humanist wedding -v- civil ceremony

rogeo

Hey all

We have decided on a non religious ceremony for our big day next June and we dont know whether to go with a humanist wedding or civil ceremony? Has anyone got any views on ither? Is it true a humanist ceremony is much more personal, atmospheric?
Any info would be appreciated!!!!

lazygal

The main advantage is that you can get married on a Saturday/Sunday with a humanist service whereas civil ceremonies are generally only available Monday to Friday.

http://www.humanism.ie/website/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=66&Itemid=64

PS. I think the humanist one is what you make of it, you can have readings, poems, some people do a candle lighting ceremony. Civil services are lovely too though! I would prefer humanist, just because I love the church in Dublin city centre and its a handy location. My partner and I have had the same debate (not engaged yet, but things heading that way!). Good luck.

Lillylilly

Myself and my partner are choosing to have a humanistic ceremony. They can be much more personal and don't have to follow any structure regarding certain things that need to be said/ vows etc. Even if you're steering away from a religious ceremony, you may want to mention God, or some higher power. God is absolutely not allowed to be mentioned in the civil ceremony. And, like Lazygal said, you can have a weekend ceremony- or a later afternoon/ evening one! Just keep in mind that humanistic marriages are not yet legal in Ireland, so you'll have to go to the registry office to make it legal!

smelltheglove

I covered a humanist ceremony and I have to say it was lovely. The wedding was on a Sunday too!

The bride is a boardsie so she may see this and let you know her thoughts but I think it was definitley that bit nicer than a civil.

Tabnabs

Another vote for a humanist ceremony. I attended one last year and it was very impressive. It was a celebration of the happy couple, not a script with someone else's format/beliefs.

How Strange

We had a civil ceremony and it was lovely. We had 20 people with us; immediate family only. It was relaxed and very informal. It was perfect and I'm so glad we went down the civil ceremony route rather than having it in a church. We were aware of humanist ceremonies but it just wasn't us.

Obviously there is no mention of any sort of god or religion allowed as it is civil but that's what we wanted anyway.

We had one guest sing a song at the beginning and another one sing at the end. We could've had more songs, poems etc but we decided not to.

We had an afternoon wedding and the officiant was so nice and friendly.

The big plus for a civil wedding is you can have it in any building which has a roof so you can have it in your venue-hotel, restaurant etc. If the venue doesn't have a licence they can apply to the HSE.

hazeler

Lillylilly wrote: »

Just keep in mind that humanistic marriages are not yet legal in Ireland, so you'll have to go to the registry office to make it legal!

this is true! we're planning a humanist wedding for the Friday at our wedding venue and are then heading to the registry office with both our parents (as witnesses) to do the legal part on the Monday. The registry office told me you can have their "ceremony" at your venue, but only on a Wednesday, and it can be as long our as short as you like it. Soooo... we are taking the humanist one as our ceremony and the registry office as our, say the words, sign the forms and off with ye, type one. If you have ever seen the registry office in Limerick, you'd know why... Well thats the plan, fingers crossed it comes true

We feel that we will be married after the humanist ceremony on the Friday and will be "legally married" on Monday..

Rogeo, what you are looking at is having both civil and humanist in a way, if you go with humanist, you'll need to make it legal so a civil will be involved.

smog

any idea on the cost of the humanist cermony.

rogeo

Cheers guys for all that info!

We are having ours on a friday so we could do ither! I think the idea of having to do both, if we go with the humanist ceremony is putting my partner off, I can see his point!
We are just afraid a civil ceremony wil be more impersonal, does anyone know where you could find example videos of both?

namurt

We're having a civil ceremony in August. I was a bit worried at first that it would be very "legal" but the registrars' office sent us a copy of the ceremony and there are several sections throughout the ceremony where you can add in your own songs or readings (non-religious of course).

Also, I think the location you choose can make it more personal. I'm not basing this on any experience so no offence to anyone who went with this but I have an image in my head that having the ceremony at a registrar's office would make it less personal so we chose a pretty unusual location for ours, one that suits our personalities and interests.

Good luck with your decision making.

tatli_lokma

Lillylilly wrote: »

Myself and my partner are choosing to have a humanistic ceremony. They can be much more personal and don't have to follow any structure regarding certain things that need to be said/ vows etc. ....... And, like Lazygal said, you can have a weekend ceremony- or a later afternoon/ evening one!

we had a civil ceremony and very much had our own stamp on it. We chose our own vows, included music, readings, poems, candle lighting, we had vows said in two languages. Our registrar was absolutely lovely, and once nothing we said mentioned God or was religious in any way she was very accommodating. We were allowed to rejig it quite a lot. The only thing we HAD to do was say certain things in a certain order for the legal part, but saying that, it made sense to say them in that order, so there was no problem. In all the ceremony took about 45 mins.

As for the late afternoon - ours was at 3.30.

Dyflin wrote: »

Another vote for a humanist ceremony. I attended one last year and it was very impressive. It was a celebration of the happy couple, not a script with someone else's format/beliefs.

again, our ceremony was very much a celebration also, and not a script from someone else, with the exception of a few lines which made it legal. But those lines we would have said anyway!

rogeo wrote: »

We are just afraid a civil ceremony wil be more impersonal,

namurt wrote: »

I have an image in my head that having the ceremony at a registrar's office would make it less personal so we chose a pretty unusual location for ours, one that suits our personalities and interests.

As I have said, a civil ceremony can be very personal - its up to you really. We had music, readings and poems which meant something to us. We had a candle lighting ceremony. We also exchanged gifts which were symbolic as well as rings. We had our family involved in singing and readings. There is no rule that civil ceremonies must be impersonal! I found the staff at the registrars office really lovely and very accommodating. In fact our registrar was really encouraging that we make things as personal as we wanted.....once the few legal sentences which must be said were said, and the paperwork signed, other than that we had a lot of freedom to personalise it.

Humanist ceremonies are also lovely, and if that is what you choose it will be really nice, but all I am saying is don't assume that a civil ceremony is any less special or personal - that is entirely up to you and how involved you want to be in chosing it.

We had our ceremony in a castle in Nth Co Dublin, and it was a really lovely setting, so again, civil ceremony does not have to be in a registry office either.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

dori_dormer

Hi,

I had the same dilema as you,

We are planning our wedding for next june too. I didnt want a civil ceremony as I thought they were too impersonal. Our other reasons were also that I didnt like the registrars offices/ the rooms where they conduct the ceremonies, that we couldnt fit our entire guest list in etc....
Also venues wanted €500 extra to rent a room to hold the ceremony, that could also only hold half the guest list. Plus each registrar only does 5 off site weddings per month, and only weekdays.

So we decided on an immediate family/ wedding party (max 20) civil ceremony on the friday afternoon. Will be wearing formal cocktail dress but not white.
We will then be all heading down to the Brooklodge Hotel in wicklow for dinner, and a personalised Humanist wedding ceremony the next afternoon in their beautiful chapel (free) which can fit everyone!

So it all worked out! Think i definitly got the best of both worlds. We will be making the civil part less important and arent telling guests about it really unless they directly ask about it. I want the saturday tofeel like my wedding day.