How can I reassure him?

LegacyUser

I started seeing a guy about 3 months ago. He's a bit younger than me, only a couple of years but I have a 10 year old son.
I'm 28 and he's 25 with no children.

Everything was going amazingly and we were getting on great.
About 2 weeks ago he said he was sick. So I didn't see him for a week or so. But then he got better but still wasn't arranging dates. He wasn't cooling off in terms of calling me and texting, but he was avoiding me.

I gave him a couple of opportunities to meet up, plenty of advanced warning etc and he never followed through. I figured "feck this lark" and last night I told him I no longer wanted to see him (after him cancelling another date).

Within 15 minutes he was at my door.
He says he's freaked out about getting me pregnant because a mate of his is after getting a girl pregnant. Thats why he was avoiding seeing me, because he didn't want us to have sex. This friends girl said she was on the pill. I am on the pill.However I take it religiously. I've been raising a kid my whole adult life, alone. I dont' want to do that again.

So I suggested we used condoms again, aswell as the pill.

He said ok but when we had sex last night he couldn't climax. He got upset but said he just couldn't get into it.

So what can I do. He's completely freaked out now. I think the fact that I have a son already (and it was an unplanned conception) has made the risk a bit more real for him.

Anyone been through this?


PS I am not interested in getting an implant, coil etc.

whatsamsn

I think there is something deeper going on than what he is saying.
First, lets give him the benefit of the doubt that he is truely scared of getting you pregnant. That would just make him cautious of having sex with you. Not to completely avoid you. As he did.

So the whole scared of making you pregnant is a lie. Heck, the vast majority of people in relationships who arent ready to have kids worry about getting pregnant. That doesnt stop people from advoiding their partners.

So op he is lying to you that much is certain. Such a lame excuse too. "I dont want to get you pregnant" - geez anyone with a half decent IQ could come up with something better than that :P lol.

If you are dating someone and they start to cancel dates, stop contact as much. Its never a good sign. Its the tell-tale sign of that things are winding up. Its not a case of him being busy.


Op from the sounds of it this aint going to last much longer.

LegacyUser

He sounds absolutely pathetic, this is a typical guy thing
"but she was on the pill" "well mate she must have stopped taking it trap you" kinda thing.
Him and his mates probably had a similar conversation leading him to believe that you are going to be so desperate to have kids with him that you're going to sneakily stop taking your pill just so you can have a baby with him.

The above is of course assuming what he told you is the truth and that he is afraid of having a baby but even if he is has he never heard the statistics before the pill is not 100% effective, did he suddenly only discover at the age of 25 that the pill is not 100% reliable?

He sounds very childish, he should have told you what was bothering him in the first place and said hey can we use a condom along with the pill just in case, i'm sure you would have said it was fine, it just doesn't make sense to me if that REALLY is his problem why he wouldn't be able to relax while using two methods of contraception at the same time.

LegacyUser

Well, I was talking to a mutual friend and the general consensus about the pregnant girl is that she did it on purpose. So now all the boys in their group are antsy.

We met up last night but had a massive fight. Silly me was of the opinion that if the bloke didn't trust the girl to take the pill then he should "cover up". He slung some snide remark my way about my son and my sons dad (who now happens to be quite wealthy although he wasn't when I met him). Basiclly along the lines of "well you would say that, but it all worked out for you didn't it? Your ex is the one still paying".

At that I stood and walked out. He followed me but I ignored him and got into a taxi. He rang and texted apologising but I ignored him. Eventually after being bombarded with calls and texts I rang him and he answered grovelling. All I said was "don't ever call or text me again. Find some girl who'll put up with that sh1t because I certainly won't" and hung up.


I will NEVER speak to him again after that. Assh0le of the highest order.

seenitall

OP again wrote: »

Well, I was talking to a mutual friend and the general consensus about the pregnant girl is that she did it on purpose. So now all the boys in their group are antsy.

We met up last night but had a massive fight. Silly me was of the opinion that if the bloke didn't trust the girl to take the pill then he should "cover up". He slung some snide remark my way about my son and my sons dad (who now happens to be quite wealthy although he wasn't when I met him). Basiclly along the lines of "well you would say that, but it all worked out for you didn't it? Your ex is the one still paying".

At that I stood and walked out. He followed me but I ignored him and got into a taxi. He rang and texted apologising but I ignored him. Eventually after being bombarded with calls and texts I rang him and he answered grovelling. All I said was "don't ever call or text me again. Find some girl who'll put up with that sh1t because I certainly won't" and hung up.


I will NEVER speak to him again after that. Assh0le of the highest order.

:eek::eek::eek: Wow, I did NOT see THAT coming!!

OP, I like to think of myself as a confident woman, but you make me look like Little Miss Muffett... I will remember this story for inspiration.

The best of luck for the future.

whatsamsn

Sorry to hear that Op

I think this should be a classic, referred case of reading a situation or persons behavior to fortell they aint really worth it.

WesternNight

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape, OP. That guy sounds like an absolute nightmare! Glad he showed his true colours early on in the relationship and not years down the road!

LegacyUser

Wow what an idiot, exactly as I suspected though, the pill being 99% effective means that 1 out of another couples who use it for a year will get pregnant...but men read 99% as 100% and it must be the womans fault if she gets pregnant,
like another poster said be grateful you found out what he is like now...

How dare he say that about your ex, what a horrible comment to make "your ex is the one still paying" Disgraceful....I can't believe he is 25, sounds like a little kid!

Best of luck to you anyway!

LegacyUser

sorry meant to say 1 out of a 100 couples.......not 1 out of another

LegacyUser

Op, I truly believe you've had a lucky escape from this bloke. Similar to the first reply, I also think he was lying - perhaps fearing the fact that he might get you pregnant may have been a factor, but there HAD to have been other issues for him. Had he been mature enough, he could have approached this subject with you face to face and you could have discussed contraception as a couple, and come up with a solution.
Just as an aside, I see where you said that all the boys are discussing the fact that this girl got pregnant on purpose????? I deplore this attitude (as a single parent myself) when men (boys) use this as the excuse not to take responsibility for their actions. In my case, witha 7yr old, my ex continues to tell anyone who will listen that I got pregnant on purpose to 'trap' him. That's the excuse he continues to use for the fact that he hasn't taken responsibility for his own flesh and blood. This attitude really galls me - even if I'd gotten pregnant on purpose (which I didnt!!!), what difference does it make 7yrs and 9 months later???? There is a 7year old human being on this planet...and his idiot of a father decides he wont be his dad because I tried to trap him????? It's the oldest excuse in the book...and one that really, really annoys me!!!!
Sorry for the rant OP and going slightly off topic, but you really had a lucky escape - can you imagine if you actually did get pregnant by this guy?? I'd say you wouldnt see him for dust!!! Sorry to be blunt, but you'll get over him and find someone who deserves you.

LegacyUser

I didn't know I had that reaction in me lol.

But having listened to that sort of nonsense from my sons dad for years I abhorr it and just haven't the time for it.

My ex went on and on about how I'd gotten pregnant. Like it was nothing to do with him and his penis at all.

It's taken many years for him to shake that attitude and to stop resenting me and I'm damned if I'm going to listen to some jumped up little **** who hasn't a clue about kids and what they entail, tell me that my ex is the one paying when he contributes the bare minimum.

I'm the one with my son 24 days out of 28. I'm the one who pushed him out of my nether regions and who made him the person he is. Exs main contribution is financial but I shouldn't have to be grateful for that. He IS the childs father after all.


Anyway that jumped up little **** has been calling all night. He can go and jump if he thinks he's ever getting near this again