ourselves to blame!!

Good luck though

lillywhite1

Thanks for the reply.

While I am a bit nervous about seeing her given the lack of a reply I will not ignore her and in fact I would be happier to see her sooner rather than later. So if I do see her in college I will go over and talk to her but do you think she would just not reply to the FB message (not chat by the way this I sent her a message) because she would prefer to be contacted in a more personal way. Personally I prefer to talk to someone rather than text but I know a lot of people who do not (don't ask me why cause I dont understand it).

I mean given that I did nothing wrong (as far as I can see) is it not a little odd that she does not reply even just to say that she does not want to take this any further?

showgirl

lillywhite1 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply.

While I am a bit nervous about seeing her given the lack of a reply I will not ignore her and in fact I would be happier to see her sooner rather than later. So if I do see her in college I will go over and talk to her but do you think she would just not reply to the FB message (not chat by the way this I sent her a message) because she would prefer to be contacted in a more personal way. Personally I prefer to talk to someone rather than text but I know a lot of people who do not (don't ask me why cause I dont understand it).

I mean given that I did nothing wrong (as far as I can see) is it not a little odd that she does not reply even just to say that she does not want to take this any further?

well you dont know that she has seen the facebook comment - and what did you say on it? was it a statement with no need for a response or was it asking something!

To be honest i would avoid usign Facebook as a means of communicating! keep it to texts - if someone had my number and decided to ask me how i was over an internet chat site I would be wondering why did they just not text me!

See I think Op if you dont mind me saying that you have convinced yourself that she doesnt like you! but stop- you dont know that yet - Go out of your way to see her in college tomorrow and discuss what is going on - tell her that you like her and ask her if she feels the same - you will drive yourself mad with all the wondering! believe me its best to just come out with it!!! life is too short! if she doesnt like you then no harm done and you can continue on your path to finding your soul mate!!

i know its easy for me to say but the above advice really is the best there is!

lillywhite1

showgirl wrote: »

well you dont know that she has seen the facebook comment - and what did you say on it? was it a statement with no need for a response or was it asking something!

It was a message which basically said that I would like to see her again and did she want to do go for lunch?

Not the most romantic request in the world but I did not want to scare her off (she had mentioned that she broke up with her last bf because he was too needy) and if she was/ is interested but was in any way unsure then it would give us a chance to meet and see how we got on. Cause we dont know each other very well at all.

showgirl

lillywhite1 wrote: »

It was a message which basically said that I would like to see her again and did she want to do go for lunch?

Not the most romantic request in the world but I did not want to scare her off (she had mentioned that she broke up with her last bf because he was too needy) and if she was/ is interested but was in any way unsure then it would give us a chance to meet and see how we got on. Cause we dont know each other very well at all.

oh okay - private message I am assuming! well look perhaps she has not been on facebook or overlooked it!

Leave it so, until you see her again and just mention that you sent her a facebook message saying that you wanted to see her again but that you didnt get a response so you take it that she is not interested! She will do one of two things....

1) be shocked because she didnt receive the message and this is your chance to ask her out face to face!

2) tell you that she did get it but that she is not interested to which you just reply - okay no problem thanks and walk away! ( and know that she wasnt the girl for you because she didnt have the manners to message you back)

Im sure it will all work out - possitive thinking!! PM me if it does - i love hearing good stories

Good Luck

lillywhite1

Yep, it was a private message and hopefully I will get some good news. Though to be honest I think it is good just to make the effort to ask someone rather than leaving these things on the burner.

I think it is only about the second time I have done this and it is amazing why we are so bad at something that is so important.

Thanks, again for your help:)

ilovetosing

OP DO NOT mail or text her again and if you do see her in college say hello but DO NOT start up a conversation. You have played it right up to now but you will come on too strong if you keep over thinking it! If she broke up with the last guy for being needy then you need to leave the ball in her court.

Good luck dude!

lillywhite1

ilovetosing wrote: »

OP DO NOT mail or text her again and if you do see her in college say hello but DO NOT start up a conversation. You have played it right up to now but you will come on too strong if you keep over thinking it! If she broke up with the last guy for being needy then you need to leave the ball in her court.

Good luck dude!

Yeah, I must say that I was kinda thinking that myself. I will obviously not ignore her but wont do much more than say hello and leave the next move up to her.

Thanks.