only gay when drunk

LegacyUser

Hey, Im a guy and Im very attracted to women all the time. Im not the most sociable type and so it holds me back from meeting women/girls. When i get drunk at home i begin to find the same-sex attractive. (im trying to be careful not to paint a picture I want to see! I tend to think too much and so Im never happy with my conclusions!)

Anyway, Im pretty convinced of the homosexuality scale so to speak. From 1-10 I can range from 1 to 6. It changes all the time, even the time of day changes it. I once blurted out to my friends "Im not gay!". I was under the influence of serious drugs at the time. I panicked and fled. I have since distanced myself totally from all my friends and they dont seem to mind.

I dont want to admit to myself something im not sure is true. Or something Im not sure I even understand....but they are pretty convinced Im gay now. I try not to let it bother me but it does I guess. The label, you know? I cant talk about it either even though I know how much better that makes things.

Im mid 20's and this only really developed in my own mind 4 years ago. Im still confused and tbh dont know what im asking for from this post. I want the whole thing never to have happened i guess. I am accepting that Im not black and white sexuality. Its difficult though.

Why does society have to be such a bastard!!!!

Annasopra

Have you spoken to your friends about how you feel?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
You sound like you are having a difficult time, more so with your own head. You havent said if you have been involved with any men, or is it just a sexual fantasy??
I really dont think you should label yourself or be so hard on yourself at all...Just because you have fantasy's about men does not necessarily make you GAY, it is possible you could be BI, but this depends on if you act on those feelings etc...
I am a straight female, and I sometimes get turned on by two females etc etc...although I have no desire to be with a female, I have all kind of fantasy's I wouldnt want to act out....
Dont beat yourself up about this, maybe the right person will come along and help you decide your preference, because I believe it comes down to the person not always gender.
Hopefully some of the gay/bi men here can give you some advise.

Best of luck.

regular101 wrote: »

Hey, Im a guy and Im very attracted to women all the time. Im not the most sociable type and so it holds me back from meeting women/girls. When i get drunk at home i begin to find the same-sex attractive. (im trying to be careful not to paint a picture I want to see! I tend to think too much and so Im never happy with my conclusions!)

Anyway, Im pretty convinced of the homosexuality scale so to speak. From 1-10 I can range from 1 to 6. It changes all the time, even the time of day changes it. I once blurted out to my friends "Im not gay!". I was under the influence of serious drugs at the time. I panicked and fled. I have since distanced myself totally from all my friends and they dont seem to mind.

I dont want to admit to myself something im not sure is true. Or something Im not sure I even understand....but they are pretty convinced Im gay now. I try not to let it bother me but it does I guess. The label, you know? I cant talk about it either even though I know how much better that makes things.

Im mid 20's and this only really developed in my own mind 4 years ago. Im still confused and tbh dont know what im asking for from this post. I want the whole thing never to have happened i guess. I am accepting that Im not black and white sexuality. Its difficult though.

Why does society have to be such a bastard!!!!

Nevyn

Are you worried that you might be bisexual and that you suppress that?
Or that you are as some people put it a "3 beer queer" guys who only when drunk become inhibited enough to let themsleves find other guys attractive?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

@ Johnnymcg

No I havent. I dont think I could. I'm not going to approach them and say I want to talk aabout me outburst etc. If one of them ever approached me and asked if I was gay, id probably tell them what ive told you here. Like I said, I'm not comfortable with it but I want to be honest with myself at the same time.

@ supermac1219

I have acted out twice. both times I regretted it. First time I ejaculated but had earlier declined sex if you know what I mean. Second time I didn't and ended the 'meeting' after being unable to perform...I just wasn't up for it. Im taking that as a sign that it just isnt for me. Each time I feel depressed that Id do such a thing. Dont get me wrong, I dont dislike gay people or anything, Im just confused is all.

@ Thaedydal

I'm pretty sure surpressing it is very unhealthy. Under the influence of drugs my mind was fixed on the issue, with tonnes of paranoia. I think your at least half right with the "3 beer queer" thing. But as I responded to supermac1219, each time I try it Im left with dissatisfaction and a sense of regret.

BTW, I am attracted to women all the time so if anything Im Bi sexual. Im embarressed by the whole thing really. Im moving towards acceptance of my bisexuality....because there is no other rhyme or reason to it. If it barks like a dog....its probably a dog, right?

Annasopra

I'm not sure myself what kind of advice to give you but bumping this so that others will give you advice

Dwn Wth Vwls

Okay, so you seem pretty confident in your attraction to women. Are you actually attracted to guys while sober? Do you find certain body parts attractive; face, chest, genitals, etc? Do you see guys walking down the street that you find attractive? What about people on TV or in movies?

It seems like from what you say, there is at least some sort of attraction there, however small. Otherwise you probably wouldn't be preoccupied by this. To that end, you're probably not 100% straight. Congratulations. Whether you consider yourself bisexual or not though is really up to you. The most important thing is to simply accept your feelings, whatever they are.

As for your failed experiences, it doesn't sound like you were very choosy. You could be the gayest man in the world, but if you throw yourself at the first person with a pulse there's still not much likelihood of there being any chemistry. If you really want to experiment you need to actually be attracted to the guy, preferably both physically and personality-wise.

TylerIE

regular101 wrote: »

I dont want to admit to myself something im not sure is true. Or something Im not sure I even understand....but they are pretty convinced Im gay now. I try not to let it bother me but it does I guess. The label, you know? I cant talk about it either even though I know how much better that makes things.

Im mid 20's and this only really developed in my own mind 4 years ago. Im still confused and tbh dont know what im asking for from this post. I want the whole thing never to have happened i guess. I am accepting that Im not black and white sexuality. Its difficult though.

Why does society have to be such a bastard!!!!

I guess there is no specific advice... I have a few friends who do similar - and had never heard the "3 beer queer" phrase before, but like it. However quite frankly if I was to say anything it would be to stop the hard drugs first...

Im not one to advocate sexual exploration but perhaps its worth allowing yourself to run with the feelings in a safe environment... maybe talk to your friends, talk to a friend or acquaintance who is gay or perhaps has behaved similarily in the past? Or perhaps go to a meet of members of the board or another board, or even try get to go out on the scene at some point?

The guys I know who had occasional feelings when under the influence all ultimately realised that it was stuff that had been surpressed at other points.

In hindsight two of them would have noticed little ways in which they had been noticing guys when they werent under the influence. One of them has since identified as bi...

Also Outhouse has a Gay Mens Health Service outreach programme. They can arrange some counselling support - if you do feel that you wanted to explore the issue in a safe environment, where perhaps the drug use issue could also be discussed and explored for yourself, this may be the safest and best option?

Annasopra

lst wrote: »

Also Outhouse has a Gay Mens Health Service outreach programme. They can arrange some counselling support - if you do feel that you wanted to explore the issue in a safe environment, where perhaps the drug use issue could also be discussed and explored for yourself, this may be the safest and best option?

Good point - details here

TylerIE

Johnnymcg wrote: »

Good point - details here

Cheers JMcG am on a fone so couldnt get details!

Untense

regular101 wrote: »

I dont want to admit to myself something im not sure is true. Or something Im not sure I even understand

Well if nothing else it sounds like you're certain that you're uncertain. That's a good start.

....but they are pretty convinced Im gay now. I try not to let it bother me but it does I guess.

It's a possibility, but how can you know they think that when you haven't talked to them? It sounds like the opinions of your friends is a big source of unease in all this, but you don't actually know their opinion for sure, and you can't unless you were to speak with them. The reality is you're being bothered by your own imagination.

Canluum

Wow... you seriously need to stop overthinking this and chill the heck out

Alcohol alters your brain chemistry and lowers inhibitions. For me this means I become somewhat pansexual when drunk, if I find someone interesting I'll tend to find them attractive. Consequently I've ended up kissing a few gay guys. It doesn't bother me though... I don't develop a neurosis about it or worry me at all. When drunk I've also found obese women attractive and slept with them. tbh I'm much more upset by that as it makes me feel a bit cheap the next day and hurts the ego. Whereas I'm confident in my sexuality, feeling attraction to men sometimes when inebriated isn't exactly a biggy.

I identify as straight, I know manys the gay man who've kissed straight girls and it tends not affect their definition of themselves.

LegacyUser

Canluum wrote: »

Wow... you seriously need to stop overthinking this and chill the heck out

Alcohol alters your brain chemistry and lowers inhibitions. For me this means I become somewhat pansexual when drunk, if I find someone interesting I'll tend to find them attractive. Consequently I've ended up kissing a few gay guys. It doesn't bother me though... I don't develop a neurosis about it or worry me at all. When drunk I've also found obese women attractive and slept with them. tbh I'm much more upset by that as it makes me feel a bit cheap the next day and hurts the ego. Whereas I'm confident in my sexuality, feeling attraction to men sometimes when inebriated isn't exactly a biggy.

I identify as straight, I know manys the gay man who've kissed straight girls and it tends not affect their definition of themselves.

Hi Canluum,

thats the best bit of advice I can see. I have a habit of over thinking things. Im a self conscious person as it is, though not as bad as I used to be. As has been said before Im beginning to accept that whatever I feel is unstoppable. I know now I shouldn't try to label myself and then I wont be bothered by anyone else trying to label me.

I watched the first of the Growing up gay in Ireland. I was impressed by the courage of the people on there. I need to fess up and accept whatever. If only we were all as easy going and accepting as you Canluum.

I was going to write more but in reality I should start off where you suggest....not giving a crap. I still dont know how I can face my friends. Its been ages since I saw them. Im not even sure they're my friends anymore.

Thats besides the point though i guess.

thanks

Annasopra

I think it would be a good idea to make contact with your friends and see how things go then

Iwasfrozen

regular101 wrote: »

Anyway, Im pretty convinced of the homosexuality scale so to speak. From 1-10 I can range from 1 to 6. It changes all the time, even the time of day changes it. I once blurted out to my friends "Im not gay!". I was under the influence of serious drugs at the time. I panicked and fled. I have since distanced myself totally from all my friends and they dont seem to mind.

Well, before we give you advice on your sexuality I think the most important thing here is remind you to never ever do drugs ! Drugs alter your perception of who you are so you should never consider the person you are as "high" is the real you.

Anyway enough about that, reading the rest of your post you mentioned you are not of black and white sexuality. But it is my opinion that nobody is and that our perception of what is attractive to us can fluctuate.

Could it be posible that as you drink you lower your inhibitions and begin to consider what you really want at that moment, namely to be gay ?

Canluum

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

Could it be posible that as you drink you lower your inhibitions and begin to consider what you really want at that moment, namely to be gay ?

Good lord. Why do people always assume someone is repressed? And that alcohol somehow brings out their true selves... this is pure horsesh1t. I've shagged fat birds when plastered... trust me I do NOT secretly find obese women attractive *shudder*. Rowdy drunks are not necessarily rowdy people. Gays who fancy women when drunk don't develop neuroses over it.

He's just getting drunk and being a bit of a sexual tourist. This is fairly standard stuff... I'd suggest the people who don't at least try this are the ones who are mildly repressed.

If he says he only feels a bit gay when drunk I'm inclined to believe him, why would he hide things anonymously after admitting this much? Why does there have to be something more? Occam's razor, the simplest explanation is that the situation is as described. All this second guessing is speculative nonsense and just getting panties in a twist over nothing.

OP, chill out, go ring up your mates, say sorry I was acting all weird there, wasn't feeling myself, then laugh. Even if you do find yourself admiring them whilst inebriated who gives a toss? Take deep breaths and smile, after a couple of beers with them you'll be properly relaxed. Even if you were gay they probably wouldn't care. What does sexuality have to do with friendship anyway? Disconnect the two please, and give the over-analysis a rest, for your sanity's sake.

Nulty

Thanks guys,

fúck this anonymity shít. I'm not ashamed of who I am (what ever that may be!:D)

mcmoustache

OP. Everyone's a little gay. Some more than others. That's my opinion anyway, I'm not sure about the truth in it. I'll leave that to the scientists. While drunk, I've shifted lads for a laugh or a game of chicken. In this day and age it's hardly shocking. I don't think it means you gay. It means you're drunk. If you like girls when you're sober, then that's what you like. If you want to be really sure, next time you're drunk, look around at all the people in the club and see what feels more attractive. We're well past the 90's and preferring partners of the same sex isn't as big a deal as it used to be.