Is my marriage over?

mayo01

I have posted here in the past where I was having difficulties in my marriage. These problems really stemmed from my OH having significant anger issues which culminated in a fairly violent eposode last year, no cuts or bruises but violent none the less.

It has taken me some time to get over this, if I am at all. Things have been much better for the last couple of months and I have started counselling to see where my head is.

Unfortunately, and I really don't want to go down this road, I have been thinking about a past failed relationship and that maybe I would have been better off in there. I didn't end the relationship as such but I could have tried harder. The timing never seemed right.

We have two children and have been married about eight years.

I really don't know what to do.

I am fairly stressed at work which is not helping.

Any thoughts?

StarryMoon0

S, you want to give the relationship another go?

Ok, you are going to counselling. Is he?
I'm not having the same issue, but an issue non the less..and no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, it didn't make a difference. My god how I tried..I tried so hard I almost lost myself.

I now know that he has issues..well, I do too, but I can work on mine..i can't work on his. Only he can do this, and only if he wants to.

Several years of misery ended last weekend, with me asking him to leave after being together almost 11 years, The heartache was/is unbearable.

However, he was just as devastated and hit rock bottom...and is now seeking and getting the help he needs.

My god it hurts more than anything, but I hope for his sake, he can sort himself out..if he can do this, then maybe a while down the road we can make a new start.

Take care, drop me a message if you like.

Starry

greenprincess

Sounds like a tough situation. I know it sounds cheesy and american sitcom but couples counselling could be good for the two of ye. Try to sort things out, I hope you do. But if the anger problems continue its not good for you or your childern to be around him. He needs sort out his anger issues, you cant. You can help but he has to want to do it

mayo01

Thanks folks for your replies. I should have made it celarer but I am the he in the relationship.

Taltos

Hi Op - this is a tough one.

I think you getting support and help for this is excellent - as no doubt your confidence has taken a knock.

However - what about your OH - has she taken responsibility and is she actively working on her own issues? Either with you or in isolation???
If not then I would be very concerned here.

As to thinking of an ex - this is quite normal. You are going through a rough patch in your marriage and you are thinking back to an ex and wondering about what-if... Be careful here - maybe try and discuss these feelings with your counsellor - who knows you could just be craving the security and love you felt from your wife before she lost it...

However - if in your heart you know it is over. Then it might indeed be time to start the separation proceedings - just be very sure - as once you start this it can be damn hard to come back or recover your relationship later. My normal advice though to folk who have been involved in abuse (physical / mental) is to run - and fast. Yes I know there are children - and here you have to ask yourself the tough questions - are they better off where they are where their mother is unstable? Or would it be better to break up the family and provide them a stable caring home with you.
Before you do anything though or discuss this with your wife - talk to a solicitor on ensuring you get primary custody.