New BF or Tight BF?

Nikbik

Hi,

Id like some advise on my problem. I met a lovely English guy when I was on holidays in Spain last year, We clicked but nothing happened until I went out in Feb of this year for a long weekend with my friend. We had a great few days and decided to keep in touch, In the meantime I booked flights to go back over and see him the end of Feb and we had a ball of a time and I was really starting to think this could be it. Anyway he booked flights to come over to see me (which I paid for) and he said he'd give me the money when he comes over which was fine but the day before he flew he was moving into a new apartment and had to have a months rent and bond up front and then he texts me to say he's gonna be on a shoestring when he gets over. I didn't know what he meant by a shoestring so said nothing. But I pretty much had to pay for everything when he was here. we went out for a few drinks in the afternoon and I picked up the bill we then went for dinner which was paid for by me already as it was meant to be a treat but when the drinks bill came I had to pay again. all I wanted was him to pay at least one drinks bill but he didn't even apologise or seem embarrassed he had no money. After he left I was very cold with him, not phoning or texting as much and he obviously copped it cause he said oh ill transfer the cash I owe you, but im still waiting. im due to fly back over in a few weeks time but im not sure how its gonna go, When i was there in Feb he brought me for dinner and drinks and wouldnt let me pay so do I give him the benefit of the doubt or run for the hills?
Other than being a tight hole we get on so well and have really clicked so can you advise me what to do
Thanks

Ickle Magoo

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt...

You paid for his flights, voluntarily and you knew he'd have no cash and he knew he'd paid for everything on your trip over there - perhaps that took the sting out of you paying on this trip? Give it one more shot, just to make sure he re-reimburses you for the flights if nothing else...

Best of luck.

seenitall

Hmmmm... I smell a rat.

Maybe it is just my bitter experience, but I was with someone who was "broke" (I had no way of knowing if that was true, BTW, I believed him) and kept promising he would start pulling his weight money wise, so like a fool I kept paying for everything, dinners, drinks etc. but promises never materialised...

Once bitten, twice shy, and that's why I would never have paid for your one's flights. You simply don't know him well enough to know if he is genuine or your common variety confidence trickster (my ex). It's ok to treat him to dinner and drinks if he did the same for you, but him taking advantage like that (not even offering to pay for ANYTHING) is seriously taking the p..s. I would have NO respect for a guy like that anyway, and would not be in a relationship with him, but then I didn't have a clue until I learned the hard way.

I hope you get your money back but I wouldn't be holding my breath...

The best of luck to you.

jam_mac_jam

I dont think its on really for somebody to do that when you dont really know each other that well, what I find strange is that he didnt even appologise about it which is not really the action of a normal person. Mean and rude, I wouldnt. He shouldnt have come over if he didnt have money or put it off, borrowed or something, I just dont think he sounds a very nice person.

sporina

I big time smell a rat. If he had any back bone he would not put himself in a situation where he had to sponge of someone - and the more he gets away with it - the more he will do it. He must have known he was moving and also going away on holiday - a mature responsible adult with ration for these things - not go ahead with everything and expect someone to pay the bill.

And you said he was not embarrassed when you paid for everything? hmmm... you need to get yourself a real man..

There are guys like this - they live in denial when it comes to money - spend what they have no what ever they want and then end up broke but still want to maintain the same lifestyle - but you are paying for it.

sbsquarepants

I think you have your answer, there is a name for charming people who somehow get others to pay for what they want, con men. Dump him pronto before you're funding god knows what for him!

Eve_Dublin

In my experience, the English are the tightest bunch of people around. Lived there for 3 years, have had 2 English exes (lovely guys but both tight to the extreme...one used to find clothes off the street and wear them and the other always always "forgot" his wallet when we went out). I worked as a waitress in the US and England and the English were always the worst tippers. Travelled for a year with lots of English and they were ALWAYS the ones to refuse to tip or buy a round and one two ocassions, 2 different individuals pretended to have contributed to the bill but didn´t. I´m talking generally here and only from my experience but they´re an incredibly tight bunch and for that reason it´s put me off ever dating one again. They make Cavan men and the Scottish looking like bleedin´ Father Christmas after winning the lotto jackpot.

Trashbat

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

In my experience, the English are the tightest bunch of people around. Lived there for 3 years, have had 2 English exes (lovely guys but both tight to the extreme...one used to find clothes off the street and wear them and the other always always "forgot" his wallet when we went out). I worked as a waitress in the US and England and the English were always the worst tippers. Travelled for a year with lots of English and they were ALWAYS the ones to refuse to tip or buy a round and one two ocassions, 2 different individuals pretended to have contributed to the bill but didn´t. I´m talking generally here and only from my experience but they´re an incredibly tight bunch and for that reason it´s put me off ever dating one again. They make Cavan men and the Scottish looking like bleedin´ Father Christmas after winning the lotto jackpot.

Hi OP,

Please dont make any judgement based on this nonsensical generalisation.

It could quite possible be that he was skint. These things happen. Its impossible to know on a one off, expecially since you did say that the previous time he had paid for everything.

My advice would be to proceed with Caution. There's no point branding the guy a rat now and then not knowing. it could be a major regret.

good Luck!

lazygal

Run from this one OP
Friend of mine seeing a similar guy a few years ago got sick and tired of this nonsense. He was always broke, just lent money to a friend, waiting on a cheque to clear, helping out his folks. She found out he had a few women on the go all of whom were financing his lifestyle.
The paying for his flights would be a MAJOR red flag for me. If he was that keen to see you he would have found the money somewhere. He's just gotten a free weekend away, courtesy of you. How much money are you willing to invest in him?

washiskin

Hi OP,

Two girls I know got involved with English lads and both got stung for drinks, meals, flights, clothes, jewellery etc.

One in particular lashed out a wedge on renting an apartment after her bloke swore un-dying love and devotion. She paid for him to move over and all was rosy for about 6 weeks. She came home from work one evening and he had cleared out back to England.

It's up to you and how much you feel for this guy, but I would advise caution.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

showgirl

oh Op there is nothing worse than a tight guy! have been there! they would bleed you dry given the chance! i would get rid - why would you pay for a guy! fair enough about the flights and the dinner but not to put his hand into his pocket all night - just not on! seriously! I wouldnt give this guy a second look - get someone closer to home that wont mind contributing a bit to your dates!!

you are worth so much more!

Nikbik

Thanks to everyone who replied to my post think im going to go over in a few weeks as planned as im not losing out my flights and if he's still at the same craic he'll get the boot when im leaving at the airport... No matter how hard i tried i couldnt be mean such a horrible thing.. thanks again

TheInquisitor

To be fair people he needs a second chance. He paid for dinner drinks etc when she went over. He told her in advance he had no money cause he was moving. Tight asses dont stuff full stop!

Miss Fluff

He's a miserly sponging so-and-so. Enjoy your time in Spain but I wouldn't go with the expectation of being treated to anything/looked after, he sounds mean to the core. I wouldn't tolerate it. And don't bankroll the week he spends with you ffs!If he says he has no money then use your time doing stuff that doesn't actually cost anything.