Always last in life - permanent loser girl

LegacyUser

Hi there, I'm the youngest child of a big family, and with a big family came all the regular problems of growing up: sisters and brothers and drugs, alcohol abuse, regular problems in the home, my mother was an alcoholic for a while and openly cheated on my dad while he worked 3 jobs to support the mortgage.

I felt different. I was isolated because I was warned never to tell anyone about anything that was going on at home. So I felt alone. And couldn't talk to the other children.. I went through everything else alone, I never really found a way of trusting anybody, because when I did confide in a friend about some of what was going on, she told me the next day that her mother told her she wasn't allowed hang with me anymore. I spent every lunch time for 6 years of school sitting on a bench reading, and nobody came to talk to me except the group of girls who bullied me because my fringe had over grown on my face and I didn't know how to fix it, and my clothes had holes in them, and my trainers were falling apart. I would just sit and read, and completely ignore them. One day it got to me and I ran home from school. But they couldn't get anything out of me when they asked me why I did that.

I'm out of school and in 2nd year at college now, I live in house sharing and I work,and I consider counselling. I'm still alone, I still can't really relate or talk to anyone. I find it so hrd in social situations and am never invited out to class parties because I don't know what to say to people.

Can someone advise me? Or is it too late?

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

I'm sorry to hear about all you went through. It must have been awful.

It's never too late to get help.

Please remember that. I do think counselling will help. Even if it's just to tell someone and get all of the things of the past off your chest.

A counsellor won't betray your trust and they are trained to deal with all manner of problems of the past and present.
The counsellor may also be able to help you find a way to become more confident.

Please consider this path. It could be the beginning of the healing process for you.

Best of luck, OP.

CR

deadpoet

I am so, so sorry to hear of your troubles OP. I can very much relate to the isolation and your loneliness. I know what its like to not have anyone to talk to, nowhere to turn and to feel hopeless and lost - but another thing I also know is that help is available and you can get out of this situation and get back to normal because I've managed to do this myself with the right help.

The first thing you need to do is schedule an appointment with your GP and explain to them what you've said here. Dont worry, they will not judge you - these are professionals and are there to help you, not belittle you. I guarantee you they have heard much worse than this. Your GP will then give you a referral to a councilor who can help you with these issues. Its as simple as that.

Please, contact your GP as soon as possible and you will have taken the first step to recovery. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will have this whole situation under control and you'll be able to put it behind you. I wish you the best of luck my friend.

LegacyUser

Hi there OP,

Im in 2nd year college myself and am also going through a rough time. It sounds like you have had a really tough time growing up. I know how easy it is to lose hope but you should try your best to remember that it is NEVER too late and that you can absolutely work through these things and emerge a better, stronger person.

You mention that you have thought about counselling. I think this is definetely something you should consider. Iv been to counselling myself recently and it has really helped. I know its a daunting step but i promise you you wont regret it. You will be able to talk about everything and get it off your chest. And most importantly you know for certain that they wont tell anybody. The counsellor will help you to feel better about things and to be more confident.

Would you consider going to counselling? Your college probably has a free service...