compatability

cheesey1

In a relationship how compatable should you been, if you were really compatable would it not be a bit strange as isn't it better to not have lots in common?

Do you want you partner to be thinking of you all the time and want to be with you all the time?

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

Comaptibility is based on a number of different things: sexual compatibility, interests in common, personality and aspirations.

Sexual compatibility is pretty important within a relationship as if one person has a sky high libido and the other has a really low one, someone is bound to be asked to cut back or else be pressured into doing more than they want to. Both cause big problems.
Interests is a bit looser imo. One couple may not have any interests in common apart from an interest in each other and they may last the distance based on their ability to deal with the lack of common hobbies etc...

Personality is a very obvious one. If two people clash then it's unlikely they'll last very long.
People who have the same aspirations in life will be able to work together to achieve them. Couples who have different goals may last for years until one says "it's time to fulfil X" and the other says "well actually I don't ever want X, I want Y and Z". This causes big problems also.

Imo, it isn't healthy when couples spend every waking minute together. Everyone needs space to clear their heads and focus on themselves for a while.

A balance needs to be maintained for a relationship to remain healthy.

CR

Silverfish

cheesey1 wrote: »

In a relationship how compatable should you been, if you were really compatable would it not be a bit strange as isn't it better to not have lots in common?

Do you want you partner to be thinking of you all the time and want to be with you all the time?

Is this a personal issue for you?

cheesey1

I suppose it kinda is - just got to thinking at the weekend about compatability as my ex and I broke up recently as he thought we weren't compatable, he said we were definately sexually compatable as we had a massive appetite for sex and our interests weren't exactly the same we made an effort to do stuff the other liked not all the time but enough. Our personalities didn't clash and we had similar goals in life.

But he felt that maybe we should have wanted to spend every moment together whereas I said that it was better that we didn't and did our own thing from time to time would make us appreciate each other more when we saw each other.

I don't want to get back together with him - just wondering should you be 100% compatable as I thought it would be a bit odd if you were compatable in every aspect of the relationship.

elleburp

If you were "compatible" in every aspect of the relationship, would that not make it a bit boring? Spending every mooment in each other's company is a bit boring too. It might be fun at first but in my opinion you need that time apart so that you have things to talk abut when you're together.

I suppose I do want my OH to think of me all the time but I don't want him to pine after me whenever I leave the room - that's a bit to needy

cheesey1

elleburp - that's what I thought as well, I mean we had great time in each other's company but I did things without him and vice versa. I felt that if we were compatable in every aspect we would have nothing to talk about. So I guess I was just interested in how compatable couples feel they should be.

Ickle Magoo

If you think time apart is healthy and he wanted someone who would want to spend all their time with him then surely you weren't compatible and he's right?

I think compatibility depends entirely on the people involved and what they want from a relationship, what boundaries they set and what they expect in return. If he wasn't happy then he wasn't happy - no amount of suggesting he's wrong to think you were incompatible is going to get around that, sorry.

Best of luck.

cheesey1

I'm not suggesting he's wrong I was just interested in how compatable couples should be, should they want to spend every waking moment together.

Ickle Magoo

cheesey1 wrote: »

I'm not suggesting he's wrong I was just interested in how compatable couples should be, should they want to spend every waking moment together.

Well, it's coming across as him saying you are not compatible because of X, Y & Z and you are refuting that.

How compatible should couples be? As compatible as possible. Should they want to spend every waking moment together? How long is a piece of string?! Surely you know that, though? Some couples live in each others pockets, some don't want to live together or even live in the same country and still consider themselves entirely compatible for each other. It's entirely up to the people involved what constitutes compatibility for them.

cheesey1

Oh I was just curious that's all - as we are according to him compatable in most ways but wondered should we not want to spend all our time together - I felt that no we shouldn't want to live in each others pockets so just was wondering were there other relationships out there where people felt the same.