not really attracted to anyone.

LegacyUser

i figured this would be the best board to go to for this, if not, i'm sorry, i figured that a board based on sexuality would be a good place to go with this.

basically, i'm nearly twenty and i have never really fancied someone.
like, i might see someone on the telly or something and think he/she's hot but i've never really had it happen in real life. there have been a few times when i have been attracted to someone, but it is really rare, i can only think of two times, once a guy and once a girl.
thoughts of doing stuff with guys or girls does turn me on, i have done things with guys, but being completely honest, i just get kinda bored, like going through the motions. i havnt found myself really attracted to either of the two guys i did things with, i really just wanted to try it out cos i was curious.

i havnt done anything with a girl, i think this is mainly because i dont recognise when people are attracted to me/flirting and the two guys were more, agressive i suppose is the word, they made their intentions clear. there have been a few times where a girl has been flirting really heavily with me and afterwards people would be like "wtf is wrong with you?" and i just wouldnt have copped it at all.
i can tell if two other people are flirting with each other, even subtely its super obvious to me, and instantly im like they are so into each other, but when i am in the situation, i am oblivious. i'm slightly self-concious so that might have something to do with it (last time i brought this up with someone the reaction was "why? theres nothing wrong with you" so that didnt really help)

if suddenly i find i'm gay thats fine, same with being straight or bisexual, i really have no problems with that, but its just the whole lack of general attraction thing that has me worried, i also find it hard to rate people in general, like if someone said oh that person there is a 8 outta 10 what do you think, i wouldnt be able to say oh yeah, definatly or actually i think its 7. its just like, they're a person, with a face, like everyone else.

i have tried talking ot a freind about it, but when i said i got kinda bored when doing stuff with guys, she was just like "oh, so then you're straight, end of discussion"

i have never been in a relationship either, which i kinda find worrying aswell, i'm know im only 19, but i am half convinced that if this dosnt sort itself out soon im gonna end up alone for the rest of my life (yes, i am aware how super melodramatic that sounds)

i'm also paranoid that, if/when i do something with a girl, i'll probably have to explain i am a virgin in that side of things, which in itself dosnt bother me, but at the same time, i dont want her to be like oh great, well that was crap, afterwards.

i'm sorry if that is kinda long, but if anyone has any advice or has experience similar i would really appriciate any help.

thanks

Iwasfrozen

havn'taclue. wrote: »

i figured this would be the best board to go to for this, if not, i'm sorry, i figured that a board based on sexuality would be a good place to go with this.

thanks

It's simple, you're asexual.

And you have very bad grammar.

rainbow kirby

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

And you have very bad grammar.

This isn't the place to be a grammar nazi.

OP - if you think you may be asexual/demisexual, it might be worthwhile having a read of the AVEN forums and see if any of it strikes a chord. Don't feel you have to label yourself though, you are still young and there is a lot of time to let everything fall into place for you.

Nebit

havn'taclue. wrote: »

i figured this would be the best board to go to for this, if not, i'm sorry, i figured that a board based on sexuality would be a good place to go with this.

basically, i'm nearly twenty and i have never really fancied someone.
like, i might see someone on the telly or something and think he/she's hot but i've never really had it happen in real life. there have been a few times when i have been attracted to someone, but it is really rare, i can only think of two times, once a guy and once a girl.
thoughts of doing stuff with guys or girls does turn me on, i have done things with guys, but being completely honest, i just get kinda bored, like going through the motions. i havnt found myself really attracted to either of the two guys i did things with, i really just wanted to try it out cos i was curious.

i havnt done anything with a girl, i think this is mainly because i dont recognise when people are attracted to me/flirting and the two guys were more, agressive i suppose is the word, they made their intentions clear. there have been a few times where a girl has been flirting really heavily with me and afterwards people would be like "wtf is wrong with you?" and i just wouldnt have copped it at all.
i can tell if two other people are flirting with each other, even subtely its super obvious to me, and instantly im like they are so into each other, but when i am in the situation, i am oblivious. i'm slightly self-concious so that might have something to do with it (last time i brought this up with someone the reaction was "why? theres nothing wrong with you" so that didnt really help)

if suddenly i find i'm gay thats fine, same with being straight or bisexual, i really have no problems with that, but its just the whole lack of general attraction thing that has me worried, i also find it hard to rate people in general, like if someone said oh that person there is a 8 outta 10 what do you think, i wouldnt be able to say oh yeah, definatly or actually i think its 7. its just like, they're a person, with a face, like everyone else.

i have tried talking ot a freind about it, but when i said i got kinda bored when doing stuff with guys, she was just like "oh, so then you're straight, end of discussion"

i have never been in a relationship either, which i kinda find worrying aswell, i'm know im only 19, but i am half convinced that if this dosnt sort itself out soon im gonna end up alone for the rest of my life (yes, i am aware how super melodramatic that sounds)

i'm also paranoid that, if/when i do something with a girl, i'll probably have to explain i am a virgin in that side of things, which in itself dosnt bother me, but at the same time, i dont want her to be like oh great, well that was crap, afterwards.

i'm sorry if that is kinda long, but if anyone has any advice or has experience similar i would really appriciate any help.

thanks

dont listen to him ^^ (meaning IWF)
yes you seem to sound either Asexual, meaning without sexuality or pansexual meaning that your not limited in a gender sense and that you fall solely for personality.
if you are asexual, it may mean that you're simply not emotionally ready for a relationship of this kind just yet.
if your pansexual it could mean you've not found you matching personality.
Either way i would not worry about it.

spurious

Asexual people are quite rare.
Give yourself time OP, despite what many think, 20 is still very young.

crotalus667

Op you could be bi with a very low sexdrive or you could be asexual or you could be some where inbetwen Dont get cought up in finding labels just be happy with being who you are




ps

as for the "that was crap thing" dont worry if you want to try some thing to see if it fits try it and if it dosent fit just chalk it up to experence;)

MicraBoy

I wouldn't go jumping to any conclusions about being asexual. You may just be one of those people who needs a deeper connection with a person in order to feel attraction. This means that you are not going to meet people you are attracted to all that often. Unfortunately society (and sometimes these boards) make it seem like you are a freak if you are not some sort of super sex bunny.

You are young. My advice is to take your time, experiement, be safe, have fun.

Oh and on the virginity thing, just get over the fact that the first time will most likely be crap. It takes practice to get good at sex. In terms of sex I go by the rule: You have nothing to fear but fear itself....and pregnancy.....and knob rot....

azezil

Past me, is that you!? :eek:

I was quite like you when I was your age, I hadn't even kissed someone (male or female), so in fairness you're not as bad off as I was

From an early age I just knew I wasn't attracted to women and had never considered guys. Growing up sex was a very taboo subject in my household so I'd no idea about anything even remotely sexual, I didn't even know how to go about having sex, hell I'd never even jerked off (seriously, never!)

At the age of 22 I decided I'd give guys a go, I figured at least they'll have bits n bobs I understand so it won't be completely alien to me. I got blind drunk one night and forced myself to kiss a guy, or rather he kissed me. I enjoyed the kissing but for over a year after sex never did anything for me. Even while alone I couldn't 'finish myself off' as it were.

It took me a long time but eventually at 24 I started to break down my mental blocks and started to feel comfortable enough in myself to start enjoying sex.

It was all in my head, I was so self conscious that I was preventing myself from ever enjoying sex and until then, I too rarely found anyone attractive.

Beruthiel

azezil wrote: »

It took me a long time but eventually at 24 I started to break down my mental blocks and started to feel comfortable enough in myself to start enjoying sex.

And boy, have you made up for lost time!

Seriously though, do you think that if you had some sort of professional to talk to at around the age of 21 or so, it might have helped you realise that those mental blocks were there?

azezil

It certainly would have helped, yes.
It was the complete lack of information and understanding which kept me locked up in my own little world for so long.

Beruthiel

azezil wrote: »

It certainly would have helped, yes.
It was the complete lack of information and understanding which kept me locked up in my own little world for so long.

Then it is something the OP should seriously think about doing.

LegacyUser

i dont think i'm asexual, and i do have a sexual drive, i do masturbate and orgasm from it.
i have half considered going to a therapist before, but then i wouldnt really know what sort of therapist would even deal with that kinda thing or how to start talking about it, theres also the expense aspect of it. and i kinda worried that i if i did go to a therapist, i just wouldnt be able to talk about it. i'm not really able to talk about sex to people, even things that are remotely sexual make me kinda uncomfortable in discussion, i can think about it fine, but i cant really seem to verbalise it very well. anytime i have talked about sex to people i know it has taken a lot for me to say anything, or i was kinda drunk at the time. i dont want to go and sit in some therapists office for an hour too embarrased to say anything.

Iwasfrozen

havn'taclue wrote: »

i dont think i'm asexual, and i do have a sexual drive, i do masturbate and orgasm from it.
i have half considered going to a therapist before, but then i wouldnt really know what sort of therapist would even deal with that kinda thing or how to start talking about it, theres also the expense aspect of it. and i kinda worried that i if i did go to a therapist, i just wouldnt be able to talk about it. i'm not really able to talk about sex to people, even things that are remotely sexual make me kinda uncomfortable in discussion, i can think about it fine, but i cant really seem to verbalise it very well. anytime i have talked about sex to people i know it has taken a lot for me to say anything, or i was kinda drunk at the time. i dont want to go and sit in some therapists office for an hour too embarrased to say anything.

Don't go to a therapist. They are all crooks and tbh probably won't be able to tell you anything you don't already know.

Only you can say for definite what sexuality you are. We strangers on the internet cannot put that label on you. Just go out and do what feels natural to you.

P.S Please work on your grammer.

Boston

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

P.S Please work on your grammer.

When you came onto this forum you where treated with respect despite being at odds with everyone. If your intention is to make it difficult for other people to seak help on this forum, your welcome will be revoked.

ixoy

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

P.S Please work on your grammer.

P.P.S - Don't mod. It's not your place to correct people in this regard. We'll ask nicely this time.

kisaragi

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

Don't go to a therapist. They are all crooks and tbh probably won't be able to tell you anything you don't already know.

Only you can say for definite what sexuality you are. We strangers on the internet cannot put that label on you. Just go out and do what feels natural to you.

P.S Please work on your grammer.

What? I know several people who've really benefited from going to therapists, and I know a few who want to be therapists too (I'm almost finished a psychology degree) and they're anything but crooks. I'd like to know what evidence you have to back up this statement.

Annasopra

It's simple, you're asexual.

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

Don't go to a therapist. They are all crooks and tbh probably won't be able to tell you anything you don't already know.

Only you can say for definite what sexuality you are. We strangers on the internet cannot put that label on you. Just go out and do what feels natural to you.

IWF your replies in this thread contradict themselves and your views on therapists as being crooks are not helpful - - The OP is asking for advice and you have given confusing unhelpful advice, if you have constructive positive advice to add then please do so - otherwise just say nothing

PS - I will delete any further comments on IWFs views on Therapists as off topic

Iwasfrozen

Johnnymcg wrote: »

IWF your replies in this thread contradict themselves and your views on therapists as being crooks are not helpful - - The OP is asking for advice and you have given confusing unhelpful advice, if you have constructive positive advice to add then please do so - otherwise just say nothing

The only person who can help the OP is himself. Only he can say for definite what his sexuality is. We strangers on the internet can only guess based on what evidence he has given us.

To the OP my main advice would be don't worry about it. It is my opinion that peoples sexuality fluctuates. Reading your first post you sounded asexual to me but having read your second post I would rule that out since you mentioned you masterbate.

Either way don't worry about it and do what comes natural.

Tricity Bendix

havn'taclue wrote: »

ii wouldnt really know what sort of therapist would even deal with that kinda thing or how to start talking about it

A sex therapist. Your local GP should be able to put you in touch with one.

As for not being able to talk, you were able to open up to a bunch of strangers on an internet chatroom, so I think you'll be fine on that score.

Totoro_

Alot of people as well cannot find someone they are attracted to for a number of reasons.

People need to feel comfortable with who they are before they can find someone to get sexual intimate with as I have learnt regardless of sex.

As well some people just have low sex drives

LegacyUser

it's easier online, i don't know any of you (as far as i am aware) and likewise none of you know me, there is no chance i will meet you in public/feel you're judging me/staring by bringing up things because i can't see your face. it''s not personal. its so much easier to admit things while talking to a faceless stranger who can never identify you.

i don't think i could ask my doctor for a reference to a sex therapist (i didn't know such a thing existed), known him almost since i was born, i think i might just do some research into different therapists myself first and if that dosn't work/i can't find anything, i'll go to a doctor and see if they can recommend anyone.

Tricity Bendix

havn'taclue wrote: »

i don't think i could ask my doctor for a reference to a sex therapist (i didn't know such a thing existed), known him almost since i was born, i think i might just do some research into different therapists myself first and if that dosn't work/i can't find anything, i'll go to a doctor and see if they can recommend anyone.

As a general life-tip: don't ever be embarrassed to tell your GP anything. Your health is the most important thing you possess, it would be silly to risk it rather than telling your GP about something they are trained to help people with. I've been in a comparable situation to yourself, and although talking to my GP (whom I've known all my life) wasn't the easiest thing in the world, it was far easier than knowingly putting my welfare at risk.

Kanoe

Hi op, probably don't have much advice to give but I spent a good part of ten years that way and at the time was happy enough to go it alone forever too. I'm not so much into labelling either, although I can understand how it can give perspective and help you know you're not entirely alone. not sure how much I can say but I generally had more interest in things than people Think its a personality thing rather than a sexuality thing though, unless something (or someone) moves me to my core I'm not so bothered with it, and actually I'm still that way inclined. I don't know how relevant it is but I suffered a loss at an age where I probably otherwise would have been experimenting with emotional and sexual involvement and I think it had a bearing on how I related to other people. (unable to equate the two) but age has its advantages and celibacy has ...made me hypersensitive so it's not all bad.

LegacyUser

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

Don't go to a therapist. They are all crooks and tbh probably won't be able to tell you anything you don't already know.

Only you can say for definite what sexuality you are. We strangers on the internet cannot put that label on you. Just go out and do what feels natural to you.

P.S Please work on your grammer.

and its grammAr

Sorry, couldnt help my self