why is he so mad?

LegacyUser

my bf has been giving me the cold shoulder for about a week now all over something that i think is silly. i just want to hear other peoples opinions and try to figure out what exactly the problem is.
we went to a concert last week, of a small band. so if you went around to the back of the venue before the show you could usually see one or other of the members outside smoking. me and himself went round back and lo and behold their drummer and guitarist were there. we had a quick chat with them, got some autographs and they even asked for hugs but my bf dragged me away pretty soon after that. i dunno why maybe he was nervous or something?
well after the show as we were coming out a couple of his friends called him over to them. i don't really like these guys so i just stayed back by the entrance and waited for him. while i was waiting the drummer came out and stood beside me. he lit up a cig and took a beer out of the 6pack he had obviously been given by a fan. we started talking and kind of flirting. he offered me a beer and i took it. my bf came back and insist that we had to leave, he even grabbed my hand and tried to pull me away! i told him to wait til i at least finished the bottle, which i did and then politely said bye to the drummer.
now he's acting like i cheated on him! he's really suspicious and overbearing. i honestly don't see what his problem is. someone from my favourite band just flirted with me i should be feeling great but why does he have to ruin it? i've never cheated before and didnt even mean to cheat with that guy. i know for a fact that if he flirted with a female musician or actress i'd be fine with it and i told him that. why are the rules suddenly different when someone shows an interest in me?

Cheap Thrills!

Are you for real?

You were openly flirting with someone else every chance you got, accepting a beer, asking for hugs right in front of your other half and you are wondering why he is annoyed?

You're not single. Your behaviour was inappropriate and hurtful.

dudara

You were originally asked for hugs and your boyfriend got you to leave.

Then after the gig, you made him wait while you finished a beer with someone he had taken you away from earlier. And you're surprised that he's upset? You ignored his feelings and he probably feel humiliated that you apparently rated these men higher than him.

Dymo

The boyfriend is looking at it from the point of view as if he wasn't there. You would be flirting,drinking and hugging the drummer of the band. He probably has a bit of a trust issue with you and you seem to be feeding that fear.

His problem is he does't know weather to trust you or not and if he turns his back will you be flirting with some other guy, that's why he's mad.

gavney1

You were flirting with him (which you openly admit) and yet you're surprised by his reaction?

I'm genuinely gobsmacked that you can't understand why he's mad. Have you ever been in a relationship before?

He doesn't sound "suspicious" and "overbearing". It sounds like you are TRYING to make him jealous, and doing a damn good job

Micky Dolenz

agree with all the above.

Did you say you got autographs from this "small band" Do you idolise them?

No wonder your man was unhappy.

Gyalist

why is he so mad?

He's mad because he is deeply insecure.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with flirting or having a friendly drink with a member of the opposite sex even if you are in a relationship.

LegacyUser

well if he had done all of these with a female celebrity i wouldn't have a problem with it. i told him that and i mean it. i'd probs be proud of him tbh!
i'm definately attracted to the guy from the band but i feel like my bf should know that it's him i want to be with. it's not like i haven't made it obvious.
it sorta feels like a double standard

and we both got hugs. in fact when we met the two of them he acted more like he wanted to jump into bed with them than i did

LegacyUser

I suppose it's a matter of trust. If my BF got talking to some female band he really liked, and they offered him a hug as a fan, it really wouldn't bother me. If it was his favourite band and he had a drink with them I know he'd be chuffed so I wouldn't start butting in and openly dragging him away. I wouldn't because he's never given me any reason to doubt him.

Everybody flirts, if someone from my favourite band flirted with me, I think my BF would only give me a bit of slagging about it, because he knows I'm going home with him. We're always going to flirt with other people to a certain point, relationship or not. I think that's healthy - as long as the trust is there.

The problem is that you and your BF clearly aren't on the same page about this. There is a lack of trust. You both need to sit down and discuss your boundaries.

LegacyUser

Gyalist wrote: »

He's mad because he is deeply insecure.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with flirting or having a friendly drink with a member of the opposite sex even if you are in a relationship.

She was disrespectful to her boyfriend. Openly flirty with someone in front of him.
Yes ever one flirts, but to do it in front of your partner is plain rude.

If anyone is insecure it's her, someone form her favorite band flirts with her and she needs this to make herself feel great.
Secure, confident people feel great because they know they are great. Not by flirting with people to try and get some sort of validation.

LD 50

To me it sounds like an over reaction on his part. Nothing wrong with a little bit of casual flirting, especially if it was the drummer who was starting it. Hugs? Ive known girls that would do plenty worse in the same situation. Nothing wrong with accepting a beer from the guy either while you were waiting, I'd have done the same. I never say no to free stuff.

I think what you need to do is sit your bf down, and talk to him. Reassure him that you had no intention of cheating, and you didn't mean to hurt his feelings. Get him to explain what made him so upset, and try not to do it again.

gavney1

confidence negated wrote: »

i'm definately attracted to the guy from the band but i feel like my bf should know that it's him i want to be with. it's not like i haven't made it obvious.

You may have made it obvious on previous occassions that you want to be with him. But you then went and completely UNDID that by flirting with another guy IN FRONT OF HIM.

force majeure

Hard to say exactly why he is mad at you as all I have to go on is the matter off the band and some flirting.
Some off the above think its down to you being a flirt but to be 100% honest he sounds a bit immature to me.
Every one has a bit off harmless fun at gigs. The flirt thing is as common as the day light so he should not be so surprised at this if he is he needs to get out a bit more.
Why he is giving you the cold shoulder is a bit more profound.
Dont want to say much as they may be a reason here that I'm not aware off. if he is serious into you he would sit down and talk things over with you not going off on a huff, trust as some put it is one thing but being a pillock is another thing all together.
Corner him and tell him you both need to talk if he throws a strop let him you your not impressed with his behaviour.

GeorgeCostanza

confidence negated wrote: »

we started talking and kind of flirting.

Mystery solved right there...

delly

confidence negated wrote: »

well if he had done all of these with a female celebrity i wouldn't have a problem with it.

Well its sort of a different scenario. Your boyfriend being a man, knows that the drummer is also a man and therefore will probably say and do anything if he thinks he is in with a chance with you. If it was a case of a female celebrity I doubt that possibly scoring with a fan would even come into her mindset. I'm not saying that it makes it alright, but just pointing out the difference of what a man thinks when a strange woman starts talking to them and the other way around.

krudler

I know enough people in bands to know that fans are the easiest shag ever, your boyfriend clearly knows this, the drummer was flirting with you, and you back as you admit, he's every right to be pissed at you. If he was flirting with some other girl who wasnt famous or whatever would you be happy then? flirting is only ok with a semi-celebrity?

Cheap Thrills!

confidence negated wrote: »

well if he had done all of these with a female celebrity i wouldn't have a problem with it. i told him that and i mean it. i'd probs be proud of him tbh!

Well thats how YOU feel. He doiesn't feel the same as you and he doesn't have to.

confidence negated wrote: »

i'm definately attracted to the guy from the band but i feel like my bf should know that it's him i want to be with. it's not like i haven't made it obvious.

So you fancy the guy from the band and were very obvious and ego stroking about it. Didn't care that it made him uncomfortable and frankly look like a tit in front of his mates as well. Your behaviour doesn't say that you want to be with your BF, it says you want your cake and eat it too.

confidence negated wrote: »

it sorta feels like a double standard

Its not. You saying you'd be fine with it if it was the other way around is just so you can get away with it. If you are fine with it btw it doesn't say much for your feelings about your BF. Sounds like you think he's a gilly or a fool who will put up with anything. Which is a poor reflection on you if anything.

Jaxxy

I think you both might be at fault here. There has to be a middle ground somewhere but you are going to have to tell your boyfriend that your intentions weren't sinister, and as far as you were concerned the exchange between you and the drummer meant nothing to you. You should also tell him you will make an effort in the future to ensure that he won't be put in a similar position again.

He'll have to do the same for you. Physically pulling you away twice from a situation he doesn't like is embarrassing. For both him and you. It's fairly childish and immature and shows that he might have a couple of insecurity issues. This is something that you both will have to talk about also.

Talking and having a beer with the drummer shouldn't be the problem (after all, her boyfriend did abandon her to go talk to his buddies, did he expect her to just wait obediently by the door for him alone?) but openly flirting with him would be. That isn't fair to your boyfriend and I really do think you should both sit down, have a chat and resolve to be much nicer and appreciative toward each other on your nights out.

TitoPuente

If it was a once off then I don't see the problem. If you're constantly flirting with other men in front of him and have 'grass is always greener' syndrome, then you should probably consider being single.

I'm sorry, but it sounds like your boyfriend was totally in the right here. You were flirting with another man. In front of him. In front of his friends. I don't think it makes him insecure that he had an issue with that.

Dymo

His insecurity is also his defence mechanism in letting you know that he doesn't like you flirting with other guys that you fancy. I'd seen plenty of episodes of a flirty girl being great crack with their boyfriend and then when she's out on her own with a few friends being the same filrty girl expert shes doing the dirt left right and center. I'm not saying the OP would act like this but I've seen plenty who did.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

I agree. It's not like the bf walked back to find the OP giving the drummer a lapdance. Bf was off with his buddies, drummer offered her a beer while she waited. Bit of banter/flirt whatever... is giggling/having a laugh flirting? What did the flirting entail?

Bf reacted a bit OTT and agree he is obviously very insecure. To try and drag OP away shows this. He could have joined in on the banter. He'd met the drummer earlier so drummer knew they were together.

OP, it really depends by what you mean by flirting. If it is just talking/having a laugh then in my mind you did nothing wrong.

Two instances of flirting. She knew he was not happy the first time. Then he finds her off doing the exact same thing again. She didn't care one bit about his feelings. She was determined to flirt and get the attention off a guy because he was in a band she likes.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I'm very much in agreement with you that your bf was WAY out of line.

Tell me honestly;
- Do you ever try to make him jealous?
- Do you get a kick out of making him jealous?
- Have you ever cheated?

If the answer to all of the above is NO then your boyfriend is acting like a controlling bully, in which case I'd be walking. Life is too short to change to try to make someone like that feel secure. I would be considered fun and flirty and I thank god I'm blessed with a secure boyfriend, if he wasn't I'd be in fecked coz about 80% of my friends are male. Trust is when you just believe that your partner will never ever betray you or cheat. I have that trust in my boyfriend and he has it in me, it would take alot more than a hug from a band member and a bottle of beer to make me doubt him. To be honest if that happened to him I'd be grateful to the band member for making him so happy and for being so nice, the last thing I would do is ruin it on him by acting like a jealous whingey b*tch. Let's be honest that's how your bf sounds.

If the answers to the questions are YES then you have done something wrong, you've manipulated him to get an ego boost from watching him suffer. In which case you're horrible and should cut him free because that's a nasty way to treat someone.

I'm going to assume you did answer NO to the above questions. If that's correct I'd be dumping his ass, who wants to be with a guy that insecure? That would turn me off so fast. So yeah if you're not too mad about him I'd just get rid. If you are mad about him I'd be putting the foot down about what he may or may not expect from you in relation to your interactions with other men otherwise he could be demanding all kinds before you know it, for example; no hugs, no male friends etc.

Honestly though that type of jealousy is so pathetic that my girly boner would be long gone and what's the point in being with someone you're not attracted to?

So yeah just to emphasise, if you said NO to the questions above then he's a jealous tool and you've nothing to be sorry for.

whatsamsn

I hate when people saying "oh they are insecure" like Sunflower and Gynalist said.

So lets just create a scenario now with the same themes. I'm a guy, I have a girlfriend, I have deep feelings for my girlfriend. Some other guy walks over to my girlfriend trying it on with her. Sure thats ok right? it would be "insecure" of me to think I should be annoyed at that right?

The Op admits to flirting back in this case. So we'll throw that in there too >> My GF flirts back with the guy. I guess thats ok too right? I'll just sit down somewhere. Wouldnt want to ruin that guy when he was flirting with my girlfriend, or even worse "feel uncomfortable" (cant have that) The conversation ends with her taking his phone number or facebook details etc (means of contact - in this case this is likely to happen, he was flirting with her, she was also too)

Have to be fine with that dont I? Cant have a problem with that as i would be "insecure" ... oh i'd be such a "horrible" person.

Wake up. There is a big difference between being controlling/insecure and your partner making you feel uncomfortable. The same people who say the BF was insecure in this case would be the same people to let THERE partners know when they do something that makes them feel uncomfortable.

Peggypeg

whatsamsn wrote: »

So lets just create a scenario now with the same themes. I'm a guy, I have a girlfriend, I have deep feelings for my girlfriend. Some other guy walks over to my girlfriend trying it on with her. Sure thats ok right? it would be "insecure" of me to think I should be annoyed at that right?

The Op admits to flirting back in this case. So we'll throw that in there too >> My GF flirts back with the guy. I guess thats ok too right? I'll just sit down somewhere. Wouldnt want to ruin that guy when he was flirting with my girlfriend. The conversation ends with her taking his phone number or facebook details etc (means of contact) As it usually does when two people flirt back.

Wow, you better lock your hypothetical girlfriend up!!!! She sounds like a right sl*g, how dare her make a hypothetical friend. :rolleyes:

None of what you said above is cheating or a violation of your hypothetical trust in your hypothetical girlfriend.

You're the one who needs to grow up.

whatsamsn

Grow up?
No, I think you need to see that relationships are a two way street.
If I am dating someone its because I want to. As time goes by I would have feelings for them. Natural right?

Why would I want to flirt with someone else? would that be fair to my partner? Would I like it if it was the other way round? ... surely you can agree with this.

Look lets be honest, the big issue here (as other posters have said) is that it was done in front of him. Peggy, would you be cool with your man flirting with another woman in front of you?

I am not saying that what the BF did was right. Grabbing her arm, that wasnt right. But I am talking about the emotion. Him feeling uncomfortable. That it was perfectly ok for him to feel that. That it doesnt make him insecure. I am a guy, and you can ask any guy. We will all say there are alot of guys out there who dont care if a girl has a bf. Thats called the majority of guys. Not everyone. But alot. There is a difference is having trust issues with your gf and having the right to feel uncomfortable if some guy is trying it on with her. Especially if she flirts back with them.

Peggypeg

whatsamsn wrote: »

Grow up?
No, I think you need to see that relationships are a two way street.

Don't lecture me on relationships I'm in an amazing one the last 4 years.

If I am dating someone its because I want to. As time goes by I would have feelings for them. Natural right?

Agreed

Why would I want to flirt with someone else? would that be fair to my partner? Would I like it if it was the other way round? ... surely you can agree with this.

Yes it would be the same the other way round, this wasn't some random person, this was a drummer in a favourite band, had it been the other way around she would have been ok with him meeting his idol.

Look lets be honest, the big issue here (as other posters have said) is that it was done in front of him. Peggy, would you be cool with your man flirting with another woman in front of you?

Yes (believe me or not) if it was like the scenario that the OP mentioned, although to be honest I really can't imagine it, my bf isn't a flirt by anyone's standards so I really can't picture how I would feel. hhhhmmmm trying to be fair and honest, I suppose it would depend on how flirty he was, if it was just a giggly flirtyness then ok but if he was all like "oh damn woman you so fine" etc then probably no, it's really hard to say when we don't really know the level of flirting but from the OP it sounded like it was fairly harmless usual flirting

Apologies for the above not really sure how all these quote options work.

iguana

Was the drummer really a celebrity or just a guy in a popular local band? The way you describe it, it was more of the latter and there is a pretty big difference. Crushing on a celebrity is one thing as you are attracted to somebody unobtainable, it's generally safe and a bit of fun. If this was a once in a lifetime meeting with a band you've loved for years then it's one scenario. If it's a band that plays locally several times a month/year it's another entirely. I'm not sure you are comparing like with like when you say you'd be pleased for him to meet his female hero and have a bit of a flirt.

muinteoir09

Just my two cents:

BF over-reacted in a big way. Yes, he may have been a bit hurt but he has to trust her - she is going home with him. He also cannot get too annoyed considering he went to speak with his mates whom she didn't want to.

Maguined

I think the context of the flirting needs to be detailed further to get a better picture.

Also OP has anything like this happened before? on nights out do you regularly engage in flirtatious behaviour with people and if so how does your boyfriend react to that? if he is constantly getting annoyed at your flirting with other men then yes he is insecure and both of you need to figure out how much do you want the relationship, is he willing to put up with the flirtatious behaviour that bothers him and/or are you willing to change your behaviour to placate his insecurities?

If you are not normally a flity person then your boyfriend could have been very hurt by it all of a sudden as it would appear that you are genuinely interested in the drummer guy and the fact you went and flirted a second time basically puts across the message you dont care about how he felt that night at all, the fun of flirting with a drummer you find attractive was more important to you than the insecure feelings (justified or not) of your boyfriend.

gavney1

^ Yes agree with Maguined. OP hasn't said what "flirting" means.

In some people's minds "flirting" could mean just being friendly.

In most people's interpretations though "flirting" implies showing some sexual/romantic interest e.g. definition on Wikipedia is "Flirting is a common form of social interaction whereby one person obliquely indicates a romantic or sexual interest towards another." Most other dictionaries would have something similar I presume

In my own interpretation that means she was saying things like
"oooo, you're cute" or touching him alot.

So, if that's the case, I really don't understand why the OP is baffled by her BF's response. If she did indeed "flirt" (i.e. show romantic interest) then her bf has every right to be mad

If however the OP was just being "friendly" then she needs to choose her words more carefully when posting a thread as she caused a heated debate over this for no reason!

TitoPuente

Maguined wrote: »

on nights out do you regularly engage in flirtatious behaviour with people and if so how does your boyfriend react to that? if he is constantly getting annoyed at your flirting with other men then yes he is insecure and both of you need to figure out how much do you want the relationship, is he willing to put up with the flirtatious behaviour that bothers him and/or are you willing to change your behaviour to placate his insecurities?

Insecure? What are you talking about? Flirting with men in front of your boyfriend on a regular and systematic basis is completely out of order. There's a difference between having a friendly conversation and 'flirting'. If you're in a relationship then you don't go out of your way to 'flirt' with other people. It's utterly disrespectful and doesn't denote insecurity in the OH... simply that they don't like being disrespected with socially inapproriate behaviour.

The definition of flirting is to

behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions

. And I'm sorry... but behaving like you're trying to attract someone in front of your partner, whether the intentions are serious or not, is effectively emotional cheating. Grow up, people.

Maguined

I think you need to grow up and realise other people live their lives outside your standards and morals.

Some people have sexually open relationships, some people have monogamy, some people consider watching porn as cheating and some people view it as completely fine.

We do not know the opinions of the OP and her boyfriend as we are not in the relationship, judging by his reaction he is not fine with it but until we know the detail of what actually made up this flirting then its hard to judge, if the drummer made a joke and she laughed at it some people could consider that flirtatious and get upset while others would not be bothered at all, its a personal choice and one that should be worked out between the couple themselves.

Hey i am not completely supporting the OP and saying she did nothing wrong, to be honest i could see myself having a problem with the situation as described so far but i don't want to judge till we get that detail of the flirting, if she laughed at some joke and asked him about his music then the boyfriend was definitely over reacting, if she was constantly touching him and telling him how attractive she thought he was than yeah i think she stepped over my boundaries at least.

TitoPuente

Maguined wrote: »

I think you need to grow up and realise other people live their lives outside your standards and morals.

I'm assuming that most people in a mutually respectful relationship would know that the boundaries of respect are crossed when showing overt sexual attraction to a member of the opposite sex. I'm talking about most people. Not swingers, f**k nuggets or idiots. It's common sense.

That being said, we need to know more about the OP's specific situation before making a judgement. I was speaking generally above.

Maguined

Well you see thats the problem when you involve things like "most people" and "generally" the only generalisation i can properly apply with "most relationships" is that they all require work and communication.

No relationship is perfect, its impossible, you have two completely separate and unique human beings trying to reach a compromise and a middle ground which actually requires a hell of a lot of effort and communication and a lot of the time the arguments are caused when instead of communicating properly one person assumes how they feel in the relationship and what they feel is acceptable automatically applies to the other person.

We do not know how overt this sexual attraction was or not, only the OP with some honesty can answer that question.

whatsamsn

This will, and always will be, what side of the fence people are on. Weather you are the one doing, or the one getting it done on. Applies to everything in life.

Personally, I see flirting as something that could be dangerous. Some people could flirt but would never ever do anything, its just something they do.... others flirt with intention... others even flirt and tell themself "its just fun. nothing will happen" but then something happens.

The problem is that "innocent flirting" (as people call it) - doesnt be so innocent alot of the time. People tend to lie to themselves. What could start off as something small, could turn into a phone number, texting... talking...then meeting. even if you tell yourself "meeting as friends only". That is the dangers of flirting.

as for the side if you are the other half. If you have feelings for someone, and they flirt with another? .. lets just be honest. How is that easy to just not be bothered by it? the person you care about flirting with another. Its natural. The only thing I will add ... purely add... is that the word "insecure" gets thrown around alot. Yes alot of people can be. Buts inserurity isnt always the case with behavior like flirting.

Eve_Dublin

Flirting only leads to something if both people have the propensity to cheat on their OH. Flirting is almost always harmless but if that person is the cheating type, then it's not. The OP's OH should know which category his girlfriend falls into at this stage.

A lot of men mistake friendliess with flirtiness (conversation with romantic intentions). I've had men (not exes) get the totally wrong end of the stick over this in the past...this really is their problem, not mine.

And to suggest that the drummer had other intentions is to suggest that the OH is some gullible idiot who can't say no.

Wagon

Gyalist wrote: »

He's mad because he is deeply insecure.

This "insecurity thing gets thrown round a lot here. If she was flirting with another man in front of her boyfriend, she is in the one making him insecure. simple as that. cant blame him either. its a human reaction.

LegacyUser

ok trying to answer some things people are asking:
-he's not from a local band no. they're not very famous but they're an overseas band that have good rep within the genre i listen to
-i wasn't being blatantly sexual with him. we were just chatting. it was a big flirty but nothing serious
-i've never given him any reason to distrust me before. i'm very loyal and honest

and one thing i'd like to ask all the people who have a problem with my behaviour:
if i were a guy saying that britney spears had been flirting with me in a bar and my gf got mad, what would you say? honestly?

dudara

confidence negated wrote: »

and one thing i'd like to ask all the people who have a problem with my behaviour:
if i were a guy saying that britney spears had been flirting with me in a bar and my gf got mad, what would you say? honestly?

Let's say this happened and you were uncomfortable with it, so you ask your boyfriend to come away. Later, you find your boyfriend chatting with her again, although he knew that you didn't like it. Furthermore, he won't leave straight away, insisting on finishing his drink, while you stand there like a sore thumb.

This isn't about you being OK with him flirting. This is about how you made him feel.

BobbyOLeary

confidence negated wrote: »

-he's not from a local band no. they're not very famous but they're an overseas band that have good rep within the genre i listen to

if i were a guy saying that britney spears had been flirting with me in a bar and my gf got mad, what would you say? honestly?

Kind of a mismatch no?

Jaxxy

dudara wrote: »

Let's say this happened and you were uncomfortable with it, so you ask your boyfriend to come away. Later, you find your boyfriend chatting with her again, although he knew that you didn't like it. Furthermore, he won't leave straight away, insisting on finishing his drink, while you stand there like a sore thumb.

This isn't about you being OK with him flirting. This is about how you made him feel.

He was the one that left her alone to talk to his mates. She was standing alone when the drummer approached her and offered her a drink. She was the one looking like a sore thumb initially. He didn't ask her to come away either, according to the OP he dragged her away.

As the OP has cleared up they were having a chat that was a little "flirty". She wasn't blatantly coming on to the drummer. But, having said that this was done in full view of her boyfriend and as I've said in my previous post OP, I think perhaps you two are going to have to find some sort of middle ground and start treating each other with a little more understanding.

ilovetosing

Look to everyone having a go at the OP and people sayin the BF is overreacting - It is quite ok for a man to get jealous. Its very natural. Its just another thing that makes us men! However the OP's BF has dealt with this is a really bad way and this is due to him being insecure. If his GF has given him no reason to be worried about anything then fair enough. He has every right to get jealous but he dealt with the whole situation wrong and its how he dealt with it that makes him insecure. If he was confident in the relationship he would never have pulled her away! He wouldn't be hurrying her along to get away from the guy in question. No confident man who knows his girl isnt gonna stray would do that! (This is only an assumption due to what the OP has told us, If I had the guys side of the story I might not be so quick to call him insecure)

I am confident and sure about my relationship with my OH and she loves when I get jealous because she likes to know that I still am protective over what I have, but I would never pull her away from a situation and I would only ever interveen if someone started touching her inappropriately but then again I know she would not let things get to that, but it is a natural reaction for any man and of course its how the man deals with it that really defines us in this type of situation that the OP has told us.

gavney1

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

He was the one that left her alone to talk to his mates. She was standing alone when the drummer approached her and offered her a drink. She was the one looking like a sore thumb initially. He d

Read the original post again. She didn't dump her on her own. He went to talk to his mates - which I'm sure she would have done the same if she spotted a few of her mates. She chose not to talk to them and to stand on her own, as she said she didn't like them.

Anyway, all this discussion is really pointless unless the OP specifies exactly what she means when she says she was "flirting"

gavney1

confidence negated wrote: »

and one thing i'd like to ask all the people who have a problem with my behaviour:
if i were a guy saying that britney spears had been flirting with me in a bar and my gf got mad, what would you say? honestly?

Honestly, if my friend told me that I'd firstly say "WOW!" But if he had flirted back in front of his GF, then I'd tell him he needs to apologise to her as it would be hurtful no matter who the person is.

Bear in mind again, my definition of "flirting" may be totally different to yours OP.

Maguined

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

He was the one that left her alone to talk to his mates. She was standing alone when the drummer approached her and offered her a drink. She was the one looking like a sore thumb initially. He didn't ask her to come away either, according to the OP he dragged her away.

The OP said his mates called him over and she chose to not go over to them because she didnt like his mates, the OP didnt say that her boyfriend told her not to come over, she chose this herself so you cant blame the boyfriend for making her look like a sore thumb, if anything it makes her flirting look that bit more suspicious as it is kind of rude and sly to refuse to talk to your boyfriends mates and instead go flirt with a guy your boyfriend has already expressed being uncomfortable over.

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

As the OP has cleared up they were having a chat that was a little "flirty". She wasn't blatantly coming on to the drummer. But, having said that this was done in full view of her boyfriend and as I've said in my previous post OP, I think perhaps you two are going to have to find some sort of middle ground and start treating each other with a little more understanding.

Again peoples definitions of "flirty" can vary wildly so the OP really has not clarified it at all. I know some men and women that view a girl sitting on the lap of a girl as just flirty behaviour and completely normal while others view it as way too personal for it to be harmless and would be quite hurt if their girlfriend was sitting on the crotch of some guy or likewise if some boyfriend let some other girl sit on his lap it could equally hurt his girlfriend.

What exactly the OP means by flirty has still not been detailed so it is still impossible to judge.

As for the Britney Spears scenario if she was flirting with me i would try and continue a normal conversation with her, if my hypothetical girlfriend expressed her discomfort with the situation i would walk away as i would value the feelings of my girlfriend over the feelings of getting my ego stroked with flirting with a celebrity.

reprazant

Don't know about anyone else but if I were in a bar and Britney Spears was flirting with me, my missus would go crazy if I flirted back, as would, I imagine, most other women if their partners did the same.