Me, Him and Her

LegacyUser

Ok, so about 6 months ago myself and my friend and his girlfriend moved in together. I have always gotten on well with my friends gf and have always tried to make her part of the group as she is kinda alone in this country.

Flash forward to about 2 months ago, I lost my job. So I was in the house a lot, the problem was so was she. We talked about everything from hobbies to our sex life and she told me that herself and the bf never have sex any more. In fact she said it was before we moved in since the last time they did. Anyway one day things went a little deep and personal and she admitted that she had feelings for me and in the heat of the moment we kissed.

I broke away telling her that we shouldn't do that, but the following morning when I was still asleep she came into my room and got into bed naked with me, and while i was still asleep she started having sex with me. When I woke up, I was so into it that I kinda kept going with her. Now she is blackmailing me telling me that if I don't have sex with her she will tell my friend. I don't know what to do I can't even look at him and he is so cool about it that he can't even tell that something is going on.

I know I come across as the bad guy here, but I really feel like I'm being manipulated, and truth be told the sex is amazing, but I think its only because of the guilty feeling I have about it. I need advice. If I tell my friend now he she will twist it to like I was raping her or something. HELP ME!!!

MagicSean

inrealbigtrouble wrote: »

Ok, so about 6 months ago myself and my friend and his girlfriend moved in together. I have always gotten on well with my friends gf and have always tried to make her part of the group as she is kinda alone in this country.

Flash forward to about 2 months ago, I lost my job. So I was in the house a lot, the problem was so was she. We talked about everything from hobbies to our sex life and she told me that herself and the bf never have sex any more. In fact she said it was before we moved in since the last time they did. Anyway one day things went a little deep and personal and she admitted that she had feelings for me and in the heat of the moment we kissed.

I broke away telling her that we shouldn't do that, but the following morning when I was still asleep she came into my room and got into bed naked with me, and while i was still asleep she started having sex with me. When I woke up, I was so into it that I kinda kept going with her. Now she is blackmailing me telling me that if I don't have sex with her she will tell my friend. I don't know what to do I can't even look at him and he is so cool about it that he can't even tell that something is going on.

I know I come across as the bad guy here, but I really feel like I'm being manipulated, and truth be told the sex is amazing, but I think its only because of the guilty feeling I have about it. I need advice. If I tell my friend now he she will twist it to like I was raping her or something. HELP ME!!!

Move out.

Agent J

Bail.

Immediately. There is no way anything good is going to come out of this situation.

Miss Fluff

inrealbigtrouble wrote: »

I know I come across as the bad guy here, but I really feel like I'm being manipulated, and truth be told the sex is amazing

So has it become a regular thing?

unclecessna

Definitely move out ASAP, even though I have some serious question-marks myself about how it is physically possible for a girl to have sex with a guy who is asleep and not on viagra I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.

You don't need the hassle of all this and whether you are actually in the right or wrong here when the sh1t inevitably hits the fan your friend is more than likely going to take the side of the girl and come gunning for your blood.

This situation became loaded by you and the girl spending so much time together in the apartment in the first place, again not trying to put you down here but I am sure that both of you knew exactly where this was going to go by getting into intimate talks together etc.

Ickle Magoo

Move out.

You kissed the girl and then had no issues having sex with her when you had every opportunity to sling her out your room. Stop acting the victim, you're as guilty as she is.

sam34

unclecessna wrote: »

Definitely move out ASAP, even though I have some serious question-marks myself about how it is physically possible for a girl to have sex with a guy who is asleep and not on viagra I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.

emmmm, it is normal for men to have erections throughout the night while they are asleep, AFAIR they have up to three during the night.

plus, many men have an early morning erection which they wake with, so the OPs story is entirely plausible

sam34

OP, i'm a firm believer in confronting bullies/blackmailers.

it takes away their power, which is all they have over you

tell your friend first, before she does

if you move out without telling him, she will always be able to hold this over you

take that power away from her

plus, i cant help but think how different the answers would be if the op were female and was being blackmailed like this by a man

there would be talks of criminal charges, i'd imagine

Ickle Magoo

sam34 wrote: »

there would be talks of criminal charges, i'd imagine

If he'd woken up to find her straddling him and threw her off, I'd be talking criminal charges. The fact he was quite happy to play along, has played along since fully aware of the situ and even shows some regret at the thought of no longer boning his pal's gf rendered police involvement fairly unnecessary.

unclecessna

sam34 wrote: »

emmmm, it is normal for men to have erections throughout the night while they are asleep, AFAIR they have up to three during the night.

plus, many men have an early morning erection which they wake with, so the OPs story is entirely plausible

I know that they had intimate talks together but I doubt they extended to her being able to know the exact moment that he would be asleep with an erection so she could pounce into his bed naked to have sex with hilm while he slept.....

There is plausible, inplausible and then far-fetched. I'd have to go with the last option.

I'm a guy btw and not even I can predict when I will have an erection whilst sleeping let alone one of my friend's girlfriends!

sam34

unclecessna wrote: »

I know that they had intimate talks together but I doubt they extended to her being able to know the exact moment that he would be asleep with an erection so she could pounce into his bed naked to have sex with hilm while he slept.....

There is plausible, inplausible and then far-fetched. I'd have to go with the last option.

I'm a guy btw and not even I can predict when I will have an erection whilst sleeping let alone one of my friend's girlfriends!

exact moment?? it's not like it happens for ten seconds only and if you miss it tough!

i'm a girl, and i've often often in the early morning woken my b/f with a bit of head that started while he was asleep and had an erection.... if the guy is young, fit and healthy, there's a good chance he'll have a dawn horn.

sam34

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

If he'd woken up to find her straddling him and threw her off, I'd be talking criminal charges. The fact he was quite happy to play along, has played along since fully aware of the situ and even shows some regret at the thought of no longer boning his pal's gf rendered police involvement fairly unnecessary.

i know he got into it, if you'll pardon the pun, but still she started having sex with him without his consent - i'd imagine that counts as assault.

if a woman posted saying "i just woke up and found my bf's housemate was shagging me" there would be outrage here. the fact that the op here played along afterwards does not mean that her initial action was not wrong

if my mythical female poster posted that he continued to shag her, threatening her with adverse consequences if she didnt comply... i'm sure the words "coercion" and "sexual assault" and maybe even "rape" would enter into the discussion, EVEN though the op was complying.

gizmobilly

mad

unclecessna

sam34 wrote: »

exact moment?? it's not like it happens for ten seconds only and if you miss it tough!

i'm a girl, and i've often often in the early morning woken my b/f with a bit of head that started while he was asleep and had an erection.... if the guy is young, fit and healthy, there's a good chance he'll have a dawn horn.

Still don't buy it for one minute - More than likely if he had an erection that night it was from thinking about her...(with respect if your boyfriend has frequent erections at dawn despite having an active sex life and is over about age 23 it's more than likely something related to his diet or he could be taking creatine or the like. Got those facts from a Doctor friend of mine.)

Anyway a blind man in a coma can see that they were both getting a thrill out of getting into a ''dangerous/taboo'' situation like this as they were together all the time and simply had nothing better going on in their lives.

The last thing I would do in a loaded scenario like that if I had any respect for my friend would be to start pushing the envelope by discussing my sex life etc with my friends girlfriend as well as hers. Nothing good can come from doing something like that.

Ickle Magoo

sam34 wrote: »

i know he got into it, if you'll pardon the pun, but still she started having sex with him without his consent - i'd imagine that counts as assault.

if a woman posted saying "i just woke up and found my bf's housemate was shagging me" there would be outrage here. the fact that the op here played along afterwards does not mean that her initial action was not wrong

if my mythical female poster posted that he continued to shag her, threatening her with adverse consequences if she didnt comply... i'm sure the words "coercion" and "sexual assault" and maybe even "rape" would enter into the discussion, EVEN though the op was complying.

Again, if the encounter was unwanted then it would certainly be rape - I'm not sure how that is relevant here? The OP has clearly stated he was into it when it happened, that it's happened more than once and that he certainly enjoys it - and now she's blackmailing him not to end their liaisons - I didn't get the impression she was whispering coercions in his ear the night she straddled him.

Of course she was wrong to accost him in the middle of the night, that goes without saying, surely? Blackmail is also wrong, another no-brainer. Regardless, if he's wondering how to deal with being blackmail by a pals gf he's been quite happy to shag regardless of how the first sexual encounter began then I can't imagine his pal is going to see him as much of a victim here, never mind sympathise that his gf "raped" him.

sam34

unclecessna wrote: »

Still don't buy it for one minute - More than likely if he had an erection that night it was from thinking about her...(with respect if your boyfriend has frequent erections at dawn despite having an active sex life and is over about age 23 it's more than likely something related to his diet or he could be taking creatine or the like. Got those facts from a Doctor friend of mine.)

Anyway a blind man in a coma can see that they were both getting a thrill out of getting into a ''dangerous/taboo'' situation like this as they were together all the time and simply had nothing better going on in their lives.

The last thing I would do in a loaded scenario like that if I had any respect for my friend would be to start pushing the envelope by discussing my sex life etc with my friends girlfriend as well as hers. Nothing good can come from doing something like that.

you might want to double check your facts with your doctor friend.

in my job, i frequently see men with erectile dysfunction.

one of the ways of determmining whether it is psychological or physiological is to determine whether the man has normal physiological nighttime and early morning erections. and this applies to men way beyond the age of 23! and also to those with normal diets, and in the absence of creatine or other such substance.

there was a thread about it in tGC a while back, gave an idea of teh frequency of it.

Des Carter

Ok clearly that girl is trouble and needs to leave both you and your friend alone sowhat you have to do is talk to your friend ib private and convince him that she is cheating on him, which she is.

Ok so this is what you do:

1. Tell him you suspect her of cheating and convince him not 2 confront her. Tell him you could be wrong and to leave it for a while.

2. Go and see if you can get her phone. If you can do this which wont be hard as you are always in the house start sending sexy text messages to random guys in her contacts.

3. Finally show these to him and if the relationship is as bad as it sounds he will kick her out and you will all live happily ever after.

who said studying Othello in school was pointless. wait how did that end...
Oh turns out they all died... well lets hope that doesnt happen.

Good Luck

Ickle Magoo

unclecessna wrote: »

Still don't buy it for one minute - More than likely if he had an erection that night it was from thinking about her...

She could well have, erm, fluffed him before getting on board. She didn't necessarily have to wait for the OP to get an erection, it would be very easy to, uh, manufacture one while he slept merrily on.

sam34

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Again, if the encounter was unwanted then it would certainly be rape - I'm not sure how that is relevant here? The OP has clearly stated he was into it when it happened, that it's happened more than once and that he certainly enjoys it - and now she's blackmailing him not to end their liaisons - I didn't get the impression she was whispering coercions in his ear the night she straddled him.

Of course she was wrong to accost him in the middle of the night, that goes without saying, surely? Blackmail is also wrong, another no-brainer. Regardless, if he's wondering how to deal with being blackmail by a pals gf he's been quite happy to shag regardless of how the first sexual encounter began then I can't imagine his pal is going to see him as much of a victim here, never mind sympathise that his gf "raped" him.

my point was that the op was met with criticism here. i doubt very much that that would be the case if the genders were reversed.

she was wrong to initiate sex while he was asleep - agreed

she is wrong to blackmail him - agreed

he is wrong to keep shagging his mates g/f - agreed

unclecessna

sam34 wrote: »

you might want to double check your facts with your doctor friend.

in my job, i frequently see men with erectile dysfunction.

one of the ways of determmining whether it is psychological or physiological is to determine whether the man has normal physiological nighttime and early morning erections. and this applies to men way beyond the age of 23! and also to those with normal diets, and in the absence of creatine or other such substance.

there was a thread about it in tGC a while back, gave an idea of teh frequency of it.

I'll certainly mention it to him. But I will be taking his word for it all the same. The more important thing here is that this dosen't send the thread off on a tangent.

LD 50

I agree with Sam34. The OP was practically raped in his sleep, even though once he woke up he was into it. IMO, I don't blame him for going along with it. But its still what it is.

OP, Tell your mate. Either he'll kick you or her out, or he'll go himself. But at least you wont have his GF blackmailing you with this.

unclecessna

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

She could well have, erm, fluffed him before getting on board. She didn't necessarily have to wait for the OP to get an erection, it would be very easy to, uh, manufacture one while he slept merrily on.

That's true but I think step one in leading to the situation as it is now was as I said before them chatting about their sex lives, spending time together etc.

Put it this way, would all this have even happened if he had not lost his job. It's very boring sitting around all day at home doing nothing. As human beings we like our lives to be interesting, I think as they were both bored and together all the time this was their way conciously or at least sub-conciously of making their day to day life more exciting.

Hence the chain of events - together all the time, talking, intimately talking, talking about sex, talking about feelings, Kissing, having sex, Keeping it a secret and still doing it and now blackmail....

To me the blackmail thing is a way for the girl to continue the thrill and perhaps deepen it more. Of the two in the wrong here she is getting more out of it now as she dosen't care about how this will hurt her boyfriend but his friend now does.

I think the friend/OP would like to think he was manipulated into the above, but ultimately I think he knew what he was doing from the start.

Then again the truth could be very different to my interpretation. More importantly I think the OP would be well advised to move out ASAP, things will probably get very ugly!

Ickle Magoo

sam34 wrote: »

my point was that the op was met with criticism here. i doubt very much that that would be the case if the genders were reversed.

I don't see anyone criticising him for getting jumped on - all the criticism appears to be directed towards behaviour he could and should have controlled...I don't see why the gender card is being brought up?

aidan24326

sam34 wrote: »

emmmm, it is normal for men to have erections throughout the night while they are asleep, AFAIR they have up to three during the night.

plus, many men have an early morning erection which they wake with, so the OPs story is entirely plausible

Plausible yes, though probably a likely story in the circumstances.

unclecessna wrote: »

...(with respect if your boyfriend has frequent erections at dawn despite having an active sex life and is over about age 23 it's more than likely something related to his diet or he could be taking creatine or the like. Got those facts from a Doctor friend of mine.)

I'd be surprised if a medical doctor said such a thing, as that's nonsense. Morning erection is common in men and certainly not restricted to under 23s, The exact reasons for it aren't known for certain, but there are different hypotheses for why it happens. It's often associated with a need to urinate which has been linked to stimulation of the sacral nerves S2-S4 by a full bladder. These nerves are associated with reflex erection.

So it's absolutely plausible that he had a stonking big erection. If he's a deep sleeper or if he'd been drinking, for example, then it's also plausible that she could have begun having sex with him before or just as he was waking up. Whether that actually happened or not is another matter.

If I was the OP I'd be running a mile from this. It aint gonna end well.

LegacyUser

Op here again.

Just thought I would clarify a few points made.

Morning wood is very common, I often wake up with strong erections. I smoke weed too so its hard to wake me up. When I woke up I will admit I was a little confused but I was just coming to the point of no return, which is very hard to stop. When it was over I felt so guilty I was nearly got sick.

She is a very pretty girl and I will admit that I do have some small feelings for her, but I never wanted to do this. I have never done this to any of my friends before.

What some of you have to realise out there, when a beautiful girl is throwing herself at you, telling you she will tell all if you don't, she makes a convincing argument. This girl is particularly good looking and I would love to see some of the guys on here refuse her.

Sometimes I'll be sitting on the couch and she will come over to me and start kissing me on the neck and rubbing me in between my legs and the she starts taking off her clothes, I'm saying no and pushing her away the entire time, but between crying and blackmailing me I give in.

I'm unfortunately at a point in my life where I can't move out, so I'm stuck here for financial reasons. I don't even have parents or relatives I could go to.

Lastly, I always knew she has a few issues. My mate hasn't touched her in months. He is the one that wont have sex with her, I feel part of this is her lashing out at him. I feel she is only doing this to hurt him, and I am the victim here, albeit it with benefits.

LegacyUser

I was in a similar situation to the OP once with a girl I shared a house with coming on to me all the time when we were alone, taking her clothes off, crying to get what she wanted etc.
Manipulation like this can be really hard to get past and really confusing.


But remember this she has already threatened to tell your friend if this continues. And if she does it will undoubtedly be you and not her that will be seen to be at fault in your friend's eyes.

The best thing to do is to move out. As quickly as you can. Make any excuse that you like but find somewhere else to live because this is never going to end well. And it will come to a head sooner rather than later.

Get. Out. Now.

Chinafoot

inrealbigtrouble wrote: »

She is a very pretty girl and I will admit that I do have some small feelings for her, but I never wanted to do this. I have never done this to any of my friends before.

What some of you have to realise out there, when a beautiful girl is throwing herself at you, telling you she will tell all if you don't, she makes a convincing argument. This girl is particularly good looking and I would love to see some of the guys on here refuse her.

Ah come on mate, "she's gorgeous" really isn't any sort of defence when you're talking about friendship. I would be more sympathetic to the situation if you weren't playing the victim so strongly. You are allowing this to happen and you need to take responsibility for your actions. Either come clean to your friend, or move out. I don't believe that it would be impossible for you to move, you're making excuses.

inrealbigtrouble wrote: »

Lastly, I always knew she has a few issues. My mate hasn't touched her in months. He is the one that wont have sex with her, I feel part of this is her lashing out at him. I feel she is only doing this to hurt him, and I am the victim here, albeit it with benefits.

Your friends relationship with this girl is none of your business. As much as you'd like to convince yourself that you are the poor victim here and its all because your mate wont shag her, the fact is you're deluding yourself in order to deal with the guilt of shagging your friends girlfriend. You were a victim of the first instance where you were asleep. You are not longer a victim when you continue the cheating. If you really wanted this to stop you'd stop it. You'd fess up to your mate or you'd move out. You clearly don't want it to end. Also, if you genuinely cared about your friend you'd tell him what happened and spare him the pain of having such a bitch for a girlfriend. She's not forcing you into sex, you're letting it happen.

Time to stop playing the poor-me and take a good long look at your actions. Claiming guilt whilst continuing your behaviour is pathetic.

syklops

(with respect if your boyfriend has frequent erections at dawn despite having an active sex life and is over about age 23 it's more than likely something related to his diet or he could be taking creatine or the like. Got those facts from a Doctor friend of mine.)

You are talking absolute and utter rubbish. I have gotten 'morning wood'(its so well known a phenomena it even has a name) practically every morning since I was 16, and I have never taken creatine and any other performance enhancers. You need to go back to your friend and tell him he should have gone to specsavers before he went to medical school.

OP, I believe you. Any guy who has been woken up to a girl giving him head probably believes you aswell. I believe you got caught up in the moment, or didnt know what was happening that first time in the morning, but you need to put an end to it. You say you have to stay in the house, well, if for financial reasons you cant move out, I suggest you get out during the day. Avoid at all costs being in the house at the same time as her. Start a new hobby, take up long distance walking, anything that keeps you out of the house from 9-5, or whenever your friend returns home.

G-Money

An interesting dilemma. I think you have to move out, otherwise it's going to be a nightmare if she tells him.

I don't know whether I would consider this some sort of rape. What makes me think it's not is that he says he's enjoying it and there are benefits. Having said that, the first time it happened is border-line judging by the fact that he was pretty much finished when he woke up. Although in reality, sex happens once penetration occurs, not once the guy or girl has climaxed so from that point of view, if he was sound asleep and he got on him and got off straight away without waking him, that could be considered non-consentual. But I'm not a lawyer.

Also, you don't need to be on any sort of stimulants to get wood during the night and in the morning. No matter when I wake up, be it in the middle of the night, or not until the morning, I always have wood, every time and I'm not taking anything. Although I read somewhere that this is a physiological thing to help keep pee inside the bladder or something during sleep. I don't know if that is true or not.

Bobbins

inrealbigtrouble wrote: »

Op here again.
This girl is particularly good looking and I would love to see some of the guys on here refuse her.

Sometimes I'll be sitting on the couch and she will come over to me and start kissing me on the neck and rubbing me in between my legs and the she starts taking off her clothes, I'm saying no and pushing her away the entire time, but between crying and blackmailing me I give in.

So if your friend's gf was particularly bland looking, this wouldn't have happened? I'm not sure if I believe your account of the first encounter but even if it were true to do it again because she cries and touches you is just ridiculous.

Apologies if I sound judgmental but I truly believe if you are a true friend you will do what is necessary to rectify this situation. If you found out that this girl had cheated on your mate with someone else, would you have told him? This is no different. You need to tell him now, be upfront and honest and try to save a good friendship. If you don't save the friendship at least you save your friend from staying with the wrong person.