So where to now...

Memnoch

Well, I didn't make it through to the next round of the ABNA, which in a way I expected but I was still disappointed. Oddly, the review, such as it was, did not offer much critique:

ABNA Publisher Weekly Reviewer
Set in modern day India, this promising manuscript takes a fresh look at terrorism in many of its new forms and the challenges that an open and free society faces. Ram Patel is a middling level bureaucrat charged with keeping official death statistics and a Hindu nationalist whose family is destroyed by terrorism. Farah and Ashok are a pair of star-crossed lovers whose differing religions and nationalities present a major obstacle to their coming engagement. After Islamic fundamentalists kill his wife, Ram embraces a violent new life attempting to fight violence with violence. Meanwhile, the disapproving families of the western educated Farah and Ashok strain to accept the Pakistani-Indian love affair. The author avoids clichés and easy answers, and the premise of examining the religious conflicts of Hindus and Muslims is explored in a fresh and fair way. There are few heroes in the story, but conversely no one is demonized. There are grim acts of violence, but ultimately, there’s some redemption and perhaps even a dash of hope.

So it seems like the reader enjoyed it, but not enough to mark it high enough to push it into the top 50. Most of the review is really a synopsis though there are a couple of sentences at the beginning and the end giving feedback. I suppose I should be thankful, at least the manuscript didn't get savaged, the way many some others seem to have been. http://www.amazon.com/tag/amazon%20breakthrough%20novel%20awards/forum/ref=cm_cd_tfp_ef_tft_tp?_encoding=UTF8&cdForum=Fx6TTNZ0V5TDQ5&cdThread=TxUOVLDJA235YI&displayType=tagsDetail

I think what disappointed me the most was that the reviewer missed the fact that I was trying to use the Hindu-Muslim conflict in India as a mirror to talk about the wider issue of religious extremism, terrorism and the Western attitude towards Muslims in general. Also he(I'm assuming a he) missed the allegory of the relationship of the two young lovers representing the relationship between India and Pakistan.

Anyway, the review didn't really highlight any particular areas for improvement, so I'm thinking the next step is to return to the query process and reach out to agents. I didn't really query much before, and most of my queries were with a very rough first draft. The latest one seems to have gotten a decent reception so I'm thinking of trying again.

One question, which if any lines should I throw into the query letter from the above review?

Would it be okay to add something like this at the end of my query?

As one of the top 250 manuscripts out of 5000 entries in the ABNA, the full manuscript of Lesser Sins was reviewed by PW, who said: 'Set in modern day India, this promising manuscript takes a fresh look at terrorism in many of its new forms and the challenges that an open and free society faces...The author avoids clichés and easy answers, and the premise of examining the religious conflicts of Hindus and Muslims is explored in a fresh and fair way. There are few heroes in the story, but conversely no one is demonized. There are grim acts of violence, but ultimately, there’s some redemption and perhaps even a dash of hope.

Probably too long a paragraph on something that will be weighted questionably by agents/editors. Also I'm not sure if the word "promising," is a strong enough complement to merit inclusion. I might be better off with just the second part of the quote?

Thinking of re-querying Faith O' Grady of the Lisa Richards Agency. She already looked at the full MS and rejected it, but that was practically the first draft and it's an almost completely different MS now (let this be a lesson to you all, put it aside for at least 3-6 months, trust me, you'll thank me for this).

Any advice?

claire h

Memnoch wrote: »

I think what disappointed me the most was that the reviewer missed the fact that I was trying to use the Hindu-Muslim conflict in India as a mirror to talk about the wider issue of religious extremism, terrorism and the Western attitude towards Muslims in general. Also he(I'm assuming a he) missed the allegory of the relationship of the two young lovers representing the relationship between India and Pakistan.

That in itself tells you something, though. Many writers, particularly at early-draft stage, do get frustrated by readers not picking up on the significance of certain parts of the book, or the allegories they're attempting, or the Big Message they're hoping to convey - but it's usually to do with the writing, not the reader. If it's important to you that a reader notes these things, or at least has a better chance at noting these things, that aspect of the story might be worth looking at again, see what you can do to fine-tune the allegory.

In query letters wouldn't include that much, possibly just one line or a couple of phrases, e.g."The author avoids clichés and easy answers, and the premise of examining the religious conflicts of Hindus and Muslims is explored in a fresh and fair way."

Memnoch

claire h wrote: »

That in itself tells you something, though. Many writers, particularly at early-draft stage, do get frustrated by readers not picking up on the significance of certain parts of the book, or the allegories they're attempting, or the Big Message they're hoping to convey - but it's usually to do with the writing, not the reader. If it's important to you that a reader notes these things, or at least has a better chance at noting these things, that aspect of the story might be worth looking at again, see what you can do to fine-tune the allegory.

Fair point, definitely something I'll take a closer look at (though this isn't an early draft). I'm probably being a little tough on the reviewer also as he did say- "this promising manuscript takes a fresh look at terrorism in many of its new forms and the challenges that an open and free society faces." In terms of the allegory to the western attitude towards Muslims, I feel that people are the same everywhere, and the way Indians/Hindus see Muslims is pretty analogous to the way Muslims are treated elsewhere. So I guess I'm hoping that the reader will see how Muslims are treated in the story and realise how it's not all that different to the way they are treated here.

In query letters wouldn't include that much, possibly just one line or a couple of phrases, e.g."The author avoids clichés and easy answers, and the premise of examining the religious conflicts of Hindus and Muslims is explored in a fresh and fair way."

Thanks for the clarity on this, it will make the query letter a lot tighter.

pickarooney

The reviews I've seen (yours and the ones in the thread you linked) are useless. They seem to just consist of a synopsis and one or two lines of it was good/it was not good.

Memnoch

pickarooney wrote: »

The reviews I've seen (yours and the ones in the thread you linked) are useless. They seem to just consist of a synopsis and one or two lines of it was good/it was not good.

You're right, as a critique they are fairly useless. But I think they are more meant for readers rather than writers and are akin to the format of review you might find in the Metro or other paper.

EileenG

Be happy you got a synopsis. I got a reference to "tiresome moralising" which is driving me crazy because I can't see any moralising, so I can't cut it.

I have every intention of just taking the couple of positive lines and highlighting them when I'm approaching publishers.

Memnoch

EileenG wrote: »

Be happy you got a synopsis. I got a reference to "tiresome moralising" which is driving me crazy because I can't see any moralising, so I can't cut it.

I have every intention of just taking the couple of positive lines and highlighting them when I'm approaching publishers.

That's the problem with a single, subjective review, especially since it might simply be a case of the MS not being in a genre favoured by the individual reviewer.

My printer ran out of ink sadly, going to get some more next week and start sending out some queries.

Dublin141

I personally wouldn't add comments from the reviewers in a query. I would make note of the round it made it to. You already know you can write a good pitch so a good query is the next step. Check out some agent blogs to get an idea of how they all differ in what they are looking for.

And don't feel badly about the reviews or the contest. Some really brilliant books were cut and some of those who were cut early on in the last few years have been picked up by AmazonEncore and Penguin.

EileenG

Memnock, are we the only two in Ireland who got this far? I had a look at the semi-finalists' names, none of them looked obviously Irish, but that doesn't mean anything.

Memnoch

Dublin141 wrote: »

I personally wouldn't add comments from the reviewers in a query. I would make note of the round it made it to. You already know you can write a good pitch so a good query is the next step. Check out some agent blogs to get an idea of how they all differ in what they are looking for.

I'm not sure about this. I feel a strong/positive comment from a PW review is a stronger endorsement than making it to the quarter finals. Would be different if you we're a finalist or perhaps even a semi-finalist. Writing a good query is not an issue, I can get partial reads but until this year's ABNA haven't been able to progress to a full read beyond that. But hopefully this latest draft is strong enough to do the trick.

And don't feel badly about the reviews or the contest. Some really brilliant books were cut and some of those who were cut early on in the last few years have been picked up by AmazonEncore and Penguin.

Yeah, I don't feel too bad, though I doubt I will be picked up by AmazonEncore. I think you need to be at least a semi-finalist for that, but I'm going to push ahead and query agents starting next week.

EileenG wrote: »

Memnock, are we the only two in Ireland who got this far? I had a look at the semi-finalists' names, none of them looked obviously Irish, but that doesn't mean anything.

Not sure Eileen. I don't know of any other Irish writers that made it through, but anything's possible.

looksee

Can I just add to a point another poster made. I was helping someone by reading an early draft, and I found that whatever I said he was explaining the plot to me. In the end I said, look, you can't go out with the book and explain things to everyone, if it isn't clear to me you have to get other opinions (and it is amazing how remarkably few people want to read drafts ) or look at it critically yourself, rather than just try and explain it.

I know you are past this stage OP, and I suspect that someone reading 250manuscripts isn't going to give very detailed attention to every one, whereas the fact you have got this far might make a publisher more likely to read it. Good luck with it!