Girlfriend is acting pysco!!

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I really need some advice and perspective here. I'd be interested to see if anybody elses girlfriend acts this way or if any woman can relate to this cause my girlfriend claims it's 'normal' behaviour.

We've been going out for almost 2 years and are both 28. We movd in together 6 months ago and this is when the real trouble started. She is a gorgeous girl but doesn't seem to believe that no matter how much I tell her. She even did a spot of modelling when she was younger but she's still unbelieveably insecure and jealous and it's driving me away. She only feels confident it seems when she's dolled up for a night out. Then she oozes confidence. Day to day though I think she struggles.

Here are some of the things she does and she says all woman feel this way and act this way but I find that hard to believe. I'm the only one of my friends who gets yelled at down the pub.

She storms out of the room if any of my female friends call me and sulks all night.

If she thinks she sees me checking out another girl she'll storm out of the pub (this happened last night in fornt of my friends and I was mortified).

I couldn't find a few CD's of mine for ages and one night she drunkenly admitted that she'd thrown them away cause of the hot girls on the cover.

We were watching Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas the other night and I commented that the waitress at the end is alot hotter then I expected after reading the book. She called me a pervert and stormed out of the room. She came back in with the duvet and said I had to sleep on the couch. She was hysterical. (granted she had been drinking wine but still)

If we're in town and we run into my female friends she'll go completely silent and will act weird for a few hours afterwards.

She calls me names like pervert, sleaze, dirty old man (I'm 28) and makes me feel like sh*t.

I am at my wits end with her and I honestly think she's mental.

Any advice please?

Do your girlfriends act this way? What can I do to stop this?

LeixlipRed

No, it's not normal. The CD thing is especially strange. All your anecdotes seem to involve alcohol though, does she drink too much? Anyway, you need to sit down with her and explain that this behaviour is completely ridiculous and is driving you two apart.

fairycakes

Oh my God :eek: sorry Op thats just scary and I promise you women are not like that, sounds like your girlfr got issues that need to be dealt with before it gets even worse, try talking to her and seeking professional help before she kills the bunny...

Kiera

Wow! This is not normal behaviour. You need to sit her down, tell her to cop on or you’re gone. Even if she was doing this “at that time of the month” it still would be too much. But to do it all the time? I’d have been gone a long long time ago.

Jenneke87

You must have been given the patience of a saint when you were born and I´m saying this as a woman. She sounds like she´s lost the plot. To answer your question: No her behaviour is not normal, it borders on hysteria IMO. She threw away some cd´s of yours because of the girls on the cover? that just screams insecurity.

Tell her her behaviour is driving you crazy. She needs to tackle whatever issues she is having or risk losing you. You don´t have to put up with this.

LegacyUser

hi Op,

i can 100% relate to this... when i read your post i did i had gone back in time ( note i say back in time)... i finished it, after 3 years of it I hit the road. like your gf my ex was stunning and was constantly comparing herself to other girls. she would think every girl was giving her bitchy looks, i work in a job were i meet alot of people and if she saw new female contacts in my phone i would get the 3rd degree, who is she, how do you know her? is she good looking? when did you last talk to her? all this pure crap.

OP i feel like i lost friends and alot of life staying with her for 3 years, i made so many compromises... seriously consider if this is what you want.

ManOfMystery

Definitely not normal. Having been in a similar situation myself, my first advice would be to tell you to get out, even though many on here will think that's the easy route. People like your gf are awfully hard work and it takes a lot for them to change, are you prepared to put up with it for more weeks and months even if she is prepared to start making an adjustment?

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

First of all let me put you out of your confusion; NO, that is not normal behaviour, it's not acceptabe behaviour and frankly yes it is psycho.

I might get shouted out for this one but it sounds to me like she gets a buzz from messing with your head and treating you like crap and trying to get you completely whipped. I can't comment on her lack of confidence because I don't know her but to be honest she sounds like a tool, what the hell does she want you to do? Blind yourself and only speak to her??? Come on now, you know if you were a girl saying your bf had done all that we'd be telling you to leave him, I don't think it should be any different for a guy. You have a couple of choices;

1. Walk away, life is too short and that's a big mess of drama (this is only an option if you've stopped loving her, in which case it's the simplist course of action.) Also if you DO walk I'd say you'll see a major change in her behaviour if you decide to forgive her and come back.

OR

2. Tell her that it is not normal behaviour, that you absolutely will not be putting up with it and if she doesn't get her head sorted or go make an appointment with a counsellor as a start you're walking.

Honestly OP, you're girlfriend has no right to treat you like that, I don't even think it sounds like she has low self esteem, it sounds more to me like she enjoy making you just through hoops. I think you need to muster up some self respect and dignity and some outrage because let's face it she has you whipped and she's treating you like a mug. Please stand up for yourself, no one else can.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far, I feel a bit better already.

Last night there were a few of us in the pub and this local girl who's an absolute stunner came in and sat at the table next to us. My gf had been in a good mood but suddenly she went quiet. The local hot girl went to the bar at one stage and one of my mates said something like my God, what I'd do to her kinda thing and we all nodded in agreement.
The girl is a knock out, simple as, why should I feel bad for apprecaiting that?
Anyway she ended up storming out. She banged the table on her way nearly knocking the drinks.
I was so embarassed.
She was asleep when I got home thank God but I know I'll get it in the neck tonight.
She's been texting me but I'm blanking her which is something I don't normally do.
I've had enough of her

sexdwarf

Your GF defo sounds like she has self-esteem issues, and it sounds to me like you need to cut the cord.

But why would you nod along with your friend's 'what I wouldn't do to her' comment about the girl in the pub? I'm VERY easy going and not a jealous person at all, but if my BF started openly ogling and nodding that he'd like to 'do' some girl in the pub while I was sitting right there, even I would say, ah now...at least ogle discreetly.

All that said, the throwing out of the CDs, getting in a huff over people on the TV, going mental over your female friends...these are all serious warning signs. I'd definitely make the break at this stage, coz she's not going to change

LegacyUser

I'm a firm believer that there is two sides to every story.

OP for someone who has an insecure gf after 2 years I would've thought you'd realised that commenting on how hot a waitress on tv is something you should've kept to yourself.

While I do think that throwing out CD's seems excessive, I wonder about your actions too.

The comment your friend made is totally inappropriate and immature imo, and if thats how you guys talk to each other you should at least keep it in check when you're in the presence of a lady.

Hearing your boyfriend constantly commenting on other women, and openly ogling them in front of them would drive any woman to be a bit insecure. It's quite possibly that she calls you a perv, because you are constantly making pervy comments. I would examine your own actions too, sounds like you could also be in the wrong here.

SheRa

+1 to devilsadvocate10's post. She has done some mental things and does sound very insecure but christ op, oogling women so openly in front of her must really hurt her. Ok its natural to admire a good looking woman discreetly but talking about how hot she is? Thats really tactless.

TitoPuente

Have to agree with what's been said. You could easily label your girlfriend histrionic but, let's face it, maybe she's an otherwise normal woman who's just sick and tired of your disrespectful behaviour.

As has been said, there are two sides to every story and sometimes people are so unaware of their own sh**ty behaviour towards their OH that it's easy to label their partner 'psycho'.

Treat her with a bit of respect and see what happens before you judge her.

Beruthiel

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

one of my mates said something like my God, what I'd do to her kinda thing and we all nodded in agreement.

Now her behaviour is far from normal imo.
I am aware of the fact that we will all look at others if they take our eye, but it is extremely bad manners and disrespectful to actually come out with the above comment while in mixed company. It's just vulgar.

If you, or your friends behave like that on a regular basis, I'm not surprised she's pissed off.
However, she needs to just come right out and tell you/your friends what she thinks of their behaviour, not be throwing hissy fits.

The problem here is simply, a failure to communicate.

petethebrick

TitoPuente wrote: »

Have to agree with what's been said. You could easily label your girlfriend histrionic but, let's face it, maybe she's an otherwise normal woman who's just sick and tired of your disrespectful behaviour.

As has been said, there are two sides to every story and sometimes people are so unaware of their own sh**ty behaviour towards their OH that it's easy to label their partner 'psycho'.

Treat her with a bit of respect and see what happens before you judge her.

Bull****, don't listen to this OP. Your girlfriend sounds like a nutjob and the best way to deal with it is to confront her and tell her that you won't put up with her jealous, paranoid behaviour. If she won't change then time to dump her. Life is too short to be spending all your time trying to nanny an insecure partner.

petethebrick

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

Thanks for the replies so far, I feel a bit better already.

Last night there were a few of us in the pub and this local girl who's an absolute stunner came in and sat at the table next to us. My gf had been in a good mood but suddenly she went quiet. The local hot girl went to the bar at one stage and one of my mates said something like my God, what I'd do to her kinda thing and we all nodded in agreement.
The girl is a knock out, simple as, why should I feel bad for apprecaiting that?
Anyway she ended up storming out. She banged the table on her way nearly knocking the drinks.
I was so embarassed.
She was asleep when I got home thank God but I know I'll get it in the neck tonight.
She's been texting me but I'm blanking her which is something I don't normally do.
I've had enough of her

Didn't see this part - come on OP, if you know your OH is insecure why would you antagonise her by acting like this. Yes - ackowledging the attractiveness of members of the opposite sex is fine when both partners in a relationship are comfortable with it - but your OH clearly isnt so if you're gonna stay with her then cut out this sort of siht

LegacyUser

petethebrick wrote: »

Bull****, don't listen to this OP. Your girlfriend sounds like a nutjob and the best way to deal with it is to confront her and tell her that you won't put up with her jealous, paranoid behaviour. If she won't change then time to dump her. Life is too short to be spending all your time trying to nanny an insecure partner.

DO you have some insider info the rest of don't know about? Unless you know the OP and GF personally you aren't really in a position to comment on wether his gf is a "nutjob" or not.

Maybe she should be telling the op that she won't put up with his disrespectful, immature behaviour.

The OP needs to examine his own behaviour too, we only ever get one side of the story here on boards.

LegacyUser

Hang on a second here folks...I DO treat her with respect and I have put up with her crazy jealousy for almost 2 years.

My friends are all in there late 20's/early 30's. We are not a bunch of immature boys who sit around in the pub commenting on women. The local girl happens to be exceptionally hot and is well known around the area for being a stunner. One of my mates said something like 'Jesus she's so hot' and we all kinda nodded and said yeah she ie.

What is wrong with that??? She is an amazing looking girl and even my gf would see that.
Why should i sit there and pretned not to notice?? It's not like I was breaking my neck trying to catch a glimpse of her a** at the bar ffs.

I don't comment on women on TV either, just that the wiatress is described as kinda skanky looking in the book but in the movie she's gorgeous. That's all I said! Jesus. I can't win here.

My CD's get thrown out and I'm disrespectful?? I was looking for them for ages and she pretended she knew nothing until she got drunk and let slip she threw them out cause I'm so 'pervy'.

Give me a break here, how am I suddenly at fault??

She twists things against me too. I'm actually really angry now to be honest

bedrock#1

I've suffered from serious insecurity for years and it did make me act like a psycho at times. it takes you to see it yourself before you can do anything about it. Nobody can tell you your fu*ked up in the head. It took my ex to break up with me twice before i faced my problems and now i've lost an amazing friend and girlfriend. Nobody is totally secure it's just most people can deal with it effectively.

try talking to her about it and suggest counselling even suggest going with her and supporting her.

Wurly

devils advocate10 wrote: »

I'm a firm believer that there is two sides to every story.

OP for someone who has an insecure gf after 2 years I would've thought you'd realised that commenting on how hot a waitress on tv is something you should've kept to yourself.

While I do think that throwing out CD's seems excessive, I wonder about your actions too.

The comment your friend made is totally inappropriate and immature imo, and if thats how you guys talk to each other you should at least keep it in check when you're in the presence of a lady.

Hearing your boyfriend constantly commenting on other women, and openly ogling them in front of them would drive any woman to be a bit insecure. It's quite possibly that she calls you a perv, because you are constantly making pervy comments. I would examine your own actions too, sounds like you could also be in the wrong here.

+1

Ickle Magoo

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

Hang on a second here folks...I DO treat her with respect and I have put up with her crazy jealousy for almost 2 years.

My friends are all in there late 20's/early 30's. We are not a bunch of immature boys who sit around in the pub commenting on women. The local girl happens to be exceptionally hot and is well known around the area for being a stunner. One of my mates said something like 'Jesus she's so hot' and we all kinda nodded and said yeah she ie.

What is wrong with that??? She is an amazing looking girl and even my gf would see that.
Why should i sit there and pretned not to notice?? It's not like I was breaking my neck trying to catch a glimpse of her a** at the bar ffs.

I don't comment on women on TV either, just that the wiatress is described as kinda skanky looking in the book but in the movie she's gorgeous. That's all I said! Jesus. I can't win here.

My CD's get thrown out and I'm disrespectful?? I was looking for them for ages and she pretended she knew nothing until she got drunk and let slip she threw them out cause I'm so 'pervy'.

Give me a break here, how am I suddenly at fault??

She twists things against me too. I'm actually really angry now to be honest

So you know your gf is insecure and yet you keep on coming out with those comments - and you're getting angry at posters for pointing that out?

I think she's got serious insecurity issues - to the point I would suggest she goes to counselling to try to get to the bottom of it, no it's not "normal". BUT...What she also needs is someone who has enough cop on and cares about her enough to know she's liable to feel insecure and not to rub her nose in it while she works through her issues.

You can't see what you are doing wrong, you posted assuming it was all her and hoping for some sympathy not even noticing what part you play - perhaps the relationship has run it's course?

LegacyUser

bedrock#1 wrote: »

I've suffered from serious insecurity for years and it did make me act like a psycho at times. it takes you to see it yourself before you can do anything about it. Nobody can tell you your fu*ked up in the head. It took my ex to break up with me twice before i faced my problems and now i've lost an amazing friend and girlfriend. Nobody is totally secure it's just most people can deal with it effectively.

try talking to her about it and suggest counselling even suggest going with her and supporting her.

Hah...no way. No way am I going to counselling with her and holding her hand and stroking her hair and helping her overcome her problem.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a very kind person but she has pushed me too far. I was so embarrassed last night and all my friends think she's nuts too. She nearly spilled a table full of drinks barging her way out.

If it was an eating disorder or a real problem I'd go to counselling with her but I'm not supporting this hysterical behaviour.

bedrock#1

Well it's your call

What do you class as a real problem anyway? You can break and arm or a leg but not have your brain broken?

if your acting like this and basically your looking for sympathy for the way you are being effected by this and not how she (important one) is then i'd say she's probably better off without you...

bedrock#1

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

If it was an eating disorder or a real problem I'd go to counselling with her but I'm not supporting this hysterical behaviour.

eating disorders are a form of insecurity....

Wurly

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

Hah...no way. No way am I going to counselling with her and holding her hand and stroking her hair and helping her overcome her problem.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a very kind person but she has pushed me too far. I was so embarrassed last night and all my friends think she's nuts too. She nearly spilled a table full of drinks barging her way out.

If it was an eating disorder or a real problem I'd go to counselling with her but I'm not supporting this hysterical behaviour.

Insecurity is a real problem. To be honest, people that need to work through things require support and understanding. Dealing with issues through counselling can be very traumatic and difficult.

I understand that her behaviour is out of line but this is due to her insecurity issue and not fundamental to her as a person. It is one facet of her at the moment.

Your lack of understanding and harshness towards this will not serve you well. I definitely think there are two sides to every story and I don't think you are helping the situation one bit with your attitude. You come across as extremely stubborn.

If I had to endure conversations about other girls with my boyfriend and his friends, it would not be long before it p1ssed me off too. You don't seem to have much respect for the girl. Perhaps this has been going on for a long time? Perhaps it's the straw that broke the camel's back now?

If you're so sure you're she's a 'nutjob', then why are you even bothering to post here? If anyone says anything to you on the contrary, you get defensive. Did you expect everyone to post on here and stroke your ego?

With all due respect, grow up. Realise that it takes two to tango in these situations. It's all very easy to shaft the blame onto someone else. You need to take responsibility for your own actions here.

If you are not going to support your girlfriend in getting help for her problem, then you have absolutely no business continuing a relationship with her.

Hadenoughduff

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

Hang on a second here folks...I DO treat her with respect and I have put up with her crazy jealousy for almost 2 years.

My friends are all in there late 20's/early 30's. We are not a bunch of immature boys who sit around in the pub commenting on women. The local girl happens to be exceptionally hot and is well known around the area for being a stunner. One of my mates said something like 'Jesus she's so hot' and we all kinda nodded and said yeah she ie.

So what if she's hot? Why did you feel the need to comment in front of your girlfriend? It's disrespectful, IMO. I'm very secure and I'd still feel uncomfortable if my boyfriend were commenting on hot girls in front of his mates while I was there. You didn't need to say anything.

Give me a break here, how am I suddenly at fault??

There's two sides to every story. Yes, she sounds insecure and a bit crazy. But it sounds like your behaviour is not helping her insecurity issues.

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

Hah...no way. No way am I going to counselling with her and holding her hand and stroking her hair and helping her overcome her problem.

Well, how much do you care about her then? If the idea of being able to help her is so ridiculous to you?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a very kind person but she has pushed me too far. I was so embarrassed last night and all my friends think she's nuts too. She nearly spilled a table full of drinks barging her way out.

Sounds more and more like you care about what your friends think than what's going on with your girlfriend.

If it was an eating disorder or a real problem I'd go to counselling with her but I'm not supporting this hysterical behaviour.

What constitutes a 'real problem' in your mind, exactly?

LegacyUser

I sound exactly like this girl. my relationship broke down recently because he couldnt handle my jealously and insecurity. he always told me I was gorgeous/beautiful and people used to tell me I could model. But I could never believe it. If we went out I would go mad if I thought i saw him checking out a girl, if he said hello to a girl he knew I would go mental with him. I didnt like going to films because I was afraid there would be really hot girls in the film. He would always try reassure me but eventually had enough and dumped me. I'm slowly getting better and going to conselling, your girlfriend does need help but I think you need to end as it will only get worse.

It does sound like I was a bunny boiler but in actual fact I was suffering from depression and taking it out on my boyfriend.

Wurly

sunflower27 wrote: »

I think that's unfair. The OP has been with this girl 2 years and even now if his female friends call him she goes off in a huff. She acts like a spoilt child in front of his friends if he so much as notices another attractive women - and yes, women do this too - just because you are in a relationship doesnt mean we have to walk around with blinkers on.

She threw out his CDs because they had good-looking women on the cover! I mean FFS, she may as well move him off to Tibet to a monastery or something.

By late-20s I'd have thought most women would have outgrown this childish carry-on. There are always going to be prettier, sexier, smarter women out there. It's one thing if she has issues about her looks but this level is ridiculous. It's really controlling and manipulative behaviour in my opinion.

I agree with you Sunflower but I do believe that he is actually helping to contribute to her behaviour.

This is not to take the responsibility off her. At all! But if I knew my OH was sensitive to certain things, I wouldn't be rubbing salt in the wounds by having conversations about the issue.

He has also clearly stated that he wont be supporting her if she does decide to get help. So really, what's the point in this relationship?

bedrock#1

i agree with you! it is not normal behaviour.... i never said it was or that it was excusable.

The thing is if he's genuinely worried about her he would do everything to help her....

people have problems some worse than others, who are you or i to say anything when we only have his side of the story???

If she needs help (and clearly she does) he should help her if not walk away and stop moaning about i

TitoPuente

petethebrick wrote: »

Bull****, don't listen to this OP. Your girlfriend sounds like a nutjob and the best way to deal with it is to confront her and tell her that you won't put up with her jealous, paranoid behaviour. If she won't change then time to dump her. Life is too short to be spending all your time trying to nanny an insecure partner.

Bulls**t, don't listen to this OP. Start treating your girlfriend with respect and then, if she keeps acting crazy, feel free to get rid of her. You can't really evaluate what a person's mentality or temprement is like when you're constantly mistreating and humiliating them.

Frei

I think agree with a lot of people on this thread about the situation. Your girlfriend is acting immaturely and unreasonably, but if you want to try and make things better you have to try and tone down any behaviour that you think is going to set her off, for the moment at least.

You mentioned that she is very good looking and modelled for a bit. Some women get a lot of their confidence from how they look, and invest too much on their outer appearance. There is nothing wrong with looking good, but what I have noticed (as a girl) is that the most competitive and insecure women can be the most good looking.They are so used to being looked at complimented etc, that when they are around any other girl that is good looking they see that girl as a threat. Which is silly, but that is what happens when looks are obsessed over.

Women need to stop seeing each other as threats, vying for male attention. That is why as good as it is to compliment someone on their looks, doing this constantly can make someone think that is all they are good for.

There is nothing wrong with finding other people attractive and saying so but I do think discreetness works well, especially when your other half is insecure and depends so much on her outer appearance for self esteem.

I remember one boyfriend who was constantly rating girls in front of me, so one day I decided to comment on a hot guy standing of front of us one day, he didn't speak to me for two days.

She needs to learn how to be confident in herself and stop comparing herself to other women, and to realise that it is not a competition. I don't know how this could be achieved but maybe counseling, a good chat with an understanding friend or you!

TitoPuente

I think we can all agree - the OP's girlfriend needs to grow up and stop throwing hissy fits, no matter what the reason and the OP himself needs to cop on and be more tactful, considerate and respectful.

That is all.

LegacyUser

TitoPuente wrote: »

Bulls**t, don't listen to this OP. Start treating your girlfriend with respect and then, if she keeps acting crazy, feel free to get rid of her. You can't really evaluate what a person's mentality or temprement is like when you're constantly mistreating and humiliating them.

Mistreating and humiliating her? Hah!! Are you saying on purpose to rise me?

Sunflower is the only person seeing it for what it really is.

In my defense, I DO NOT talk about other women in front of her! My friend said a girl was hot and I nodded. How is that disrespectful? Why should I tip toe around her and act like she's some fragile doll??

I'm not allowed to talk to my friends without her sulking all night. She's allowed to say JOhnny Depp is hot but if I comment on an actress I get a duvet thrown at me and tears?

You guys are unreal taking her side. She is a stunning looking girl and when it suits her and she's all made up at the weekend she oozes confidence and loves being the centre of attention on the dancefloor but during the week she is an insecure wreck.
To be honest she looks nicer without all the make up but there's no telling her that.

I'm sick of having to watch my every step with her. Double standards going on here.

I dont drink too much.

I don't cheat on her.

I tell her she's amazing all the time.

I don't even shout at her. When I found out about the CDs I was sos hcoked that I didn't even say anything and after last nights behaviour all I've done is ignore her text messages
(which are all full of woe is me btw)

I'm livid now that nobody gets it bar Sunflower

metalgear2k2

I think you know what to do OP, get the hell outta dodge!! 2 years of that crap, fair play to ya, couldnt stick 2 weeks of that sh/it myself.

WesternNight

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

If it was an eating disorder or a real problem I'd go to counselling with her but I'm not supporting this hysterical behaviour.

We have a big problem here now. At this rate the only thing you can do is to break up with this poor girl because by the looks of things she'd be lucky to get an ounce of support from you.

Whatever is causing her insecurity IS a real problem. Isn't that obvious? And it's also obvious that you're not helping to solve that problem. So I'd suggest you remove yourself from the situation and give her a chance to get some actual help with it.

seenitall

OP, it doesn't sound from your posts that you care about this girl at all. Could it be that the reason you are with her and put up with all her "****" is that she is so good-looking?

I am not taking her side. She sounds like she is being a psycho all right, but to me you are an even more interesting specimen of humanity, actually. Whatever could be the motivator for you to still be in this destructive relationship, that's the real question. Punishing her by not answering her texts, you know that won't solve anything, right?

She is stuck on you, you are stuck on anger.

TitoPuente

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

In my defense, I DO NOT talk about other women in front of her! My friend said a girl was hot and I nodded. How is that disrespectful? Why should I tip toe around her and act like she's some fragile doll??

Okay, so it's not systematic that you're talking about and looking at other women in front of her? I think that was the general assumption. Not to worry.

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

You guys are unreal taking her side.

If you're only posting here to hear what you want to hear then you probably shouldn't have bothered to be honest. Why did you post here?

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

She is a stunning looking girl and when it suits her and she's all made up at the weekend she oozes confidence and loves being the centre of attention on the dancefloor but during the week she is an insecure wreck.

Google 'Histrionic personality disorder' and see if that fits the bill.

Hadenoughduff wrote: »

I'm sick of having to watch my every step with her. Double standards going on here.

...

I'm livid now that nobody gets it bar Sunflower

Break up with her maybe?

blairbear

OP, you seem like an angry guy just from these posts alone. You seem shocked and enraged by anyone questioning your opinions or giving this girl some sympathy.

I don't get why you're posting if all you want us to do is to agree with you and bitch about your girlfriend with you. From your first post, I thought perhaps you were looking for ways to help her, but you're incredulous at the notion of counselling etc.

You haven't said ONE pleasant thing about the girl aside from how good-looking she is. You HAVE said a lot of nice things about yourself.

Why are you with her if you have nothing positive to say about her? She sounds like a very sensitive girl and you don't sound like the most intuitive guy. That's okay. That doesn't make you a bad or nasty person. It's just an ill-fit.

I remember being 22 and very insecure about my looks, regardless of how much my then boyfriend told me fancied me etc. One time I made him throw out all his FHM and Maxim magazines. It was a ridiculous thing to do and I cringe now at the thought, but god love him, he did it. And he talked to me about why I felt like that... It was a conversation we had to have a lot of times... I never got counselling for it, but that level of insecurity faded away and all but disappeared in time. I think that spending more time with my friends instead of my boyfriend and going on nights out with people I got on really well with helped me grow in confidence..

Calling your girlfriend a "pysco" or fellow posters jumping to diagnose her with a personality disorder is very unneccessary I feel. She just sounds insecure and unhappy in herself. There may be other factors in her life contributing to this behaviour. If you're at all interested, you should maybe talk to her about what they could be.

LegacyUser

Seriously why have you posted here to ask for advice when you're only prepared to take advice from people who are calling your OH a nutjob, you are not willing to face up to the fact that you may in some way be contirbuting to the problem, maybe you don't even realise it but if you really want to improve the situation (and you must or why would you be posting here) then you should not get so defensive when people try help you. I'm a normal confidant person but I got myself in to a situation a few years ago where my self esteem hit rock bottom and I became quite insecure and jealous. My OH at the time placed too much emphasis on what people looked like, was always checking out other girls, openly flirted with girls in front of me and then I found out he'd been up to other stuff aswell.......... when I found out it stopped but at that stage my self esteem was so low that I still stayed with him...!! After this I became seriosuly jealous, was always checking up on him and trying to catch him out, I mean constantly checking his phone and stuff like that, people would have thought I was a nutjob too but so many things happened to make me behave so irrationally, it was insane that I let it happen to me, I eventually came to my senses though!
What I'm trying to say is that there must be a reason for her to be like this, maybe its not something you have done or maybe it is... I don't know but maybe you should try and understand what has caused this, has she had some kind of bad experience in previous relationships? I don't know but I really get the feeling that you don't respect her or care that much what she's going through. Its funny how you really only thanked people who agreed with you and called her a nut job and all the other names...If you even cared a little bit about her you would not let strangers label her as crazy and for the record I would not stand for a guy who thinks he can check out other girls while I'm there if your going to do it have some cop on and at least do it when she's not there. Its natural to think other people are attractive whether you're in a relationship or not but come on show your girlfriend a little bit of respect and she may not act as insecure. Although if I could talk to her I'd tell het hit the road, you really don't seem like you give a sh*t.

KnocKnocKnock

OP your posts don't show a lot of respect for her at all. You don't deem her self esteem issues to be a "real" problem. Don't you think this kind of condescension comes across to her in every day life. There's nothing worse than having a genuine fear of something and having someone close make you feel like it's nothing or that you're stupid or wrong for feeling that way.

You've stated that you won't support her if she goes for counselling, you seem to want her to "just stop" and this is the only solution you will accept.

You seem to be really playing down the comment made in her company. You've changed it to a friend commenting "she's hot" and you all nodding in agreement (which I would still think inappropriate even though I'm not a jealous person). But when you first mentioned this, your friend said "Jesus the things I'd do to her" and you all agreed. This would make most women feel like sh!t, never mind ones with deep insecurity issues. Even the incident with the film is kind of odd... you think the character is described as skanky in the book but is gorgeous in the film...What purpose does it serve to tell this to your insecure girlfriend when you know it will make her feel like crap?

There seems to be a lot of anger under the surface on both partsa nd a lot of passive aggressive behaviour from both of you, from her storming out and secretly throwing out your CDs to you commenting (not discreetly looking) at other women and allowing, even praising people who call your gf names. I understand that her behaviour has caused a lot of resentment on your part. Whatever way you do it, be it counselling, talking at home or a letter, you both need to get everything off your chests. Passive aggression won't solve anything, it makes the other person more resentful, they want to retaliate and it can lead to a vicious circle. You have to accept that just because her behaviour is more extreme doesn't mean she's completely to blame. You've played your part through your actions and attitudes too.

sporina

OP, you must realise that there will be people posting here who may see this from various perspectives... just take it on the chin..


this is my opinion.

Your girlfriend seems v v self involved to say the least. She obviously feels that SHE must be the most beautiful etc.. and if anyone else is well then how dare they. The fact that she hit your CD's is unreal - this is way out of your league - or any regular person. She NEEDS major counseling,.. but this is not your job.

if I were you I would end it with her. Apart from the tantrums she is being down right disrespectful to you. And it is so immature.

This is not about looks - she has no self esteem - but also, she has NO MANNERS. And this is where you do have a right to be angry over.

You have not exacerbated the situation... i think it is healthy to be able to appreciate the opposite sex. As you said - double standards - she does it so why can't you.

Apart from all this, if she is sooo self involved - i wonder how much love she can show you? Do you feel loved in a relationship?

No matter how much love you show her it will not cure her - she needs professional help. I am not putting her down as such - but your needs need to be taken into consideration here to and it would seem they are not at all. Get yourself a real woman. I wish he luck and that she gets help. If not she will be miserable all her life - and make others miserable too.

LegacyUser

KnocKnocKnock wrote: »

OP your posts don't show a lot of respect for her at all. You don't deem her self esteem issues to be a "real" problem. Don't you think this kind of condescension comes across to her in every day life. There's nothing worse than having a genuine fear of something and having someone close make you feel like it's nothing or that you're stupid or wrong for feeling that way.

You've stated that you won't support her if she goes for counselling, you seem to want her to "just stop" and this is the only solution you will accept.

You seem to be really playing down the comment made in her company. You've changed it to a friend commenting "she's hot" and you all nodding in agreement (which I would still think inappropriate even though I'm not a jealous person). But when you first mentioned this, your friend said "Jesus the things I'd do to her" and you all agreed. This would make most women feel like sh!t, never mind ones with deep insecurity issues. Even the incident with the film is kind of odd... you think the character is described as skanky in the book but is gorgeous in the film...What purpose does it serve to tell this to your insecure girlfriend when you know it will make her feel like crap?

There seems to be a lot of anger under the surface on both partsa nd a lot of passive aggressive behaviour from both of you, from her storming out and secretly throwing out your CDs to you commenting (not discreetly looking) at other women and allowing, even praising people who call your gf names. I understand that her behaviour has caused a lot of resentment on your part. Whatever way you do it, be it counselling, talking at home or a letter, you both need to get everything off your chests. Passive aggression won't solve anything, it makes the other person more resentful, they want to retaliate and it can lead to a vicious circle. You have to accept that just because her behaviour is more extreme doesn't mean she's completely to blame. You've played your part through your actions and attitudes too.

Hmmm...this struck a cord with me. I guess I am to blame in some ways.

Gotta decide what to do now.

Cheers for that.

C_J

OP, You need to see the other side of the story. Don't get me wrong - throwing out your CD's, blanking you when you talk to other women, throwing a strop over an actress in a movie, these are way over the top. I'm sorry but nobody who is happy in themselves would go to such extremities over such a minor issue as the packaging on a CD cover, etc. This should worry you..

Regarding the comment your friend made about some "stunner" in a pub, I can completely see her point of view on this. I used to be her when it came to this. My ex and I were out one night and a couple of his friends came to the same pub we were in. I like his friends so we were all having a bit of a laugh when next of all one his friends catches his eye and nods in the direction of a gorgeous woman walking past. The f*cker actually turned his head away from me to look at her! Well, needless to say, I did freak out:D I didn't throw a tantrum in the pub but I did blank him a little bit and then once we got out onto the street I blew the head completely - shouting, crying, more shouting and crying (you get the picture). Looking back now, it's embarassing but at the time I didn't even think about not throwing a strop over it.
Op, what you have to understand - none of the above happened because she wanted to show you up or teach you a lesson for looking at another woman. In her head she was probably asking herself questions such as "if he fancies her, how does he fancy me" "would he actually try anything if he thinks she's so goodlooking" etc etc. And before you say it - there is no logic in it whatsoever:)
Have you ever considered that maybe as well as being insecure in herself, she feels insecure about you and how much you actually care?......tbh right now, you are starting to prove her right.....

sporina

she feels insecure about you and how much you actually care?......tbh right now, you are starting to prove her right.....[/QUOTE]

Oh come on..... OP has feelings too? He has been a saint to be putting up with this one...

He is a guy - just because he agreed with his mates that a girl was hot does not prove anything?

What was he suppose to say "no, she is not - there is no one more beautiful than my Gfriend".. come on...

Busi_Girl08

sporina wrote: »

What was he suppose to say "no, she is not - there is no one more beautiful than my Gfriend".. come on...

He wasn't supposed to do anything. Or at least do it a little more discreetly than he did that night.

Floppybits

OP. to tell you the truth it sounds like after 2 years of putting up with this crap from your GF that you have reached the end of the road and I think the best thing for you is the end the relationship. In the long it may open your gf eyes to her behaviour and she may get help.

There is double standards here, I bet she doesn't see anything with checking out hot guys in the bar, looking at hot actors or even having cd's with hot guys on the cover but you cant have any of that. Fair play to you for putting up with that for 2 years, I know I couldn't.

Call it quits and when you break up tell her the reasons why? This is her problem and only she can fix it simple as that.

sporina

Busi_Girl08 wrote: »

He wasn't supposed to do anything. Or at least do it a little more discreetly than he did that night.

he nodded - how more discrete can you get...

you have to consider his mates as well - he would not want to appear under the thumb - and even more so - he should not feel he is under the thumb.. he is in the relationship too.. mutual respect etc.. she can drool over Johnny Depp - he can't nod in agreement that a girl is hot!

Floppybits

sporina wrote: »

he nodded - how more discrete can you get...

you have to consider his mates as well - he would not want to appear under the thumb - and even more so - he should not feel he is under the thumb.. he is in the relationship too.. mutual respect etc.. she can drool over Johnny Depp - he can't nod in agreement that a girl is hot!

lets not forget not only can he not have cd's either with girls on the cover, cannot make a comment that character in a movie is better looking than what the character was portrayed in the book, god help him he ever looks at the hunky dory ads. Remember respect is a two way street and his GF just wants a one way street where its all about her and nothing else and if something else may distract attention from this one way street well the GF acts out and throws a tantrum, throws out cds or makes her BF sleep on the couch.

Floppybits

OP, I know in original post that your GF thinks this behaviour is normal but can I be so bold as to ask you has your GF ever apologised for any of this behaviour? has she ever acknowledged that maybe she over reacted is just a tab bit sorry for it?

Or has it been the case that it is you apologising all the time for buying cds with women on the cover, watching movies or for agreeing with some friends that another woman is hot by a simple nod of the head?

LegacyUser

Floppybits wrote: »

OP, I know in original post that your GF thinks this behaviour is normal but can I be so bold as to ask you has your GF ever apologised for any of this behaviour? has she ever acknowledged that maybe she over reacted is just a tab bit sorry for it?

Or has it been the case that it is you apologising all the time for buying cds with women on the cover, watching movies or for agreeing with some friends that another woman is hot by a simple nod of the head?

For some time she had me convinced that all women feel and act this way. She convinced me that all women hate CD covers with s*xy women on them, mens magazines etc and that she had every right to be upset. I was almost seeing it her way until I talked to my best mate about it and he told me the last time a women acted that way with him was when he was 19.

All my friends have said it me about her. They all tell me to dump her because she is crazy.

I didn't go home last night. I kept blanking her and went to my folks house.

I've decided to end it but now I'm scared...yes, actually scared, that she'll go insane when I do. I think moving out will be a nightmare and she'll be asking me who I'm moving with, is it another woman etc etc. Of course it isn't but I can picture her asking this.

My head is wrecked but thank you all for your advice. I knwo I was defensive but my head is really melted with her. If ye met her you'd understand. A grown woman knocking over tables barging out of the pub is a joke.

zxcvbnm1

OP - there's no question t.hat her behavious is out of line.

Can't believe some posters were actually saying u were in the wromg.

Throwing out cds is simply insane - and anyone who thinks it's not is also insane.

Get out of dodge is my advice.