How to force counselling on someone?

LegacyUser

I have a family member who has been going through a very bitter and messy separation over the last several years. Now this individual has always had a fiery temper and regularly argues with her siblings and then refuses to speak to them for months on end if they disagree with any of her actions. Her eldest son is in his early twenties and has now has an equally hot temper. They occasionally get into extremely vicious arguments which are spiralling out of control - during a recent argument the son feigned a drug overdose. She has refused to speak to me for the last several weeks after I had insisted she get counselling otherwise I would report it to the HSE. Now I have heard from other family members that there has been another big argument between mother & son during which he slapped his mother once. He has since apologised and things have quietened down again so a temporary willingness to seek counselling will go on the long finger again....
Now I know that the separation has put a huge emotional strain on the family and that is compounded by serious financial woes (made worse by excessive ‘comfort shopping’). As they are both over 21 it is tempting let them at it until one or other gets sense to move out or be kicked out, but there are two younger teenagers in the home and all these bitter arguments are also affecting them, so that if even if the eldest moves out the arguing will then start with the next.
No matter how bad it gets I know she won’t voluntarily go for help – she put up with years of physical abuse from her Ex and didn’t get help then either. I really believe I need to force something to happen although I know I will get no thanks, even from the extended family who are all basically afraid of her temper. The two younger kids still have time to benefit from a stable home environment but if no action is taken I think they will all go on to have dysfunctional relationships in life. But if I report it to the HSE it’s also likely to prejudice her forthcoming divorce proceedings as her Ex is even more psychotic and has potential access to HSE records through his work.
What can I do or who can I turn to get this family some help before it implodes????

ztoical

You can't force counseling on anyone - if they don't want to go they won't end of. As the mother and son are both adults in the eyes of the law and your basing alot of what you know on hear say from other family members there isn't a whole lot you can do. If the other children are under age you can report the mother as unfit to the health board and they will investigate the home situation and IF they feel the mother is a danger to her kids they may be taken into care but get ready for a massive amount of family backlash if it gets back that you reported her.

You can speak with your family and suggest and intervention but honestly from the sounds of it it won't get you anywhere. So your options are be the bad guy and report her or leave them alone to sort their own mess out.

sam34

you cannot "force" counselling on someone

for counselling to be effective, there has to be full and honest participation and engagement from the client

you're not gonna get that if they're being "forced"

also, i doubt any counsellor would agree to see someone under those circumstances

MagicSean

Go to your local citizens advice bureau and see if a safety order or protection order with be an option in this case.

LegacyUser

Ok, I take the point about not being able to 'force' someone to counselling but I think the situation is recoverable if there is some form of intervention. But I know she or the eldest wont initiate it and the younger kids would never dream of calling childline. If nothing changes they will all become estranged and go on to have dysfunctional relationships themsleves in due course.
Its tempting to sit on the sidelines and not do something but thats how child abuse and planning corruption thrived. I was hoping someone might have an insight into some agency or helpline that maybe could assist without going to the HSE.