problem

LegacyUser

i have quite a few scars. unfortunately, most of them are self inflicted. its not horrific scarring by any means but definitely alot more than the average few scrapes people get. mostly self harm scars on arms on arms. and fairly bad stretch marks on my stomach (from repeated starving/weight loss and then binging/weight gain). im fairly used to them by now, theyre a good few years old and iv learned to kind of accept them, but i know il never be completely ok with them. i pretty much keep myself covered head to toe all the time (summer isnt my favourite time of year!) i cant wear short sleeves etc. this hasnt really been a huge problem,iv managed doing this til recently in the last 5 months when i met my boyfriend. basically i would rather die than show anyone (including him) these scars. i have been with other people but managed doing this. iv told him im just insecure(i havent told him why) and though were sleeping together, i dont really want him to see me completely just yet and id prefer to wait awhile. hes been patient and understanding and really nice about it, but naturally starting to ask when im going to feel comfortable enough. problem is i dont think il ever really feel comfortable enough and its obviously not realistic to be in a long term relationship with someone and never allow the person to look at you!:(

cafecolour

I'm not sure you're alone in you modest/body image issues. I'm trying to recall, but isn't there an Irish comedian who has entire joke about Irish girls being able to get in and out of bed with him without ever letting him see them naked?

In general, once you've got naked once or twice, you can get comfortable with it quite quickly. Doing it can be a jump though, especially in your case. I'd assume you are doubly worried - not just on aesthetics, but having to explain where they came from.

I'd start off with addressing the later issue first. Basically tell him that you had a troubled period a few years ago, and while it's well done and gone, you still bear some of the scars from it.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I met the nicest girl this weekend gone, an absolute beauty, and a sweetheart too. She had alot of visable scars too but it didn't put anyone off her (in fact she scored a very delicious friend of mine), the scars just made her more interesting to be honest. Maybe you could learn to accept the scars? Maybe when you see that no one thinks less of you for being scarred then you'll be more comfortable with them?

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

There was an interesting survey done in the past year or two. It was in the papers.

They showed photos of men and women with obvious facial scars & of those without to hundreds of other men and women.

The men with facial scars were rated more attractive than the men without them. While the women with facial scars were rated AS attractive as those without.

Now I know self-inflicted scarring is a different story as its a signifier for mental illness, and I can't imagine how tough that is.

But the best thing you can do is be brave. If you have been seeing this guy for awhile and you trust him, then you need to sit him down and have a gentle chat about your past. You don't have to go into too much detail, but you really should do this. Explain that this happened but that you have fought a battle to get well again and that unfortunately the scars remain. Then show him.

If this guy is serious then he will appreciate how tough this is for you. He is going to see them anyway if you stay together, no matter what you do, so its better to be honest. You should also give him the benefit of the doubt. He may be better at coping with this than you are giving him credit for. By telling him and showing him, you are showing him trust, bravery and commitment and thats admirable. Letting him see your scars is a privelege for him, and don't you forget it.

Also. Obviously no-one here can know the extent of your scarring but generally we all overestimate our faults. Are you using bio-oil?