American women sends child home to Russia.

Joey the lips

http://www.rte.ie/news/2010/0409/russia.html

I dont know if this has already discussed but cannot find it if it is..

This is the story of the american women who returned her adopted child to russia because the child had mental issues...


This has always been my problem with adoption... In ireland when you sign up for fostering and adoption you dont have much say on the child you get. i think this right as we as parents dont get much say on the children we have.

This to me is wrong. Its child abuse and it reinforces in the child that the child is "Inferior" so to speak. I have no doubt that in the orphonage he is returned to he will become known as the child that no one wants. It hardly paints a nice picture for the future...

On the other end of the spectrum we have the like on angelenia jolie and madonna who have adopted kids. Granted it can be argued that these kids are getting a future that they would have never got but then again what about kids in there own country? I know in there cases they have adopted from abroad because it is easier but this does not make it right,.

What the whole situation asks is. Do we need to look at our fostering and adoption laws...? Should the international community say the UN have controls in place to stop the movement of kids in this fashion. Remember these are just the cases we know about.

What of parents that neglect and refuse there kids that have fostered... Should the child be removed from the parent and the parent made financially responsable for the child till its 18...


Or is it acceptable to order kids like we order a sandwhich in a deli and refuse it because it was not what it said on the menu...

metrovelvet

Is buyer's remorse legal when it comes to adoption?

I think the parents' to be's dream of having a child blindsights them to the realities of adopting a child that has been through the fostering system and are not prepared to cope with it.

Parents [bio] are getting more and more say in the children they have with the help of reproductive technology and the zeitgeist is such that children are another acquisition, another lifestyle choice, another thing to shop for.

Zombrex

The adoption system in America is fecked up, it comes down basically to a legal transaction and it is not uncommon for parents to not meet the children till after the adoption.

It would be a lot harder for something like this to happen over here, where potential parents are expected to slowly build a relationship with the child while the child is in temporary foster care.

Joey the lips

metrovelvet wrote: »

Is buyer's remorse legal when it comes to adoption?

I think the parents' to be's dream of having a child blindsights them to the realities of adopting a child that has been through the fostering system and are not prepared to cope with it.

Parents [bio] are getting more and more say in the children they have with the help of reproductive technology and the zeitgeist is such that children are another acquisition, another lifestyle choice, another thing to shop for.

This is why I like the system in ireland... The system of fostering first before adopting..

Wicknight wrote: »

The adoption system in America is fecked up, it comes down basically to a legal transaction and it is not uncommon for parents to not meet the children till after the adoption.

It would be a lot harder for something like this to happen over here, where potential parents are expected to slowly build a relationship with the child while the child is in temporary foster care.

Yes i agree but internationally. There should be procedures in place. Even in ireland there has been people who went to china and adopted kids easy enough. While I understand most and maybe all of these make great parents this american case is an example of how when it goes wrong its the child who suffers...

metrovelvet

The child wasnt in the American fostering system. He was in the Russian one and then adopted by an American in America.

How does it work in Ireland with foreign adoptions? Are the foreign children placed in IRish foster homes for a while before prospective parents adopt?

Zombrex

metrovelvet wrote: »

The child wasnt in the American fostering system. He was in the Russian one and then adopted by an American in America.

How does it work in Ireland with foreign adoptions? Are the foreign children placed in IRish foster homes for a while before prospective parents adopt?

As far as I know you are required to register with the Irish Adoption Board if you want Ireland to recognize the adoption and required to be assessed by the adoption board and to spend time with the child before return home with them. I'm not up on the exact details. I have friends who are social workers who think the Irish system is pretty good but have heard nothing but bad things about the US system (and I'm sure the Russian system isn't that much better). The movie Juno is a rather accurate and sad reflection of what actually happens in US adoption systems, where it is considered little more than a business transaction.

You would never just dump your child onto a plane in the Irish system, you have an entire support and assessment system around you.

seahorse

Joey the lips wrote: »

Or is it acceptable to order kids like we order a sandwhich in a deli and refuse it because it was not what it said on the menu...

I don't know all the facts in this case, but I am assuming 'sane' would have been on the menu??

Maybe this mother was wrong, but she did say this child turned out to be psychotic?

metrovelvet

Wicknight wrote: »

As far as I know you are required to register with the Irish Adoption Board if you want Ireland to recognize the adoption and required to be assessed by the adoption board and to spend time with the child before return home with them. I'm not up on the exact details. I have friends who are social workers who think the Irish system is pretty good but have heard nothing but bad things about the US system (and I'm sure the Russian system isn't that much better). The movie Juno is a rather accurate and sad reflection of what actually happens in US adoption systems, where it is considered little more than a business transaction.

You would never just dump your child onto a plane in the Irish system, you have an entire support and assessment system around you.

You can actually have unaccompanied minors on Aer Lingus. The staff at aer lingus are fantastic with kids as are BA. UNited airlines probably followed whatever standard protocol they have for unaccompanied minors to fly. I dont think the social workers get involved with this sort of thing.

I have not seen Juno.

However I do not have much trust in the AMerican foster care system. I know a family where the childred were temporarily placed in foster care because the father had a drinking problem. They were there for two weeks and came back sick and with head lice.

Anyone who adopts from a fostering system has to be prepared for damaged and troubled kids. There's a thread in the parenting forum about it. There are claims by some that the foster homes are financially motivated too. No matter how loving the home is, the child knows his or her parents dont want him or her and so trust becomes a huge issue. This poor russian boy will probably never ever trust anyone again, and the next time he is an an adults care he is going to push and test and push again to test the limits, to nearly demand in his behavior that the adult wont dump him no matter what he does... because he needs to know someone loves him and wont let him down.

Joey the lips

seahorse wrote: »

I don't know all the facts in this case, but I am assuming 'sane' would have been on the menu??

Maybe this mother was wrong, but she did say this child turned out to be psychotic?

By who's defination.... and does this make it right. What if the child was climbing a wall in america fell and broke his back and required a lifetime of care.... Would it have been right to reject him.

your comment suggests that you favor the mother..... why?

was she not at fault for doing all she could have for the child. This is obvious by the time frame.... Or is it a case that "This child is costing me too much money....goodluck"

Joey the lips

metrovelvet wrote: »

Anyone who adopts from a fostering system has to be prepared for damaged and troubled kids.No matter how loving the home is, the child knows his or her parents dont want him or her and so trust becomes a huge issue. This poor russian boy will probably never ever trust anyone again, and the next time he is an an adults care he is going to push and test and push again to test the limits, to nearly demand in his behavior that the adult wont dump him no matter what he does... because he needs to know someone loves him and wont let him down.

This was my exact feeing on hearing the news... As for the mother... Does she get to go on and select the child of her choice having little regard for the feelings of the child...

After all as parents we quite often say "We dont own our kids...our kids own us"

seahorse

Joey the lips wrote: »

By who's defination.... and does this make it right. What if the child was climbing a wall in america fell and broke his back and required a lifetime of care.... Would it have been right to reject him.

your comment suggests that you favor the mother..... why?

was she not at fault for doing all she could have for the child. This is obvious by the time frame.... Or is it a case that "This child is costing me too much money....goodluck"

Like I said I don't know all the facts, but I did read that the mother had one younger child of her own and was frightened for him/her because of the extreme behaviours her biological child was being forced to witness. She also claimed that the orphanage she adoped the Russian boy from was fully well aware of the nature of his behavioural problems but concealed them in a deliberate attempt to get him transferred from their orphanage. If there's truth to this then of course I would support the mother, but there is no way of us verifying the truth of it so in the absence of these important facts I would prefer to suspend judgement.

As far as a seven year old boy being placed alone on a plane to travel the globe by himself, there's no way you could paint that as a decent way to treat a child, but as to the actual renaging on the adoption itself, I'd need all the details before I could say whether what she did was right or wrong. The thing is, the outside world will be looking at it from the perspective of what was right for the adopted child, but that woman didn't have the adopted child as her sole consideration. She had another child too and she had to do what was right for that child also. It'd be easy for us to moralise here but we're not the ones with two young kids on our hands and a heartbreaking decision to make.