Distressed over behaviour of ex...

LegacyUser

This is a weird little situation where I know what I should probably do but annoyingly I'm not really satisfied with the obvious 'solution'. This could be a long post so apologies in advance.

Basically the story is that I'm an 18 year old girl, went out with a boy for 8 months over a year ago and things ended on his terms...- he said it was because he was moving away for college and we wouldn't see each other which was fairly understandable so that wasn't too bad, but then it came out a few months later that he'd actually been seeing 2 other girls simultaneously while we were still together... so for a while it was all a bit ****e. He had a small breakdown then (or appeared to have had one) and made a big deal out of apologising and 'redeeming' himself I suppose and generally making an effort to repair our friendship. I was of course very hurt by what had gone on but after a while I decided there was no point in being bitter about it as he was telling me he felt ashamed and sincerely wanted to change himself.

He then started to go out with one of the girls he'd been seeing, who I gradually started to become friends with. She's now one of my best friends. Everything was running pretty smoothly until they broke up just before Christmas, and then suddenly all contact was cut between himself and her and himself and me. If we're ever out together he'll make a serious effort to avoid me and won't even make eye contact. I suppose I find it mean and hurtful of him because of the way he made such a big deal before and supposedly wanted us to be friends again, and now he feels he can just drop me. On reflection it looks as though I was a fool for believing him and starting to trust him again because his motive to become friends with me again may have been entirely based on how his new girlfriend would perceive him to be, ie. having realised the mistakes he made in his past, he wants to change himself for the better. Awh, what a guy! etc.

It's awkward because this new girlfriend is again, one of my closest friends now, and he's out of the picture completely.

My other friends basically thought I was an eejit for being friends with him again and are now telling me that again I'm mad for caring and saying I should just forget about him but I'm way too curious to know what the hell I did wrong first. I texted him about a month ago asking him how he's getting on in college as an effort to smooth things over but i've heard nothing back and so encounters between us are getting more and more awkward. I'm pretty much afraid to go out to the pub incase I run into him...- I don't know what to do apart from the obvious 'forget about him' lark.

Is there any way i could approach him about this? anything worth doing at all?
If you've managed to read through this or even just skimmed over the important bits and can offer a piece of advice at all I'd be really grateful...:)
Again sorry for the significant length.

PS. I'm aware that I might come across as being a bit obsessed with him but I really don't think I am at all...- I'm just fairly angry that I did nothing wrong and now I have to avoid someone out of sheer awkwardness and confusion. And also if I did something wrong I'd really like to know- obviously I can't learn from mistakes that I don't even know that I've made!

spider guardian

melodyfair wrote: »

it came out a few months later that he'd actually been seeing 2 other girls simultaneously while we were still together...

melodyfair wrote: »

My other friends basically thought I was an eejit for being friends with him again and are now telling me that again I'm mad for caring and saying I should just forget about him but I'm way too curious to know what the hell I did wrong first.

You didn't do anything wrong. The guy cheated on you with two other girls, had a small "breakdown", apologised to you and then decided he didn't like you again. Possibly because you are still friends with his ex, who knows? The guy sounds like he's emotionally unstable. Nothing you can do about that.

You must realise that you can't force this guy to be friends with you. Sometimes it is just healthier for ex-partners not to maintain contact. You offered him the hand of friendship and he refused. Respect that. Concentrate on your friends and interests and move on.

You sound like a nice girl and you are still so young, this may be a hurtful situation for you but that's life.

OS119

OP, while its quite possible that he's a total throbber, is it also quite possible that, bizaarely enough, he's decided that having 2 ex-girlfriends - one a very recent ex, and the two of them being best mates - in his social circle is just a little bit much?

few people get to deport themselves with complete grace in the aftermath of a break-up, and achieving it when your ex remains in your social circle, and is best mates with yet another ex, sounds like begging for disappointment with your bowl out.

i have several ex's in my social circle - indeed one is godmother to my daughter - and while all is well a mere 7 years after i went out with the last one, i won't pretend that either the immediate aftermath was great fun, or that even now it doesn't require a little 'management' in order to go smoothly.

a bit of distance, and bit of time required i fear...