The ex in my dreams

LegacyUser

I really don't know what to make of this, or even if I'm in the right forum maybe Sleeping & Dreaming would be more appropriate, yet it is such a personal issue I would like all kinds of opinions regarding my story/query.

Broke up with my first serious boyfriend in 1998. We were living together, having been very on and off during the 7 odd years we had gone through unversity, and the aftermath together (the regular offs were his ideas during those years).

The reason we broke for good in '98 was for the first time I met someone else, and married new guy unconventionally... it didn't last. It was a mad thing to do, kinda lets- get- married- thing. We did the reg office thing months after me and P broke up.

I heard later that P got married to a colleague of his 6 months later.

Now, I was a bit of a bitch during that period, I was so loved up with my new fella I was blind and inconsiderate to P, and once he had found someone he told me that I really was a bitch and that was that. He was right of course.

But now 12 years have passed, all I know is that he works and lives in a different country and has at least one child if not more with his wife. TBH, have no idea if they are still together or not, but there is def at least one kid involved.

I have never tried to contact him, although he was my best friend, and I have never gotten over the loss of him in my life. My only possibility of contact would be writing a personal letter to him and send it to his workplace. But I have always taken the view that there would be no need for him to have me re occuring in his life.

Recently I have had these recurrent dreams about him. Growing very stronger where I find great difficulty getting through each day without yearning for contact with him, and they constantly have me fighting against the fact he is married and yet wanting him.

In real life, I don't think I have any lingering sexual desire for him at all!

Thoughts?
Should I contact him by sending the letter or should I let sleeping dogs lie? By the way am divorced years now and at least 7 years single, so maybe that is a factor???

ApeXaviour

If the option is available do what all the kids are doing now. Add him to facebook (if you can't find him through searching, look through friend lists of mutual friends). It's informal, doesn't require that you necessarily make contact, and you'll be able to glean some bare bones info of whether his wife and he are still together.

In the meantime it just sounds like you are lonely, so you look back to the last reasonable person you didn't feel alone with. There are plenty of others. Join a dating site, something like okcupid.com or plentyoffish, go out and meet people. Someone new might stop your subconscious messing you up with old unlikelys.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your reply but as he is a school teacher he is not on facebook, and I have joined the dating sites but the dreams have intensified since I have done so!!?

jellie

You should leave him alone. You hurt him through your own selfishness, and now the only reason you want to contact him is for you.

LegacyUser

jellie wrote: »

You should leave him alone. You hurt him through your own selfishness, and now the only reason you want to contact him is for you.

True, I heart him through my own selfishness, but if the only reason I want to contact him is for me surely he can just throw my letter in the bin?

Wibbs

IMHO Leave him be. The time for reconcilliation is well passed. Why bring up possibly painful memories for him, just to clear your own head? Its pretty self centered. Not unlike you in the situation all those years ago and if he's any sense he'd spot that too.

Ask why you want to do this. Clear your guilt? Curiosity about how hes fared in life and relationships compared to you? Even and I suspect this is in play, curiosity about if you will feel the "spark" again. All BS reasons IMHO.