Falling in love with straight people

Chuchoter

Namely best friends who, after you came out to them, are somewhat disgusted by you. She doesn't know I like her and she doesn't seem to even want me as a friend. Its pretty soul-crushing. Experiences? Solutions?

Boston

Maybe she only now realised that all those intimate moments she shared with you may not have been innocent? I've said this before, but it bares repeating. I've a broad mix of friends, gay, straight and bisexual, men and women. I've found that not hitting on them is the best way to keep them.

akaspike

Boston wrote: »

Maybe she only now realised that all those intimate moments she shared with you may not have been innocent? I've said this before, but it bares repeating. I've a broad mix of friends, gay, straight and bisexual, men and women. I've found that no hitting on them is the best way to keep them.

I cant agree any more with this.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I am a straight girl, and went through this with my gay/bi female friend. She came out to me very early in our friendship which was good I suppose...but I slowly came to realise she liked me more than a friend, and again like the others said I starting questioning all the things she said to me, and all those night we were drunk and it kind of annoyed me...and then she even went as far as asking me would I ever try it etc...
I was in a relationship myself at the time, and that suffered, I fell pregnant on my first child and I think this is when we stopped being close friends..I think it hurt her, which in turn really hurt me, as those feelings were just not there on my side.
Anyway I am happy to say we are now again great friends...It is a tricky situation and I guess it requires both people being very adult and sensitive about these situations...Sure I have a gay male friend, who wanted to sleep with me...he thinks he has feelings for me...and I just said forget it...
As a straight female I am very confused about how sexuality works for both gay and bi, there seems to be so much confusion around it...and at times cross over...

I think it is sad that some people stop being friends because of this...I found it flattering..but if it does interefer with the friendship, then it is not a good thing, I think if it was a guy I was close to, and he said he liked me, and I didnt feel the same way....I would still try and remain friends...it should be the same. I think the person that has the feelings has to decide if it is healthy to be around a close friend that they have strong feelings for...
But again I think it is totally natural to fall for a very close friend....you have so much in common...and then it can escalate further....

But I think anyone who is disgusted by your sexual preference does not deserve your friendship...

crayolastereo wrote: »

Namely best friends who, after you came out to them, are somewhat disgusted by you. She doesn't know I like her and she doesn't seem to even want me as a friend. Its pretty soul-crushing. Experiences? Solutions?

Dwn Wth Vwls

It's easy to fantasise about how great you think someone is, and think how perfect they are. The addendum is always "if only they liked me" though. They don't like you, so therefore they're not perfect for you. If they were perfect for you they'd be crazy about you. When you see "not liking me" as someone's fatal flaw, it's easier to stop considering their potential and fantasising about them.

Jinxi

Is it just me who feels that I can control who I fall for(not fancy/lust after...fall in love with)?
For me, this is up there with those silly girls that constantly go for the "bad boys" then spend their lives crying on other peoples shoulders, wondering "why me???"
If you know they are straight before you fall for them, then I have very little sympathy. If you feel like your getting in too deep then back up for a while.
Wishing them to "give it a go" is as pointless as others expecting you to do the same.

Chuchoter

Well she says she's bi....but I don't think she really understands what that is as half my friends say they're bi but they can't think of one girl they like.

In any case, how do I get over the whole awkwardness factor? Like even if I just want to leave it as friends she won't treat me as a friend (like you know the way girls are always really affectionate, she would rather stand up than sit beside me). I only have straight friends and I have no idea where gay girls my age are outside of belongto which I'm not allowed to go to.

Asphyxia

I used to get really annoyed with people over this, I had a group of friends that were Lesbians/bisexual. One of my friends were really attracted to a bisexual girl but we relised that she was just leading my friend on she wasn't really bi just used to use the label around guys to get them to like her it was horrible and my friend got really hurt because of it. I think it's stupid to do things like this.

LegacyUser

just so you know, I have been there before too. I actually ended up in a relationship with my straight (thats what she claims even when we were together) best friend for over a yr and it nearly killed me having to be in the closet most of the time again. I'm living and working with her now this summer which, after she broke up with me basically for being a girl, is rather difficult and makes the healing process slow. But from the sound of it, your best friend is not much of one. Someone coming out to anyone is a bit of a pill to swollow but best friends are supposed to love you no matter what and accept all of you, so talk to her. I wouldn't tell her you love her, that for sure will drive her away. But talk to her and tell her that being bi or gay (whichever you are) is not all of you. That you are still the same person she loves and is best friends with, you've just opened up and trusted her a little more now. She should feel honored that you feel comfortable to tell her this. But in the end, if she wants to walk away, you have to let her and hope that in your absence she will realize that being gay is so so minor in comparison to what she is missing. Hang in there hun you'll make it through this.

Millieboo

ok i get that i sound like complete bitch right now but, my bff came out to me earlier this year, wasn't a surprise but i was happy for her that she could finally be free...to me it's irreverant, i think you fall for person not gender - i think im straight but who really knows! anyway she keeps makin "jokes" that i am perfect girl for her etc, all i can do is laugh it off but say in no uncertain terms that i have aabs no interest in her in that way, end of! sometimes you can be too nice and it can lead to mixed signals.....you have to be honest, just like u always are with ur bff

baby and crumble

i think sometimes it can actually be a safe bet, fancying a straight girl. I did it for years, and it was only because i wasn't ready myself for a real relationship with a woman. You can experience all the feelings, the emotional highs, the lows and everythignin between, finally, for a woman, and you're letting yourself feel it, and it's amazing.

But sooner or later you have to understand that she's straight. Just like any guys that fancy you have to understand that you're gay. it happens both ways. i do laugh sometimes at lesbians who say stuff like 'she says she's straight, but how does she know she is until she tries it with a girl?" and get offended at the mere mention from a guy that all we need is a jolly good seeing to by them and we'd be 'alright'?