The Pursuit of Contentness...

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm just wondering if anyone has had similar feelings and if so how to deal with them...

My problem is I never seem content - I am always counting down to/waiting for some big event/change in lifestyle etc with the hopes that I will be, well, happier I guess. A sort of "grass is greener" mentality I suppose. Why can I never just seem content with what I have?

I used to look forward to finishing school and moving to college and sort of "reinventing" myself in a way (I used to study all the time and never went out etc). So I did that - moved to college, made some friends, became much more sociable - doing okay at my course in that I'm passing and it's a pretty hard degree so I've come to terms that I won't be getting a first.

Then I did a work placement last year - for all of 3rd year I was looking forward to that. Then half-way through the placement, I couldn't wait to get back to college. Then when I got back, almost straight away I wanted out again.

I just feel like my whole life is going to be spent on waiting on things to get "better" when I should be appreciating what I have now. But what I have now just doesn't cut it for me - I have lots of friends but only recently realised that I've no really close ones, I've always been single, I have no brothers and sisters and a couple of relatives (distant ones!) have died recently and I just realised if, god forbid, anything happened to my parents I would be very alone. This shouldn't bother me - I have cousins, uncles, aunts etc but our family isn't close at all and oh my god this has turned into a horrible post of self-pity and ranting and I'm sorry

This all seems pretty intense I know, since I'm only 21, but I can't help it - this is the stuff that goes on in my mind. And I went to a psychotherapist for 6 months back when I was 19 and it helped temporarily in that I felt more content and at ease and now it just seems like a waste of time/money. Talking like that just seems so tiring and it makes me wonder is it worth it?

Now, I have a visa for the US sorted for when I finish college and I'm heading over there in June, once again, hoping the grass will be greener and all that and I'm trying not to build up expectations but, once again, I can't help it (or so it seems).

I'm sorry for coming on here and blurting all this out - I really am just wondering has anyone felt anything similar? And if so, how did they get over it?

P.S. Thanks for reading this, if you've gotten this far

LegacyUser

Im completely the same- but in the last few years, I've embraced it and decorated it with the heading "I like change". In college, I wanted to go travelling start working. After My first year working, I wanted out, went to Australia for six months... (was deliriously happy there but got sick of it..a bit claustrophobic) , came back and started working again. Im a teacher so relocate after the year since I don't have a permanent job. In feb, became perm (which scared the bajesus outta me!) so I'll be here next year aswell in the same county! (shock..horror!) I'll cope with this by moving house or something mid year.
Before, in different places I always looked back and thought "I was really happy there at that time" and don't fully embrace what I have before me. I don't think I ever will but having little coping strategies helps (like moving house..changing job location.. changing going out spots...changing boyfriends (joke! ) PLus this year, knowing my pattern I know I'll be content in this sec school as I don't complain as much
I dont have the same problem with friends or boyfriends but you're moving to the US! I was forced to make a huge effort in australia so i wouldnt become a lonely lucille. you'll make friends aswell.
It's not a bad thing to love change and variety. It makes life more interesting! There's no crime in changing something in your life when you feel enough is enough. I'm 25 now and have been doing this since I was 18! I used to be so worried and anxious and now im happy and more laid back! we're way more exciting people! lol

tenchi-fan

Hi
Time is still on your side. you're only 21 so you can ideally do a lot of travelling and different kinds of jobs before you feel obliged to settle down.
I think the best advice is not to have any huge expectations other than to enjoy the journey.
I'm 28 and i've been to a lot of countries and been through a lot of jobs in the past 10 years... and im still not getting the content feeling. spent the last year doing a horrible commute so a few weeks back i decided to apply for the canada <35 working holiday visa.
My mate headed out to australia a few years ago, met a girlfriend, got married, bought a house and had a baby.

One piece of advice though... travel to "find yourself" but at some stage get your qualifications! Nevermind the recession, you'll do a lot better at home and abroad and feel more settled if you are qualified in some area... you can even gain work experience abroad.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies - it was nice to hear of another person who likes change - never even thought of looking at it that way. Other people are always telling me not to "wish my life away" but no harm in doing new things/going different places. But I actually am at my happiest when planning these things

I am currently finishing my degree so I will definitely have my qualification. I also possibly have a job lined up when I come back from the States that would involve moving about a good bit and working with lots of like-minded people, so I think I should be okay.

Travelling definitely looks like a good option, so hopefully this job will happen next year and I could get paid to do it

I guess I was just panicking a bit the other day what with attending a couple of funerals lately and hearing of the death of a friend of a friend who was the same age as me, along with exam stress and trying to organise a job/place to live for the summer, I began to freak out a bit. The replies really helped guys thanks

[-0-]

You have no ties - go visit the States and enjoy it. Lots of people got tied down after college (unexpectedly) and were unable to travel. You're not one of those ya lucky git so enjoy what the States has to offer. Women will love your accent and you'll have a great time.

LegacyUser

[-0-] wrote: »

You have no ties - go visit the States and enjoy it. Lots of people got tied down after college (unexpectedly) and were unable to travel. You're not one of those ya lucky git so enjoy what the States has to offer. Women will love your accent and you'll have a great time.

Thanks for that - that's the outlook I'm going to have from now on!

And hopefully the guys over there will like a girl with an Irish accent too

[-0-]

waitingfornothing wrote: »

Thanks for that - that's the outlook I'm going to have from now on!

And hopefully the guys over there will like a girl with an Irish accent too

Whoops, sorry! Haha, they will love it I'm sure.

You sound exactly the same as me. It's a really hard way to be, constantly thinking 'I'd be happy if...', constantly attaching conditions to everything. The thing is, I'm NEVER happy. As soon as I get what I wanted, I want something different. It's not being spoiled or bratty, it's the way I am and it annoys me more than it could ever annoy anyone else. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but travelling doesn't help this kind of personality. I've been all over the place at this stage, lived in 6 countries (Ireland, UK, Spain, US, Belgium, France) in the last 4 years, and honestly, I'm never in one place for more than a couple of months before the negativity starts to set in. I keep thinking I'm unhappy because of where I am, and sometimes that has merit, but it's not the whole problem. When I'm working, I want to be studying. When I'm studying, I want to be working. When I live in a city, the noise bothers me but when I live in the country I'm bored. Whereas most people just accept that life isn't perfect and are content anyway, I will leave my situation looking for something better. By all means, go to the States, it'll be great fun, but don't see is as another solution for your itchy feet. I think eventually you just have to start really telling yourself that you're going to have to accept life as it is. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but you sound exactly like me and this has been my experience so far.

LegacyUser

[quote=[Deleted User];65801105] Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but you sound exactly like me and this has been my experience so far.[/QUOTE]

No need to be sorry at all - I'm glad to hear all opinions, especially those who have experienced the same thing! This was one of the reasons I posted - I had a feeling that this travelling thing won't solve the problem, but at the same time travelling is something I feel I sort of need to get "out of my system". I feel like I just need a break/different lifestyle for a while. I think I will just need to be aware of how much I build my expectations - try not to expect too much from life, althought that's much easier said than done

I am hoping I can secure this job when I get back - I enjoyed working for them on my placement and there's lots of opportunity for travelling and lots of others my age working there who I got on really well with, so I don't think anyone in my position could look for much more in a job!

As you say, I just need to learn to accept life as it is - but at the same time I don't feel like I should accept it just yet I've been thinking a lot about it and I guess there's no harm (well, none that I can see) in going out and living in different countries while I am young, not settled in a job with mortgage etc etc.
Can I ask if you enjoyed your travels? If you were to go back would you make the same decision to go and work/live in these countries?