Girlfriend better than me

LegacyUser

Before I go in to this i'd like to stress my girlfriend never ever, has ever made the assumption that she is better than me.

To give you some background info, went out the other evening as you do, nice night out on the town, having fun out in the club decide we will all go off have some food afterwards usual stuff, was her birthday so I was on best behaviour as you do. When walking ask some chap for a lighter for myself, had lost mine. When suddenly the chaps as blunt as you could be "you could do so much better than him" it crushed me, i really really wanted to destroy the chap luckily I'm non-confrontational but the problem is, it's just not some randomer saying it her friends have said it to her as well, testimond to her I'm with her a year and I love her to bits.
Problem being is it makes me very very high strung, jelous, afraid of the unknown of something happening. I don't come across clingy for obvious reasons but it has been known for me to get in a tiff over issues and it's all down to these sort of things.
To be honest i'm not the worlds biggest guy, nor am i the best looking i'd say honestly 5/10 on a good day. When these comments are made she doesn't even say anything to me to be like "oh just ignore" blah blah blah, i really believe she takes it as an ego boost.
I really don't know what to do like it makes me feel crap and i don't want it to come across to her that i'm like this at all.
I'm just very confused it's affecting the relationship, sure it's some self astem issues but i don't know how to get it outta my head!

Jeez what is it with some men? My fella has been on the receiving end of quite a few of those comments recently. I don't get why some men feel the need to tell someone they're not good enough for their partner. I mean, it's obviously motivated by jealously and bitterness (they wouldn't have the confidence or ability to get hot girlfriend or whatever) but why on earth do people think it's acceptable to make a comment like that? To a stranger? I don't know about your GF but I don't take it as an ego boost. It makes me feel crap that someone has made my boyfriend feel like he doesn't deserve me. The person I love more than anyone else, who's loyal and kind, has just been judged and slagged off by some randomer. And it's condescending to ME, implying I'm too stupid to see that my boyfriend is 'beneath' me or I have crap taste in men.

The thing is OP, your girlfriend is with you because you deserve her and at the end of the day some jealous moron isn't going to change that. To be honest, half the time, the bloke is just being a d*ck as I got the same comments when I was with my ex and he was definitely classically good looking, total Brad Pitt type. So don't even take it as any sort of reflection on yourself. And don't even bother rising to the bait. Next time you get a comment like that, just smile smugly in a 'yeah she's great isn't she?' way or make a smart comment and keep walking. Gobsh*tes like that aren't worth fighting with.

beks101

First off, change that title. Your girlfriend is not 'better' than you. At a push, maybe she's 'better looking' and even if that's the case, so what?
She's with you so obviously you're attractive to her; who cares what her b1tchy friends or some w@nker on the street has to say.

(Honestly I don't get these random acts of utter nastiness from complete strangers unprovoked but I admire your strength to be the bigger person and not deck him a well deserved one, fair play)

Anyway the real issue here is your lack of self esteem, as you've already identified. If this issue is interfering in your relationship and causing anxiety and paranoia then you really need to get it in check.

Simple advice: do things that make you feel good about yourself, that's an easy first step. What are you good at? Sports, music, writing, art? If you can find something you enjoy, independent of your relationship, and do it as often as possible, you'll gradually begin to feel better and value yourself a bit more. Are you in college? If so, college counsellor might be worth a visit, from what I remember it's free and it's always good to talk these things out with someone who's not going to judge.

This is only an issue if you make it an issue. Over time your girlfriend may well pick up on your insecurities and your relationship can only suffer if she does. And if she's using these random comments as an ego boost, you need to face the harsh reality that maybe she's not right for you - a supportive girlfriend would not entertain these nasty remarks and the last thing you need right now is someone close to you reaffirming your worst fears about yourself.

Best of luck, you'll get past this.

pwd

You can't tell whether his gf is better than him or vice-versa by reading an anonymous post ffs. That's beside the point anyway.

Your gf's friends are bitches for saying that (regardless of their sex).

Two ways I can think of of handling it:
1 - don't give a sh!t. Join in and say of course she could, pay her compliments. This makes you seem self-assured, which is good, and will probably make her feel good towards you. It pretty much neutralizes the attempt to exclude you by the person saying it. It will be seen like banter and not like criticism if you respond to it like that. She might get a big head anyway though, which could be bad. It's a bit duplicitous too, since you are bothered by it.

2 - Tell her that you don't like her friends putting you down and that you wouldn't let anybody put her down

tell her they never get tired of putting me down and I never know when I come around what I'm going to find. Don't let them make up your mind. I've been misunderstood for all of my life but what they're saying girl it cuts like a knife.

monkey brain

Sorry to hear the effect this has had on you as you dont seem like a bad person. Only advice would be to ignore negative stuff from people that do not matter. Whether you think your girlfriend feels superior to you or not really is not the issue. She is with you for you and if not that will be clear to you. I think if you have more confidence in your self you will not even notice these things..you will be too busy being happy. I know its not easy but you need to work on your own self esteem and confidence. if you can be comfortable in your own skin and accept yourself for who you are, others will too. Good luck!

MissHoneyBun

It's really horrible to be put down by a partner's friends or family. And then even worse when your partner doesn't stick up for you. OP I think people who let others away with treating their boyfriend or girlfriends like crap clearly don't have any loyalty or respect for their partner. All it boils down to is fcuking betrayal and not giving a toss about your feelings. Not to mention cruel to just stand by and let other people take potshots at you. If she cared about you, I really don't think she'd just stand there and watch you get hurt.

Life's too short to spend it with people who make you feel bad.

krudler

I doubt she takes it as an ego boost,put it this way, you probably went home with her that night, he didnt. He probably got pissed, stumbled into a takeaway on the way home and spent the rest of the night **** in front of his pc, you arrived and went with a beautiful woman, never mind what other people think or say out of stupid jealousy and male showboating, shes with you, nobody else. Be proud of the fact you have an attractive girlfriend, to put it bluntly she obviously is with you because she likes you, and having a partner who constantly questions why you're with them isnt very appealing tbh, so remember that no matter what some clown in a club says because he's jealous of you, it cant change the fact shes with you.

MissHoneyBun

krudler wrote: »

Be proud of the fact you have an attractive girlfriend, to put it bluntly she obviously is with you because she likes you, and having a partner who constantly questions why you're with them isnt very appealing tbh, so remember that no matter what some clown in a club says because he's jealous of you, it cant change the fact shes with you.

Anyone can just 'be' with someone Krudler, it's what you do with them and how you treat them that counts.

And I doubt the girl took it as an ego boost either but for her to stand there and accept randomers throwing insults at her boyfriend without so much as offering words of support or reassurance to the guy can't have been nice for him. I doubt anyone here would like it happening to them.

Faith

Look, she chose you. She's been with you for a year; she obviously likes you a lot. People occasionally told me that I could do better than my ex (while we were still together), and I just found it a bit hurtful. I felt like they were judging me more than him actually. All you can do is try to remember that she wouldn't be with you if she didn't really want to be, especially not at this stage.

gavney1

Ah mate, I wouldn't worry about it. The guys who say this sort of thing are generally complete losers, who don't understand the nature of attraction and never ever ever get any women.

gavney1

krudler wrote: »

I doubt she takes it as an ego boost,put it this way, you probably went home with her that night, he didnt. He probably got pissed, stumbled into a takeaway on the way home and spent the rest of the night **** in front of his pc, you arrived and went with a beautiful woman, never mind what other people think or say out of stupid jealousy and male showboating, shes with you, nobody else. Be proud of the fact you have an attractive girlfriend, to put it bluntly she obviously is with you because she likes you, and having a partner who constantly questions why you're with them isnt very appealing tbh, so remember that no matter what some clown in a club says because he's jealous of you, it cant change the fact shes with you.

hahaha, well put! OP, this is probably exactly what happened

Pretty_Pistol

[quote=[Deleted User];65582414] Next time you get a comment like that, just smile smugly in a 'yeah she's great isn't she?' way or make a smart comment and keep walking. Gobsh*tes like that aren't worth fighting with.[/QUOTE]

From now on do what Prince Raspy Waste suggested. Your girlfriend is with you for a year for a reason so try not let insecurities wreck your relationship. The guy and these friends of hers are just jealous.