Boyfriend stopped having sex with me, regret breaking up?

LucyGossip

Has anyone been in the situation where their boyfriend (or girlfriend) stopped having sex with them. we were together a year and ended up breaking up because of it. Now i really miss him and am regretting breaking up with him. Has anyone else really regretted breaking up with someone and how did things work out, did ye get back together or was too much damage already done?

Mr Benevolent

Why was the sex stopped?

LucyGossip

He stopped wanting it. and we had always been havin sex, but then started to go off it and felt like i was pressuring him when i was trying to get thing back on track. He wasn't cheating.

LegacyUser

I was in a similar situation, although I was going out with the guy longer.

My advice would be to try to move on and not think of how great he was - if he was so great he would have sought help for the problem instead of just letting it end your relationship (Sorry I now I am being harsh but I learnt the hard way!).

The guy I was with, engaged to actually, stopped sleeping with me but there was always an excuse. I felt then I was pressuring him while in fact he had been like that in past relationships also. I think he has this whole madonna/whore complex. He wouldnt admit to this however. Anyway, I would have never thought he would cheat on me as he was a very quiet type with no real interaction with people - but I was wrong. He was in lots of internet chatrooms that I only founf out about after and he had slept with some of them in the bed we shared. Of course I was blamed for this. He also threw in that he 'didn;t fancy me enough' or 'find me attractive enough' to sleep with.

he's with someone else now, poor girl as I am sure it is the same for her. But I am left trying to rebuild my life, find it hard to sleep with guys as wondering about the attractive thing, and finding it hard to trust guys too.

Sex is a huge part of a relationship....unless he was wiling to get help and sort it out then i dont think he is worth wasting anymore of your life on.

tenchi-fan

LucyGossip wrote: »

Has anyone been in the situation where their boyfriend (or girlfriend) stopped having sex with them. we were together a year and ended up breaking up because of it. Now i really miss him and am regretting breaking up with him. Has anyone else really regretted breaking up with someone and how did things work out, did ye get back together or was too much damage already done?

it's possibly he had other problems which affected his sex drive.
Or it's possible he just stopped being attracted to you.

If it's the former, your relationship didn't survive it. If it's the latter, you were right to break up with him. Either way I think you need to move on.

degrassinoel

similar situation regarding sex or lack of, with my ex.

i asked why, got a bulls**t answer and was evaded, things went as normal for another month or so then it all fell apart. after the sex thing she'd refuse or evade answers to other things too, massive arguments, major heartache and headache.

in my experiance, if someone doesnt want to talk about something important like sex with their partner, the relationship is over.

OP, i'd want to know why too, but if he's not interested in talking or wont tell you, you're better off without him.

leave the door open to communication but dont go back until you have a satisfactory answer. even then be cautious.

edit: also got back with my ex, and it royally blew up in my face, single now and staying that way for the forseeable future. whatever you're thinking, dont do it.. give yourself and your feelings time to adjust, if its ment to be, it will be, if not.. enjoy the time to yourself.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

The story of my life...

Sex at the start of a relationship is always plentiful and it's great, trying lots of new things and what not, but I always find that after a time, sometimes even as little as a few months, it stops. Sometimes it's everything but sex, "i'm tired, not in the mood, >insert other excuse<" It can be fustrating and can put a strain on your relationship. You have to ask yourself though, what's important to you in the relationship?

Plenty more fish in the sea OP. To think he is only one in 6 billion people in the world, without a doubt there are millions of people out there that would suit you better, treat you better and all the rest. I wouldn't set your heart on just one guy, no way.

kjl

I have a mate who wont have sex with his gf either, I dont understand it personally. I reckon he might be gay.

LegacyUser

Hi OP i came on here because I was considering starting a tread myself on this very issue. So i know exactly how you feel. my long term partner wont have sex with me and it so hard and is destroying my self esteem . When we started seeing each other there was loads of sex now its virtually nil and I have a very high sex drive so it is very hard for me. it started with excuses I'm tired , I'm sore from the gym etc. We have a LDR and don't see each other until the weekends by the end of the week I am dying for sex and I really cant wait any longer and then he refuses and I always feel bad for putting pressure on him we have spoken about the issue and he says that he just doesn't have the drive ,I don't think I can deal with the self doubt it causes me - is it me ? has he gone off me ? Is he seeing someone else ? He also spends lots of time on line in chat rooms so that just makes the whole thing worse for me . So I will tell you what I think is my only option he has to go to the doctor and deal with the issue otherwise there is no way that we can continue with the relationship . People will tell you sex isn't everything but IMO it is the driving force of a relationship. No relationship can survive without the intimacy of sex . I know its hard to loose some one you love but in the end this will consume you and you will end up resenting him.

LucyGossip

At girl in LDR .. What you write sounds exactly the problem I had! It could be me writing it!! In the end that was what i did, if he wans't willing to go to the doctor and sort out the issue then it was over! it really does destroy your self esteem. The one person you want to want you , doesn't!

And I understand that it is inevitable that people will have slightly different sex drives (unless they are lucky and match up exactly). But to jus tnot want sex at all with the person you love .. it doesn't make sense to me.

And thanks for the advice everyone, my ex has been making me feel like it was MY fault the whole time because I was the one who suggested breaking up and because "all I wanted was sex". Ans I kept feeling like I had to make it up to him! That doesn't make any sense, I talked and talked to him about the problem and still.. nothing! There was nothing else I could do in my oppinion!