Dinner..

LegacyUser

Is dinner with a male friend, who picks up the tab inappropriate while in a relationship? The good friend was/is? interested before.

helimachoptor

I would say you're leading him on...

LegacyUser

op402 wrote: »

Is dinner with a male friend, who picks up the tab inappropriate while in a relationship? The good friend was/is? interested before.

It's unlikely he has stopped being interested in you. Especially that he's picking up the tab. Would you think it was inappropriate for your boyfriend to go for dinner with a female friend who was interested in him?. Even if nothing ever would happen between you two, this friend of yours most likely is holding onto hope and it's not very fair on him.

cafecolour

Unless he makes a good bit of money and is in the habit of picking up friend's tabs, I'd say it's not the best idea.

Darlughda

Crap gender politics, imo. I would often pick up the tab for friends, gay. heterosexual, male or female. Just because there was a suggestion beforehand there was any interest on your behalf does not make that leading him on!!

tinkerbell

Unless it's something you regularly do as friends and you take it in turns to pay the bill, then maybe it's ok. But if you're going out to dinner regularly and you never put your hand in your pocket, then you're leading him on. So start insisting on splitting the bill.

seenitall

A question:

how exactly is someone who is being treated to dinner by a supposed friend leading them on??

Let us suppose I have a good male friend who treats me to dinner occasionaly. Let's say be both fancy each other but due to one reason or another, as sometimes happens in life, we have never got together. I never treat him to dinner, as I can't afford to spend money on dining out. He has loads more disposable money than I do. I think he would be completely stunned if he heard about this particular problem here;

There is NO problem! Hel-lo? Are posters here implying that a girl is leading a friend on, if she accepts a treat from him on occasion? As in, she should be maybe PAYING back for that dinner in other ways (wink-wink)... what kind of a FRIENDSHIP are we talking about here, maybe the kind that other people call PROSTITUTION?

Tsk tsk, what is the world coming to..?

S23

No real problem unless you can see that he's making a play for you and taking you out to dinner is some kind of wooing process.

Also, since you have been/are still friends, I presume you still see each other socially on a regular/semi-regular basis like all your other friends. I mean if you see on a regular basis this is just another social situation where friends meet.

You might meet a friend at a party, at the park, out for drinks etc.. so why would going for dinner be any different.

I meet my friends for lunch or whatever regularly. Its normal.

The only way its not on is if
a) you can see hes trying to make a play for you and taking you out is part of the process
or
b) you don't actually be in contact with the lad like you do with your other friends. You don't see him socially being taken out to dinner was not a normal hanging out with a mate kind of thing. And if going out to dinner with him was done 'behind your partners back' or whatever you want to call it.

Could it be option b? I have a gut feeling it might be.

I know you only posted a one line question but I fail to see why anyone (male or female) would need to ask if going out with one of their regular run of the mill friends, whether it be for dinner/lunch/a drink/a walk in the park/whatever, is okay within the bounds of a relationship.

Yes its okay to have friends and go places with them. Any adult knows that. However, the fact you have to ask the question in this case makes me wonder if you know (or maybe hope) there is something more to it in this case

epgc3fyqirnbsx

You get the next one. That should be done with friends whether interested or not.

amybabes

definately not.

When i go out with friends, be it male or female - i often pick up the tab, or am treated by a friend.

I often go out with my good friend for lunch on a sat, or we get a pizza takeaway - he'll often say "i had a good wk this week, lunch is on me" or i'll do the same...... nothing else thought of it. We are both in long term relationships.
If you can't treat a friend without the motive being questioned i give up!

fend

Chivalry is not dead people :rolleyes:

NoQuarter

It seems people are 50/50 on this so if your other half doesnt like it, stop dong it!
Simple.

PS. I would say its innapropriate.

TitoPuente

It should be 50/50. He pays for dinner one time, you pick up the bill the next. Very simple.

LeixlipRed

If you see them often and you can return the favour it's no issue. I do it all the time with really good mates. It evens out over time.

Barracudaincork

seenitall wrote: »

Let us suppose I have a good male friend who treats me to dinner occasionaly. Let's say be both fancy each other but due to one reason or another, as sometimes happens in life, we have never got together. I never treat him to dinner, as I can't afford to spend money on dining out. He has loads more disposable money than I do. I think he would be completely stunned if he heard about this particular problem here;

If you are supposing you have a male friend, how are you able to conclude at the end he would be stunned if he heard of this particular problem?

OP, nothing wrong with it, dinner is dinner, friends buy each other dinner all the time, male and female, female and female, male and male, its just friends buying the other dinner. It would only be wrong if you took advantage of this persons kind nature and expected or demanded it all the time, and that would have nothing to do with you being attached or not, that would have to do with just using people in general.

seenitall

Barracudaincork,

it is because this particular friend does exist but he does not buy me dinner every single time in actual fact. I contribute to the expense when it is possible for me. Yet for the sake of the argument, I made the situation appear more black and white than it is, and therefore the "supposed" part indicates that it is an invention (partly). I was confident enough as to do this as I have known this person a long time and know that treating me to dinner is not a problem for him, he is happy to do it.

Well spotted!

I agree with your post 100%, it is what I have been trying to put across with my somewhat inept post.

LegacyUser

Actually in this case id be said BF, did not want to say too much as to influence peoples opinions.

Figured the little tid bits that it was not a regular thing and the friend asked herself not to tell me would sway opinions quite a bit.