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I'm going psycho

  • 15-04-2010 3:50am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Please help.

    I've had a relationship with a man dating back a few years. I am mid thirties, he's forty. He has always been lovely to me... except...

    I met him on a 'break' from my then ex a few years ago. We feel in love, genuinely and deeply but I was honest with him about my ex... I had a choice to make and I went back to my ex, half out of love and half out of duty. I married the ex and tried to make it work. Maybe it could have worked, but the other man was always behind the scenes, sending unsolicited emails, showing up at places he knew I would be... telling me I was the most beautiful girl in the world and he would love me forever because we were meant to be... but I was not with him and I didn't lead him on.

    My husband was not an easy man and our relationship was difficult. Eventually, two years later, during a very tough time with my husband, I cracked and responded to the other man. We hooked up, the spark was still very much there. But deep down I was still committed to my difficult marriage. The other man put an end to my marriage last september when he showed up at our door and police had to be called.

    My husband left. I was heartbroken but my husband would know come back.

    Over Christmas I hooked up with the other man again and we have been very close and very loving, spending maybe four or five nights a week together. He is always insisting that I am honest with him.... we have had issues about moving in together as I don't yet feel I'm fully over my marriage. We had a row on Sunday about it.

    On Monday morning he phoned to apologise about he row. I sent a text explaining that I needed space. He replied angrily.

    On Monday evening he phoned me to tell me that he had phoned everyone in his social circle to say that he was finished with me (before he told me - he had said it in anger, but I thought it was a row, nothing usual?). He called me a bitch and told me to move on and get over him and told me that his feelings have changed (although only last friday he was asking me to marry him) and he now feels nothing for me. He won't take my calls and I have been phoned and phoned like a psycho. He has sent hateful text messages...? I have known this man for five years.... he chased and chased - without me leading him on - he is partially responsible for destroying my marriage... (I take 80% responsibility - some responsibility goes to my ex too)...

    Can someone turn like this overnight? I love this man and he has been nothing but kind to me. I was kind to him in the past, when I was with him, or not. I've never experienced anything like this is my life. His texts are pure hate.... and my response is that I'm still the same girl he wanted to marry on Friday????

    I know I shouldn't contact him but I'm in shock and I'm going nuts.

    He has always been so lovely and so mad about me....? Please don't be cruel, I'm getting enough of that... how do I get through to him. If I call again I am a psycho... but....?


Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    OP - I don't think you are going psycho.
    I think maybe from the little you have written - that you have been manipulated.

    This guy appears to have placed you on a pedestal and chased you and had a hand in your marriage breakdown until he got you.
    Your request for some space - this is perfectly normal - many relationships do need some breathing room - not just to end - but to change and grow as we rediscover ourselves.
    his reaction though - screams of self-defense. What better way to protect himself from what he maybe saw as you ending it than by immediately going on the attack - and he is still on the attack - by not listening to you.

    My recommendation is the following.
    1. Take some time for yourself right now.
    2. Turn off your mobile and do not respond to any texts for say the next 3 or 4 days. Same with calls etc - just take the time to think through what you want.
    Think about it - you went straight from a marriage into another relationship with no cool-down period - you could do with some you time.
    3. STOP blaming yourself. For a relationship to work it takes 2 to work on it constantly. It only takes 1 party to break it though.
    4. Accept that maybe this relationship has run it's course.
    5. If after a few more days you are still feeling all messed up - then find someone to talk to - maybe a couples counsellor.

    Big thing is to stop selling yourself short. To be frank, I would have changed your thread title to "My Psycho Boyfriend..."

    Remember - give yourself a break...


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