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I hurt my GF

  • 09-04-2010 11:19am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I confronted my gf about something that has been getting at me for a while now.

    Basically, she has had a couple of past relationships. She tells me she lost her virginity to me as she has vaginal spasms which mean she can't do it easy but she was able to with me.

    But thing is I have all these questions in my mind like did she really lose it with me or is she saying that 'cause she thinks I want to hear it.. Is it all that special because she tried with 2 other lads b4 me...

    Thing is, I think I'd be quicker able to accept that she didn't lose her virginity to me. As it is I want to put our relationship on a pedistal and like to think that it's extra special because it was her first time with me but I can't do it 'cause of all the doubts in my head.

    It's driving me mad and she said last night she was offended and felt distant.

    I feel like a dickhead thinking like this over something like this! It shouldn't matter but it seems to mean a lot...

    Help!


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    meyou321 wrote: »
    But thing is I have all these questions in my mind like did she really lose it with me or is she saying that 'cause she thinks I want to hear it.. Is it all that special because she tried with 2 other lads b4 me...
    A relationship is special because of how the two people feel about each other. Not because it was the first time one of them had sex. You seem very insecure, you need to let it go or you will drive her away with this behavior.


  • #3
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    You have to decide what you want

    a) to break up - just keep doing what you are doing, let your doubts control you - and you will destroy everything.

    b) to stay together. Apologise asap, tell her it is you - cause it is. Reinforce you want honesty. Admit that you each have a past and that is what it is now - a past and best moved on from.

    You don't really need full disclosure here.
    You need to put your own inner demons to rest and try to stop your fears messing up your life.
    Only you can remove that pedestal in the room - only you can change how things move on from here...


  • #4
    Annie Bananie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 137 ✭✭Annie Bananie


    dfgdfgdfgdfg wrote: »
    A relationship is special because of how the two people feel about each other. Not because it was the first time one of them had sex.

    Could not agree more!!
    Also whatever she did before she met you, made her who she is today, which is who you love :) If you love each other, that is special! Take good care of what you have and don't spoil it with things that don't matter in the long run. Take care of her and love her! Best of luck to you! :D


  • #5
    krudler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Well to be brutally honest if shes had sex with someone, or even tried to, shes not a virgin. Once you've had intercourse with someone, even if its for a few seconds, you've lost your virginity, you cant go "well that was only a trial run, but my virginity is still intact", you dont pick and choose at what point its gone, once you have sex, thats it. If that was the case women (and men) would class themselves as virgins after a few disatrous first attempts at sex until they get it right (if thats what happened).

    Did she actually say she attempted sex with 2 other men or are you just assuming this because she was with them? if she did then move past, it will only wreck your head thinking about it.


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