How To Innitiate Sex Without Been a Slut

LegacyUser

Ok, I was with my ex for about 6 months. I'm mad for him - have it bad. Anyways we're FWB atm and I really want him back. He thinks allmy mates are sluts - I'll be honest - they are. So deep down I think that's the reason he broke up with me - because he thinks if all my mates are like that I must be like that which I amn't in anyway!

Anyways yeah so we're FWB atm and I really want him to want me I'm very shy when it comes to innitiating it and it ALWAYS starts off the exact same...he'll cuddle into me then start playing with my breasts.. **embarrassed smile** (i think i might be a bit of a prude!). However, when we do get into it I'm always asking him what he wants to do and if there's anything else we can try out, we've pretty much done it all, missionary, doggy, side, wheelbarrow, 69ers. I'm trying really hard to impress him and make him want me but I just can't innitiate things. I absolutely HATE been on top (I feel really slutty bouncing up and down - it just doesn't seem "romantic" .. I also feel very fat on top cuz my whole body is exposed to him if you know what I mean). I dunno what to do cuz he loves me on top.. Is there any other woman that can relate to this? I know guys love sex and don't get me wrong I love it, but I'm always conscious of appearing "slutty" or "too wild" - Guys, any advice would be great. Thanks

Elle Collins

You've got to work on getting rid of those hang-ups before you can ever expect to get the best out of sex.

LegacyUser

Elle Collins wrote: »

You've got to work on getting rid of those hang-ups before you can ever expect to get the best out of sex.

Exactly hence the thread ..............

LegacyUser

Some would consider putting out to someone on a regular basis that has no interest in a relationship as "slutty", so you should think again before you label all your friends as sluts.

LegacyUser

advice_please!! wrote: »

Anyways we're FWB atm and I really want him back. He thinks allmy mates are sluts

All else aside, why are you with a man who has such blatant double standards? No wonder you're confused about what way you should act!

For your own esteem, get as far away as possible from him, and figure out for yourself what you deem to be acceptable or unacceptable

ilovetosing

unregistered wrote: »

All else aside, why are you with a man who has such blatant double standards? No wonder you're confused about what way you should act!

For your own esteem, get as far away as possible from him, and figure out for yourself what you deem to be acceptable or unacceptable

I think this is good advice OP. He is using you as a FB for the very reason that your friends are "sluts" and he more than likely thinks I'll just keep the sex on tap here cause she is like them but deep down he knows you want a relationship and I only say this because its similar to how I acted with an ex of mine which I am not proud of still! You need to tell him that's not the case and set him straight or else this may hit you hard someday if you see him out with someone whom to him is not a "slut" in his opinion.

krudler

so he thinks your friends are sluts but wants to have sex with you without being in an actual relationship, ah the good old double standards...

As for being on top, do you do it with the lights on or off? if its that unappealing to you then ask him if ye can have the lights off, most men (I know I do) love watching their partners boobs jiggle while theyre on top, thats not "slutty" though

ash23

You could become an expert at how to inititate sex without seeming like a slut but it won't solve the problem. Which is that this guy doesn't want to be your boyfriend. You could be a kinky girl in the bedroom and a vestile virgin outside of it but he still won't want to go out with you.
You can try every sexual position under the sun and give him the best sex of his life and you guessed it, he STILL won't want to go out with you.


Btw, I'm not sure what you mean by your friends being slutty when you are having sex with a guy casually.
Nothing wrong with FWB (unless one person wants more- that would be you btw), but it's bit rich of you both to be calling your mates slutty when you guys are doing the deed outside of a relationship.

LegacyUser

i agree with all the above, sorry to say it, iv been in the exact same situation and i spent 3 years in it, up until about 6 months ago when i finally got sick of wasting my time, being messed around and hurt by someone who didnt give two f***s about me. its fairly knocked my self esteem. i know when you say you feel slutty how that feels, but did you ever think you feel that way cause you put yourself in this situation in the first place?! its a vicious cycle and will destroy your self esteem and make you miserable, listen to yourself! you want to know how to initiate sex without feeling slutty?! you wouldnt feel slutty if you were sleeping with someone who loved you. sex should be fun, NOT a trade off for the hope of making someone care about you. he will allow you to continue on like this for as long as you want, hes got everything he wants and you get a bit of false hope in return by giving it to him. if you feel guilt or 'sluttyness' for sleeping with someone something is very wrong. if you feel slutty now, how do you think you would feel in a few years time? il tell you its not a nice feeling.

cafecolour

Get out of that relationship. It basically sounds like you're still madly into him, he couldn't really care less and just wants sex with you until a virginal 18 yo comes prancing along.

Really, for your own sanity, cut contact.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for the comments and advice. I can see exactly all your points but as the previous poster said, yes, I am still deeply in love with him. Everything in my life seems to revolve around him i.e. if i dye my hair this colour will he like it, if i lose some weight will he like me more, if i move out will he think oh she's become really independant and want to be with me, etc etc. As crazy as it sounds it actually keeps me sane and motivated. He keeps saying he'd like a relationship "down the line". See he's 24, i'm 18.

I'm probably going to get a lot of abuse for what I'm about to say but I'm so so mad about him that the last few times we've slept together I've suggested not using protection and using the pull out method with the hopes that i might become pregnant

If i did end up pregnant then he'd have to be with me. Listen i know i sound a complete and utter psycho here but all i'm trying to do is to paint an honest picture of how i'm feeling. I know all of the advice I've been given is to cut contact, focus more on myself, etc, but i don't think i can picture my life without him. And that's the reason I'm not a slut because i'm in it for the relationship i'm not "using" him, whereas my mates woill go off with randomers every single wk/end!

LegacyUser

OP i find your post very sad. It seems to me that you are desperately trying to get back with this guy despite the fact that he clearly isn't that interested in you (he wouldn't have broken up with you if he was) and doesn't seem like a very nice guy.

It's rude of him to make comments about your friends like that and quite hypocritical considering what's going on between you two.

No matter what you do or don't do in bed with him, isn't going to make him want to get back with you. You shouldn't feel like a slut for initiating sex or having sex in particular positions, that's actually ridiculous. Find someone who's actually interested in you work out what you like sexually.

OPhere

OPhere wrote: »

If i did end up pregnant then he'd have to be with me.

No, you'd probably never see him again, *ever*.
Do you really want to try finding that out the hard way with a baby on your own?

Ickle Magoo

You can't picture your life without him? Do you really think a guy who just wants you as FWB is going to spend any considerable length of time in your life? That's he'll suddenly miraculously see you as gf material?

Do you seriously envisage if you got pregnant you would snare him as a hubby? I'm telling you, at best he'd support his child and resent you ever after for trapping him and at worst, he'll take off faster than a hot snot.

He's using you. Open your eyes ffs.

taram

OPhere wrote: »

Thank you all for the comments and advice. I can see exactly all your points but as the previous poster said, yes, I am still deeply in love with him. Everything in my life seems to revolve around him i.e. if i dye my hair this colour will he like it, if i lose some weight will he like me more, if i move out will he think oh she's become really independant and want to be with me, etc etc. As crazy as it sounds it actually keeps me sane and motivated. He keeps saying he'd like a relationship "down the line". See he's 24, i'm 18.

I'm probably going to get a lot of abuse for what I'm about to say but I'm so so mad about him that the last few times we've slept together I've suggested not using protection and using the pull out method with the hopes that i might become pregnant

If i did end up pregnant then he'd have to be with me. Listen i know i sound a complete and utter psycho here but all i'm trying to do is to paint an honest picture of how i'm feeling. I know all of the advice I've been given is to cut contact, focus more on myself, etc, but i don't think i can picture my life without him. And that's the reason I'm not a slut because i'm in it for the relationship i'm not "using" him, whereas my mates woill go off with randomers every single wk/end!

I hate to say this, but this isn't healthy for you. I felt the same about my first love, spent two years bending over backwards for him, I lost weight, I dyed my hair blonde, I cooked him dinner, he has sex with me but he never went to the effort of getting me off (never EVER!!). In the end I was the person he wanted me to be, which was great as he wanted me, until one day he turned around and said 'hey, I'm not really into this anymore. See you around.' That nearly broke me. You do NOT want to end up like that.

He knows you're a puppy dog wanting scraps of love from him, and he's stringing you along saying stuff like 'oh relationship down the line' it's all maybes, and very unlikely to be a yes. And even if it does become a 'yes, I want a relationship', he's judging your friends, he broke up with you... basically, you need to take a step back, judge it rationally, then decide if you should keep sleeping with him. You had a life without him before, and you'll have a life after again.

And on the pregnancy side, I understand your rationale, but please don't, if he agrees to seeing and maintaing the child but you don't stay together, imagine how much it'll hurt when on the child's 1st birthday party he brings along some new missus! Or if he freaks out, you'll be left alone with a child. Either way, don't use a potential child as a bargaining tool, it never works out well for anyone.

shellyboo

OP, you really and truly need to dig deep and find some self-respect, somewhere. I don't say that to be bitchy - but you're making a huge mistake even contemplating throwing your life away on this waster. He's using you, 100%.

You're asking how you can make him want you? Simple answer, you can't. Nobody ever decided to spend their life with someone because of their hair colour, living situation or what they can do in bed.

Please, please, please try to love yourself enough to walk away from this guy. You deserve so much more than a guy you have to trap into a relationship - that's no way to live.

username123

The way your behaving is not the way to get this guy to stay with you. If you keep up the same behaviours he is going to act the same way Start respecting yourself and stop giving the FWB sex to him.

As for the pregnancy thing - getting pregnant doesnt keep the guy. You'll end up as a single mother.

Its also a pretty selfish act to consider bringing a child into the world so a guy will stay with you. But selfishness aside - its a dumb plan. You cant MAKE this guy stay with you, have a reltionship with you etc...

And having sex with him while he puts down your friends, refuses to give you a proper relationship, trying to live your life to please him - all of this just makes him see you as sad and desperate. If he had any respect for you or really liked you he would be your boyfriend.

panda100

Op you are young and have your whole life ahead of you where you will meet wonderful guys and have great experiences. Lots of people fall for their first love hard,I did to,but this guy does not love and respect you as horrible as that might be to here.

Put yourself first,
What do YOU like in bed?
What do YOU want to with your life,do you want to raise a baby by yourself at such a young age?
What colour do YOU like to dye your hair?


If I could go back to my 18 year old self the one piece of advice I would give myself is not to be a doormat when it comes to men and put MY needs first. Wear your hair a way that makes you feel good about yourself. If you don't want to go on top then don't. You will be 100% more attractive when you start being the person you want to be rather than trying to be someone else. Nothing is more sexier than when a women asserts her independence and has respect in herself.

It sounds like you may be using this guy to compensate for other deficinecies in your life? You say ' it keeps you sane and motivated', yet it sounds like its driving you quite insane worrying about winning his approval!
What other things in your life do you have to motivate you?

Dudess

The best thing to do would be to discontinue seeing him because he seems dreadful, but that's not an easy thing for you to do right now, therefore, work on your self esteem, and that includes the body self consciousness thing. And please remember that women have the right to enjoy/initiate sex without being labelled a "slut" (including by themselves) - Christ, he's still more than happy to have sex with you... how delightful of him.

LegacyUser

Having read all your comments and given this a lot of thought I've decided to cut all contact and not reply to any of his texts. You're all extremely right,can't believe I even considered trying to become pregnant with his child.

I guess I just have a lot of baggage. I know we all have our issues but I'll briefly fill you in on mine. I was the heart and soul of my class throughout junior school, miss popular etc. the girl who always laughed.. then in first year things changed drastically and I ended up throughout the course of secondary school moving school three times, attending 6 different psychologists, i even attended michael corry who eventually gave up and said he could no longer help me. I also attended two homeopaths. I lost all self esteem drastically and ended up one day sitting in the bathroom at home with a scissors..i don't even know what i was going to contemplate doing. Ever since I guess i've just been craving affection off people. I worked hard at my appearance and i lost 2 stone. I take pride in my appearance now and i've been told down through the years that the reason i was bullied was pure jealousy however i still don't believe this was the case in fact i know it was not the case. I attend the gym on a regular basis now and i follow a healthy diet, i mess around with the colour of my hair almost every month and basically i just keep trying to change - i'm unstable. Tbh I don't know if i'll ever truly be happy but you're all right - i've got to start loving myself and forget about him, he doesn't want to be with me i've accepted that now, and if he did age wouldn't have been the reason he would have given cuz if you truly love someone a few years wouldn't be an issue at all.

I also forgot to mention that i dropped out of college for this guy cuz he was complaining of the distance when we were together, i was in the west. He broke up with me 1 week after i' dropped out - sound ey?

LegacyUser

I forgot to mention - we had sex 2 days before my ovulation period and that was 2 weeks ago and ever since i've been feeling extremely bloated .. I'm not sure if this could be a sign or not but it's definately too early to take a test anyways.

Danniboo

OPhere wrote: »

Thank you all for the comments and advice. I can see exactly all your points but as the previous poster said, yes, I am still deeply in love with him. Everything in my life seems to revolve around him i.e. if i dye my hair this colour will he like it, if i lose some weight will he like me more, if i move out will he think oh she's become really independant and want to be with me, etc etc. As crazy as it sounds it actually keeps me sane and motivated. He keeps saying he'd like a relationship "down the line". See he's 24, i'm 18.

I'm probably going to get a lot of abuse for what I'm about to say but I'm so so mad about him that the last few times we've slept together I've suggested not using protection and using the pull out method with the hopes that i might become pregnant

If i did end up pregnant then he'd have to be with me. Listen i know i sound a complete and utter psycho here but all i'm trying to do is to paint an honest picture of how i'm feeling. I know all of the advice I've been given is to cut contact, focus more on myself, etc, but i don't think i can picture my life without him. And that's the reason I'm not a slut because i'm in it for the relationship i'm not "using" him, whereas my mates woill go off with randomers every single wk/end!

OP so your friends sleep with randomers that might actually have an interest in them. You sleep with a guy who actually told you he just wants sex and has no interest really in anything else, lets be honest yet you continuously let him use your body, and you think your friends are sluts and you're not:rolleyes:. You're a very selfish little girl OP, trying to get pregnant to trap him what about the possible child involved, your post turned my stomach.#

Just seen you are monitoring when you are ovulating stop behaving like a bunny boiler and I really hope you are not pregnant.

panda100

Danniboo wrote: »

OP so your friends sleep with randomers that might actually have an interest in them. You sleep with a guy who actually told you he just wants sex and has no interest really in anything else, lets be honest yet you continuously let him use your body, and you think your friends are sluts and you're not:rolleyes:. You're a very selfish little girl OP, trying to get pregnant to trap him what about the possible child involved, your post turned my stomach.#

Just seen you are monitoring when you are ovulating stop behaving like a bunny boiler and I really hope you are not pregnant.

Bunny Boiler??Slut?? Oh please, the op is neither of these things! They are both outdated,sexist terms that inhibit women from enjoying the same sex lives as guys.

Op you need to stop focusing on this guy and get your life and self in order. Michael Corry's approach to mental health doesnt work for everyone so don't let that put you off seeking more psychological help. Have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy? I think this could really help you as it trains your brain to think more positively and I think you need help feeling more confident and happy in yourself.

What are your likes and intrests?Why don't you join a few clubs and try and discover what makes you happy and what you enjoy most in your life?
Take the time over the next few months to discover who you are and what you want to achieve in your life? You are only 18,the whole world is your oyster, and you can do a lot more than be someones dial-a-fu*k.

Danniboo

panda100 wrote: »

Bunny Boiler??Slut?? Oh please, the op is neither of these things! They are both outdated,sexist terms that inhibit women from enjoying the same sex lives as guys.

Op you need to stop focusing on this guy and get your life and self in order. Michael Corry's approach to mental health doesnt work for everyone so don't let that put you off seeking more psychological help. Have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy? I think this could really help you as it trains your brain to think more positively and I think you need help feeling more confident and happy in yourself.

What are your likes and intrests?Why don't you join a few clubs and try and discover what makes you happy and what you enjoy most in your life?
Take the time over the next few months to discover who you are and what you want to achieve in your life? You are only 18,the whole world is your oyster, and you can do a lot more than be someones dial-a-fu*k.

Getting pregnant to trap a guy is psycho behaviour you can put whatever term you like on it. You talk about outdated sexist attitudes, well getting pregnant to trap a man has to be the most outdate cliche there is. What about being independant and having a career and making a lilfe for yourself. Getting pregnant for a guy that uses you as a FB how does that give a woman sexual freedom or equality?

krudler

OPhere wrote: »

Thank you all for the comments and advice. I can see exactly all your points but as the previous poster said, yes, I am still deeply in love with him. Everything in my life seems to revolve around him i.e. if i dye my hair this colour will he like it, if i lose some weight will he like me more, if i move out will he think oh she's become really independant and want to be with me, etc etc. As crazy as it sounds it actually keeps me sane and motivated. He keeps saying he'd like a relationship "down the line". See he's 24, i'm 18.

I'm probably going to get a lot of abuse for what I'm about to say but I'm so so mad about him that the last few times we've slept together I've suggested not using protection and using the pull out method with the hopes that i might become pregnant

If i did end up pregnant then he'd have to be with me. Listen i know i sound a complete and utter psycho here but all i'm trying to do is to paint an honest picture of how i'm feeling. I know all of the advice I've been given is to cut contact, focus more on myself, etc, but i don't think i can picture my life without him. And that's the reason I'm not a slut because i'm in it for the relationship i'm not "using" him, whereas my mates woill go off with randomers every single wk/end!

No he wouldnt, theres plenty of people who have kids together who arent in a relationship, my sister had a kid with her ex, they still see each other in the sense they have a son together and spend time with him, but they're both seeing other people now as it didnt work out.

Do you really think your fcukbuddy is going to suddenly want to be your boyfriend when you purposefully lie and get yourself pregnant? thats bullsh1t of the highest order, not condoning his double standards but thats way out of line, you're talking about changing both of your lives and bringing an unwanted child into the world to satisfy your own stupid childish needs, get some help.

LegacyUser

Danniboo wrote: »

Getting pregnant to trap a guy is psycho behaviour you can put whatever term you like on it. You talk about outdated sexist attitudes, well getting pregnant to trap a man has to be the most outdate cliche there is. What about being independant and having a career and making a lilfe for yourself. Getting pregnant for a guy that uses you as a FB how does that give a woman sexual freedom or equality?

No of cause it doesn't give a woman sexuality equality and freedom and I don't think anyone was suggesting it would. No one is condoning OPs behaviour in that respect but there's no need to be calling her a slut either. OP obviously has some serious self esteem issues that she badly needs to work on, she doesn't need abuse.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I'm delighted to see that you actually listened to everyone and broke it off. You say you've had mental health problems, for that reason alone you need to stay the hell away from that guy, he sounds like a judgemental, selfish, heartless bastard.

As Dannyboo said you need to find your self respect and dignity, once you have those you won't find it hard to find a guy that will threat you with love and respect. Guys don't like girls that allow themselves to be used and who trip over themselves to please them, thay just see that as pathetic and weak, which it is let's be honest, and not attractive at all (not that that matters).

Somewhere along the line you lost belief in yourself, that's why you allowed yourself to be treated like a slut. When a guy breaks it off with you because your friends are too slutty then has casual sex with you guess how he see's you? -As a slut to be used and abused. All of your actions have told him that your desparate and will do ANYTHING to stay with him.

Now I know all that is very harsh but I want you to make a promise to yourself that you will never allow anyone to treat you like that again. In fact you should get angry, what kind of heartless ****ing bastard gets you to drop out of college, then dumps you a week later, I tells ya, he should be lynched by an angry mob, what a scumbag.

Sweetie, you are only 18, stop looking for a man, stay single. Don't sleep with a guy unless you want to, because you're horny and it's what YOU want. Since the dawn of time women have learned the hard way that sleeping with men will not make them like you. Guys are different than girls, you know the way it makes us feel closer to them emotionally? Well it's not the same with guys, they seem to be able to seerate sex and emotion in a way that girls can't. (*disclaimer: All of the above is speaking in generalities*)

Please put all men out of your head, what would make you feel good about you??? How about getting back into education? Or volunteering? Or learning to draw, horse-ride, skydive? Or travel. Honestly hun, you need to have a good relationship with yourself before you have a healthy one with someone else.

I'm so glad you've made the discision that you worth more than the crap way he's been treating you, when you believe in yourself and your worth, others will too but it has to start with yourself.

The very best of luck!
STAY STRONG,
p.

paperclip2

OP you poor thing. You are acting and thinking quite crazy at the minute but you know this and thats good. You need to stop listening to the heart in this and let your head rule. You know that this guy is not for you and you know this really well. Your decision to cut contact is the absolute best way to go but sticking to this decision will be very tough. But its truly the only way you will get back to being yourself and knowing who you are.

Hopefully you aren't pregnant but if you are you will have to think long and hard about the reality of what having a baby with this person means. If he doesn't want you why would you think he would want your child?

Give yourself lots of space away from him, start to get to know yourself and think about re-addressing the issues that went wrong in your early teenage life that have left you open to being treated so badly. You don't seem to place a value on you, on the person you are. But you are valuable, you have worth. Even if you don't fully believe this try to start acting like you do.

Take care of yourself.

Nevyn

Danniboo baned for unhelpful posting.

opinion guy

Ok first things first Op.

1. Get yourself a pregnancy test.
2. Get yourself STD tested. Yes seriously its very important.
3. If all is ok - don't contact this creep again - he's using you pure and simple.

Apart from that it seems your real problem is self-esteem. STOP looking for self-validation in other people - and to some extant with all the professionals you've gone to it almost seems like you are looking for validation from them too (or maybe for them to just fix you). No don't get me wrong, professionals are great and can help you and you should see them if you feel you need to, BUT you also have to work on yourself.


On the subject of self-esteem I posted long post of advice on this before based on my own experiences of buidling my self-esteem - cutting, editing and pasting here:

opinion guy wrote:

Official Opinion Guy Program for Building Self-Esteem tm

1. Realise that building self esteem takes time. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Depends on where your starting from really and how circumstances allow you to grow. But the point is be in it for the long haul - don't give up if you've not reach confidence in a week or a month or even a year.

2. Find a passion or strong interest. do you have hobbies ? Things you love to do ? Find something that makes you feel joy to do and indulge it. One of the most socially awkward, unhappy, self-deprecating, lacking in self-esteem guys I know - when one of his passions comes up in conversation he totally transforms. He becomes outgoing, confident, persuasive, interesting and likeable almost instantaneously. Funny thing is - he doesn't even realise.

3. Spend a little time every week doing something that makes you feel good about yourself. If you study/work in something that does that for you then great. But if not find something - maybe volunteer or charity work. Something that makes you feel you did something worthwhile. You know what, I was having a crappy day today until you told me i understood your situation and thanked me. That made me happy. Cause now I feel like I maybe did something small to help someone be a little happier today and I can sleep well tonight and my day wasn't a total waste [IMG]file:///Users/jrooney/Library/Caches/TemporaryItems/msoclip/0clip_image006.png[/IMG]

4. Take up something like a martial art or a dance class. Many reasons why I recommend this. For one thing, it puts you in a situation where you have to interact both physically and mentally with other people in a safe and fun manner and also gives you a common interest to discuss with your classmates. For another thing, it keeps you fit, gives you a greater sense of presence and confidence in your body which over time eventually translates into greater mental self-confidence. Did I mention its fun ? [IMG]file:///Users/jrooney/Library/Caches/TemporaryItems/msoclip/0clip_image008.png[/IMG]Seriously thou I can't overstate how useful martial arts or a dance class are. If you are not into the violence of martial arts try a "soft" marital art like Aikido or Tai Chi (soft meaning its not about hurting someone but about protecting your self and building selfconfidence [IMG]file:///Users/jrooney/Library/Caches/TemporaryItems/msoclip/0clip_image010.png[/IMG]).

5. Identify triggers of your insecurity or toxic people in your life. For example - your friend with benefits. There's something to learn from it. If you can identify such a person in your life, have a think about how they affect you in the negative sense. Realise that they can only make you feel guilty/bad/cheap/whatever if you let them and practice counteracting that - you'll get better at that over time. For some people like this guy it might mean redefining your realtionship with them (i.e. get rid of this leech)

6. try to keep fit. gives you endorphins and makes you feel more selfconfident in how you look and feel. eat healthy food too for that matter.

7. Everynow and then do something to challenge yourself a little out of your comfort zone. Make a presentation, talk to someone u don't know and have always found intriguing, do a parachute jump (or whatever else seems a bit scary to you etc!!) Point is something you've always been that little bit scared to you, but is actually attainable. When you've done it you'll be all - wow I did it

Nevyn

advice_please!! girl your 18 you need to start learning to respect value and love yourself and not be basing your self worth on what guy who is using you for sex thinks about you.
Getting pregnant will only multiply the problems in your life by a factor of 10.

Chances are he won't stay with you and you will be left alone and having to try to figure out what to do next.

LegacyUser

Paperclip2 , PeggyPeg, panda100, opinionguy.. greatly appreciate all the effort you put into your replies to me, thanks.

I genuinely have seen the light now. Before posting this thread I thought I might have come across mixed views like "ah if he says down the line then hold on girl there's hope!" but clearly not.. Obviously I've been thinking extremely rational. And to danny- I know deliberatley trying to get pregnant is crazy behaviour and all of those things but I'm aware of that and I deeply regret it now. If I am (which I highly doubt I am!) i'll deal with that at a later stage. But I'm no bunnyboiler or slut and I take great offence to that, how is really liking someone and sleeping with them BECAUSE you like them slutish? It's not. Sure I wouldn't do a one night stand with someone but I went out with this guy and he changed me for the good, he made me forget about all the negative experiences I've had to deal with, he always told me I was perfect the way I was and it really was a great boost to my confidence and I became a lot happier, I'm just terrified of losing that but as it stands, I have lost it.

I do have other interests. I've a full time job and I also attend college part time. So I'm always keeping myself active.

We haven't spoken in a week, usually he texts around the week ends so if he does what should I wb? I'd rather send something than just completely ignore him if that's ok too?

opinion guy

OPhere wrote: »

Sure I wouldn't do a one night stand with someone but I went out with this guy and he changed me for the good, he made me forget about all the negative experiences I've had to deal with, he always told me I was perfect the way I was and it really was a great boost to my confidence and I became a lot happier, I'm just terrified of losing that but as it stands, I have lost it.

Ok this is really important - this guy didn't give you this confidence. What he did is give you a new perspective from which you discovered your own self-confidence. You WON'T lose it when you lose this guy. If anything, whilst he may once have been nice, he is now acting like a creep and using you and eliminating this from your life will give you MORE self-confidence. You will KNOW you can be strong when things are hard for you. Does this make sense ?

We haven't spoken in a week, usually he texts around the week ends so if he does what should I wb? I'd rather send something than just completely ignore him if that's ok too?

Yeah I see where you are coming from. Personally I think usually its not good to just cut someone off without giving them an explanation (for various reasons not all of which are for the other persons benefit). But I would think you don't owe him much explanation. You could just say you are busy this weekend. But thats just bumping the issue till next week. So you are probably better off to tell him you no longer want to be FWB. Probably best done by phone. He will probably try to change your mind and/or whisper sweet nothings so you need to be ready for that. If he's not listening be more blunt.

Also, very important, TALK IS CHEAP. He might promise you the world. But look at his actions. You left college for the guy and he dumped you a week later - personally that would have been an instant never-speaking-to-that-person-again for me.

paperclip2

OPhere wrote: »

We haven't spoken in a week, usually he texts around the week ends so if he does what should I wb? I'd rather send something than just completely ignore him if that's ok too?

Kudos for taking stuff on board /boards

I think the best thing to do would be to have a clean break with this guy. You could just say you have a good deal going on and wont be in a position to be in touch for a while. Then delete his number and don't reply to any texts or calls. Your resolution could be fragile for a while and any contact could set you back.

Good luck with it all OP.

Dudess

Good for you OP - it can't have been an easy decision to make.

Miss Fluff

+1 on doing the right thing. Nobody in PI is going to set you on the wrong path, and a lot of people who replied have had personal experience of your situation. You are avoiding a whole world of heartache by cutting him out of your life.

I do think though that you need to mentally prepare yourself for potential pleading and begging and huge declarations from him because he wants to get you in to bed again. I'd almost put money on it that this will happen. And there will be a little voice in your head rejoicing and telling yourself that thankfully he's changed his mind at last. He hasn't. You have to remember that this is merely a ploy to continue using you rather than him actually meaning anything he says. Pr1cks like him are so so predicatable in the way they operate.

I'm not being harsh here OP but he's a complete rat and you can only get over him when you no longer have anything to do with him. If and when he contacts you again, post on PI if you're unsure of what to do m'dear. Stay strong, you'll find your self-esteem and self-confidence will come on leaps and bounds if you stick to what the kindly Boardsies have told you.:)

Peggypeg

Hey OP, I did a big reply but it hasn't come up so here's the condensed version:

- Yay for you!
- Fair play for bravely examinig yourself and identifying what needs to be changed
- Yay for breaking contact with him!

- Now in answer to what should you say if he contacts you, say "I'm not interested in a guy who justs want casual sex anymore, I find it a bit slutty to be honest and I don't want to be with that kind of guy:D" See if he likes them apples! Then delete everything relating to him and never go near him again.

Seriously, you should be proud of yourself, you're very mature for 18, most people alot older than you wouldn't have the courage to face the facts the way you have.

*another pat on the back*
Well done!