meeting ex boyfriend

elle

My boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere in January. We were going great and there was no signs he literally just broke up. I accepted this and left him to it. Since we broke up he has been in constant contact with me, every week at least I get texts. Has asks me quite often if i have been with anyone or on dates and tells me he hasn't, the last time being only last week. He has explained to me since the break up that he did it because he had a dream that we were married and it freaked him out - - he has some commitment issues, i'm his longest relationship ( 10 mths). We met up the other day for coffee, ended up having dinner and chatting for hours. Felt like we had never broken up. He text me later saying he had enjoyed it and we should catch up again. I am jsut confused about what he wants. I do miss him and it was lovely seeing him, i really dont know why we broke up we were perfect he said that himself. So is he wanting to get back? Or is this just something I am imagining? I am confused I don't know. I miss him being in my life, I think if we go back it will take me a while to be able to relax again and not worry it will happen again I just wish it hadn't happened in the first place

convert

It sounds like he wants the best of both worlds - he gave you up because he 'freaked out' (according to him) but yet he wants to still know exactly what's going on in your life and whether or not you're dating.

Having gone through a few of these types of 'break ups' I think you really need to look at yourself and what you want. If he asked you to get back with him, would you? Do you really like/love him? Is he worth it? Do you have a future together? What are the chances of him simply ending it again because he 'freaked out'?

You say you broke up in January. How have you been since? Have you 'enjoyed' (bad choice of word, but I can't think of a better one at the minute) being single and being able to do what you want when you want without having to take his feelings into consideration?

I think he doesn't really know what he wants - he wants you but he doesn't - and you have to be sure of what you want before you meet him again. Take a while to sort out everything in your head before you meet him again. Know what you want and stick to it. Don't let him confuse you further by wanting to chat and catch up all the time.

Letting go is always hard, but you need to decide what is best for you. Take your time in doing so, and then take it from there.

greengirl31

I'd say he's looking for the best of both worlds too ... Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't ... I know it's easier said than done but if I were you, i'd tell him to stop contacting you - what you get up to now is none of his business. if he really wants to be with you he'll sort his "commitment issues" out ... (TBH - i think alot of people use this as an excuse for bad relationship behaviour) but if you do decide to get back with him is he going to have a little freak out again in another few months and will you be back to square 1 ...
Best of luck with it all though ... I hope it all works out for you :-)

Beruthiel

elle wrote: »

I am jsut confused about what he wants.

So is he.

Were I you, I'd be cutting ALL contact with this guy.
He will string you along for months, mess with your head (which is clearly what is happening from your comments above) and basically it will take you 10 times longer to get over him.

What are you wasting your time here for?
Life is too short, get back out there and enjoy yourself.
Stop looking back to what 'might' have been.
Cut the cord today. You've allowed him to mess with you for long enough at this stage.

LegacyUser

I don’t post often on this but this is wayyyy tooo familiar!

I went through the same exact thing!! Word for word this could have been my story!

He broke up cos he “freaked out/panic”, in January but last year, and then same old same…contact, texts, msn, asking question and telling me he freaked out and was missing me so much and how I was just perfect for him (yet, he BROKE UP!) etc….the list goes on and on…

This went on for over 6 months, I am entirely to blame for this, I aloud it to go on and delay the recovery of the break up and the pain, naively I thought he meant everything he was saying but on the other hand he wasn’t asking me to get back together!! And deep down I let this happens because I thought that this would led to us back together if im honest…

This has been the most painful break up I have even been though, and I wished looking back that I didn’t give in the games of staying in contact and pretend we are all good, and friends when really I WAS NOT!

I think he liked to stay in touch, the fact that I wasn’t chasing him after the break up made him feel guilty and he stayed in touch for pure selfish reason, ego, proud etc…to know I was still there was boosting his ego.

Run, run as fast as you can from him!! Even if things change in his mind he will still be around in 6 months or a year but 3 months is clearly not enough to now realize he wants you back, and clearly, from your post he hasn’t even mentioned that.

Stay clear from him and aloud yourself to recover, next time he contacts you tell him plain and simple you do not want any contact for the time being, no need to give him an explaination, he lost that privilege when he broke up with you. If he is the selfish guy that I thing he could be he wont respect your wishes and contact you again, possibly drunk to try to get away with it.(“oh sorry I was drunk”!.type of line)

Trust me, I wished so much I had done that, its been over a year now we have broken up and I am still recovering cos of all those games of contacts!

Best of luck, I wish you the best and keep us updated!

elle

Thanks for the replies. I just wish I could cop myself on - I know I am only clinging onto the past and wishing it could go back to the good times and probably ignoring the fact that this is the real him that I am seeing, the unstable confused and dare I say needy person that he has been the past few months.

He was onto me again since last post a few random texts i was away for weekend and didn't reply to any of the messages. I got another message online there tonight and I have managed to be dignified and not ignorant so far so i just replied ... started on one of his moany feel sorry for me i hate my job my life is crap rants. i told him to cheer up least he has a job etc etc etc and his reponse was that he really needs to have sex. Told him thats something i cannot help him with and that as his ex his sex life is not really something that concerns me anymore and that i am pretty sure he wouldnt be too impressed if i were to start discussing my sex life or lack of with him as he was iwth me - - his reponse being he hasnt been with anyone since me..

grr he is so annoying what is he hoping to achieve with a message like that??? I am more annoyed at myself that part of me still really misses him because we were perfect trusted each other 100% until all this and it's like he is a different person, needy and moany and constantly looking for me to reassure him about his life ... i really do not get it, he wasn't happy when he had me and yet he isn't happy to leave me be? Surely I should be with someone a bit stronger or at least more stable than this.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

I think he's testing the water to see if you would be a friend with benefits now, he's inferring he's not been with anyone else to make it seem a more attractive proposition and make himself seem chaste and the same man as when you broke up. :rolleyes:

The guy dumps you and then keeps in contact to moan and tell you how horny he is? Tell him where to go, seriously, the guy is so self-serving it's just not funny.

Cut contact, he's messing with your head and he doesn't have your best interests at heart, he has his own. Tell him you won't be responding to him again and then don't...get on with your life and find someone who isn't such a user.

Best of luck.

TitoPuente

What Ickle Magoo said. Don't allow this guy to use you. He's not even being devious and subtle about it anymore... just bloody crude and rude. Next time he texts you looking for sex, tell him to go and have a ****... and not to contact you again.

In all seriousness though - cutting contact and ignoring this guy when he tries to contact you will give your self-esteem a big boost in the long run.

magneticimpulse

Ignore him!!!! Ive been there, done that. Your ex is just looking for friends with benefits right now. He more interested in sex then you. I think he has an eye open for a new girlfriend and just keeping the seat warm until she comes along. I bet he will drop you instantly when he finds her.

As previous posters pointed out. Same story with me.

Ex broke it off with me New Years night. I thought fine...whatever and ignored him. Then he sent me roses etc asking us to go out again. Then it was on off on off. It was on when it suited him and off when he wanted to chat up other women. He asked me the same questions, if i had slept with anyone. He had not been with anyone. Anyway someone contacts me to say he was sleeping around while dating me. I started to chase my ex (i never did that before) and the more i showned interest, the more he knew he could hurt me by dumping me over and over again.

Ok people might be annoyed I used my own personal example here, but really this looks totally like friends with benefits. Dont give in. Dont fall for these silly mind games. He is trying to use you. He was stupid to dump you in the 1st place. Move on and find someone who isnt "freaked" out by being in a relationship with you.