Dumped by email

katie99

A guy I was seeing for the past month, suddenly and abruptly cancelled a date with me last Thursday saying he had completely forgotten about it.
I tried ringing him to see if he was ok but he didn't answer his phone.
I received an email on Friday saying he didn't see the point in meeting me anymore and wished me every success in life.
I was devastated and cried myself asleep as I've never been treated so badly before by a guy.
I just want to know what I did to make him behave towards me in such a cold, callous fashion.
I can't believe anyone would behave towards another person like this. Or is this the norm nowadays?

Stacks Mad

All I 'l say thank god you found out so quick that he was a pxxk :rolleyes:! And my findings with the general public are starting to be going down a selfish forum and self centered.

That's my view any way
An best of luck finding someone.:)

shellyboo

He wished you every success in life... that's hardly cold and callous. Fair enough, email is the coward's way out of a breakup but you were only seeing him a month. It's his perogative to break up with you, that doesn't make him a bad person.

There is no nice way to break up with someone, it wouldn't have been much better if he'd done it face to face anyway. Aside from breaking up with you, which obviously isn't very nice, I don't see how he's treated you badly?

InTheTrees

So sorry!

The most important thing to remember right now is that its not you. Its not your fault. You're dealing with some guy who's got issues you probably never guessed at. As you say who would do that? An asshole thats who.
He probably acts like that all the time.

So thinking about what you did or didnt do or could have done is futile. He's a freak and you're better off far away from him.

PK2008

Can you be 'dumped' after only 1 month? Surely you guys were simply on your first few dates at this stage..

Sounds like you kind of dived in too quickly tbh OP.

pwd

Yes. You haven't outlined any bad treatment. You come across like you just have a bruised ego and can't handle that very well.

katie99

No I didn't dive in. I am very careful not to get carried away like that. We had several dates and chats by phone. He said he really liked me and liked chatting with me and found me really interesting.
We had coffee and drinks together andmeals.
This was so out of the blue. I didn't put him under any pressure that I can remember.
How can he be so cruel. I didn't deserve that.
I would have more respect for him had he said it to me personally. Yes, I would have been devastated too, but at least he would have said it in a mature way.
Should I wait a few days and call him to ask him how he is and then ask why he broke it off with me in such a way? I really liked him and thought we could be soulmates.

pwd

InTheTrees wrote: »

So sorry!

The most important thing to remember right now is that its not you. Its not your fault. You're dealing with some guy who's got issues you probably never guessed at. As you say who would do that? An asshole thats who.
He probably acts like that all the time.

So thinking about what you did or didnt do or could have done is futile. He's a freak and you're better off far away from him.

How do you know there's anything wrong with him?
How do you know it was his fault?
Maybe the op would have gone psycho if he said it to her face.
Since you're assuming the op is perfect and this guy must be horrible, I will assume the op would have gone psycho on his ass, in order to maintain balance in the thread.

pwd

katie99 wrote: »

No I didn't dive in. I am very careful not to get carried away like that. We had several dates and chats by phone. He said he really liked me and liked chatting with me and found me really interesting.
We had coffee and drinks together andmeals.
This was so out of the blue. I didn't put him under any pressure that I can remember.
How can he be so cruel. I didn't deserve that.
I would have more respect for him had he said it to me personally. Yes, I would have been devastated too, but at least he would have said it in a mature way.
Should I wait a few days and call him to ask him how he is and then ask why he broke it off with me in such a way? I really liked him and thought we could be soulmates.

no you shouldn't contact him at all.
thinking you could be soulmates is probably what made him dump you.
Nothing more offputting than someone being too keen tbh

Latchy

katie99 wrote: »

No I didn't dive in. I am very careful not to get carried away like that. We had several dates and chats by phone. He said he really liked me and liked chatting with me and found me really interesting.
We had coffee and drinks together andmeals.
This was so out of the blue. I didn't put him under any pressure that I can remember.


How can he be so cruel. I didn't deserve that.
I would have more respect for him had he said it to me personally. Yes, I would have been devastated too, but at least he would have said it in a mature way.

It is a pretty cold and callus way to tell somebody they are dumped although he might have being trying to be honest and not hurt you OP but he could have being a bit more sutble in his telling you .

Unfortunately many people are told in this cold way , your not alone in that respect .

Should I wait a few days and call him to ask him how he is and then ask why he broke it off with me in such a way? I really liked him and thought we could be soulmates.

And most likely only prelong your anguish and pain that much longer ?
What if he tells you why and you dont like what you hear ?
Maybe he doesn't have any real reason ,it might not be you , he might be having other things going on in his life that he cant discuss with you ?

ztoical

katie99 wrote: »

No I didn't dive in. I am very careful not to get carried away like that. We had several dates and chats by phone. He said he really liked me and liked chatting with me and found me really interesting.
We had coffee and drinks together andmeals.
This was so out of the blue. I didn't put him under any pressure that I can remember.
How can he be so cruel. I didn't deserve that.
I would have more respect for him had he said it to me personally. Yes, I would have been devastated too, but at least he would have said it in a mature way.
Should I wait a few days and call him to ask him how he is and then ask why he broke it off with me in such a way? I really liked him and thought we could be soulmates.

You didn't 'dive in' but thought you could be 'soulmates'? It may have been immature but it certainly wasn't cruel. We're in a very technological age now and if people can meet people via the internet then we're going to have people being dumped via the internet...honestly which would have been worse and honest email saying he didn't see a future with you or him just ignoring your texts/phone calls? I don't see anything to be gained by contacting him again to be honest other then just up setting yourself further. If I don't get a job I might email to get some feedback to improve for future job applications but what will you gain from asking him why he no longer wishes to see you...if he says he doesn't like something about you are you going to change to try and win him back? Who wants to be in a relationship where you need to do that?

LegacyUser

katie99 wrote: »

How can he be so cruel. I didn't deserve that.
I would have more respect for him had he said it to me personally. Yes, I would have been devastated too, but at least he would have said it in a mature way.
Should I wait a few days and call him to ask him how he is and then ask why he broke it off with me in such a way? I really liked him and thought we could be soulmates.

You were only going out a month. I don't think he was cruel to end it by email. I think he was mature to let you know, there're many who wouldn't even have the courtesy to do that. I don't think you should contact him again as he has made it clear he doesn't think it would work out. You have to respect his view on this

Cheap Thrills!

katie99 wrote: »

No I didn't dive in. I am very careful not to get carried away like that.

katie99 wrote: »

I really liked him and thought we could be soulmates.

Well, these two statements kinda contradict each other. Talking about soulmates after a month is getting carried away.

katie99 wrote: »

He said he really liked me and liked chatting with me and found me really interesting.

But that all is probably true, he probably DID like you.

katie99 wrote: »

How can he be so cruel. I didn't deserve that.

Hey, it hurts no doubt but Shelleyboo above is right there is no good way to tell someone you don't want to see them any more.....unfortunately. You were only seeing each other a month so still in very casual territory. At least he told you, a lot of times people don't even bother with that, they just don't call the person any more.

katie99 wrote: »

Should I wait a few days and call him to ask him how he is and then ask why he broke it off with me in such a way?

NO WAY You will look like a psycho. Take it on the chin and move on.

Hitgirl

A month isn't very long to be seeing someone, in fairness. So to build him up as a potential soulmate after such a short amount of time is a bit much. I have to agree that that was probably a bit off putting on his part. I mean if he sensed at all that you had him "bigged up" as a soulmate after only a month, he probably freaked out and decided to back off. You cant have known him all that well after a month of seeing him, you need to give these things a bit more time, be a bit more laid back, and see how it progresses.
Being dumped is never nice, no matter how it's done. Of couse it's a bit harsh doing it via email, but maybe he thought it was the best way, given the situation. Perhaps he sensed you wouldn't take it well and was trying to avoid confrontation. Yes, it may be a bit cowardly, but it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. He wished you well, so was clearly trying not to end things on a bad note. You obviously liked him for a reason, so he can't be all that bad. Try not to think so badly of him, and accept that it just wasn't meant to be, and move on. If you keep thinking of it and analysing it, it'll be much harder to get over it.
Plenty more fish in the sea, so try not to let it bother you!

Cullen82

By Email comes across as a bit strange to me - why didnt he text you I'm wondering?!!

Either way a month is nothing...Its such a short period of time that I didnt think it possible to be "dumped"....I can understand you're angry about this but that's life I'm afraid...At least he has not strung you along like a lot of other lads would and told you early on that he has no interest.

Don't take it personally - it's happened us all (apart from the email thing which lets be honest is irrelevant at the end of the day in terms of you being together)

Ickle Magoo

katie99 wrote: »

No I didn't dive in. I am very careful not to get carried away like that. We had several dates and chats by phone. He said he really liked me and liked chatting with me and found me really interesting.
We had coffee and drinks together andmeals.
This was so out of the blue. I didn't put him under any pressure that I can remember.
How can he be so cruel. I didn't deserve that.
I would have more respect for him had he said it to me personally. Yes, I would have been devastated too, but at least he would have said it in a mature way.
Should I wait a few days and call him to ask him how he is and then ask why he broke it off with me in such a way? I really liked him and thought we could be soulmates.

I'm sorry you are sad but I don't think several dates and chats by phone really constitutes a relationship worth breaking your heart over, you seem to be getting in too deep, too soon - and it's not reciprocated. I appreciate you had expectations and you are upset they not going to be fulfilled but I really think you need to take a step back. At least the first 6-8wks of a relationship are testing out whether or not you are compatible with the other person and want to have a long term relationship with them. Unfortunately in this case, for whatever reason, this guy has decided you are not the girl for him.

Of course calling you in person would have been nicer but some people don't like upsetting others or leaving themselves open to an attack or pleading and so avoid ending relationships in person - not very brave but you can understand the motives. You say you are devastated and you thought he was your soul mate - do you think you might have been moving a bit quickly for him? Again, all behaviours in the first couple of months can very easily make someone fall in love or put them completely off, love is fickle! Don't take it personally, he just wasn't the guy for you.

Best of luck.

katie99

I use the word soulmates casually. I agree a month is nothing. But why then say they liked me, enjoyed my company etc, etc and a few weeks later break it off.
I wasn't heavy with him nor did I come on strong. I liked him and he liked me. Or at least I thought he did.
I have learned from a mutual friend this evening he has another girlfriend of which he told me nothing for obvious reasons.
Why do people do these things.

Ickle Magoo

There are hundreds of people I like and enjoy the company of, there are only a couple I would consider having a long-term relationship with. The first few weeks/months of dates and chats is to determine if the relationship is going to move from "liking and enjoying company of" into the next phase of "falling in love & a seeing a future with".

If he had another gf the whole time then you are well rid of him - why do people do it? Because they can. Chin up, plenty of lovely guys out there. :cool:

Cullen82

Were you boyfriend and Girlfriend within a month of meeting?

ANYONE is entitled to see more than one person at any one time providing they are not married or IN a relationship. Personally right now i would love to be seeing more than one girl over the course of a month .... because Im single!!

He told you he liked you, you were interesting etc - I'm sure he still does but it takes a lot more than that to make it work. He probably wanted to tell you out straight because he didnt see any future (which is obv the case here)

Sorry but i dont mean to sound harsh in any of the above

andreac

Sorry, but people do like others and see them for a while and then realise they dont want the relationship to go any further or dont see a future in it, its not a crime and certainly nothing wrong with it.

I was seeing a guy for 2 months, really nice guy and did really like him, but i didnt like him enough for it to continue or see a future in it so i did the decent thing and ended it because i didnt want to string him along as its not fair.
yes its not nice for someone to end things but just because someone likes you doesnt mean they have to stay with you if they dont want to. Its their choice to end it and he did and at least he told you.

So many people wouldnt even bother and just ignore all contact in the hope you will go away so would you have preferred that? i think he did the decent thing and was up front and honest with you, he couldnt have done much more if you ask me.

Unless you were exclusive and talked of being each others girlfriend or boyfriend then they have no obligation to not see other people.

Lux23

shellyboo wrote: »

He wished you every success in life... that's hardly cold and callous. Fair enough, email is the coward's way out of a breakup but you were only seeing him a month. It's his perogative to break up with you, that doesn't make him a bad person.

There is no nice way to break up with someone, it wouldn't have been much better if he'd done it face to face anyway. Aside from breaking up with you, which obviously isn't very nice, I don't see how he's treated you badly?

Dumping someone by email is cold and callous even if you wish them every success in life. I know there is no nice way to do but by email or text is just going to upset the other person especially if things seemed to be going ok.

OP I doubt you did anything wrong, he obviously just wasn't interested in a realtionship with you so he ended things. Think yourself lucky that he did it this quickly and didn't wait till you had fallen for him, if your honest with yourself all you really have is a bruised ego. The best thing to do is move on and forget about him, don't go looking for answers as what difference will it make in the end.

LegacyUser

Hi OP. I know it's horrible that he had a gf but I might be able to answer why he did it. I did the same before myself. I was bored in a relationship so I decided to go on a few dates with another girl. Once she slept with me I bailed. I did this more than once too. I'm not saying it's right it most certainly isn't but some of us guys are just a**holes!!

dublingal80

katie99 wrote: »

No I didn't dive in. I am very careful not to get carried away like that. We had several dates and chats by phone. He said he really liked me and liked chatting with me and found me really interesting.
We had coffee and drinks together andmeals.
This was so out of the blue. I didn't put him under any pressure that I can remember.
How can he be so cruel. I didn't deserve that.
I would have more respect for him had he said it to me personally. Yes, I would have been devastated too, but at least he would have said it in a mature way.
Should I wait a few days and call him to ask him how he is and then ask why he broke it off with me in such a way? I really liked him and thought we could be soulmates.

no. definitely dont do it. because hearing him say that he doesnt want to get back together will just get you upset and put you back to square one. Im sorry he has hurt you but believe me we all get hurt in life. If you do call him i can guarantee you in a few weeks/months you are going to 100% regret it.

At the end of the day it is his loss.

You will move on and you will find the man of your dreams, i can promise you that

dublingal80

katie99 wrote: »

I use the word soulmates casually. I agree a month is nothing. But why then say they liked me, enjoyed my company etc, etc and a few weeks later break it off.
I wasn't heavy with him nor did I come on strong. I liked him and he liked me. Or at least I thought he did.
I have learned from a mutual friend this evening he has another girlfriend of which he told me nothing for obvious reasons.
Why do people do these things.

the fact that he has another girlfriend, you are well rid!! stay well well well away from him. its best it happened now instead of a few more months down the line when feelings were developed

I think you should be happy that things have ended since he is a two timing rat!!