Long distance relationship going stale?

LegacyUser

Hi there

As per the title, I'm a mid-20s guy currently in a long-distance relationship. I work regular office hours Mon-Fri and she works retail management hours which are a few late nights a week and at least Saturday if not Sunday too. We've been going out now for nearly 15 months. She called it off last summer as she felt the relationship was not working out. We got back together a couple of months later, and all was going well. I do pretty much all of the travelling in the relationship, partly because of her hours, partly because I still live at home and that bugs her a bit, and partly out of habit. I've been trying to get her to come up more but she has a small kitten and lives alone, so she doesnt want to leave the cat on her own while she's up here.

However, over the past 4-6 weeks I've been finding that the relationship is burning out somewhat. We haven't really been texting as much during the week, I used to ring her every weeknight but I havent really been doing that lately. When we meet up at weekends, because she is often working I am alone for a lot of the day. I just feel that the relationship has stopped progressing altogether or something. She also did a couple of things lately which I felt were really ****ty and my family concur.

The first thing was that she went and got herself and her friend weekend tickets for Oxegen, and she didnt even mention it to me until after the event. She claims that she and her friend never get to do anything together - but she works with this girl I'm pretty accomodating when she wants to meet up with her instead of me on a weekend night. I thought this was really really unfair given that almost every other aspect of the relationship is set on her terms.

The second thing was that her mum went and booked herself and my gf plane tickets for a holiday. Myself and my GF had been discussing going on the holiday, but she only told me about the tickets two weeks after they were booked! Again, I thought that was inconsiderate. When my parents asked why I wasn't going to either event and I told them, they were f***ing outraged, and felt I was being treated like a total doormat. I am a fairly quiet, easy going guy, who tends to take the path of least resistance, but the fact I'm feeling the way I'm feeling tells me I'm not taking this route anymore.

It's this and other events which make me feel the foundation of the relationship has completely hollowed out, that we have no longer have anything in common and are just meeting up because we don't want to break up. She tells me all the time that she loves me and that she would hate it if I left her.
I don't want to put either of us through the pain of a breakup, as I know she would be devastated - I haven't really indicated to her that I'm unhappy as I feel it would just descend into an argument whenever we argue that I end up losing or that she will just not see my point of view at all.

However I have to do something as this conflicted feeling I have is bringing on some old anxiety problems I used to have, and is kind of affecting my quality of life.

Any advice at all would be much appreciated, thanks.

Cheap Thrills!

Definitely sounds like she is taking you for granted. Specially you doing most of the travelling.

What was she doing going and getting a cat when she knew she was in a LDR, sounds like she expects you to do all the running.

Also sounds like she doesn't see you in her future, by the fact she is booking events without you, albeit claiming it was hre Mam/friend who did it....yeh whatever.

She has it all very convenient. If someone likes you they come at least halfway to meet you.....sounds like this one can't be bothered.

I think you are right. It seems to have run its course. Also, beware, unfortunately easygoing people can be exploited in relationships.

Ickle Magoo

You live at home and she has her own place, and you don't know why she doesn't want to cosy up with your folks and then head on up to your bedroom in the parental home rather than her place? The fact your parents are "outraged" at your gf doing something without you would put me off spending time under their roof too, tbh, they sound a bit involved in your adult relationship. :eek:

She's under no obligations to buy you ticket to anything nor go on holiday with you - but the not telling you about it or being secretive isn't on and she has to know that, so perhaps it's deliberately excluding you and things are coming to a head?

Best of luck.